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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 01 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM
Acme 02 Apr 06 - 01:44 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 02:36 PM
Little Hawk 02 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 03:06 PM
Acme 02 Apr 06 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 04:33 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 06:44 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 07:53 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM
Amos 02 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 06 - 10:41 PM
Acme 03 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 06 - 08:41 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 06 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 03 Apr 06 - 03:28 PM
Acme 03 Apr 06 - 03:37 PM
Rapparee 03 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM
Acme 03 Apr 06 - 06:49 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Apr 06 - 10:25 PM
Amos 03 Apr 06 - 11:43 PM
MMario 04 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM
Acme 04 Apr 06 - 10:33 AM
MMario 04 Apr 06 - 10:41 AM
Bunnahabhain 04 Apr 06 - 11:01 AM
Amos 04 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 04 Apr 06 - 11:53 AM
Rapparee 05 Apr 06 - 08:26 AM
Acme 05 Apr 06 - 02:37 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 06 - 03:49 PM
Amos 05 Apr 06 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 06 - 09:38 PM
Amos 05 Apr 06 - 10:12 PM
Acme 05 Apr 06 - 10:19 PM
Rapparee 05 Apr 06 - 10:24 PM
Acme 06 Apr 06 - 10:57 AM
Rapparee 06 Apr 06 - 11:36 AM
MMario 06 Apr 06 - 11:45 AM
Rapparee 06 Apr 06 - 12:14 PM
Amos 06 Apr 06 - 01:33 PM
MMario 06 Apr 06 - 01:37 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 06 - 02:32 PM
Acme 06 Apr 06 - 03:08 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 06 - 03:23 PM
Rustic Rebel 06 Apr 06 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Apr 06 - 11:04 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 06 - 10:07 PM

Carmen: a poor Latino girl who works hard at Wal-Mart meets a soldier.

Thais: a poor girl makes good.

Das Rheingold: the story of a birthday party and a scavenger hunt.

The Flying Dutchman: a nice sea captain sails away to adventure.




Jeez....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM

Fuck me. I listened to the whole thing, Stilly, and it was like sucking on an old shoe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 01:44 PM

It was awful to listen to, it kept going and going. Can you imagine such an operation in the arts? Oh, yeah, that's right, Bowdler. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:06 PM

West Side Story.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

Read the sanitized version of Tom Sawyer. He no longer gets in a fight with the new kid in town...that would be promoting violence. Instead, they have a heart to heart talk that results in them seeing past their mutual differences and joining forces to help resolve disputes between all small boys everywhere peacefully.

The sexist parts are removed. Tom no longer comes to the rescue of Becky Thatcher and saves her from a caning, because that would be disempowering her as a strong female in control of her own destiny. The teacher who canes her then gets arrested for assault on a child, and is committed to a criminal psychiatric facility. He emerges some years later, having repented fullsomely, and founds an institute for non-violence.

Tom no longer feeds "painkiller" to the cat. That would be cruelty toward animals. The scene is removed. Tom's pal no longer pesters the pinch bug, and Tom no longer pesters the pinch bug either. They rescue it from drowing in a puddle and then release it.

The murderous Injun Joe is deemed a stereotype deeply offensive to all Native Americans. He gets re-written as a saintly Native American mystic with special healing abilities. He cures his drunken pal of alcoholism with herbal remedies, and assists the young doctor in overcoming his compulsion to rob graves by taking him on a vision quest. No one gets murdered.

No references are made to slaves or "n-ggers" anywhere! We can't have people knowing that such things were once considered part of the status quo, can we? Slavery might break out again all over if people knew about it, after all...

The new, improved version of Tom Sawyer is a story for our times. It's totally lacking in dramatic effect, boring to read, historically all wrong, completely inoffensive to idiots with a chip on their shoulders, and about as much fun to read as chewing on an old shoe!

It will shortly be inflicted on a generation of unfortunate school children, hunkered down in their Neo-Orwellian classrooms, who will decide Mark Twain was one hell of a bad writer...and they'll never read another Mark Twain story again if they can possibly avoid it. ;-P


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:36 PM

Then what will happen to Huck Finn? The Connecticut Yankee? Or, God help us, Puddin'head Wilson?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 02:44 PM

The same thing, Rap, only more so.

You see, the new fascists are so intent upon establishing much more subtle forms of slavery via mind-control and enforced conformity, that they must ensure that the more obvious types of historical slavery aren't even spoken of, except in a context that will push people's emotional buttons in the desired direction...that which supports a climate of fear.

A climate of fear enables the establishment of harsher laws, more restrictions on freedom, more dictatorship in the name of "collective security".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 03:06 PM

Book-burners, everyone of 'em. I spit. If Ray Bradbury were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave thinking about such mindless reactionary pseudo-fascism.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 03:45 PM

Good one, Amos! Instead, he can spin in Los Alamos, and he can spit if he wants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 04:33 PM

Ah, what's next? Let's see, what are some of those things that are probably out of copyright (don't want to get sued, now!) that might possibly maybe offend me and you....

Othello, The Merchant of Venice, The Tell-Tale Heart, Don Quixote de la Mancha, Hamlet, The Canterbury Tales, Romeo and Juliet, Midsummer Night's Dream, All's Well That Ends Well, Davy Crockett's Almanac, Uncle Remus, Just So Stories, The Adventure of the Yellow Face, Moby-Dick, The Scarlet Letter, Uncle Tom's Cabin, Mother Goose, The Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, White Fang, David Copperfield, Oliver Twist, Great Expectations....

And the newer stuff, like Lord of the Flies or Black Boy or All Quiet On The Western Front or...why, it's just appalling! I can't even read Beatrix Potter without being offended by that Mr. MacGregor!

Ah do thank ah'll jist haf ta sit down with a julep until mah nerves are right again....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 05:59 PM

The mindset of these atavistic hump-heads is along the lines of "Please don't draw us any pictures of human nature, or human history, or human hopes for the future, or human love. Our philosophy takes care of all that and we don't want to know any more."

May god forgive such dimbulbs.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 06:44 PM

May god forgive such dimbulbs.

God had better, 'cause I won't. Not if they're Charles Lamb, or Bowdler, or whomever.

The first time I read Huck Finn the part about the King and Duke stealing the inheritance and some other parts were left out -- I never read them until college. But! Jim was refered to as in Twain's original, Injun Joe was Injun Joe, the description of the attack planned on the Widow Douglas was left in, the eventual end of the King and Duke was left in...why the parts that were left out were censored I have no idea. And Huck's "Well, then, I'll go to Hell!" still resonants from that first, censored, edition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 07:53 PM

I think a resonant is a consonant with extra air-pressure behind it, yes? :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 09:19 PM

No, it's what happens when I put a resonator mute in the bell of my trumpet and blow G# above high C. I don't do that very often, because the last time I did it three buzzards fell stunned off a gut wagon and all the voles in six counties moved to Wyoming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 10:22 PM

...because you were playing the Vole Areé song, right?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 06 - 10:41 PM

Nah, I was playing the old Al Hirt piece "Java", but kicked up an octave and a half higher than it was written and in a totally different key. And time signature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 12:23 AM

I can hardly wait to see what the folks at NPR do for April Fools next year. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 08:41 AM

Don't expect me to lend them my trumpet, whatever it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 03:24 PM

I mean, my trumpet seems to be a Conn New Wonder. I meant whatever it is NPR has up it's sleeve(s).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 03:28 PM

I have a little tiny Shatner action figure up my sleeve. When I am in a difficult situation, such as being confronted by a gang of punks, I just whip out old Bill and say, "Don't make me use this."

Works every time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 03:37 PM

BWL is out crusading (almost type "cursading," and he's doing a bit of that, also) against closing threads because they're full of nonsense and puns.

Breathe quietly and move slowly and maybe the closing clone will pass by with out noticing Mom's girth. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 03:56 PM

Heck, if those are the only two criteria they'll have to close this whole place down!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 06:49 PM

Maybe that's what brought up the pink screen this morning!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 10:25 PM

Hi Mom!

I'm tired. I've had a big day of crusading, sowing the seeds of dissent and anarchy, and just bein' pissed off in general.

Rapaire must be around somewhere 'cause both Google ads are for trumpets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 06 - 11:43 PM

Yeah. That pinks screen thing? That was Rapaire's "criteria". Leveler heads prevailed. Rapaire's is kinda pear-shaped and sloped.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 10:23 AM

I think it was the thought of LH "whipping out his Shatner and shaking it" that broke the 'cat this morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 10:33 AM

MMario, you shouldn't talk like that amongst polite company!

Oh, what you say?

Okay. Never mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 10:41 AM

Stilly - I was raised better then that. I would *NEVER* mention LH "shaking his shatner" in *POLITE* company - but we're here...

(which is not to say that MOAB's children can't be polite.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 11:01 AM

The sensible play it safe, by absolutly not mentioning any Canadian, under any circumstances, at all, ever.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM

I can handle Little Hawk shaking his shatner, but let me never hear he has shat his shakers, which would be too spicy for me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Apr 06 - 11:53 AM

And painful for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 08:26 AM

Oh, Mom! Sometimes you give me SUCH fits, flirting with The Edge like that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 02:37 PM

Sorry I wasn't here earlier to help, Rap. I was running to the drug store for my THIRD batch of antibiotics. Last one wasn't working. This will finally knock out the sinus infection, I hope. I've had a low-grade sinus headache for about a month. I'm tired of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 03:49 PM

I went to the allergist finally. He slapped ME on prednisone and Augmentine and Pat on Z-cillin or Z-Max or Z-something. I'm getting over it, finally.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 07:32 PM

Why is it in Mom's Place that have the kids are running around with puffed up noses and fevers? My goo'ness!! Camomile tea and castor oil for both of you!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 09:38 PM

It gets worse, Amos. I went to the Dr. this afternoon because...make a light fist with your left hand, fingers pointed down. Now bend your wrist down.

I couldn't (can't) do it without pain. Let the fingers dangle, no problem. Wrap 'em into the palm, ouch.

So I have a stabilizing brace on the my left wrist for the next two weeks. Not carpal tunnel, a bad case of tendonitis.

We just a buncha invalids here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 10:12 PM

Well, I am sorry for your aches and your pains, and I send you beams of Rapid Recovery to Full Rastiness in short order!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 10:19 PM

So far that isn't one of my complaints. I did get my wrists yanked on a bit when the dogs scared up a rabbit in our evening walk. I had them under pretty good control, but they put me to the test. (I walk with the dogs on either side of me, the way Cesar Millan says to walk the dogs, and it works well. They didn't bat an eye at the boxer who barked up a storm as we walked past his yard. I finally crossed the street for distance because I didn't want to incite him to jump his own fence. That's what my dog used to do.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Apr 06 - 10:24 PM

BE easier to deal with if I knew what I did!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 10:57 AM

Aw, that's too easy! Go around and retrace your steps, and do everything you did with your left hand with your right hand. When your right hand feels the way your left hand does, you'll be able to triangulate on the problem task and not do it again that same way.

Simple! Why didn't you think of that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 11:36 AM

It probably happened when I backhanded that child with the overdue books. Little punk, mouthy little 6-year-old..."But my sister used my card!" WHACK! "Please don't hit me again!" WHACK!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 11:45 AM

you should be careful with those backhands - cheekbones could bruis your knuckles. A much better technique is the open forehand smack - and if you cup the palm you can get a really impressive noise with it as well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 12:14 PM

Cup your palm with a forehand slap and you can concentrate the force of the blow into the trigeminal nerve, as the NKVD discovered in the 1930s. I have it on excellent authority tht it really works well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 01:33 PM

Table 1. Examples of Pathogens in Inadequately Treated Municipal Wastewater
ORGANISM DISEASE / SYMPTOMS
Bacteria Vibrio cholerae Cholera
Salmonella spp. Salmonellosis (food poisoning), typhoid fevers
Shigella spp. Bacillary dysentery
Yersinia spp. Acute gastroenteritis (including diarrhea, abdominal
pain)
Campylobacter
jejuni
Gastroenteritis

Escherichia coli
(pathogenic
strains)
Gastroenteritis

Viruses

Hepatitis A virus Infectious hepatitis
Polio virus Poliomyelitis
Coxsackievirus Meningitis, pneumonia, hepatitis, fever, common colds,
etc.
Echovirus Meningitis, paralysis, encephalitis, fever, common
colds, diarrhea, etc.
Rotavirus Acute gastroenteritis with severe diarrhea
Norwalk agents Epidemic gastroenteritis with severe diarrhea
Reovirus Respiratory infections, gastroenteritis
Protozoa Cryptosporidium Gastroenteritis
Entamoeba
histolytica
Acute enteritis
Giardia lambia Giardiasis (including diarrhea, abdominal cramps,
weight loss)
Balantidium coli Diarrhea and dysentery
Toxoplasma gondii Toxoplasmosis
Helminth
Worms
Ascaris
lumbricoides
Digestive and nutritional disturbances, abdominal
pain, vomiting, restlessness
Ascaris suum Coughing, chest pain, and fever
Trichuris trichiura Abdominal pain, diarrhea, anemia, weight loss
Toxocara canis Fever, abdominal discomfort, muscle, aches,
neurological symptoms

This list is not complete.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 01:37 PM

at what rate of occurrence?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 02:32 PM

Hell, out here in The West we eat them things fer lunch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 03:08 PM

Then take pills to kill them off for the next month. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 03:23 PM

Yeah, well, that's why I don't eat up at the Legion Hovel....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 10:48 PM

KNOTS

You have your Blackwall hitch, and your Carrick bend.
A Sheepshank and a Cat's-paw.
The Fisherman's knot and a Rolling hitch.
Slipknot, Granny knot and a Cow hitch.
The Figure eight, a Timber hitch, the Turk's head and a Square knot.
How about an Overhand/thumb knot, a Clove hitch and the Bowline.
There's the Stevedore's knot, the Surgeon's knot, the Seizing and the Matthew Walker.
The Blackwall hitch, Half hitch, The Rolling hitch, and a True-lover's knot.

You could also have a knot in a tree, a knot on your head, a Gordian Knot or care (k)not about any of this.

Hello MOAB LOVELYS! Good-day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Apr 06 - 11:04 PM

I can tie a bowline on a bight!


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