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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Oct 11 - 09:56 AM
Acme 07 Oct 11 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 07 Oct 11 - 09:20 AM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 07:07 PM
gnu 06 Oct 11 - 05:21 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 04:55 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 Oct 11 - 03:51 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 03:46 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 06 Oct 11 - 02:25 PM
gnu 06 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 01:57 PM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 12:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 11 - 11:20 AM
Amos 06 Oct 11 - 11:15 AM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 10:17 PM
Acme 05 Oct 11 - 07:40 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 07:36 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 06:12 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 03:32 PM
gnu 05 Oct 11 - 03:18 PM
Amos 05 Oct 11 - 12:19 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 11 - 06:41 AM
GUEST,Eiseley 05 Oct 11 - 12:37 AM
Little Hawk 05 Oct 11 - 12:16 AM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 10:53 PM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 08:25 PM
gnu 04 Oct 11 - 06:17 PM
Acme 04 Oct 11 - 06:11 PM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 05:29 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 Oct 11 - 04:50 PM
gnu 04 Oct 11 - 03:57 PM
Amos 04 Oct 11 - 01:53 PM
Eiseley 04 Oct 11 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 Oct 11 - 12:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 10:25 AM
Acme 04 Oct 11 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 04 Oct 11 - 07:45 AM
Little Hawk 03 Oct 11 - 11:40 PM
Acme 03 Oct 11 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 03 Oct 11 - 10:10 PM
Acme 03 Oct 11 - 03:56 PM
Little Hawk 03 Oct 11 - 12:13 PM
Acme 03 Oct 11 - 11:46 AM
Acme 03 Oct 11 - 09:33 AM
Rapparee 03 Oct 11 - 08:32 AM
Rapparee 02 Oct 11 - 01:27 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:56 AM

IN the small circle of hell where I earn my daily bread, Fridays are very special. THe HR department rolls in boxes of doughnuts, oranges, bagels, and other snacky delights and everyone descends on the lunchroom to celebrate another productive week. Also, Friday signifies the approach of two days of not having to go to work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:44 AM

I have nothing to contribute this morning except to observe "TGIF!" And then some.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 11 - 09:20 AM

Mornin', Mom. I spent another night on dope.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 07:07 PM

Shame, my knee was operated upon. The damage was cause by what you think, but I have to use my toes due to my endowment. Of course, you wouldn't know anything about things like that, would you, "Inchworm"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 05:21 PM

I didn't mess around today. I bought a new photocell and a new bulb for the security light on the garage. Last Oct 20 I went to Princess Auto four times to get things sorted. Up and down the ladder with my arthritic knees a dozen times at least. Today, ladder up, ladder down. If it doesn't work well tonight I'll cut the power and return them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 04:55 PM

Well, you want an honest answer?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 03:51 PM

??...the Flip---! You think I am stoopid or somethin'?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 03:46 PM

That's why the Gnu is asking, silly!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:25 PM

Flipheads like him don't HAVE nothin' that youse could call "normal" sexaul activity!

And it don't take a lotta branes to guest why he had a problem with his elbow, eh? Ha! Ha! Ha!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 02:14 PM

So Rap... how long before you can resume regular sexual activity?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 01:57 PM

They like banjo players up there. Gives 'em someone to pity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 12:11 PM

Grab your broom, grab your shovel
Ready up your soul for trouble
Follow me, now on the double
We're gonna clean that Legion Hovel!!

(Banjo solo here)...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:20 AM

The night was full of blood and pain, arteries squirting and teeth on the floor from a fall.

Not at my house, but another mundane night up at the Legion Hovel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Oct 11 - 11:15 AM

I know a guy who was a patient of his, but Doc Lightspeed operated on the wrong testicle.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 10:17 PM

My surgeon called "Doc Lightspeed" by his colleagues. Sometimes he operates before the patient is even born.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 07:40 PM

That was quick! I only learned of the surgery 3 minutes ago as I was reading the thread, then 1 minute ago I learned you were out again!

Astonishing!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 07:36 PM

I'm sleeping a lot. Does that count?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:12 PM

Are you seeing any visions? Walls melting? Pink elephants?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 04:03 PM

I'm back from the surgery. I'm not dead. So ha-ha. More when I'm not drugged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 03:32 PM

Good luck, Rap!

Good choice of guitar, Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 03:18 PM

Ant farm? Ant farm? We got a shitload a yer ants hereaboust. Can ya milk these here ants ya got? Does a milkin machine come with?

I had a Red Ryder with a saddle ring. I could tell ya stories. Especially the one when I started shootin at partridge (I was 9) when dad got the guns out as we was just on the dirt road. I got off about three shots before he grabeed the BB gun and then me by the scruff of the neck, threw me in the car and TOOK OFF! I can still remember him saying I was gonna get a kick in the arse as soon as we were out of sight of the farm... and the chickens.

Anyway, I sure do hope everything goes peachy keen in the OR, unless ya change yer mind about the BB gun and the ants before they slice and dice yer ass.

PS... good luck buddy... yer one a the good guys eh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:19 PM

Oh BOY!! I am getting a custom Nick Apollonio six-string, European spruce tonewood and rosewood body, masterful craftsmanship throughout. I have never met a guitar before that cvould tempt me past my Martin D-35, but I played this new beauty at the Getaway with Kendall and Nick Friday night and fell into a dazed and reverential cloud of awestruck desire. It shall be mine!! I am thrilled.

Mom, I thank Thee for Thy Blessings. But some blessings make me smile, and others make me dance for joy. This is of the latter category.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 06:41 AM

The staph infection in my elbow is undercontrol. The problem with the ulnar nerve is getting better. No, this surgery was planned for after I returned from Getaway and, of course, I didn't go.

What they are going to do (in laypeople terms) is remove and reverse the stomach and the large intestine. This will put the stomach between the large and small intestines (or the rising and falling colon, if you prefer), and is almost certain to cure my hiccups. That is why I have not had anything by mouth since midnight(it's 4:37 a.m. right now). While they are at it, they're going to clean up my left knee, which has been giving me problems ever since I fell a year ago.

Eisely gets my Red Ryder bb gun, and gnu can have my ant farm, and Stilly can have my x-ray glasses. But only if I don't survive the surgery! Mom will see to that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:37 AM

Good luck with the surgery, Rapparee. You have to heal soon so you can share your story. It was good to see you today. I guess since they'll be cutting into you, the mushrooms in your elbow have gone dormant, right?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Oct 11 - 12:16 AM

You do if it's Godzilla's elbow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 11:27 PM

THis is to remedy the damage to the ulnar myelin?

This is your ELBOW, right? You don't die from ELBOW, Rapp.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 10:53 PM

Mom, Amos can have my peg leg and my glass eye, too. But only if the surgery goes bad. I still need my glass eye for playing marbles and my peg leg for cricket.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 08:39 PM

I would but I may have a schedule conflict and have to fly in. But save your pennies, and you can do it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 08:25 PM

Well, Mom, tomorrow at 0600 MDT I'll be at the hospital, set to go under the knife. If it doesn't work out...Amos can have my sled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:17 PM

Idaho, New Brunswick, Ontario and points in between... THAT'S a roadtrip! I wonder if Ebbie wants a lift?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 06:11 PM

If we go next year will you drive to each of our houses and pick us up and drive us there and back?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:52 PM

Sometimes innocence sees the truth more clearly than experience, Rapp. ANd what could be more innocent than an imaginary chimp?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 05:29 PM

Chongo, monkeys like you don't know what they're talking about. Go eat a banana and swing from a tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 04:50 PM

So yer house is okay after all? Whew! That is a big relief, lemme tell ya...for both of us. I can put the files back on the couch now.

This only proves that Rap is a bald-faced liar who makes up wild tales just to stir up a little excitement and raise some shit about nothin'. Mind you, I shoulda known that already.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 03:57 PM

Glad to hear you have returned to your abode safe and sound or as sound as you can be at your age. And, nice to hear you enjoyed the proceedings.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 01:53 PM

Well, I pulled some strings and called in some favors from the Brigadoon Council, and by gawd byt eh time I landed on the West COast last night, everything had been put back as it should be, my wife met me at the San Diego Airport and the house was in apple pie order.

I swan, the echoes of the music are so sweet and rich and varied they will sustain me for a year. You guys really need to stop messing around and make the scene there next year. Honest.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 12:58 PM

Good morning, Ma. I promise not to tell the family what you've been up to if you won't tell on me.

Thanks,
Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 12:48 PM

Yeah. And that suggests to me that you are sure no badass, Rap. Matter of fact, you probably spend yer time knittin' little doilies and givin' a shriek of panic when a mouse runs across the floor, don'tcha?

I am worried about Amos. He's been silent too long. I am thinkin' he's probably too proud to beg for a place to stay and is maybe perched right now on some high window ledge and contemplatin' endin' it all rather than takin' advantage of my kind generosity. Don't do it, Amos. I got the couch all cleared off, I vacuumed up the cigar ashes and fluffed the pillows. I got in a case of amaretto-flavored latte' drinks and some copies of "The New Republic" and "The Progressive" just to make you feel "at home". You can stay till you get back on yer feet again or till I get fed up with you...whichever comes first.

- Chongo

p.s. No bullshit about Chinga or your ass is out the door!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 10:25 AM

Of course, Chongo is just posturing. Always. REAL bad asses aren't blowhards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 09:17 AM

Is curling up in fetal position and going to sleep submissive enough? Passive, at the very least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Oct 11 - 07:45 AM

I think Chongo would demand submissive behavior, don't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 11:40 PM

Yes, but there's nothing there but a hole in the ground!

Chongo has a couch ready and waiting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 10:36 PM

Maybe he's awash in booze in a airport lounge, on his way back from Ballermore. They'll load him on a luggage cart and pour him into his seat. He'll be home eventually.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 10:10 PM

Amos'll sober up by Friday or so. He's probably in some drunk tank somewhere right now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 03:56 PM

Well put. They got away, and haven't been seen since.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 12:13 PM

In other words...they got away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 11:46 AM

I haven't seen anything in Google News about a raid at the Getaway, so I guess they all got out of there alive.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 09:33 AM

Hung-over kids haven't rolled in yet, but we expect a report soon.

Once the painkillers kick in and probably after a nap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Oct 11 - 08:32 AM

Well Mom, you were just fourth from the bottom. Consorting with bottom feeding nasties again! Not OUR kind, you know. Now have some of Stilly's warmed-over tea and some of these not-quite-stale crumpets. Your breakfast of Cream of Wheat, white bread, and milk will be ready shortly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Oct 11 - 01:27 PM

As this satellite image shows, it's too bad about Amos' house. Too bad about his inflatable sheep, too.


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