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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 10 Nov 06 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 08:25 AM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM
Acme 11 Nov 06 - 06:29 PM
Amos 11 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM
Rapparee 11 Nov 06 - 11:13 PM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 10:15 AM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 08:14 PM
Rapparee 12 Nov 06 - 08:22 PM
Amos 12 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 01:37 AM
Bunnahabhain 13 Nov 06 - 08:16 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 08:20 AM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 09:50 AM
Acme 13 Nov 06 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 10:53 AM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 11:45 AM
MMario 13 Nov 06 - 11:58 AM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 12:08 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 12:18 PM
MMario 13 Nov 06 - 12:20 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 12:28 PM
Bunnahabhain 13 Nov 06 - 01:17 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 01:24 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 02:42 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 07:35 PM
Bunnahabhain 13 Nov 06 - 07:39 PM
Amos 13 Nov 06 - 08:30 PM
Rapparee 13 Nov 06 - 10:17 PM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 01:59 AM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 09:24 AM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 09:29 AM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 10:22 AM
Acme 14 Nov 06 - 11:14 AM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 01:11 PM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 01:18 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 04:26 PM
MMario 14 Nov 06 - 04:28 PM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 05:52 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 06:13 PM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 06:38 PM
Rapparee 14 Nov 06 - 11:20 PM
Acme 14 Nov 06 - 11:32 PM
Amos 14 Nov 06 - 11:45 PM
Rapparee 15 Nov 06 - 09:15 AM
Acme 15 Nov 06 - 09:44 AM
Rapparee 15 Nov 06 - 04:02 PM
Rapparee 16 Nov 06 - 08:41 AM
MMario 16 Nov 06 - 10:11 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Nov 06 - 10:47 PM

[Google finally caught up--and is offering "special Tonga fares" now]

For your library funding you need to find a way to attract Warren Buffett or Bill Gates' attention. Or maybe one of the Walton gang. Ask for their pocket change.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 08:25 AM

Some guy named Ambaroff or somethin' volunteered, but we gotta put him in touch with a friendly judge, whatever that means.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 04:31 PM

Dear Mom:

Okay, I've had it. I'm going to go out to San Diego and straighten Amos out once and for all. I just can't take it any longer. The only question is whether to do it quickly with a gun, a knife, or poison or to watch him writhe in agony as I sing. I kinda prefer the last, especially since I'll have my brother to help me and he can't sing either.

Your Obedient Son,
R


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 06:29 PM

Well, darn. Today my "invisible fence" failed completely. I had the dogs out front, and Poppy started making her high-pitched ruckus when you man-handle her if she thinks she might get hurt (she never does). This attracted, out of the blue, two MORE strays (previously not seen by me) who trotted into the yard to see what the noise was. My two dogs were like bats out of hell, flying through the hot zone and dashing up the street after the two. Good thing mine are a pair--my quick thinking neighbor Gayle called Poppy over to her truck and grabbed her collar. Cinnamon saw that Poppy stopped and came back to me, and I hauled both of their doggie asses back into the yard and through the zone. Zap! I think their batteries were weak--I was trying to see how long they last before putting the next batch in. Bad me. Obviously the weak batteries didn't do the job. So I changed them when I came back and let the dogs know they were back in the hot seat.

This makes six stray dogs I've seen in the neibhborhood in less than a week. I think someone must be dumping them here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 09:37 PM

Rapaire, bring your wrinkly shirts, your skid-marked undies, your overgrown armpits, your redolent attitude and your sparkling wits. But leave your guns at home, son, don't bring them guns to town. You-all will be most disappointed effen you don't heed my words as they won't letcher on the plane widdem.

Anyway we'll have a fine dinner out somewhere and see if we can make peace. Otherwise Pocatello's gonna really be pissed about losin' their fundraisin' librarian.

Say, what's the secret code to new babies? I just had a visit from my new grandson, seven weeks old and mewling and peeing in his mother's arms. But CUTE???!!!! Dang, ya never saw such cutitude!! To die for!! How come a kid of mebbe 13 pounds can melt down a whole room full of able bodies adults like that? Li'l fuzzy head and tiny fingers and wee lady-killing smile and twinkle of baby eye --- I swan, it is definitely more than any average grownup can resist. How do they DO that? But whatever the secret code is, ya gotta love 'em for using it on you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Nov 06 - 11:13 PM

Somebody said that iffen babies weren't so damned cute nobody'd make any more of 'em.

So it's natcheral.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 10:15 AM

Shore must be natch'l iffen it been goin' on so long, Miz Scarlett!


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 08:14 PM

The people now all 'round have heard
The grim, alarming, sadd'ning word
That Mom, their heart and daily light
Has drifted downwards toward the night,
Even into the Bottom Third!

Where are her sons, her daughters bold,
Whose feats have often been far told
Who fought ignorance and despair
Yanking her up by her long brown hair
And bringing her back in from the cold?

Alas, 'the hearth! 'Tis cold and still
And nary a trump sounds from the hill
While Mother lags on the deep's cold brink,
Her sons have gone to have a drink,
And may be drinking still.

Arbuthnot Dalyrymple
Fires from Above
Web, Net and Monitor, Inc., 1949, Oakland


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 08:22 PM

Don't be silly. You don't drink a still, you drink the product of the still. Do I have to teach you????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Nov 06 - 11:52 PM

Don't aim your barbarisms at me, amigo, but at Mister Dalyrymple (you can call him Are-by). He's the one who coined the line. Alternatively you may want to look up the word "still" to see if it has any OTHER definition than the one you were raised under.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 01:37 AM

Mom! Rapaire and Amos won't stop bickering!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 08:16 AM

Have you put new batteries in the dogs collars? Check they're working, by getting Rapiere and Amos to try they on for a minute....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 08:20 AM

My brother has my grandfather's personal still. We've even used it, in demonstrations, to distill water. It's very quiet, and except for the distillate dripping out would wouldn't even know that it was working. It's a family heirloom, and so we keep Grandpa's still still still.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 09:50 AM

There's a family pet, also a bird. They pass it around amongst themselves. The bird is unusual in its motions, it always circles on it's perch. Next month it's Rapaire's turn tern turn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 10:46 AM

damned comma.

also, a bird. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 10:53 AM

Yes, our family is well known for giving each other the bird.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 11:45 AM

Perch and rotate,
Tern, tern, tern;
Still dost thou bloviate
Tern, tern, tern;
A time to dog one another,
A time to be a nerd;
A time to look up
A badly used word;
A time to cavil,
And a time to give up caviling.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 11:58 AM

Hey Everyone! turn tern turn
How do you season turn tern turn
And how long do you cook it, under pressure?

A time to be baste, a time to bard
A time to stuff, a time to carve
A time to bake, a time to boil
a time for eating, after toil.





I'll leave now...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:08 PM

A time to refrain from indulging....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:18 PM

Surely, the Lord watcheth over MOAB, and the Day of the Turkeys approacheth and will be upon us soon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:20 PM

unh-huh! And the day after the day of the turkeys - also known as Black Friday is the first day of Christmas. at least for me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 12:28 PM

I shall indulge myself with turkey amidst friends, dining here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 01:17 PM

Day of the Turkeys? I thought you'd just had an election, and could rest easy awhile before the next one...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 01:24 PM

It's all relative, Bunn. To an outside observer, it is possible that EVERY MOAB day should be considered a day of the Turkeys. Those of us in the inner circle know better, of course. But the PR situation could be a problem if anyone from the outside ever dared hurdle the barriers at the gate to MOAB...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 02:42 PM

Besides, we are waiting to see whether the triumphant Madame Pelosi will be revealed as a Turquette, or a Princess. Or, even, perhaps a frog.

I am voting for Princess, but then, I have always been an insufferable idealist.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 07:35 PM

Aw, c'mon. Be nice to Mom, even if just because of Veteran's day!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 07:39 PM

Is it possibile to have an outside observer on MOAB. I though we were the universe, and everything else is a small, and only occasionally relevant inlier...



I am trying to resist the urge to start a thread along the lines of 'US Goverment owns Hallibut.'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 08:30 PM

Bet you succumb....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Nov 06 - 10:17 PM

Werner Heisenberg defined MOAB best when he said (in German), "It is not possible to know Mom at the same time you are Mom, because Mom is unknowable, and you can't be knowable and unknowable at the same time, since Des Carts or Sam Plato or somebody backaways said that we should know ourselves and my Dad, God bless his scummy old soul, said to me, "Werner," he said, "Werner, you just be yourself" and so we can't know ourselves and be ourselves at the same time and that's the same thing with Mom. Shakespeare, the Englishman, wrote, "To be...." and that's what we must satisfy ourselves with, saying to ourselves as we wander around the parks and streets, "To be to be to....""


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 01:59 AM

I recommend that all MOABites catch a showing of Borat, the Kazakh in his current hit movie. It is the highest quality bullshit from glorious Eastern European country Kazhakistan. Very inspired by American bullshit. It is great!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 09:24 AM

Heisenberg was never quite sure of any of that. He made a maybe of everything.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 09:29 AM

Maybe, maybe not. But Heisenberg was absolutely certain in his uncertainty, wasn't he? And that's perhaps more or less a lot more than you can say for a lot of people, but not all of them. I dunno, though....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 10:22 AM

You could be right, Rapaire. On the other hand it might depend on where you were at the time, which is hard to determine.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 11:14 AM

Is it still only Tuesday? I could maybe stand to have this be Thursday already.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 01:11 PM

It is if you want it to be.

Does ol' Werner's Principle apply to time? I mean, I can understand why you can't know mass and location at the same time, but what about time? Is time another aspect of mass and energy? If so, can we undo mass/energy conversion, or do energy/time conversions?

(I have a little list of people I'd like to convert from mass to energy, but chemically, not on a nuclear level.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 01:18 PM

What time is it?
What is it, Time?
It is Time-what?
Is it What time?

These things are deep and beyond seeing.

Time bundles itself in the human mind like the cars of a slow freight, the instants insistently coupling as though they belonged together. This ridiculous behavior is almost as undignified as copulation. And just as addictive. The pretense of irreversibility is especially galling. Like the cascade of moments, they say the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant nun is that the lightbulb can be unscrewed -- for Rapaire, unscrod.

A

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 04:26 PM

Sidereal? Daylight Saving? Geologic? Planetary? Double British War? Zulu? Solar? Lunar? Miller?

Specify, man, specify!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 04:28 PM

What is, is not, is not.
What is not, is not is
What not is, is not is
What is not is not is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 05:52 PM

You are tap dancing again, Rapaire; you post your question in the context of Essence of Time, and then rebut my answer on entirely specious grounds, making distinctions between the measures of the thing, instead of the dinglicheit, time qua time.

(See, I can still speak Sophomore, too!):>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 06:13 PM

Are you speaking of time or duration??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM

I was answering your question about time. You responded with parsings of duration. I suppose you may use those definitions reversed from the way I have just used them.

Tant pis. 'Twas ever thus. Whadjagwando.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 06:38 PM

Speaking of time, I go to fencing tonight.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 11:20 PM

Speaking of fencing, things came up and I didn't get away in time to go.

I gaily doff my beaver low,
And, freeing hand and heel,
My heavy mantle off I throw,
And I draw my polished steel;

Graceful as Phoebus, round I wheel,
Alert as Scaramouch,
A word in your ear, Sir Spark, I steal,-
At the envoi's end, I touch! -

Better for you had you lain low;
Where skewer my cock? In the heel?-
In the heart, your ribbon blue below?-
In the hip, and make you kneel?

Ho for the music of clashing steel!
-What now?- A hit? Not much!
'Twill be in the paunch the stroke I steal,
When, at the envoi, I touch. -

Oh, for a rhyme, a rhyme in o?-
You wriggle, starch-white, my eel?
A rhyme! a rhyme! the white-feather you show!
Tac! I parry the point of your steel;

-The point you hoped to make me feel;
I open the line, now clutch
Your spit, Sir Scullion,- show your zeal!
At the envoi's end, I touch! -

L'Envoie. -

Prince, pray Heaven, for your soul's weal!
I move a pace- lo, such! and such!
Cut over,- feint!
What ho! You reel?
At the envoi's end, I touch!


Merci, Monsieur Cyrano!!! Et bravo!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 11:32 PM

First you were going to go, then you weren't going to go.

Just no way to get off that fence, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Nov 06 - 11:45 PM

He went fencing in his mind,
Leaving all his trials behind
Drawing lines of Great Duration
Guaranteeing separation
From the boojums and the bogies
Dragons with their breath like hoagies
Wicked sprites like Farah Fawcett
And other dark shapes from the closet.
All of these his deep fears sensing
Stand in need of decent fencing.
Keep the dark side, foul and naughty
Safely back in the South Forty
Build your posts and string 'em clean
Keeping back the spirits mean.
And around your self-hearth's wicket
Build a row of darling picket
To defend from acid blogs,
Colleague's snips, and passing dogs.
Thus your garden will keep neat,
And your temperament sweet,
Social joys full recompensing
Arduous dreams dispensed in fencing.

Gladys Rhumbleseat-Walkabout
Ditties of the Inner Being Out
Toronto, Hardly, Sootible and Ferrous
1969


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 06 - 09:15 AM

Today...ah, today! Twin beds for the guest room are being delivered. "California" length beds, since everyone we know seems to be what Frank Lloyd Wright called "a weed." Shoved together they become a king-sized bed, but we would keep them apart because we don't want to encourage any sort of hanky-panky, do we?

This will create the second guest room (after we get sheets, of course). Pat has (again) vetoed my suggestion that we "westernize" the room with a moose or elk head and cowhides instead of blankets, with a floor lamp made from an old rifle between the beds. She just goes on and on about "good taste" and "over my dead body!".

Since the room's in the basement I thought a dungeon look -- shackles, an iron maiden, that sort of thing -- might be appropriate, but she said something about our friends "not being into that sort of thing." She also vetoed my idea about storing black powder and ammunition in the new guest room.

Now, all we have to do is get a new outside door and get the bathroom renovated a bit. Contributions (in US dollars) are welcome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Nov 06 - 09:44 AM

If you buy a good set, you may discover that those sheets cost almost as much as the beds themselves.

I vote that you set up a third guest room. Outside. And decorate it your way. Those who want to rough it can camp in your guest room.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Nov 06 - 04:02 PM

I have that, and it's quite large. Most people call it "The Highland Golf Course."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Nov 06 - 08:41 AM

Good Morning, Mom. Did you have a nice rest? Can I get you a nice cup of tea and, perhaps, some of those raspberry scones you like? The ones with white chocolate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Nov 06 - 10:11 AM

MOrning MOM there's gonna be a full house this weekend - the Kida are home from their European honeymoon and the nephew is bringing his girlfriend home for the week - though they are staying at the lake cottae there's no hot water - so we suspect they will be there only to sleep.

I'm gonna go to 1842.


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