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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 04 May 05 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 09:36 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 04 May 05 - 09:10 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 02:03 PM
Acme 04 May 05 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 01:19 PM
GUEST,MMario 04 May 05 - 12:56 PM
Rapparee 04 May 05 - 12:52 PM
Amos 04 May 05 - 08:56 AM
Acme 03 May 05 - 07:27 PM
Rapparee 03 May 05 - 06:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 May 05 - 06:29 PM
GUEST,Liza 03 May 05 - 06:05 PM
Acme 03 May 05 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 03 May 05 - 12:56 PM
GUEST,MMario 03 May 05 - 12:32 PM
Acme 03 May 05 - 12:07 PM
GUEST,ferds 03 May 05 - 09:36 AM
GUEST,Amos 03 May 05 - 08:08 AM
Donuel 02 May 05 - 12:15 PM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 11:40 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 11:26 AM
GUEST 02 May 05 - 11:24 AM
Acme 02 May 05 - 11:11 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 11:02 AM
Acme 02 May 05 - 10:59 AM
Amos 02 May 05 - 10:51 AM
Amos 02 May 05 - 10:50 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 09:59 AM
Amos 02 May 05 - 09:46 AM
GUEST 02 May 05 - 09:30 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:24 AM
GUEST,MMario 02 May 05 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 02 May 05 - 09:11 AM
Amos 02 May 05 - 09:04 AM
Acme 02 May 05 - 01:14 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 10:12 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 May 05 - 10:02 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 05:32 PM
GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell 01 May 05 - 05:17 PM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 05:03 PM
Amos 01 May 05 - 02:01 PM
Acme 01 May 05 - 11:19 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 11:10 AM
Rapparee 01 May 05 - 11:01 AM
Amos 01 May 05 - 08:11 AM
Rustic Rebel 01 May 05 - 04:02 AM
Acme 30 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 May 05 - 10:19 PM

Hey, Mom--Happy Birthday in a couple of hours! I have to go to bed soon (though I may tiptoe over to the Mudcat Tavern before I finally turn off the 'puter) but I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you're our MOAB Mom!

(Amos is over in the tavern telling lies about you--please tell him he isn't getting all of your galactic loot and leftover blueberries when you're gone!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:36 PM

Ah, but you should read it in the original version. The one that was published a couple years before the "commercial" version. It's quite hard to find; some universities might have it, or the very large public libraries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 May 05 - 09:10 PM

"The Crying of Lot 49"? Kid stuff! Real men (and women) read "Gravity's Rainbow"!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 02:03 PM

Or "The Crying of Lot 49" by Thomas Pynchon?

Or "One Hundred Years of Solitude" by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez?

Or "Moby-Dick" by Herman Melville?

Or "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien?

Or "The Secret Sharer" by Joseph Conrad?

Or "Candy" or "Lolita" or "Fanny Hill" or...never mind, I'm too excited to go on now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:55 PM

Or Dr. Strangelove by Peter George?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 01:19 PM

Hmmm...ever read "Strange Interlude" by Eugene O'Neill?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:56 PM

Amos - botox injections might help.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 May 05 - 12:52 PM

I believe it was in the movie "Mr. Roberts": the sailors were on an unarmed boat when they were confronted with a Japanese submarine or aircraft or something.

"What do we do now?"

"Commence smilling and waving."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 05 - 08:56 AM

I began my travails in the dusty bowels of Gummint yesterday -- a huge series of converted hangars down on the Pacific Highway, where the Atlas missile used to be built, cavernous four-story high ceilings, steel girders as wide as your back and gigantic steel rolling doors about twenty feet high to let the giant carriages carrying the Atlas out. But now, it is all a cubicle farm with endless miles of Ethernet cabling and the air filled with a sort of machine-like process-talk which typifies middle management in large bureaucracies. It is not a bad place, really, but it is redolent with the sort of lifeless exhalations of people who have had too much administration, and sold their souls for it. I am joining them for a month or two. I must be careful not to laugh, or stand out too much. I need to practice my carefully intelligent but content face.

Sigh....

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 07:27 PM

I've been making guacamole for several weeks now, but mine is in the freezer. If you run out, let me know and I'll thaw some.

Do you have a good source of chips to go with the guac?

I'm planning to bring a lot of Negra Modelo to go with this. And how's about a nice batch of fajitas on the grill (chicken and beef both, please).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:43 PM

Who, oh who, will open the Mother's Birthday Y Cinco De Mayo Tavern? Are the mariachis ready? Are the frijoles ready? Is MOAB decked out in her finest clothes and ready to git down an' party?

I've taken the liberty of ordering a little guacamole and got a good deal on avocados at the same time. Also some raspberry jello and creme fraiche.

If nobody opens the Tavern the truck drivers have been instructed to dump it in the parking lot.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:29 PM

Oh boy! Just two more days 'til Mom's birthday! So many things to do in so little time!

1) Get tux from cleaners.
2) Buy new tophat.
3) Polish chrome on Bentley.
4) Find out what spats are and see if they should be washed, polished, or ironed.
5) Order semi-load of extra spicy Buffalo wings.
6) Have portable toilets delivered.
7) Rent golf cart. (No good reason. They're just fun.)
8) Order two full-sized Marshall stacks and a shit-load of effects pedals.
9) Put new strings on Strat.
10) Learn to play "Happy Birthday".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Liza
Date: 03 May 05 - 06:05 PM

Hi! I'm Liza! That's with a long "i" as in Ms Minelli. Did I spell that correctly? Who cares? I never cared for the bitch anyway, Her mom was too cool, but Liza was just a wannabee. Wow! I'm saying "was" as if the bitch was dead or something. She's not, is she? I don't know for sure. All I know is, like, when's the last time anyone heard anything from her? Maybe she is dead. Who cares?

Anyway, I'm trying to find my so-called boyfriend Ferd and I heard he was hangin' around here pretending to be an alien or something. Yeah, that's right... Go ahead and say it... "Oh! He's Ferd, and you're Liza! If you have a baby, will you name it Ferd'liza?" Yuck, yuck, har, har. Get a life!

Anyway, if you see that worthless sack of shit, tell him supper's on the table and to get his sorry ass home.

And if this is supposed to be a folk music place, why are there ads for CDs by Yes at the bottom of this page? They so very suck. If they gave, like, an award for stupid songs with lame-ass lyrics there wouldn't be any need for anyone else to attend the ceremony. Just give 'em all to Yes. Wouldn't even have to have a banquet or anything. Just take 'em to an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 05:34 PM

It's five food groups. You forgot chocolate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:56 PM

Maybe, MMario, it depends upon your digestive system. I think a lot of people would be dietary grease, myself. Of course, there are the Four Basic Building Blocks of a good diet: salt, sugar, alcohol, and grease....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:32 PM

sorry ferds - humans are NOT a significant source of dietary fiber.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 May 05 - 12:07 PM

If ferds are looking for substantial dietary fibre, then may I suggest they start with Mongolia or perhaps the sub-continent of India? Too many twinkies have been consumed by Americans to make them anything more than slick balls of lard. And those who aren't so tubby have been on such protien-rich Atkins diets that they will cause indigestion also.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,ferds
Date: 03 May 05 - 09:36 AM

We are mighty
We are ferds
We eat freds
And different birds.

No more veggies
No more grain
We are ferds
And we're a pain.

We are conquering
Planet Urth
We are ferds
And you are a significant source of dietary fiber.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 03 May 05 - 08:08 AM

Donuel:

Lots of telepathy occurs without hand lifting pen. But I expect doing that would add a good boost of intentionality to the transmission! :)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 02 May 05 - 12:15 PM

Amos, the critical step 5 to communicating without words...

Then paint or draw as clearly as you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:40 AM

I keep fogetting to sign my posts!

Do you think a rosary made of meatballs and sausage is a bit "too much?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:26 AM

My mask, gloves, and larger bell guard just came. I can hardly wait until Thursday when I can stick people with my sword.

Prise de fer, beat, parry sixte, extend, riposte, and touch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:24 AM

I'm very excited really, about my part in the May Faire this year. I think I can do a lot more with "Wolfgang Tuck" then I was able to do last year as "The worlds largest Dwarf - Rumplestiltskin"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:11 AM

You need to do it nip and tuck until it fits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 11:02 AM

my burning question of the day. - How big should I make my hood for my costume as "Friar Wolfgang Tuck"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 05 - 10:59 AM

Good for you, Amos. Now back to your droll musings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 05 - 10:51 AM

Let not the rapacious flaming Ted maintain
That he can dominate our brains
No, let him rather yield his ghost
I have the 7600th post!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 05 - 10:50 AM

An' you would see a granfaloon
Remove the skin from a toy balloon!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:59 AM

but concieving of something you absolutly forbid cats to do - and they usually gdet the message immedieatly and then DO IT!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:46 AM

Instructions on communicating without words:

1. Choose a safe and quiet place fromw hich to communicate, one where you feel wholly comfortable.

2. For beginners, choose as a receiver of your communication someone with whom you feel close and have a lot of affinity for. It can be someone nearby or far away, as this sort of communication is non-local; however you may find you believe it easier if the recipient is nearby. Get a clear mental impression of that person at his orher present location. Do not quibble about physical accuracy; it is not especially important to the exercise.

3. Conceive of a thought which the other person would find acceptable and hold that thought in your mind.

4. Conceive of a compelling intent to relay that thought to the recipient. Visualizing the person receiving it sometimes aids but is not essential. The action of creating the thought at the receiver's viewpoint is what is important. Conceive of that thought forming in his or her mind.

Repeat until you get a response.

This works on dogs, also. Some cats, as well, although usually do not pay attention.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:30 AM

lcan we make that "aural" then - because lip reading certainly can be described as "oral" *grin*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:26 AM

I hasten to point out that I'm differentiating between oral, manual, pictographic, written, telephatic, kinetic, and other forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:24 AM

Strictly speaking, "non-verbal" would mean "without words" (latin verbum = english word).

I'm not at all sure how you can communicate without words, since each "word" equates to a "concept" you're trying to convey. I don't think it could be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:18 AM

you mean non-verbal communication, don't you? oral would be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:11 AM

Please, Amos! You'll offend!

...but willing, adorable conversationalists is far better and far less offensive, as long as you include in the definition of "conversationalist" those who use ASL, writing, and other non-oral forms of communication.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 05 - 09:04 AM

THere once was a feller named Lunt
Who went out every day on a hunt
And the prey of this habit
Was not squirrel or rabbit
But willing, adorable sexual partners.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 05 - 01:14 AM

I expect that any Cutesy Hymnsingers were left in our dust in the second or third page of 50 entries on this thread. The air is too rarified now for them to even come near. You can say "fucking" with a clear conscience and the understanding of tolerance (and interest) by the MOABites in attendance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 10:12 PM

Actually, it's the only hunting in which both the hunted and hunter are prey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 May 05 - 10:02 PM

You need to huntit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 07:39 PM

You can hunt it over bait, if you want....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:32 PM

Ah, Bee-dubya, I don't want to tell you how to run your life cause I got enough problems with my own, but outdoor sex with dogs will definitely get you talked about and maybe picketed by PETA. As for hunting it, I'd suggest still hunting, perhaps on the grounds on the Floribama School For Wayward Whoopee Girls. PETA doesn't care about wayward whoopee girls. Or wayward whoopee boys, for that matter. Just be careful about the dogs and, I guess, alligators.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:17 PM

I have decided not to start the sphincter thread. There's no way I could ever compete with Rapaire's passing an 18-wheeler.

I'm going to go hunting for outdoor sex instead. Is there any special bait you need to use? A tree-stand or blind? Is it legal to use dogs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 05:03 PM

Actually, we didn't use the word "screwing." We used Another Word, one hallowed by time, one that is more descriptive, one that begins with "F". But now wanting to offend any Cutesy Hymnsingers, I used a less objectionable word than "fucking."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 05 - 02:01 PM

Cute little thing, isn't he? I mean Rapaire- the dog's okay, too!

Obviously, Rap, we come from parallel cultures. I too have recited that poem since fourth grade, every Spring. But on the East coast, where I am from, we used the word "sex" in the last line, rather than "screwing". That's because we understood trochees and dactyls -- we used to use them to get outdoor sex, so we had to know our stuff. Using a two-syllable word like "screwing" just messes up the flow and the scansion. But maybe the damsels where you came from were a little harder of hearing, or more interested in the concept than the execution, so to speak...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:19 AM

You're a hoot, Rap!

Anyone want a dog? A sweet little American Staffordshire Terrier wandered into the yard yesterday and has adopted me as her alpha female. (Yes, this is the breed known as "pit bull," and this dog is so far removed from the stereotype that I ran the free ad in the paper online with the AKC name instead).

You can see a photo of her by visiting the Classifieds at the Fort Worth Star-Telegram and looking for the photo of the dog found in Edgecliff Village. It's awfully tempting to keep her, but I'd have to do some major renovations to the yard (like, fix the fence, put up a gate, get a dog house, get the cats to accept her for the times she's in the house, patrol the yard for the DS and toss it in the compost. . . )

Okay. Back the the regular BS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:10 AM

Gracious me, I nearly forgot to share with you all one of my very very favorite poems! I grew up reciting this poem, and it epitomizes the joys and wonders of Spring. Every year on Mayday my family would stand outside amidst the flowers and, holding hands so that we formed a circle, would raise our voices in our Family Spring Poem. We had poems for other seasons as well: Winter, Imbolc, Summer, Road Repair, Rainy, Beltain, Tourist, Hunting, Fishing, and so on. But this was a our Spring Poem and I well remember my youngest brother, barely able to talk, lisping out the words while my mother held my sister, who was screaming, to her breast. It was truly Family Values in action, and I ask that those who read this take their family out amidst the flowers and, holding hands, recite this poem:


Hurray! Hurray! It's the First of May
And outdoor screwing begins today!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 05 - 11:01 AM

How about



Amos
Amos
He's a man...







Well, ah,

Maybe

At least we think he is.

I mean, he's got a daughter and all.

And I suppose the DNA matches,

But he does live in Southern California and you know the sort of people who live there.

I sure do, 'cuz they're all moving to the Pacific Northwest
And there are a lot of 'em here in Idaho and more comin' all the time.

Lord knows, we don't really want 'em.
Lord knows, we wish they'd just send their money and stay home.

But if someone from Southern California HAD to come here
Amos'd be okay, probably mostly.



--This pome has been brought to you free and gratis by Rapaire's Rhythmic Rants, LLP (Low Life Poetasters). It's not copyrighted, so feel free to use it as you wish, but sending big checks to the author when you do would be appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 05 - 08:11 AM

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Thanks, RR!!!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 May 05 - 04:02 AM

Well now ms. Stilly, from the sage of sages, I do believe you are in the swang o' things!



Ode To Amos
By Rusic Resembler


Amos
Amos
I hear the name within my brain and I can't refrain from repeating it ag-ain
Amos
Amos



You were just listening to "Ode To Amos', brought to you by our responsers, Ode and To. Thank you and please stay tuned for the next segment of Ode To Amos Two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 05 - 11:45 PM

I'll take a shot at fulfilling BWL's request for 5 reasons why not to start the sphincter thread. here's one--think childbirth. Episiotomy. Tearing episiotomy. All the way back. You got it--you just tore yourself a new asshole (as my ex put it so inelegantly as my OB stitched up the episiotomy "starting with the sphincter"--you can imagine the sinking feeling I experienced).

Okay. That one was relatively short, even if it wasn't too sweet (the baby girl was the sweet part). You think I'm the only one with stories that will make you guys cringe? You just start that thread, BWL, and you'll hear about it! Mark my words!


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