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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 28 May 17 - 04:50 PM
gnu 28 May 17 - 06:39 PM
Donuel 28 May 17 - 06:54 PM
gnu 28 May 17 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 28 May 17 - 11:34 PM
Acme 29 May 17 - 12:53 AM
Acme 29 May 17 - 11:27 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 May 17 - 03:28 PM
Acme 29 May 17 - 03:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 29 May 17 - 05:18 PM
Acme 29 May 17 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 29 May 17 - 08:11 PM
Donuel 30 May 17 - 12:06 AM
Rapparee 30 May 17 - 08:53 AM
Donuel 30 May 17 - 04:40 PM
keberoxu 30 May 17 - 05:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 May 17 - 09:33 PM
Donuel 30 May 17 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 30 May 17 - 10:39 PM
Donuel 31 May 17 - 08:59 AM
gnu 31 May 17 - 02:06 PM
Donuel 31 May 17 - 09:02 PM
Rapparee 31 May 17 - 09:41 PM
Donuel 31 May 17 - 09:46 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jun 17 - 07:02 AM
Amos 01 Jun 17 - 02:31 PM
Donuel 01 Jun 17 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 01 Jun 17 - 04:02 PM
Donuel 01 Jun 17 - 07:25 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Jun 17 - 09:25 PM
Rapparee 02 Jun 17 - 10:06 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jun 17 - 10:40 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Jun 17 - 06:58 PM
gnu 02 Jun 17 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 03 Jun 17 - 10:34 AM
Acme 03 Jun 17 - 11:41 AM
Acme 03 Jun 17 - 06:02 PM
Acme 04 Jun 17 - 10:42 AM
Amos 04 Jun 17 - 11:52 AM
keberoxu 04 Jun 17 - 12:13 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Jun 17 - 04:49 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 17 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 17 - 10:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Jun 17 - 10:53 AM
Amos 05 Jun 17 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 17 - 10:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 17 - 03:09 AM
gnu 06 Jun 17 - 11:50 AM
Donuel 06 Jun 17 - 12:27 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Jun 17 - 05:52 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 May 17 - 04:50 PM

But Amos, you're a teetotaler. You told me so when I offered you some Old Thompson whiskey at Getaway and you said, "That doesn't even show off any cheap corn sweetness. It's monotonously evil in a way that's hard to describe other than by saying that it's earthy in the bad way, like a pissed mattress. And it's why I am a teetotaler."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 17 - 06:39 PM

'Teetotaler' never made sense to me. Teatotaler, maybe? As in someone who only drinks tea as a 'strong' beverage? Teetotaler... someone who only wears t-shirts? 'Teetotaler' also conjures up images of sucklings when lysdexia is involved. Teetotalers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 28 May 17 - 06:54 PM

I thought I could acquire a taste
for some of the alleged finer things
like single malts, 'fish eggs', Cuban cigars etc.

They were straight up nasty.

Do you know a nicer vice or
habit I could take a stab at?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 28 May 17 - 07:13 PM

If ya got Facebook, here is the video I saw the other day with a Teeter... https://www.facebook.com/NTDTelevision/videos/1918832418158859/


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 May 17 - 11:34 PM

Reading and book collecting are nice vice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 May 17 - 12:53 AM

#DYI plumbing project underway this evening. To be continued in the morning (to replace a part dropped down the drain . . . alas). MOM is not thrilled, but as a participant in this household, she doesn't have much to say about the delay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 May 17 - 11:27 AM

Why are the rubber washer kits not in my cupboard in the laundry room? That's what I was asking myself when I climbed up on the stepstool to see if I have a washer to replace in the slow-leak of the supply line faucet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 May 17 - 03:28 PM

Never store hose washers in a laundry room! Every time a sock disappears from the dryer, it will take a hose washer with it to keep it company. Somewhere, there's a civilization composed of nothing but lost socks and mysteriously missing hose washers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 May 17 - 03:44 PM

So - the ONLY reason the washer finally turned up, and worked beautifully when I replaced it in the supply line valve, is because I'm probably going to have to cut off that whole valve and put a new pressure valve on the line. Some blankety-blank fool soldered the nut holding hard water supply line in place. All it needed was finger tightening, not solder, fercrhristsake. I'd probably break the fitting before I was able to twist off that nut.

The fastest way to find the thing that is misplaced? Buy another one - the first one turns up the moment you enter the house with the new item. Never fails.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 29 May 17 - 05:18 PM

And the best way to assure that something never gets lost in the first place is to securely attach it to something you hate that won't go away. Velcro those hose washers to that ugly tea towel your ex-mother-in-law gave you and they'll never go missing again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 May 17 - 06:31 PM

Fortunate for my job today, the person with the solder was as inept at that as everything else. I was able to break that old line nut loose and replace the supply line. I will have to take this up again when I finally tile the floor and tile up to the flange, then reseat it. New wax seal is the main requirement for that operation. MOM, I know you like to help, but thanks for keeping the dogs out of the bathroom, they'd always try to offer up kisses if I'm kneeling while working on something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 May 17 - 08:11 PM

Yes, she was playing with the dogs. The dogcatcher came, tried to take Mom away, but the dogs saved her. Turns out some neighbor thought the dogs were being dognapped, but of course they were just trying to get Mom in her car so she could take them for a ride.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 May 17 - 12:06 AM

"A nicer vice or habit?"

'Reading'

Dyslexics of America (DOA) are laughing out loud

its a compliment if you forgot.
I do like an ancient oversize Paradise Lost with Dore' plates.
MOM says I can have one when I learn to read.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 17 - 08:53 AM

Here are some good ol' habits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 May 17 - 04:40 PM

Ahh, picture books and Aztec hieroglyphs are more my speed/style
Pop Up books are even better. I wonder if there are pop up Shakespeare books? 2 B or not 2b, which is my apartment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 May 17 - 05:13 PM

And we're back.
I note, re Rapparee's engraving of religious habits,

the mention of Praemonstratensians.
They call themselves Norbertines now.
And they are still around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 May 17 - 09:33 PM

I thought Norbertines were crackers served with soup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:05 PM

They are good. Sesame flavored and shaped like a bent men's tie Norbertines are low in salt and high in Corporate ineptitude


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:39 PM

Heavens! I started looking up information on kirpans and ended up at the TSA website, where I discovered that I cannot bring dynamite or hand grenades on an airplane, either in my carry-on or checked bags! Whatever am I to do if I cannot fly with a hand grenade? Perhaps I can call it a religious item, like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 May 17 - 08:59 AM

Cheese is verboten on flights. Its either because C-4 can be disguised as cheese or vice versa.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 May 17 - 02:06 PM

The hearing aid business receptionist pissed me off. Mum explained she was very 'hard of hearing' and wanted to know what the procedure was for getting tested and getting hearing aids. She had to ask the receptionist to speak up twice because she could not hear her. Even I had a bit of a hard time to hear her the first time as she was talking in a low voice. WTF is that about? It's a GD hearing aid store!

Thankfully, an audiologist-in-training happened to be there and she took Mum by the hand and waltzed her through the works.

Seriously stunnedasmearse... or... I won't go there.

I supposed I could go to Bass Pro. I am serious. Just found out about it on Facebook. A 2nd amendment group is on Senator Warren's ass about over-the-counter hearing aids. http://www.dailykos.com/stories/2017/5/30/1667385/-Gun-Owners-of-America-using-bipartisan-bill-reducing-cost-of-hearing-aids-to-


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 May 17 - 09:02 PM

I like this one.

Start with a cheaper version or FDA approved on Amazon.
I like mine which was originally designed for hunters but you can easily spend more than you might need. 4 EQ choices is enough for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 May 17 - 09:41 PM

I got my hearing aids from the Veterans Administration.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 31 May 17 - 09:46 PM

I'm telling MOM on the ass hole in the white Trump castle by the sea
Everyone thought it would be bad but no one's more stunned than me

With the brain of a lizard and heart of a snake
the maniac preys on the souls he can take
His stomach is full but for ratings he's hungry
He'll never be full he's a ego mad junkie
Only the most moral believes all his lies
Born without empathy he can't even cry
His fair weather friends praise him with words
they pledge their loyalty but are treated like turds
He's got more issues than a ton of National Geographics
Some find him charismatic but to me he's straight up psychopathic
Those who want to dodge treason use weasel words for a reason
"I would hope" and "the evil press is all fake news"
He's just sharp enough to run when confused
he is the devil but washed up and used.
Licentious vile evil and lewd
I asked him why selling secrets to Russia was such a big deal?
Its not! It feels like great deal to me, now get down and kneel.
;^7


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 07:02 AM

So "Gun Owners of America" has their panties in a wad because the proposed legislation would allow the government to ensure that over-the-counter hearing aids actually work. Better to have the unfettered freedom to waste money on useless pieces of crap than to submit to the tyranny of governmental oversight.

There is very little that cannot, somehow, be construed as antagonistic to the cause of the true fanatic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 02:31 PM

IS it possible that the whole NRA noise machine is actually a covert conspiracy by the hearing aid companies? That would explain so much! More loud noises--more deaf oldsters! More hearing aid sales!! It's so obvious once you know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 03:24 PM

The $5 Russian made hearing aids don't need microwave transducers. Why are they there?
Is there no end...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 04:02 PM

I have 2112 -- a palindrome! - of nonfiction books catalogued the in my personal library!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 07:25 PM

Touring private libraries of antique books is an adventure like no other. Between the scent and the old fonts there is a feeling of mystery that can make your hair stand up. Scrolls and maps give reminders of what Alexandria may have been.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Jun 17 - 09:25 PM

Hi, Mom! I'm considering starting an on-line petition to reintroduce tan M&Ms. Why? Because they're ugly! They were the least desirable color, even worse than chocolate. Younger siblings being forced to eat tan M&Ms while the older kids got the pretty colors was standard behavior in most families for years. Tan M&Ms helped to create several generations of cruel, overbearing firstborns and vindictive, conniving last-borns.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Jun 17 - 10:06 AM

Bee-Dubya, as a first-born I find you plan for tan M&Ms to be unnecessary. The First Born (typographically correct here) is the perfection of genetics, having had the first choice of genetic material. The First Born contains within him- or her- self all that is good and decent, as well as useful and beautiful, form following function, straight and narrow, and is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. The epitome of the true meaning of chivalry, a rustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Indeed, the First Born had this song originally written about them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jun 17 - 10:40 AM

I also was a firstborn (spell checker says that spelling is okay) and my two younger siblings always got the tan M&Ms. I always kept the cherished red ones for myself.

Since both of the aforementioned siblings were girls, I was expressly prohibited from inflicting physical pain upon them. That left mental pain as the only form of torture available, and tan M&Ms were useful tools toward that end.

Oh, I would occasionally deign to award one of them a red M&M as reward for a particularly obsequious act. It was gratifying to hear them say, "Oh thank you, Big Brother! We are not worthy!"

When tan M&Ms were replaced with blue ones in 1995, it changed the entire dynamic of childhood. The unwanted tans were replaced by a highly desirable color. Children who have grown up since then have experienced total M&M parity. Where are tomorrow's leaders going to come from when they don't have tan M&Ms to help make them into domineering assholes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Jun 17 - 06:58 PM

Perhaps blue M&Ms are the true secret to world peace?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Jun 17 - 07:49 PM

M&Ms? PFFT. A cheap knockoff of the real deal.

"When you eat your Smarties, do you eat the red ones last? Do you suck them very slowly or crunch them very fast?..." You Yanks and your cultural appropriations. Tsk tsk.

Of course, youse got Eminem and we got, like, Drake or sommat. So, tit for that eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 17 - 10:34 AM

Smarties candy has been made by the Smarties Candy Co. of New Jersey since 1949. They are a tablet-shaped candy suitable for vegans. The company, which started as Ce De Candy, is now and has always been family owned.

The M&M style of candy to which gnu refers has been made since 1937, and cannot be marketed in the US (which has pure food and drug laws). The company is owned by Nestle, which was the subject of a boycott by the Council of Canadians last year and which has had several other boycotts against it over the years.

Sure, M&Ms are owned by Mars, but Mars doesn't bottle water during droughts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 17 - 11:41 AM

I'll cut to the chase, here: when I was a kid you could buy a 5¢ or 10¢ bag of m&ms, just like you could buy those sizes of Milky Way, Baby Ruth, and much more. The different sizes may be available still, but the prices are much farther apart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 17 - 06:02 PM

. . . and many multiples more than a nickle or a dime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 17 - 10:42 AM

Third time's the charm - maybe after this the boys will wake up out on the porch swings or in the barn and stagger toward the computer and give MOM a lift. Must've been a rough Saturday night. MOM, have some tea and granola. This new one has white chocolate and macadamia nuts. Gluten free.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Jun 17 - 11:52 AM

It was a grand evening scarfing up steak and vino rojo at Janie's place with visiting musicians making the welkin ring. That reminds me--in the grand tradition of the great Canadian Rick Fielding, I am going to patent a Welkin Damper. It is a specially designed cloth which fits snugly behind the welkin in order to make its ring less penetrating, so the neighbors won't complain about all those musicians making their welkin ring. What Fielding did for banjo's, I have done for Welkins, and their ilk. If welkins even have an ilk, of which I am not certain. I am contributing all profits from the Welkin Damper to Mom so she can buy flotation devices.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jun 17 - 12:13 PM

What does a welkin do when it isn't ringing?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Jun 17 - 04:49 PM

It weeps. In fact, there was a semi-famous band during the 1960s known as "The Weeping Welkins". They came from Walla Walla, Washington. They were a bit of a one-hit-wonder. Their only top-40 radio hit was a song called "Wild, Wild Women". They disbanded in 1974 and retired to a ranch in western Wyoming, where they raise wallabies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 17 - 10:20 PM

Yup. This year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 17 - 10:08 AM

TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Enlist NOW to Save Our Planet!!!


Information has come to light that on July 10 Pluto will be in full opposition to Earth because of its demotion to a "dwarf planet"! On July 20 the Moon, Venus, and Aldebaran will meet, and on July 25 the Moon, Mercury, and Regulus will meet! On August 7 the Moon will dim and on August 11

THE BOMBARDMENT OF EARTH BEGINS!!

After ten days of the rain of death from the heavens, on August 21, this Coalition of evil extraterrestrial powers will attack by

TURNING OFF THE SUN!!!!

Save the cool green hills of our Mother Planet! Enlist now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Jun 17 - 10:53 AM

Is there an enlistment bonus? Would we get to shoot really cool ray guns? Would we have to eat MREs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Jun 17 - 02:04 PM

I think you could probably get all the MREs you coud want, just for the asking. But you'd have to be willing to eat them.

I jammed with the inimitable Will McFarland at the Blue Note Grill in Durham last night. Very satisfactory indeed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 17 - 10:26 PM

This is a call for all True Earthfolk to defend their planet!

Yes, there is an enlistment bonus! Sign the papers and soon you'll be welcomed into
The Regiment! Earth's Elite Legion1!

You will not have to eat MREs unless you really, really want to. A full menu of appetizing, delicious meals is served2. Dishes you will be served include the franks and beans you loved as a kid, beef patties, tortellini, enchiladas, chow mein, chicken a la king, beef stew, and spicy penne pasta, to name but a few!

You will be armed with a selection of ray guns, blasters, destructors, photon swords, phasers, and other weapons. Of course, you will be trained in their use! If you are accepted into the Exterior Guard, you will be
suitably kitted out for whatever mission you are assigned to!

1. Not related to or part of the famous Idaho Legion.
2. When combat or other conditions permit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 17 - 03:09 AM

Why does that "full menu of appetizing, delicious meals" look so familiar? Wait! I know! It's because it's exactly the same as what's in a box of MREs! Sounds like all the "cooks" do is open the MRE packets and heat them on a stove instead of having the troops heat them with their own just-add-water chemical heaters. Probably means the "cooks" keep all the Skittles and M&Ms for themselves.

And what's the deal with those "chinstraps" that only come down to the mouth? Someone run short on leather?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 17 - 11:50 AM

Smarties are a colour-varied sugar-coated chocolate confectionery. They have been manufactured since 1937,[1] originally by H.I. Rowntree & Company in the UK, and are currently produced by Nestlé.

As for the chin straps, the whole headgear reminds me of those fancy horses with the little plume woven into the mane and having a bit in it's it's mouth. Obvious, the fashion designer had some sort of bestiality and/or S&M fetish. I actually find the sight of this degrading and disturbing. Do they have Casual Fridays?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Jun 17 - 12:27 PM

My wife is a smarty. In fact she is the new Name That Tune Champion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Jun 17 - 05:52 PM

Here is the official US Department of Defense MRE menu as of 2016 (aka MRE XXXVI)

1        Chili w/ Beans
2        Shredded BBQ Beef
3        Chicken w/Egg Noodles & Vegetables
4        Spaghetti w/ Meat Sauce
5        Chili and Macaroni
6        Beef Taco
7        Beef Brisket
8        Meatballs w/ Marinara Sauce
9        Beef Stew
10        Chicken Chunks
11        Vegetarian Taco Pasta
12        Elbow Macaroni and Tomato Sauce
13        Cheese Tortellini
14        Spinach Mushrooms & Cream Sauce Fettuccine
15        Maple Sausage
16        Pork Rib
17        Mexican Style Chicken Stew
18        Beef Ravioli
19        Jalapeno Pepper Jack Beef Patty
20        Hash Brown Potatoes w/Bacon
21        Lemon Pepper Tuna
22        Asian Style Beef Strips w/Vegetables
23        Chicken Pesto Pasta
24        Southwest Beef and Black Beans

Boy! I sure hope we have a hurricane this year so I can try them all out!

And what the hell is "Vegetarian Taco Pasta"? How can something be a taco and a pasta at the same time? There's tortillas or there's noodles, not both.


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