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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Aug 09 - 10:20 PM
Acme 04 Aug 09 - 08:13 PM
gnu 04 Aug 09 - 08:05 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 06:50 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 09 - 06:45 PM
gnu 04 Aug 09 - 06:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 09 - 06:27 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 06:27 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 06:12 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 04:09 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 03:39 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 02:05 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 01:54 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 04 Aug 09 - 01:23 PM
Acme 04 Aug 09 - 01:08 PM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 11:18 AM
Rapparee 04 Aug 09 - 11:12 AM
Little Hawk 04 Aug 09 - 12:08 AM
Amos 04 Aug 09 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:34 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 10:12 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 09:15 PM
Acme 03 Aug 09 - 08:57 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 08:16 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 07:12 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 07:05 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 06:53 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Aug 09 - 06:30 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 06:15 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 03:37 PM
gnu 03 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 02:11 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 02:04 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 01:38 PM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 09 - 12:53 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 12:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Aug 09 - 12:39 PM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 09 - 10:25 AM
Acme 03 Aug 09 - 01:14 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 03 Aug 09 - 01:08 AM
Amos 03 Aug 09 - 12:50 AM
Little Hawk 03 Aug 09 - 12:43 AM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 11:29 PM
Amos 02 Aug 09 - 10:35 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 09 - 09:28 PM
gnu 02 Aug 09 - 07:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 10:20 PM

I know a guy who got bear claws up the ass. Doctors fixed him up, though, and then he had to go rassle an Eskimo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 08:13 PM

Are they X-rated threads?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 08:05 PM

I got bear stories up the ass, but you can read most of them on past threads.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:50 PM

The sad thing is that you lived to tell lies about him, rather than him about you. Sigh. Gnu, I am sorry not to hear the details. it being a granny makes it even more wesome in prospect. We do love a good story!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:45 PM

We got bears, if you want bears. Griz and black, both.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:37 PM

Sorry, A... busy day... fact is, twas not I what slayed the carnivore. Twas a wee gramma alone in her teepee while the rest of the families were away. And it was years ago that I read the story in a newspaper. No support for it.

We don't get big bears down here. Biggest I ever saw was 740 pounds, 11 inch brow. Seen em bigger in pics, but nowt like a Kodiak. THEY are scarey.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:27 PM

Sam Clemens taught me. He and I used to swill beer and chase girls in towns from Louisiana to Keokuk. Sammy boy could outlie me, but I could drink more beer and hold it better than he could. Deponent sayeth not about the young ladies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:27 PM

Oh, well bragged, sir!!

I STILL want to know what happened when Gnu shot a Kodiak with a .22.

Ya can't leave me hanging on this, now, bro!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 06:12 PM

No, I wasn't being lazy. Absolutely not. I genuinely wanted to give you the pleasure of explaining the expression "mon vieux" to me, as I knew you would. ;-) That's the kind of guy I am, genial and compassionate to a fault and always looking to bring a little more light and happiness into the lives of others. My geniality and compassion, in fact, are exceeded only by my modesty!

Can you relate to any of this, Rapaire? ;-D

Say (Rapaire), that story you told about the two guys swearing a blue streak, and the resulting detonation creating the hole that made the Great Lakes...THAT was the best tall tale I've heard yet from you. You must be the King of Liars! Didn't Mark Twain write about someone like that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 04:09 PM

You're being lazy, aren't you? Too busy dancing with your voices to do a little research? It means "my old man" literally; colloquially, you could translate it as "old chum" or "old boy".


But it cheers me to know you are laughing heartily, rather than dismally or satanically, as you type.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 03:39 PM

Well, I don't know...I've been laughing heartily here at this end as I type my posts. Perhaps you are also laughing heartily at the other end as you type yours. I don't know. Perhaps neither one of us is getting defensive? Maybe you actually DO find my imaginative characters all deeply interesting and are waiting with bated breath for their every future post. It's really hard to tell when one is staring at a faceless computer screen.

What does "mon vieux" mean? Is it some form of affectionate address? I could just look it up, but it's more fun to give you a chance to tell me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 03:24 PM

Are we getting a bit defensive, here, mon vieux? Such scurrilous innuendo from you is unlike your usually enlightened, implacable, serene and tranquil self.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM

Speaking of vibrators, Amos, have you tried out the large one yet with the little cone-shaped protrusions all over it that also plays "The Star Spangled Banner" (the Jimmy Hendrix version) in time with your wrist motions? I think you should. It might cheer you up some and help defuse these smouldering resentments you seem to harbour toward me and my imaginative companions and their intrusions here upon these sacred pages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 02:05 PM

This is so interesting! Little Hawk's imaginary companion having a conversation with Rapaire on the imagined use of imaginary weapons, on Chongo's part, in contrast with Rapaire's real but perfectly rationalized ones.

Chongo, if you really want to stay alive and preserve your physical safety I recommend two pieces of equipment both of which I am sure Little Hawk will be more than happy to dream up for you. One is a long-blade light saber, the kind that can take a head off at thirty yards or punch a hole in a gorilla's carotid from the next block. The other is a ray gun which can be set on "stun", "blast" or "needle" depending on the requirements of the confrontation. If you get one disguised in the form of a lady's vibrator, the cops will never take it away from you--just tell them you got it as a present for your sister.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 01:54 PM

I'd be inclined to say, "Well, I'll be in tomorrow, or you can go over and get it yourself--your choice".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 01:23 PM

"nobody has been in a gunfight for oh, weeks and weeks and weeks"

Geez. It was soundin' almost perfect there till ya said that.

No gorillas around there?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 01:08 PM

It appears I must drive to the office to find a single piece of paper for an auditor who is visiting the office today. The accounts clerk doesn't have time to look in the one place where it could possibly be, she says. Evokes the names of her superiors who say I must drive over.

Makes one want to dig their heels in a bit, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 11:18 AM

So, what was questioned was not that you have objets d'art, but that a crew-served machine gun would qualify to fulfill a requirement to own some in order to live in Idaho. Not that this was not my notion, but one you raised; now you are circling it like a cat preparing to bury a turd. But I am proud of your colelction, I would love to live in your library and drool over your rare books, especially the Twain.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 11:12 AM

Except for Boise Angeles and the State of Ada, Idaho is rural. Because of this it attracts whackos who think they can live as they like, no matter what the law says. Usually, if they mind there own business and don't harm anyone else, they can -- but that's true 'most anywhere. I have two statues on the Library grounds -- I'll send photos next week if I am PM'ed email addresses -- and permanent exhibits of paintings and photographs in the Library. The paintings include a 350 year old Japanese Ema painting and the magnum opus of the pretty damned unknown American painter Albert H. Ulrich. The photos include some of Jerry Garcia, Janis, Peter Townsend, and Peter York. We has a 1629 history (in Latin) of the Council of Trent and a collection of autographed books Amos would drool over: Where the Wild Things Are and Heretics of Dune among them. There is a first edition of Mark Twain's The American Claimant. These books cover an entire wall.

There are more local music groups, ranging from Cowboy to Chamber, than you can imagine. Folk thrives. Come September, the Library is hosting Spook Handy and Bob Nelson. I'm working with the U on a special musical project, the details of which I am NOT at liberty to disclose.

We have our own Symphonoy AND City Band.

What other Arts, Amos? Textiles? -- we have two or three active quilt groups, weavers, spinners. And nobody has been in a gunfight for oh, weeks and weeks and weeks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 12:08 AM

I've been there. The northern part with the mountains is stunningly beautiful, but I don't think it's unusually complex as American states go. And that may be a good thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 09 - 12:05 AM

If you could convince me that (a) people living in the State of Idaho are required to own objets d'art AND (b) that crew-served machine guns qualify as a fulfillment of this requirement, I would be most impressed with Idaho, and would conclude it was a good deal more complex a place than I had ever given it credit for.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:34 PM

The .22s are for target shooting. The .38 is actually my brother's. The .357 is a single-action revolver for Cowboy Action Shooting, someday. The 7.65 and the .45 are my wife's, inherited from her late father.

The rest are long guns, intended for hunting (if and when, someday again).

The crew-served weapons like the .50 caliber machine gun are, ah, objets d'art? Required if you live in Idaho? Something I don't have and can't afford and couldn't shoot if I did have them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:12 PM

"Consider the story of the Egyptian god Thoth as it was told by Plato. Thoth has invented writing and proudly offers it as a gift to the king of Egypt, declaring it "an elixir of memory and wisdom". But the king is horrified, and tells him: "This invention will induce forgetfulness in the souls of those who have learned it, because they will not need to exercise their memories, being able to rely on what is written?rather than, from within, their own unaided powers to call things to mind. So it's not a remedy for memory, but for reminding, that you have discovered. And as for wisdom, you are equipping your pupils with only a semblance of it, not with truth."

That was written 2,400 years ago, and Lloyd pointed out that similar arguments about inevitable damage to human thinking and memory attended the arrival of printing in the 15th century AD. We seem to have survived both shocks with our capacity for general knowledge intact, indeed enhanced. That puts modern concerns into perspective. "

Paraphrased from Arts and Letters Daily


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 09:15 PM

I think One Gnu is the best gnus. Don't youse?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 08:57 PM

I was by here earlier, I thought I said something. Hmmm.

Is no gnus good gnus?

Naw. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 08:16 PM

Well, put down that hockey stick, I'm witchoo, but I want to know what happened when you shot a Kodiak inside your tent with a .22. Seriously!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 07:12 PM

A... that would be because Canucks are not slick nor gamblers. We are a gentle people who choose right in deed and choose justice for all those who would join us in our quest for peace and freedom for all.

And, iffn ya dont join up, this here hockey stick is gonna hurt when it... sorry... phone... brb... >:-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 07:05 PM

My post went????... grrrrrrrrrrrr

LH.. a scant summary... biggest grizz (Kodiak) shot with 22cal... head in teepee... not good venue for bear... poor choice on my part... wish I had not enetered into such a conversation here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:53 PM

Well, how come is it then, good Gnus, that we never hear no tales of derring-do from them Canuck riverboat cap'n's and them Canuck slick-dealing gamblers? Say wha?

Sure you got water, you're right. But I never heard tell of a famous Canadian paddle-wheeler. Ju? Eh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:30 PM

I never faced off against grizz either. From what they tell me, ya gotta have heavy firepower (minimum 30 cal. long gun) fer them and make yer first shot count. If worst comes to worst ya can carry a real heavy caliber handgun too as a last resort if the rifle don't stop him...but that's fer humans. If yer a chimp, you just get them boots off REAL fast and shinny it up the nearest large tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:15 PM

Too shallow? The Mississippi gains it's headwaters in Ontaio. The Mighty St. Lawrence equals any in Calleeforeeahhh. The Mighty Miramichi holds salmon that could eat a chump. There are more.

I have no experience with grizz, but most of the moose I have been friends with were rather docile. My forefathers used axes to dispatch them in mid-winter rather than waste ammo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM

5 days, 9 hours, , 11 minutes.

Sigh...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 03:37 PM

I think you make my point exceeding wlel, good Gnu--surely the most probably invasion of your security is more liekly to come from moose or grizzly than from vine-swingers or riverboat gamblers. Your rivers are too shallow and your vines too seasonal.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:36 PM

Pistols, or, more correctly in the recent vernacular, handguns, are far from my liking. I can only assume that such choice is due to the factor of concealment.

However, I can understand that in certain circumstances, a handgun might be of use. First to mind, obviously, perhaps one wished to have two weapons available for defense. In such a case, I would then question the choice of calibre. Again, more choice as it would depend on such variables as venue and the shooter's ability. Large calibre for penetration of building materials or body armour versus small calibre for accuracy. One of each might be the way to go.

It's all relative to where and at what distance the chump is. Of course, if the chump is swinging on vines, my choice would be a machine pistol of medium calibre whereas if I was playing poker at a Mississippi riverboat table with the chump, a 50 calibre handgun under the table would be preferable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:11 PM

THIRTY AND SIX!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 02:04 PM

No-one said your weapons were imaginary, Rapaire; as to the enemies for which you hold them ion readiness, that remains to be seen.

Little Hawk, your suggestion is revolting!! A TAX accountant? Are you trying to drive me mad?? Where would you be without your favorite gadfly to prick your bubble from time to time?? It's only for your own good, you know.... :D No need to get all surly. It's not as though I have been wholly insensitive to the dynamics of your playground--after all, I did give Chongo his sister!! But like you, I wrestle with the impenetrability of the so-called real world, would fain escape its dross and duress, and go somewhere where I could fly and eat sugar-plums. Or swans or something. We both have to keep on our guard not to be sucked too far into either one of these worlds. N'est-ce pas?





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:38 PM

Gee, I didn't know that my .38 was imaginary. Does that mean that my .357, .22s, .30-30, .30-06, 12 gauge, 20 gauge. 7.65mm, and .45 are also imaginary? If so they make a terrible racket when I imaginarily shoot them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:53 PM

Oh, give over, you over-serious nitpicking wet blanket. Get a job that suits your personality. Become a tax accountant or something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:48 PM

It is nice to know that Little Hawk's imaginary playmates are ready for anything likewise; so if imagined monsters, thugs, rabid gorillas or mauve-skinned saucer-Captains arrive with their imaginary lasers blazing, Little Hawk's population of imaginary playmates can take imaginary cover from the imaginary attack by hiding behind the imaginary skirts of a lone imaginary chimpanzee armed with an imaginary handgun, with the use of which he has had much imaginary experience, thank goodness.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:39 PM

"Anything" always arrives eventually, chump, and when it does it is unprepared bozos like you who go down like a lead ball in a millpond.

As fer bein' a gentleman, that don't have nothin' to do with it. I know how to hold a lady's coat and doff my hat proper like, and I betcha Rapaire does too.

Yeah, Indy used a .38 Special, Rap, whereas I sorta prefer the .44, but I have used the .38s a fair bit too.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:49 AM

It is supposed to be comforting, I guess, to know that the Mighty Rapaire, with his adzes, mucklucks, broadswords, rifles, shotguns, sabers, long and short knives, handguns and howitzers is truly ready for anything (well, anything except civilization). The question is, what happens if "anything" never arrives? Who is then the gentleman?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 10:25 AM

Indiana Jones used a .38 Special, not a .44 Special. It was a Smith & Wesson, I believe, with a 4" barrel, later used in WW2 by US Army as "Revolver, .38 Special, M-2". I have a similar one, only with Pachymr grips for better handling instead of the wooden grips of the original.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:14 AM

Sorry, MOM. Blubbering a little bit as I listen to Joan Baez sing "Where Have All The Flowers Gone" on the Pete Seeger 90th Birthday performance snippit on the PBS site.

Now, where were we?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 01:08 AM

Douglas Fairbanks Junior was good. No doubt about it. But me and the kid who played "Cheetah" in them Weismuller films taught him at least half of everything he knew about action scenes. We was not credited for none of it due to the "species line" that was in effect at the time.

"Cheetah's" real name was Bogardus, by the way, but they stuck him with the name of a cat! They figured that the dumb rubes who was goin' to the movies would be too stupid to know the difference between a chimp and a cat and just be satisfied if it sounded like an Afican name, and I expect they was pretty much right about that. You can never go far wrong underestimatin' the intelligence of the average human moviegoer. Bogardus was a good chimp. After he outgrew the "cute" stage he couldn't get much work in Hollywood anymore, so he moved to New York City and was sellin' hotdogs at Yankees games fer years. He passed away peacefully in 1989 after a long and interestin' life. He is missed by his pals. I got some autographed pictures of him that I will always keep, and I drink a toast to his memory on every Jan 12th, the anniversary of his death.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:50 AM

I think that was DOuglas Fairbanks, Jr., LH...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Aug 09 - 12:43 AM

Have you guys seen that old film clip from the 40's where the villain prances around before Chongo Chimp, demonstrating a stunning set of elaborate sword flourishes to terrorize his simian adversary before delivering the fatal stroke...

...and Chongo gives him a sort of world-weary look, pulls out his trusty .44 Special, and POW!!! One dead expert swordsman.

It was so cool that they used the identical setup later in that first Indiana Jones film, and Chongo never even got any royalties. That's Hollywood specism for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 11:29 PM

4 days, 14 hours, 30 minutes. If this were easy I would not be posting about it, now would I?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 10:35 PM

I can only say that the calf begins just below the knee, of course, and the effect of hamstringing could be described either way. My description was lifted from a historicl document somewhere on the Internet. As for the coup de Rapaire -- which in French is pronounced "koo da Rah-payre". I might add --it certainly falls in the same general category of low and/or dirty and/or dishonorable assaults. But, tant pis and ta soeur, mon vieux canard.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 09:28 PM

Merci, Amos, for correcting the spelling. I am still under the effects of the surgery.

But I'd like to point out that the coup de Jarnac was not a cut to the calf, but a cut across the tendons at the back of the knee, which causes the cuttee to collapse. It is similar to the coup de Rapaire, which is done by a cut straight up between the legs while blocking the opponent's sword with a targe, shield, or other thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 09 - 07:11 PM

Cut n off at da knees eh wha? Dat's the less known east coast way ta say it. No nare so oigh n fancy needder.


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