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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 11 May 08 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:27 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:28 PM
Amos 11 May 08 - 10:23 PM
Acme 11 May 08 - 11:27 PM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 11:34 PM
Acme 11 May 08 - 11:50 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 08:27 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:06 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:12 AM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:29 AM
Amos 12 May 08 - 09:34 AM
Amos 12 May 08 - 12:36 PM
Acme 12 May 08 - 01:16 PM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 01:33 PM
Donuel 12 May 08 - 01:43 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 03:42 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 04:30 PM
Acme 12 May 08 - 05:30 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 05:41 PM
Rapparee 12 May 08 - 09:29 PM
Amos 12 May 08 - 10:25 PM
Acme 13 May 08 - 12:39 AM
Rapparee 13 May 08 - 09:01 AM
Amos 13 May 08 - 10:52 AM
Little Hawk 13 May 08 - 11:45 AM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:24 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:25 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:26 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:28 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 04:29 PM
Rapparee 13 May 08 - 04:33 PM
Acme 13 May 08 - 06:34 PM
Amos 13 May 08 - 09:38 PM
Rapparee 13 May 08 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 13 May 08 - 10:33 PM
Amos 14 May 08 - 02:00 AM
MMario 14 May 08 - 09:03 AM
Rapparee 14 May 08 - 09:35 AM
Amos 14 May 08 - 09:55 AM
Acme 14 May 08 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 14 May 08 - 09:56 AM
Amos 14 May 08 - 11:01 AM
Amos 14 May 08 - 11:12 AM
Rapparee 14 May 08 - 08:12 PM
Amos 14 May 08 - 08:24 PM
Acme 14 May 08 - 11:19 PM
Rapparee 15 May 08 - 06:50 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 07:26 PM

That was genuinely funny, the first time you told it.

But it must have been a male, not a female pelvis, because it does not bear down on retelling.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:27 PM

Amos, when you get to be my age you start repeating yourself. I think I've said before that you start repeating yourself. You simply can't help repeating yourself at my age.

But I wish like hell that I could remember the trilingual pun I made on the word "voiture" once. Unfortunately, I was drinking wine, as was everyone else, and I don't remember it. Anyway, as I was saying, when you reach a certain age you start repeating yourself. And you'll have to forgive me, because I think I've reached the age when you start repeating yourself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:28 PM

Sorry for repeating myself, Amos. I guess I'm just getting to that age.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 10:23 PM

I quite understand. I was that age myself, once. I think. Or may be soon, or am at present. One way or the other, I understand perfectly.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:27 PM

Rapaire, you need to get out more. Go plant some kudzu on the fence you share with the golf course. That ought to keep you and the greens keepers busy for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:34 PM

I guess I'm repeating myself. Sorry about that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:50 PM

So on Friday afternoon I was sitting in my home office at the computer near the window and through the mini-blinds I see a man walk next to the house from the front walk around to the side of the house, heading for the side door. Why didn't he ring the front bell, and what is he doing wandering on the lawn? Peeping?

I hurried to the side door and there this young man was, clipboard and bag of metal signs in hand. I opened it and he starts right out, no introduction, with an authoritative tone (like maybe he's a city official?) quizzing me on the survey he did of my front yard. "Survey? Who's asking?" was my response.

"Such and such security company." He was trying to impress me with his professionalism, apparently, by having trod through my gardens before knocking.

"I'm not interested," I tell him through the attractive heavy gauge wrought iron and steel grill security door. "I have a pit bull and a catahoula in the back yard" And I'm talking through a security door which I haven't opened to this stranger. The door is next to decorative iron security bars on the windows.

"I have a pit bull in my yard also," he informs me, "but he still doesn't know how to dial 911."

"Go away. I'm not interested," I tell him as I shut the regular door in his face. I could have really singed his ears about the stupidity of his argument, but I was busy. I almost suggested he walk around to the side gate without me beside him and see what the dogs have to say to him. They're good girls, and gregarious, but if they haven't been properly introduced, they really make a fuss. And it is always much better to make a show of being secure so calling 911 is not necessary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 08:27 AM

I don;t like people who make the world seem LESS safe than it is. Insurance sales people, take note.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:06 AM

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:12 AM

I had a guy give me that "...but they can't call 911" line once out here. I'd told him that I was armed (true, but the guns are locked away in the basement and the ammo is locked up seperately). I looked at him with what I hope was a cold, deadly eye and replied, "If I call 911 I won't have any fertilizer for the roses."

He really didn't have much to say to that, so he gave me a funny look and left.

Or am I repeating myself?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:29 AM

I guess I repeated myself. Sorry about that, but I'm at the age where I start to repeat myself. So I'm sorry if I repeat myself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:34 AM

Rapaire reminds me of the current banking crisis, caused by evading the constraints imposed on banks after the Great Crash, thus cleverly steering us toward a second one.

In doubling the number of posts he makes for each concept of BS he creates, he is doing nothing illegal; but should Mom stand for it? I mean, sure, it gets her numbers up, and all, but is it right?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 12:36 PM

It's not that it is forbidden. It is just, so to speak, that it seems wrong to inflate the numbers this way.

Not to repeat myself or anything.

He may have unleashed a demon here...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:16 PM

I discovered last night when I looked at an image I photoshopped (using my left-hand monitor) that when it is on the right-hand monitor there is a lot that I can't see on the older left-hand side any more. I do web design and photo correction, so I have to guy buy a new monitor. I've tried adjusting the color and blurriness for a few weeks. This was the "writing on the screen," so to speak.

I'll see you after lunch, MOM. I've done some comparing and it looks like either Office Depot or Dell. Probably Office Depot because the savings I get at Dell I'll pay in shipping.

I won't repeat this!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:33 PM

Stilly, you usin' a KVM switch or what?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 12 May 08 - 01:43 PM

"I don;t like people who make the world seem LESS safe than it is"



Amos, I am sorry you don;t like me.

The first report from China regarding their 7.8 earthquake today is that 100 people have lost their life. THis has now been upgraded to 10,000 people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 03:42 PM

Donuel:

You misunderestimate me, amigo. I meant those who try to make people live in fear in order to profit from it, such as Stilly's security-system salesperson, President Bush, and some Life Insurance salesmen, the kind who like to say "If anything should ever happen to you, Heaven forbid!, what would happen to your family?" and similar bon mots of FUD.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 04:30 PM

We need to bring Megan over here to skelp the Books guy.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 May 08 - 05:30 PM

I have a card on the computer that allows me to run two monitors at once. I could actually run four if I wanted. This means a larger work area and it is easier to have multiple programs running and browser window open for dragging stuff back and forth. Now I'm going to have one standard 17" monitor and beside it a wide 20" monitor meaning they'll both stand about the same height, they cost about the same, but the new one will look better and be wider. I'll see how long I can stand it. No point in spending the same amount of money on an old outmoded monitor. ;)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 05:41 PM

Iuse a system similar tot his at work--the second monitor is a real blessing when you are trying to coordinate several apps at once.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 May 08 - 09:29 PM

Did I ever tell you the story about the Middle East Peace Conference? No? Well, I hope you like story's that are Zion's friction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 May 08 - 10:25 PM

I think you're feeding me a heinie line.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 08 - 12:39 AM

We want it Illustrated, Man!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 08 - 09:01 AM

Up in the mountains in Northern Japan live the Ainu. Traditionally, they worshiped bears and other creatures and indeed found the world around them filled with spirits. But archeologists have recently discovered that originally they worshiped a...well, they really don't have a name for it. Not a fetish, not an idol, not a symbol. It was a very large carved pole nearly six meters around and proportionately tall. Worshiped but largely ignored by the Ainu people, the word used for it translates best as "large object of great girth." Historians refer to it as the "Ainu big thing."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 10:52 AM

This is getting worse and worse.

Rapaire, try to exercise some discriimination here,w ould you? Just because you can ionvent a pun for almost any word int he English language, doesn't mean you should go ahead and burn the midnight oil composing these long, scurrilous backgrounds for them and then post them here!!

Don't you have a forum of your grade-school classmates for this kind of material?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 May 08 - 11:45 AM

That Ainu "Big Thing" sounds like an attempt to render an effigy of Spaw's major (and perhaps only) source of pride...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM

The hours and days go round and round
While we here dig and strive.

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:23 PM

While BS rages high and low,
And numbers wane or thrive....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:24 PM

And in the ranks, the sinners sin,
The singers sing, the spinners spin


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:25 PM

Until the finest spinner yet
Reveals her pearly number set
Upon the BS brow -- toute faite!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:26 PM

Two three and five three five!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:28 PM

On second thought, that is a really lousy number, and I take it all back. I don't know what I couldhave been thinking. All those bad puns from Rapaire are ruining my curveball.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:29 PM

But I did get 25352, a bit back, so that's some small consolation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 08 - 04:33 PM

There ARE no bad puns, Amos. Only ones you are sorry you didn't think of first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 May 08 - 06:34 PM

Don't worry, Amos. It isn't symetrical but it weighs the same.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 May 08 - 09:38 PM

Oh, I feel a heckuva lot better, Still, thanks!!

A penguin walked into a bar here in town and asked the barkeep, "Has my brother been in here?"

"I dunno," says the barkeep. "What's he look like?"

Badda-bong!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 08 - 09:41 PM

Guy walked into a bar and danged near gave himself a concussion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 May 08 - 10:33 PM

Ol' Doc Magoffin went into the Legion Hovel last night and ordered a drink -- his usual, a daquari. He consumed it in record time and asked for another. "This one should be a different daquari," he said Lazy Lax, who was keeping the bar last night. He's called Lazy Lax because that's short for Laxative, which is his first name -- his whole name is Laxative Easily Goes Smith. He was named by his father, who got the name on the birth register before his mother could object and since he's not much good for anything except bartending he got the nickname "Lazy Lax."

He can't saw a cord of wood or even drive a nail to save his soul, but he's a natural bartender. He can whip up any drink called for without looking it up. Once I asked for a Sazerac and he replied, "Cain't. Ain't got the right bitters fer it." Anyway, he turned from Ol' Doc Magoffin and whipped up a drink, turned and set it in from of the Doc. There was something in the bottom and a chopstick sticking out.

"What," asked the Doc, "in the hell is THAT?"

Without missing a beat Lazy Lax replied, "Why, that's a hickory daquari, Doc."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 08 - 02:00 AM

SIgh.

Looks llike ya blew a seal there, Rapaire...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 May 08 - 09:03 AM

Hey MOM! You know that rotton spot in the flooring of the porch? Well, I got rid of it last night. It probably would have been better if I hadn't done it by breaking through and landing on my OTHER leg as I did it - but the important point is the rotton spot is gone.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 08 - 09:35 AM

Amos, I've never been intimate with a seal. They smell like fish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 08 - 09:55 AM

Oh. Then it must be just icecream.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 08 - 09:56 AM

Ouch! Mmario, you didn't wake up mom when you were busy crashing through the decking, did you? She wanted to enjoy the spring by sleeping with her quilts out on the porch swing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 08 - 09:56 AM

I'll take your word for it. I haven't had any ice cream since last night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 08 - 11:01 AM

Well, you might haveblown the seal last night on your way back...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 08 - 11:12 AM

I love playing MOAB Lotto. You roll your cursor over the Great Nummbers Grid at the top and randomly click the button. Then flick your scroll wheel a couple of times randomly and you land on some post from our dingy past, or our brilliant past, whatever... and see if it makes you smile. You can do this for hours, so rich is our store of past BS.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 May 08 - 08:12 PM

So long, Mom.

I'm off to Ireland.

I'll be back this way again, can't say where, can't say when....

(Pay no attention to Amos. You know what he's like....)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 May 08 - 08:24 PM

Ha!! The PC's have been alerted and will be waiting for you with their truncheons ready, auld frien'.


Get some good whiskey for me.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 May 08 - 11:19 PM

Have fun and don't do anything we wouldn't do. (And don't blame us when they arrest you or deport you.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 08 - 06:50 AM

"Gardai," Amos, not PCs. The singular is "garda." I explained this earlier.

MOM! Amos wasn't paying attention when I explained about Irish cops! Make him pay attention, okay Mom?

See you later, Mom.


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