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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 14 Feb 11 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 11 - 07:54 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 14 Feb 11 - 05:59 PM
GUEST,Dale 14 Feb 11 - 04:57 PM
gnu 14 Feb 11 - 04:21 PM
Amos 14 Feb 11 - 03:21 PM
Amos 14 Feb 11 - 03:20 PM
Amos 14 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 11 - 02:42 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 11 - 12:46 PM
GUEST,Sheryl Backwater 14 Feb 11 - 12:43 PM
Amos 14 Feb 11 - 12:40 PM
Eiseley 14 Feb 11 - 11:59 AM
Amos 14 Feb 11 - 11:55 AM
Rapparee 14 Feb 11 - 08:45 AM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 11 - 12:29 AM
Acme 13 Feb 11 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 11 - 10:36 PM
Amos 13 Feb 11 - 10:20 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM
Acme 13 Feb 11 - 08:33 PM
Amos 13 Feb 11 - 08:11 PM
gnu 13 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM
gnu 13 Feb 11 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 11 - 01:54 PM
Amos 13 Feb 11 - 01:36 PM
gnu 13 Feb 11 - 11:18 AM
Acme 13 Feb 11 - 01:13 AM
Rapparee 12 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 11 - 06:38 PM
Eiseley 12 Feb 11 - 06:34 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 11 - 06:32 PM
Eiseley 12 Feb 11 - 06:27 PM
gnu 12 Feb 11 - 04:23 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 11 - 03:54 PM
gnu 12 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 11 - 02:33 PM
Eiseley 12 Feb 11 - 02:29 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 11 - 11:33 AM
Amos 12 Feb 11 - 11:06 AM
Acme 11 Feb 11 - 09:17 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 08:46 PM
gnu 11 Feb 11 - 08:37 PM
Amos 11 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM
GUEST,Dale 11 Feb 11 - 06:41 PM
GUEST 11 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 11 - 05:57 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 08:35 PM

What? Did I just here a strainge flippin' noise in my ear? It must be the naybors dog barkin'. Hey, Don! That flippin' dog is barkin' again! Get the BB gun!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 07:54 PM

Shame, unless you have an identical twin brother -- you're a daddy. If you DO have an identical twin brother you might want to have a little talk with him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 05:59 PM

I am real sorry about them harsh words I, like, said too, eh, Dale? I would love to see that new bogger of yourn, man. It sounds flippin' amazing! I figger it is a good time to, like, brawdin my, like, herizens, eh? So I figger on a road trip Down East and we will come visit youse fer sure. I hope ya got lots of beer.

Now that I know that Sheryl is only, like, 17 I am quite totally sure that it musta been someone else that she was with, eh? Definately not ME. No WAY, eh? You cannot trust them jeanetic tests because of how the jeans get spread all over, so I figger her Dad is majerly on the wrong track here, but bein' as how he is a stubbern fliphead who don't know how to cam down and look at things logical, like, I figger there aint' no use in talkin' to him about it, know'msayin'? It woudl be like talkin' to a flippin' pit bull.

I gotta arrange things with Don and we will come down soon and do a flippin' pig roast with youse guys! I will bring my Jap Telecaster that I found a while back, okay? Rock on!!!

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dale
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 04:57 PM

17? Well then, no way we had any relshions Sheryl. When I got the condams outta yer purse yer ID said you were 19. I am reely careful about these things on accounta my loyer told me I gotta never do that agin or I'll never get outta jail agin. Musta bin another Sheryl.

Shane... I am sorry for the misunderstadin. I hope we can still be frends. If ya get a chance ta get Down Home, bring Don and we'll go up ta Del's camp and fire up the new bogger. Ya gotta see this ride man. 36 inch mudders and 4 ton Warn's front and back with rased pullies sos ya can lift er straight up a pine. I prefer a silver birch of course but most a them are cut sept near water and that's where the wardens hang out lookin fer jackers.

Anyway, Daisy took me back so I gotta lay low fer a while. Bear season starts in April so it'll be at least then. Let me know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 04:21 PM

"... three carefully researched essays, about 12 to 15 pages each, all to be turned in by early next Monday morning."

Good lord! I find that a tad silly (you are working a 40 hour week at the liberry too?). I was gonna say, "What a buncha pricks!" but I am a gentleman I am.

When I did my masters in Engineering I had to give at least five 30 minute presentaions a week as well as attened a minimum of 36 credit hours of classes but I was a full time student on a paid Assistanceship.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 03:21 PM

Three and nine
And six-six-oh!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 03:20 PM

Mom, oh, Mom, dear Mom of mine....
Won't you be my Valentine?
For your gift, I will bestow...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM

Said Sister Maria was once much younger--back just after the War she survived the ebbs and flows of military might across the borders once trampled by the Huns. In a human interest story, her then Mothert Superior was interviewed by a London reporter about the tribulations experienced by the sisters during the War.

"Vel, ya know, first ting, da Chermans swept down into Macedonia and camped all dere troops and tanks in der orchards, ate up the pigs and chickens and raped all der nuns, except for Sister Maria Cyrilla ."

"Den der partisans rose up and camped in der forest behind the convent. At night dey came down and swept up all der chickens and piugs to eat, and raped all der nuns. Except for Sister Maria Cyrilla ."

"My God!" said the reporter. "How terrible!!"

"Oh, ya. Den der Chermans drove de partisans out and moved into der orchard again, ate up der cows and raped all der nuns, Except for Sister Maria Cyrilla ."

"Wow! What happened next??"

"Vell, once der Allies came up through Italy and drove de Chermans back to Berlin, part ofd the American Army moved in to liberate the country, undt DEY parked deir trucks in der orchard and ate all der apples and chickens, and raped all der nuns. Except for Sister Maria Cyrilla ."

"This sister-- did you say Sister Maria Cyrilla ? -- must be very holy indeed to have been left unscathed through all these horrible events!!"

"Ya, vell, ya know... Sister Maria Cyrilla --she doesn't go in for dot kind of thing....".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 02:42 PM

PRILEP, Yugoslavia (AP) -- Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border between Greece and strife-torn Yugoslavia, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning more than 2,000 years.

When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia.

However, that isn't likely to happen soon as Sister Maria, 53, enjoys
excellent health.

By her own estimate, she walks 10 miles daily about the grounds of the
convent, which once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times, a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site. Historians say that Attila took over the old temple in 439 A.D. and used it as a base for his marauding army.

The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site.

It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system, and
had the writs and other documents brought to the temple. Scholars
differ on why he had the valuable documents destroyed--either because he was barely literate and couldn't read them, or because they provided evidence of democratic government that did not square with his own notion of rule by an all-powerful tyrant.

When the Greek church took over the site in the 15th Century and the
convent was built, church leaders ordered the pagan statue of Eros
destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was lost. Today, there is only the lone sister, watching over the old Hun base.

And that's how it ends: No Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on
base.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 12:46 PM

Oh, dear. I have a feeling Shane will be taking another lengthy road trip shortly. Anyone got spare change to help him along the way?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Sheryl Backwater
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 12:43 PM

Shane, you are the one who Knoked Me Up. Daddy payed for a jeanetic test an the docs used spit off the sigarette but you left to get your dne. It is your kid, Shane and the docs say it will be twins girls. You better call my daddy befour he cals the polise and has you charjed with Stuff becasue I am only 17 years old and y9ou can go to prison and if you don't Do Right By Me daddy says he will 'shooot you down like trhe dog you are' and feed your body to the muskitoos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 12:40 PM

O, say a prayer for Kathy Eiseley
Who follows up her plan most wisely
And spurns pretensions (vain and dressy)
To focus on her Capstone essays!

Who will not let her brain-cells lock
By dousing them with floods of Bach
To keep the neurons and synapses
From generating mental lapses.

And, that her life should not grow duller
We hope, full-blown with flying colors,
Her efforts reach their culmination
In Eiseley's Epic Graduation!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 11:59 AM

Please take a moment to be glad you're not in graduate school. This week I have to complete my final Capstone examination. This entails writing three carefully researched essays, about 12 to 15 pages each, all to be turned in by early next Monday morning. I'll be working at home a couple of the days this week, and listening to Bach to build up the brain cells. Please give me plenty to laugh about as I work at composing intellectual BS(?) for my esteemed professors to read.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 11:55 AM

"To complete this difficult day, Lincoln received an obscene letter from a Mr. A. G. Frick. It began, "If you don't Resign we are going to put a spider in your dumpling and play the Devil with you," continued unprintably from there, and concluded with "god dam a fool and goddam Abe Lincoln.""...

"...Lincoln tried to make the best of it. Speaking from the rear platform, he saw a very tall coal miner named Henry Dillon. One of them ? the sources are unclear ? said to the other, "I want to shake hands with you; I can lick salt off the top of your head!" That was the invitation to a height contest, which Lincoln barely won, to the huge enjoyment of the crowd. "



   Both from the NYT current column on the evolution of the Civil War.

But what I really want to know is, when did we stop breeding such poets in our streets and how did we kill the music of the ordinary tongue? Spider in your dumpling, indeed!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 08:45 AM

Think of how far he could have gone if he'd pushed Shame off that cliff when he was five years old....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 11 - 12:29 AM

Yes, that was one of Shane's really spectacular exploits, Rap. It has left an indelible impression on the inhabitants of the entire region. As you say, he is banned from entering Italian restaurants. He's been banned from the "liberry" too, and from a number of drinking establishments. He may soon achieve the great accomplishment of being banned from more places of business than he is allowed into. He's teetering on the edge at Tim Horton's!

Fortunately, Don can still go to these various places, with the exception of one of the largest Sudbury liquor stores. They haven't forgiven either Shane or Don for the great "school bus/liquor store" robbery of some years back. Don has learned his lesson since then, and he doesn't take Shane along when he's got a really good plan worked out for a successful heist...because "the little brother" always has a way of screwing things up somehow. In the case of the liquor store/school bus robbery, for instance, Shane suggested that they start drinking in the school bus while the robbery was still underway rather than do it after arriving home with all the booze and ditching the school bus somewhere! They did as Shane suggested, and things got a wee bit out of hand.

Just think how far Don could have gone in life by now if he'd have thought of that, say, 10 or 15 years ago...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 11:57 PM

Dishing up the straight lines for nearly 40,000 posts and counting. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 10:36 PM

But what really got Shame banned from every Italian restaurant in Ontario east to the Maritimes was that when he reached the end he pulled it all back out. He was started to re-suck the noodles when the police escorted him, weeping and sobbing over "losing his sucky", out of the building.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 10:20 PM

So AL lost one of his few friends; in spite of having his own restaurant, he was always asking people to take him out to eat, and it eventually drove them away...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 10:11 PM

Al Fresco runs an Italian food joint in Blind River. Shame was tossed outa there years ago, when he tied all of his spaghetti strands together, stood on the table, and yelled, "Watch me suck!" His suckyness caused neighboring diners to tie their strands onto the end of Shame's, and he ended up sucking for three hours. Afterward he was known as "The Biggest Sucker In Blind River" and "The King Of Suck", titles which he still holds today (nobody else wants them).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 08:33 PM

After a couple of weeks of misery, we're due some good weather, and it looks like the goddess of sunny days is going to accommodate us. MOM, it may be too soon to set up the inflatable pool, but you can at least pull the tarps off of a couple of the chairs and a table out on the sun porch. It looks like a good week for lunch al fresco.

Don't tell Shane, he'll think "al fresco" is some kind of drink and come around to mooch some off of Little Hawk. He's such a soft touch. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 08:11 PM

My fire of Passion, sighes of ayre,
Water of teares, and earthly sad despaire,
         Which my materialls bee,
But ne'r worne out by lBS made too free,,
Shee, to my losse, doth by her death repaire,
   And I might live long wretched so
But that my fire doth with my fuell grow.
      Now as those Active Kings
   Whose foraine conquest treasure brings,
Receive more, and spend more, and soonest breake:
This (which I am amaz'd that I can speake)
      This death, hath with my store
         BS encreas'd.
And so my soule more earnestly releas'd,
Will outstrip hers; As bullets flowen before
A latter bullet may o'rtake, the pouder being more.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 02:19 PM

Who`s a Harry PotterÉ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 01:55 PM

BTW, I posted a link to one of her bits on the You Tube Gems thread a while back. Of course, you can just YT her. She is siriusly funny A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 01:54 PM

Is Sirius radio something Harry Potter's godfather runs?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 01:36 PM

I don't think she wants to be taken Siriusly, gnu....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 11:18 AM

SRS... I've been listening to her on Sirius radio. She's good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 11 - 01:13 AM

I'm going to pass along a site for Pat that Amos shared on facebook. I hadn't heard this woman before, but she is funny! Jeanne Robertson is from North Carolina, and she has such a common-sense delivery and classic timing that I think the endorphins from laughter will help Pat with her healing. And Rap, tell her not to call you "Left Brain" to your face. :)

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 10:35 PM

Ah, guys...in some countries the comma is used instead of a decimal point. E.g., 1,000 = 1.000.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 06:38 PM

Okay, gnu, someone else has made me a similar offer, only he said he wants $1,000 plus the painting (and I pay for shipping). I'm having a hard time deciding what to do, because I don't want this Shatner painting to be dishonored by parting with it for too small an amount of cash.

Decisions, decisions...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 06:34 PM

Wonderful news! Thank you for sharing.

Kathryn


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 06:32 PM

Clean node edges and a chance to send excised tissue to testing at OncotypeDX for genetic markers regarding recurrence of breast cancer. No, no swords that I know of but the doctor does have a really nice dog that I've met.

Why, I'd most druther have Pat around than a bottle of good Scotch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 06:27 PM

So, Rapparee, please tell us what your birthday present was that you got at the doctor's office. I hope it was great news about Pat and not that the surgeon has a cool collection of swords she shared with you.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 04:23 PM

Hey, Rap. If LH pays me $100 plus shipping to take it off his hands don't you be messin with the deal eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 03:54 PM

Gnu, you forgot the decimal point after the 1.

YES!! I am still here, even after my annual birthday orgy. Not even hung over! Well, maybe it wasn't quite the orgy it was some years ago. But I did have a very nice Reisling (the wine, not the gun) and a good dinner at PV's (they make their own tiramisu). My birthday present had come earlier in the week at the doctor's office.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 03:16 PM

I take it off yer hands fer $100 LH. But you gotta pay shipping too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 02:33 PM

I have a black velvet painting here of Shatner in a Speedo. It's priceless. I know that, because I have tried to sell it, and no one has made me an offer yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 02:29 PM

[In] search of rare and excellent treasures

Gold teeth?
Amalgam fillings?
Velvet paintings?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 11:33 AM

Ay-ay-ay-ay! Mis pantalones!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 11 - 11:06 AM

Hmmmm....a nugget from the seamy side!

Once again, my compadres and comadres, the time is upon us when I must sally bravely into the dark alleys of the Border Zone is search of rare and excellent treasures.

Oh, come with me to Mexico
Where the hurly-burly's bright
Where the streets of night light up like day
And honor is dark as night.
Where the bullets fly every by-and-by
And the gutters run with blood.
Ho, come with me to Mexico
'Cuz returning home feels good!
If you make it back past the border guards
And the goons of the HSA
To a place where drinking water's free
And the runners know their place.
(But where health care costs are out the roof
And will never likely slow!)
Oh come with me to Mexico,
Where the dental fees are low!
Away, in Mexico!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 09:17 PM

When I was crossing the country a couple of times a year I had a CB in my pickup. Used to talk to the guys sometimes. My favorite joke from those drives is this:










What's the ugliest thing on a naked woman?




































A Rodeway Driver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 08:46 PM

Oh? Really? Okay, I promise to be gentle when Daisy PMs me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 08:37 PM

LH... that speaks volumes. After all, like George Carlin said, all we really want is our thunder. I am paraphrasing of course. I am sure that there will hence be thunder stealing in one way or another in due time as oneupmanship seems to appeal as thunderous and becomes the order of day... and night... perhaps all will be silent... as if to ignore the thunder of others roars even more loud. There are those who would revel even in silence considereing it a tool of pojection of their own literary prowess rather than join in the banter at hand.

Given such, I expect Dale, Del, Daisy and their ilk shall refrain from airing their personal delicates in open forum in future. All tho, Daisy has been on the internut porn sites lately an she's curious about some stuff eh? She asked me some questions that really freaked me out and I told her to ask you on accounta you are a worldly kinda guy. So, if she PMs ya, be gentle eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 08:27 PM

Ya left out obedjence, dude!

For those who have a hunger for unnerstandin' here's a guide to the lingo. The use of obscure incomprehensible language is a specialty of certain parties who shall remain nameless.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 07:57 PM

I get you, Dale. ;-) I wouldn't waste any time over Shane's ranting if I were you. He is all talk and no action. He just needs to blow off steam, that's all. I think he's mad cos he thinks you stole his thunder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 06:46 PM

That is a very clever tale, Rapparee! ;-)

What I think women really want is this:

1. security (both financial and emotional)

2. love and appreciation from those whom they love

3. respect (which goes along with appreciation above)

4. and a good time (fun, in other words) (this can include all kinds of enjoyable activities from the most intimate to the social, the recreational, the cultural, etc., and it requires a partner with a good sense of humour, and who enjoys life).

I can understand perfectly well why they would want these things, by the way... ;-) It's pretty much what I want too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Dale
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 06:41 PM

That there talk at LH was me. I aint use ta this hi teck stuff. Loggin in an out means haulin pulp ta me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 06:31 PM

LH... 10-4 good buddy. I think Daisy and I will get back together anyway and clear the way for Shane ta dodge Sheryl on his own. I am comin ta think Sheryl is just a backwater slough in the stream of life on accounta she even admitted she coodnt hold her licker. Shit happens eh.

But if that McBride fellah rants anymore I ain't gonna take those threats too kindly. I am a gentleman an even said I would run but when it comes ta threats this here good ol Kent County boy is hard enuff to be turned upside downy an driven inta hard ground eh. An if he wants ta get Don on me I'll get Del ta remind him not ta fuck with eagles eh. Big brothers have the voice of reeson when they have a reeson eh.

Sins I ain't herd from Sheryl sins the last pickle park I gess I'll just head down east and hope she sends pics of the twins some day. I just hope they aint but ugly on accounta that wood meen it was not me what really did knock her up.

I gotta hit the tar if I am gonna make it to Winnepeg in time to freeze solid. If ya never bin ta Winnepeg in February dont.

Back out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 05:57 PM

This may or may not be apropos:

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






      




      




      




      


   

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?




      
Scroll down




         




      




The moral is....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 11 - 05:32 PM

And I'm not sure I can stand any more trucker lingo! Y' hear that, Dale?


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