Lyrics & Knowledge Personal Pages Record Shop Auction Links Radio & Media Kids Membership Help
The Mudcat Cafemuddy

Post to this Thread - Printer Friendly - Home
Page: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37] [38] [39] [40] [41] [42] [43] [44] [45] [46] [47] [48] [49] [50] [51] [52] [53] [54] [55] [56] [57] [58] [59] [60] [61] [62] [63] [64] [65] [66] [67] [68] [69] [70] [71] [72] [73] [74] [75] [76] [77] [78] [79] [80] [81] [82] [83] [84] [85] [86] [87] [88] [89] [90] [91] [92] [93] [94] [95] [96] [97] [98] [99] [100] [101] [102] [103] [104] [105] [106] [107] [108] [109] [110] [111] [112] [113] [114] [115] [116] [117] [118] [119] [120] [121] [122] [123] [124] [125] [126] [127] [128] [129] [130] [131] [132] [133] [134] [135] [136] [137] [138] [139] [140] [141] [142] [143] [144] [145] [146] [147] [148] [149] [150] [151] [152] [153] [154] [155] [156] [157] [158] [159] [160] [161] [162] [163] [164] [165] [166] [167] [168] [169] [170] [171] [172] [173] [174] [175] [176] [177] [178] [179] [180] [181] [182] [183] [184] [185] [186] [187] [188] [189] [190] [191] [192] [193] [194] [195] [196] [197] [198] [199] [200] [201] [202] [203] [204] [205] [206] [207] [208] [209] [210] [211] [212] [213] [214] [215] [216] [217] [218] [219] [220] [221] [222] [223] [224] [225] [226] [227] [228] [229] [230] [231] [232] [233] [234] [235] [236] [237] [238] [239] [240] [241] [242] [243] [244] [245] [246] [247] [248] [249] [250] [251] [252] [253] [254] [255] [256] [257] [258] [259] [260] [261] [262] [263] [264] [265] [266] [267] [268] [269] [270] [271] [272] [273] [274] [275] [276] [277] [278] [279] [280] [281] [282] [283] [284] [285] [286] [287] [288] [289] [290] [291] [292] [293] [294] [295] [296] [297] [298] [299] [300] [301] [302] [303] [304] [305] [306] [307] [308] [309] [310] [311] [312] [313] [314] [315] [316] [317] [318] [319] [320] [321] [322] [323] [324] [325] [326] [327] [328] [329] [330] [331] [332] [333] [334] [335] [336] [337] [338] [339] [340] [341] [342] [343] [344] [345] [346] [347] [348] [349] [350] [351] [352] [353] [354] [355] [356] [357] [358] [359] [360] [361] [362] [363] [364] [365] [366] [367] [368] [369] [370] [371] [372] [373] [374] [375] [376] [377] [378] [379] [380] [381] [382] [383] [384] [385] [386] [387] [388] [389] [390] [391] [392] [393] [394] [395] [396] [397] [398] [399] [400] [401] [402] [403] [404] [405] [406] [407] [408] [409] [410] [411] [412] [413] [414] [415] [416] [417] [418] [419] [420] [421] [422] [423] [424] [425] [426] [427] [428] [429] [430] [431] [432] [433] [434] [435] [436] [437] [438] [439] [440] [441] [442] [443] [444] [445] [446] [447] [448] [449] [450] [451] [452] [453] [454] [455] [456] [457] [458] [459] [460] [461] [462] [463] [464] [465] [466] [467] [468] [469] [470] [471] [472] [473] [474] [475] [476] [477] [478] [479] [480] [481] [482] [483] [484] [485] [486] [487] [488] [489] [490] [491] [492] [493] [494] [495] [496] [497] [498] [499] [500] [501] [502] [503] [504] [505] [506] [507] [508] [509] [510] [511] [512] [513] [514] [515] [516] [517] [518] [519] [520] [521] [522] [523] [524] [525] [526] [527] [528] [529] [530] [531] [532] [533] [534] [535] [536] [537] [538] [539] [540] [541] [542] [543] [544] [545] [546] [547] [548] [549] [550] [551] [552] [553] [554] [555] [556] [557] [558] [559] [560] [561] [562] [563] [564] [565] [566] [567] [568] [569] [570] [571] [572] [573] [574] [575] [576] [577] [578] [579] [580] [581] [582] [583] [584] [585] [586] [587] [588] [589] [590] [591] [592] [593] [594] [595] [596] [597] [598] [599] [600] [601] [602] [603] [604] [605] [606] [607] [608] [609] [610] [611] [612] [613] [614] [615] [616] [617] [618] [619] [620] [621] [622] [623] [624] [625] [626] [627] [628] [629] [630] [631] [632] [633] [634] [635] [636] [637] [638] [639] [640] [641] [642] [643] [644] [645] [646] [647] [648] [649] [650] [651] [652] [653] [654] [655] [656] [657] [658] [659] [660] [661] [662] [663] [664] [665] [666] [667] [668] [669] [670] [671] [672] [673] [674] [675] [676] [677] [678] [679] [680] [681] [682] [683] [684] [685] [686] [687] [688] [689] [690] [691] [692] [693] [694] [695] [696] [697] [698] [699] [700] [701] [702] [703] [704] [705] [706] [707] [708] [709] [710] [711] [712] [713] [714] [715] [716] [717] [718] [719] [720] [721] [722] [723] [724] [725] [726] [727] [728] [729] [730] [731] [732] [733] [734] [735] [736] [737] [738] [739] [740] [741] [742] [743] [744] [745] [746] [747] [748] [749] [750] [751] [752] [753] [754] [755] [756] [757] [758] [759] [760] [761] [762] [763] [764] [765] [766] [767] [768] [769] [770] [771] [772] [773] [774] [775] [776] [777] [778] [779] [780] [781] [782] [783] [784] [785] [786] [787] [788] [789] [790] [791] [792] [793] [794] [795] [796] [797] [798] [799] [800] [801] [802] [803] [804] [805] [806] [807] [808] [809] [810] [811] [812] [813] [814] [815] [816] [817] [818] [819] [820] [821] [822] [823] [824] [825] [826] [827] [828] [829] [830] [831] [832] [833] [834] [835] [836] [837] [838] [839] [840] [841] [842] [843] [844] [845] [846] [847] [848] [849] [850] [851] [852] [853] [854] [855] [856] [857] [858] [859] [860] [861] [862] [863] [864] [865] [866] [867] [868] [869] [870] [871] [872] [873] [874] [875] [876] [877] [878] [879] [880] [881] [882] [883] [884] [885] [886] [887] [888] [889] [890] [891] [892] [893] [894] [895] [896] [897] [898] [899] [900] [901] [902] [903] [904] [905] [906] [907] [908] [909] [910] [911] [912] [913] [914] [915] [916] [917] [918] [919] [920] [921] [922] [923] [924] [925] [926] [927] [928] [929] [930] [931] [932] [933] [934] [935] [936] [937] [938] [939] [940] [941] [942] [943] [944] [945] [946] [947] [948] [949] [950] [951] [952] [953] [954] [955] [956] [957] [958] [959] [960] [961] [962] [963] [964] [965] [966] [967] [968] [969] [970] [971] [972] [973] [974] [975] [976] [977] [978] [979] [980] [981] [982] [983] [984] [985] [986] [987] [988] [989] [990] [991] [992] [993] [994] [995] [996] [997] [998] [999] [1000] [1001] [1002] [1003] [1004] [1005] [1006] [1007] [1008] [1009] [1010] [1011] [1012] [1013] [1014] [1015] [1016] [1017] [1018] [1019] [1020] [1021] [1022] [1023] [1024] [1025] [1026] [1027] [1028] [1029] [1030] [1031] [1032] [1033] [1034] [1035] [1036] [1037] [1038] [1039] [1040] [1041] [1042] [1043] [1044] [1045] [1046] [1047] [1048] [1049] [1050] [1051] [1052] [1053] [1054] [1055] [1056] [1057] [1058] [1059] [1060] [1061] [1062] [1063] [1064] [1065] [1066] [1067] [1068] [1069] [1070] [1071] [1072] [1073] [1074] [1075] [1076] [1077] [1078] [1079] [1080] [1081] [1082] [1083] [1084] [1085] [1086] [1087] [1088] [1089] [1090] [1091] [1092] [1093] [1094] [1095] [1096] [1097] [1098] [1099] [1100] [1101] [1102] [1103] [1104] [1105] [1106] [1107] [1108] [1109] [1110] [1111] [1112] [1113] [1114] [1115] [1116] [1117] [1118] [1119] [1120] [1121] [1122] [1123] [1124] [1125] [1126] [1127] [1128] [1129] [1130] [1131] [1132] [1133] [1134]


BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:20 PM
gnu 17 Oct 16 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:59 AM
Rapparee 17 Oct 16 - 09:52 AM
gnu 16 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Oct 16 - 05:24 PM
gnu 16 Oct 16 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 16 Oct 16 - 04:38 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 16 Oct 16 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 15 Oct 16 - 10:42 PM
gnu 15 Oct 16 - 01:05 PM
Acme 15 Oct 16 - 10:44 AM
Rapparee 15 Oct 16 - 10:08 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 15 Oct 16 - 08:40 AM
Rapparee 14 Oct 16 - 08:18 PM
gnu 14 Oct 16 - 03:47 PM
gnu 14 Oct 16 - 03:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Oct 16 - 01:17 PM
Vashta Nerada 14 Oct 16 - 01:07 PM
Amos 13 Oct 16 - 11:12 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 16 - 08:56 PM
Rapparee 13 Oct 16 - 08:37 PM
gnu 13 Oct 16 - 06:44 PM
Acme 12 Oct 16 - 10:03 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 16 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 12 Oct 16 - 08:35 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Oct 16 - 08:24 PM
Donuel 12 Oct 16 - 03:32 PM
Amos 11 Oct 16 - 11:13 PM
Rapparee 11 Oct 16 - 09:45 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 Oct 16 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 10 Oct 16 - 09:14 PM
Acme 10 Oct 16 - 07:37 PM
Donuel 09 Oct 16 - 07:19 PM
Amos 09 Oct 16 - 07:01 PM
Rapparee 09 Oct 16 - 06:00 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Oct 16 - 03:02 PM
gnu 09 Oct 16 - 11:56 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Oct 16 - 11:22 PM
Amos 08 Oct 16 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 08 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Oct 16 - 05:45 PM
keberoxu 08 Oct 16 - 03:17 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 16 - 09:53 PM
Rapparee 07 Oct 16 - 10:00 AM
gnu 06 Oct 16 - 06:02 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Oct 16 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 06 Oct 16 - 09:26 AM
Acme 05 Oct 16 - 10:13 PM
Rapparee 05 Oct 16 - 09:11 PM
Lyrics & Knowledge Search [Advanced]
DT  Forum
Sort (Forum) by:relevance date
DT Lyrics:






Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:20 PM

No, that's just what the record tells you. "Sonny's croaked, kicked the bucket. Sonny's croaked, kicked the bucket." Over and over, as sung by Alvin and the Chipmunks.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 04:52 PM

SONNY DIED? Does Cher know? I mean, she's always off to some fancy resort, skiing and such, so???


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:59 AM

Besides, if you play "Boogie With Canned Heat" backwards and speed it up to 78rpm Alvin and Chipmunks send you a secret Satanic message about bath soap and tell you that Sonny Bono is dead.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Oct 16 - 09:52 AM

Well, boogie on down and get one! Vinyl's back, man!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM

I have that album. I don't know why. Been at least 40 years since I listened to it. I don't even have a platter any more.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 05:24 PM

"And don't forget to boogie!"

Canned Heat, Boogie With Canned Heat, 1968


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 05:19 PM

My pill! Thanks!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 04:38 PM

Remember the Maine! Remember Pearl Harbor! Remember to wear your rubbers! Remember to take your pills!

So much to remember....


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 16 Oct 16 - 02:43 PM

And here I find poor old Mom at the bottom of the pile, about to be crushed by the unbearable weight of all the heavy discussion in the threads above. Well, Mom will endure! The weight of three Donald Trump threads, two Anglocentric threads that mean nothing to Americans, and something about teaching a youth to cook cannot keep our Mom from rising to the top once again! Rise, Mom, rise! Remember the Alamo! Look for the union label! Drink Blatz beer!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 16 - 10:42 PM

Want to have fun? Check out the governing boards of each of the companies. See who sits on what board...you'll find a huge crossover. Now compare those people to those who donate to politicians.

Always: Forget the woman, follow the money.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Oct 16 - 01:05 PM

BWL... Herring Chokers go further than that when they talk about Irving "ownership". It's not just what but also who. BTW, if you care to read any of the linked *PARTIAL* list, look at Brunswick News (scroll down a wee touch). And, I don't think it includes the oil refinery in Ireland they just bought.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irving_Group_of_Companies


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Oct 16 - 10:44 AM

Had an interesting conversation about tea yesterday. I shop for bulk tea, good spices, fresh pita and other Middle Eastern breads at a Halal market near work. After a lunch at their next door restaurant (no menu, just a buffet, and the ladies behind the counter will tell you what each dish is) I did some shopping, and compared the tea classifications I was finding on the containers (something you WON'T, to my knowledge, EVER find on a box of Lipton). A young Arab man entered the aisle and we struck up a conversation. At one point, one of us picked up a bagged package of loose tea and pointed at the label to illustrate what we knew about that particular grade of tea. We passed it back and forth between use several times, each time the bag was flipped so whoever held the bag could read the language on top, English or Arabic. In the end he chose the Arabic version of Lipton (he needed tea bags this time, apparently).


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Oct 16 - 10:08 AM

Another piece of useful information to the Children of Mom: if for some reason you have been logged out, you cannot log out again no matter how hard you try. Mom insists that you must log in to log out.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 15 Oct 16 - 08:40 AM

Cosmic coincidence! I'm reading a book set in New Brunswick. One of the characters mentions Irving as "owning the entire province". Had it not been for gnu's very recent mention of Irving on this thread I would have had no idea what he was talking about. To the best of my knowledge, that is the first time anything vaguely resembling useful information has been imparted via The Mother of All BS Threads. Thanks, gnu! Thank's Mom! Thanks Evil Overlord!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Oct 16 - 08:18 PM

Unilever: Owner of Red Rose tea, Canada's favourite brand.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 16 - 03:47 PM

Irving... largest private land owner on earth. Resistance is futile.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Oct 16 - 03:42 PM

Can you take a shower and watch big screen TV in the truckers' lounge too? Irving... taking over one province and state at a time.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Oct 16 - 01:17 PM

We have several "gas station" restaurants around here. When stricter regulations on underground fuel storage tanks went into effect, a lot of marginally profitable stations chose to close instead of installing expensive new tanks. The buildings went up for sale cheap, and a number of them were turned into eateries.

We also have a carwash restaurant. It's an AYCE Thai buffet that shares a building with a carwash. You can gorge yourself on spring rolls and curry while watching cars go through the carwash side. And there are even windows between the two businesses so you don't have to worry about getting suds in your peanut sauce.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Vashta Nerada
Date: 14 Oct 16 - 01:07 PM

Enjoy Arizona! A friend from work is on vacation there, sending blow-by-blow text files with photos, just to make me jealous.

Rap, North Tejas has a lot of gas station restaurants also. There is one near me that I've frequented for some pretty darned good gyros.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Oct 16 - 11:12 PM

Adieu, dear Mom, at last, farewell
I take the high road (not known well)
To wander down the eastern way
To the hills of Arizon-i-ay.
ANd when I'm there I'll sleep and dine
Enjoy good coffee, and good wine,
Saguaro hills, red rocks, and then
I'll turn and head out West again!


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 16 - 08:56 PM

Iffen somebody comes a-visitin' I generally take 'em to either the Legion Hovel or to the gas station to eat. The Hovel is in a bit of a mess right now, 'cause Squirrel Tooth Alice* says Long Slim Jym didn't pay her and she took it out on him in the barroom with several chairs, a couple of tables, a bung starter, and a few other things before she threw him through the window to the patio below.



*Real name Elizabeth "Libby" Thompson.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Oct 16 - 08:37 PM

Makes sense. Probably too much sense.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Oct 16 - 06:44 PM

Love the cart. Gonna go after the new manager at Sobeys about it. Yup, a new manager. Doug got the manager position at the Riverview store. Hope Chris is as good.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 10:03 PM

Calm yourself, Rap, and instead gaze upon the cleverness of Caroline's Cart (not my Caroline, but she is clever enough to design this, should the need arise). THIS is what MOM could ride around in.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 09:14 PM

I meant to mention this before but forgot.

I was in the store, just cruising the rows to see if I needed anything other than what was on the list, when I was stopped by the Gatorade display.

There it was. A flavor called "Fierce Melon."

Several    images crowded my mind.

Now I'm afraid to go near the garden or walk through the produce section of the store.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 08:35 PM

We do not do that. We would not cut away anyone's male reproductive organs. No, We insist that Our Imperial Torturer use a stump and a sledge hammer.



Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       ®       His mark


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 08:24 PM

Donuel made post #55155! And that's after Rap called dibs on all posts ending in 55 through 55955. Boy, is he gonna be pissed! And he's been practicin' up on all that Evil Overlord shit. Been nice knowin' ya, Don. Enjoy your slavery. I hear castration only hurts for a few days.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 Oct 16 - 03:32 PM

I have half a tube of oil paint my mother used called Mummy Brown.
They actually used ground up mummy wrappings.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Oct 16 - 11:13 PM

Jay Gould's daughter said before she dyed.
Three more hues that I have got to try!
Jay Gould said "Honey, what could they be?"
"Oh, Brandywine, Regal and Ivory!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Oct 16 - 09:45 AM

Lead acetate? No wonder they use more modern dyes. I just happen to have a packet of Turkey Red Putnam dye. It will go in my dye box.

"And when I dye,
And when I've dyed, dyed, and gone...."


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 Oct 16 - 11:53 PM

The process of creating Turkey Red fabric involves steeping the fabric several times in a hot liquor made of sheep shit and olive oil. No lie. Look it up yourself.

Now we know where Papa John's got the recipe for that nasty "dipping sauce" that comes with their pizzas.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Oct 16 - 09:14 PM

Yes, it has been quite a day. For one thing, my wife left me. Or rather, I took her to the bus which will take her to airport so she can fly to Chicago where a friend will pick her up tomorrow so they can drive to Lincoln, Nebraska for a conference at the International Quilt Study Center at U. Nebraska on the use of Turkey Red fabrics in quiltmaking. The moderator is coming from the Musée de l'Impression sur Etoffes in Mulhouse, France.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Oct 16 - 07:37 PM

Gotcha! MOM almost toppled off the page. It has been a difficult day for getting through, but still, we want to avoid a splat that size if we can.

Lovely fall weather is here, frisky dogs need a walk. I wonder if MOM would like to go walk with us, or if I'd have to bundle her into her purloined shopping cart and push her instead?


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 09 Oct 16 - 07:19 PM

Rap will you ever release Hi-Tech Poetry about the perils of tech vs. literature?

This mudcat poem hit close to home

Have you ever tried to sing a song,
And all at once the words are gone,      
And though you try to carry on
And finish anyway
Still everyone is watching you
"I wonder what he's going to do?"               
You wish the ground could swallow you.
And let you crawl away.
You feel quite naked and perplexed,
You've quite forgot your tuneful text,
You're standing there in dumb despair,
You don't know what comes next
It's like you've stepped upon a stair,
And found too late there's nothing there,
Your feet and mind are re-aligned ?
It's all just empty air.

It happened just like that one night,
The words just went out like a light,
I think they thought that I was tight,
And I could take no more.
So I bought myself a glass of beer,
And set it underneath my chair,
Then kicked it over, unaware,
It splattered on the floor.
And didn't I feel sore and vexed
My friendly drink was quite upset,
"Last Orders, Sir" ? so no more beer.
Oh what would hit me next?
Like I had stepped upon a stair,
And found too late there's nothing there,
A vacant glass, alack alas,
All full of empty air.

But now I'll cut my story short,
I'll spare you all the full report,
But all at once I had a thought -
My cup might overflow,
But didn't Jean Paul Sartre say
There's things against us everyday
No use to grumble anyway,
Philosophy can show,
When things fall out that can't be fixed.
No earthly use in getting vexed,
Just shake your head, and go to bed,
And wait for what comes next.
And when you step upon a stair,
And find too late there's nothing there,
No good to rage, or shake your cage ?
It's only empty air.


So if your words should fall apart,
Think on Napoleon Bonaparte,
And how at length he did depart
For Saint Helena's shores,
And did he rage and did he curse
Or did he mutter something worse?
Oh no, he sang a tuneful verse,
Rehearsing all his wars.
And in the South Atlantic he
Displayed such equanimity,
His hand he pressed across his chest -
And gazed out at the sea.
So when you step upon a stair,
And find too late there's nothing there,
You took a dare without a care
Down through the empty air.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Oct 16 - 07:01 PM

It is clear that R's lifelong ambition is to actually become a Neevil Villain. Neevil Villains are in short supply, since any movie worth its salt uses a couple up and they tend not to reproduce and produce mini-neevils. And R is certainly qualified for the position, after all the study and stumbling neophyte practice sessions he has gone through. Watching him struggle toward his goal these many years has been something like listening to the neighbor's quintuplets take up trumpet in third grade. One just grits one's teeth and bears it, hoping against hope that signs of quality will eventually appear.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Oct 16 - 06:00 PM

Fifty more:

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Oct 16 - 03:02 PM

"I will not turn into a snake. It never helps."

Not exactly true. It may help in some circumstances, but never if one's opponent speaks with a pronounced Austrian accent, and is destined to someday become governor of California. Turning into a snake when confronted by any character played by Woody Allen is probably a pretty safe strategy.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Oct 16 - 11:56 AM

"No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head."

Ooooo... THAT'S tempting.

#46 is my favourite.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Oct 16 - 11:22 PM

"Evil Overlord don't need no steenkin' votes!"


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Oct 16 - 10:39 PM

See, this is why no one votes for R. as Evil Overlord. He has no sense of style or how the role should be played out.

A


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Oct 16 - 10:33 PM

We feel that Our miserable subject, Bee Dubya Ell, must be referred to Our Imperial Torturer. It is Our pleasure that he, she, or it be so detained until he, she, or it recognizes Our imperiality. It is Our wish that this be done with the utmost expediency, as an example must be made.


Emperor Rapparee, Imperious Rex       (r)       His alternate mark


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Oct 16 - 05:45 PM

Oh, is the Rap for Emperor thread still around? I've been so busy ignoring it that I hadn't really noticed.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Oct 16 - 03:17 PM

Such is Rapparee's generosity, that instead of hoarding his Evil Overlord pronouncements on his Rap for Emperor thread, he shares them here to keep MOAB from dropping out of sight.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 16 - 09:53 PM

The Top 50 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

    My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

    My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

    My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

    Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

    I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

    When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

    After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

    I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

    I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

    I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

    One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

    All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

    The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

    I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

    I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

    When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

    I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

    I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

    Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

    I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

    No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

    I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

    I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

    No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

    No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

    I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

    My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

    I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

    All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

    All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

    I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

    I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

    I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

    I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

    I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

    If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

    If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

    If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

    I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

    Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

    When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

    I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

    I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

    I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

    If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

    If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

    I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

    If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

    My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Oct 16 - 10:00 AM

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Lt. Uhura, report.
There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Analysis, Mr. Spock.
It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.

Medical update, Dr. McCoy.
It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

It's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, Jim.

Starship Captain, James T. Kirk:
Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, men.

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, scrape 'em off, Jim.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, and things are getting worse!

Engineer, Mr. Scott:
Ye cannot change the laws of physics, laws of physics, laws of physics;
ye cannot cahnge the laws of physics, laws of physics, Jim.

Ah! We come in peace, shoot to kill, shoot to kill, shoot to kill;
we come in peace, shoot to kill; Scotty, beam me up!

It's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead, Jim;
it's worse than that, he's dead, Jim, dead, Jim, dead.

Well, it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's life, Jim, but not as we know it, not as we know it, Captain.

There's Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow;
there's Klingons on the starboard bow, better calm down!

Ye cannot change the script Jim.
Och, #!*& Jimmy.

It's worse than that, it's physics, Jim.

Bridge to engine room, warp factor 9.

Och, if I give it any more she'll blow, Cap'n!

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward 'cause we can't find reverse.

Star Trekkin' across the universe,
On the Starship Enterprise under Captain Kirk.
Star Trekkin' across the universe,
Only going forward, still can't find reverse.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Oct 16 - 06:02 PM

Plant some whacky tabaccy round the pond and they'll all go cotton-mouth 'n won't bite shit man, 'cept some munchies man. Put out some Lay's Lightly Salted and they'll be mellow and healthy.

http://www.myrtlebeachwebdesign.com/koala-lizard.html


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Oct 16 - 03:24 PM

No, I shall not be wet by Matthew. The nearest it will come to me is the Jacksonville area, which is 350 miles away.

And my life has been relatively free of nasty reptiles for a few months. My pond developed a leak which was keeping a stretch of my unpaved 1/4 mile long driveway perpetually wet and boggy. So I let the pond dry up, allowing a bunch of ornamental fish to become heron food, and prompting all the cottonmouths to seek more productive feeding grounds. I just resealed the pond yesterday, and am refilling it sans fish. The cottonmouths may stop in to check it out upon occasion, but with no ready food source, they probably won't be inclined to set up housekeeping.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Oct 16 - 09:26 AM

He'll be okay. He lives in a swamp, like Pogo and those Duck Dynasty folks. If the water comes up he might have to rassle some gators, but he has to do that whenever he trudges to the mailbox.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Oct 16 - 10:13 PM

Bee-dubya-ell you may end up soggy. Stay safe.


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Oct 16 - 09:11 PM

In memory of Oscar Brand:

Oh, the minstrels sing of an English King of many long years ago
Who ruled his land with an iron hand though his mind was weak and low.
He love to shag the royal stag that roamed the royal wood,
But better yet to lie in bed and pull the royal pud.
His only outer garment was a dirty undershirt
That managed to hide the royal pride but couldn't hide the dirt.

Chorus:
He was wild and woolly and full of fleas
And his terrible tool hung down to his knees---
God bless the Bastard king of England.

Oh, the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane,
And a sprightly dame was she;
Who loved to fool with the royal tool
Of the King across the sea.
So she sent a royal message by a royal messenger
To ask the King to bring his ding and spend a night with her.
(Cho.)

When Philip of France heard this, by chance
He declared, before his court:
"The Queen prefers my rival, because my dong is short."
So he sent the Count of Zippity-Zap to slip the Queen a dose of
the clap
To pass it to the Bastard King of England. (Cho.)

When the King of England heard of this, he was walking through his halls
And he up and swore by the royal whore that he'd have the Frenchman's balls
He offered up both half his lands and a piece of the Queen Hortense
To any British subject who'd de-nut the King of France. (Cho.)

Well the Earl of Sussex heard of this and straight-aways went to
France
Where he swore he was a fairy, so the King let down his pants,
He knotted a thong around that prong, and jumped on his horse, and rode along
And dragged him to the bastard king of England. (Cho.)
When the King of England saw this sight, he shit all over the floor,
For during the ride, his rival's pride had stretched a yard or more
Then the merry maids of England, came down from London town
And shouted 'round the castle walls "To Hell with the British crown!"

And Philip of France usurped the throne, his scepter was the royal bone
By which he'd bitched the bastard King of England! (Cho.)


Post - Top - Home - Printer Friendly - Translate
Next Page

 


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.


You must be a member to post in non-music threads. Join here.



Mudcat time: 22 October 12:33 AM EDT

[ Home ]

All original material is copyright © 1998 by the Mudcat Café Music Foundation, Inc. All photos, music, images, etc. are copyright © by their rightful owners. Every effort is taken to attribute appropriate copyright to images, content, music, etc. We are not a copyright resource.