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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 07 Apr 09 - 04:42 PM
Rapparee 07 Apr 09 - 10:08 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 09 - 10:11 AM
Acme 08 Apr 09 - 10:36 AM
Amos 08 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM
Amos 08 Apr 09 - 01:53 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 09 - 02:38 PM
Amos 08 Apr 09 - 02:39 PM
Amos 08 Apr 09 - 02:45 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 09 - 03:02 PM
Acme 08 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM
Rapparee 08 Apr 09 - 10:39 PM
Acme 08 Apr 09 - 11:57 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 09 - 07:41 AM
Amos 09 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM
Amos 09 Apr 09 - 03:01 PM
Acme 09 Apr 09 - 03:47 PM
Amos 09 Apr 09 - 07:19 PM
Amos 09 Apr 09 - 08:50 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 09 - 09:39 PM
Acme 09 Apr 09 - 10:30 PM
Amos 09 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 09 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 09 Apr 09 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 09 - 08:51 AM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 09:46 AM
Acme 10 Apr 09 - 09:57 AM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 09 - 11:21 AM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 10 Apr 09 - 03:29 PM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 10:38 PM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 10 Apr 09 - 11:23 PM
Amos 10 Apr 09 - 11:39 PM
Donuel 11 Apr 09 - 10:58 AM
Amos 11 Apr 09 - 02:07 PM
Amos 11 Apr 09 - 05:28 PM
Rapparee 11 Apr 09 - 09:23 PM
Acme 12 Apr 09 - 01:27 AM
Amos 12 Apr 09 - 02:10 AM
Rapparee 12 Apr 09 - 10:29 AM
gnu 12 Apr 09 - 10:53 AM
gnu 12 Apr 09 - 10:56 AM
Acme 12 Apr 09 - 02:19 PM
Amos 12 Apr 09 - 06:22 PM
gnu 12 Apr 09 - 06:28 PM
Janie 12 Apr 09 - 08:37 PM
Rapparee 12 Apr 09 - 08:49 PM
Acme 12 Apr 09 - 09:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 04:42 PM

Rapaire has confessed by PM, that he was trapped in a hard spot between the wall of a shelled French farmhouse and the business end of a Panzer tank moving toward him at an awful clip, with no way out and no cover in sight. He was sure he was about to end his young llife, and as what there was of it flashed before his eyes the one image that loomed up brighter than all the rest was the sweet, long, dreamy kiss he'd received on parting from Chinga in Chicago. Then, in desperation as the long Panzer cannon swerved toward him to wipe him off this mortal coil, he took a chance and fired his Army issue .45 down the long and hungry barrel of the loaded Panzer cannon, exploding the chambered shell and destroying everyone inside.

But the memory of Chinga still haunts him to this day.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Apr 09 - 10:08 PM

That's true, Amos. I am haunted to this very day. And actually I timed shooting down the barrel of the 88 so that my bullet would impact the fuze of the shell just before they closed the breech. And it wasn't a .45 -- I used a spent bullet that had lodged in the bible in my breast pocket (one of several) propelled by a rubber band I happened to have handy. MacArthur himself gave me a medal for it, but I refused it, saying that anyone could and would have done the same.

Sure, if that tank had gotten through it would have probably plugged the gap through with Our Boys were pouring and the entire invasion would have been in vain. But I was only doing my duty for God, Country, and the memory of the sweet kiss Linda bestowed on me when I left.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 10:11 AM

I should clarify my last post.

It was one of several spent bullets. I did not carry several bibles or have several breast pockets. I still have that bible and there are still several spent bullets in it. Oddly enough, they are all from bullets fired from our type of rifle. The same is true of those lodged in the back of my helmet and in my backpack. Odd how the enemy was using our weapons against us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 10:36 AM

I guess the answer to the unasked question is that Rap has a wireless laptop with him, the hotel has WiFi, and he's skipping a lot of meetings so he can sit in the hall and keep MOAB company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 10:38 AM

IT was lucky for you the Germans were using kindergartners who didn't know the "pointy end forward" rule, or your bullet would never have reached the fuze.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 01:53 PM

SOme people spend bullets like they was water, I swan.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 02:38 PM

Not me. I remember one time going out rabbit hunting. We were poor, really poor, and I have only one bullet that I'd inherited from my father -- "Son," he said with his dying breaths, "son, use this when times are really tough." So I had just the one bullet and times were really, really tough. We'd eaten the wolf at our door, we'd mortgaged the wall we had our back to, and we'd eaten our last grain of rice (split six ways) the night before.

So there I was, out with my father's old .30-30 and .22 bullet he'd given me as he lay dying. Every time I tried to load the rifle the bullet slid right down the barrel, being much smaller in diameter than the barrel. But I knew I had to Do Right by my father's dying wish.

All day I searched for game and then, as the sun was setting, I saw a rabbit sitting at the foot of an old tree. I took aim and threw Dad's Bullet at it -- and missed. However, the bullet struck a rock and went off, shooting a squirrel at the top of the tree instead. As it fell to earth the squirrel's body hit a limb upon which a flock of wild turkeys were resting. The limb split and the turkeys' feet were caught in the crack. That limb broke off and fell, hitting an 18-point buck deer that was behind the tree, killing it dead. The rabbit was so frightened by all this that it jumped straight up and hit a knobby old stub of branch, killing itself and knocking off the stub, from the hole of which wild honey started to drip. Wading across the creek to collect the game my overalls filled up with catfish and trout and I danged near drowned.

That's how I took a rabbit, a squirrel, eight wild turkeys, a big buck deer, 11 good-sized brook trout and three 15 pound catfish without firing a shot or wetting a line. We also took 150 pounds of wild honey out of the tree and sold the wax for $10.00, which gave us just enough money to pay the mortgage that month.

That was the year of funny weather. I remember that the thunderstorms were so localized that year that my brother left out a double-barreled shotgun one night and the next morning we found one of the barrels plumb full of rainwater and the other bone dry.

Yessir, those were the days. Taught me never to waste ammo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 02:39 PM

A mysterious benefactor has just done his bit to revitalize the economy by buying airline tickets to Dallas for Annabelle, Cindy, Mary Lou, Chinga, Fairborn, Sykes, and the Parisian poet Tournville Plein des Pētes Mauvaises and made reservations for them at a certain venue for dinner. It promises to be a most interesting evening when they all notice the party at the next table.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 02:45 PM

What a tale!! Wow!!! Someone should send it to Kendall--he could record it with his dry Downeast accent and stretch it into an hour-long story. How clever our Rapaire is to come up with these things!! How blessed are we to be the happy, innocent--nay, ingenuous!-- recipients of such limpid literary largesse!!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 03:02 PM

Why shucks, Amos, I jist relate things that happened in my boyhood. Like the time the fog settled in. A real pea-souper, so thick we had to cut our way around using handsaws and sometimes a hammer and chisel. Even that was better'n down by the river, where they has to blast. We saved the fog chunks we cut out and put them in the root cellar; grandma just added a bit of ham hock later and we had some of the best pea soup you ever et. Thick! Why, the steamboat "Belle Of Meyer" made a wrong turn and road prit near to Camp Point afore'n the fog lifted and left her stranded in Butch Lykes' soybean field. Ol' Butch used 'er for storin' corn on the Texas deck and used the main deck for raisin' hogs. She finally sank in the Great Madrid Earthquake of 1969 -- earth opened up below 'er and swallered 'er whole except for the pilot house. Butch had just gotten all the farrows and gilts out and the corn out too, so he wasn't out much. He turned the pilot house into the gaudiest outhouse you can imagine.

Last time I was out around Camp Point it was still there, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 05:04 PM

Headed out the door. How does he get so much writing in while he's at a convention? Sheesh. I must be doing something wrong. I'm working all day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 10:39 PM

Done put Stilly on the train fer home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Apr 09 - 11:57 PM

Yup. I'm back. Mom, you didn't need to wait up, but it was only 10:30. Actually, it was the dogs who waited up. There was this unearthly "we're dying out here!" kind of canine moan from the back porch and I realized I hadn't fed them before I left. That has been remedied.

Thank you for dinner, in case I forgot to say so. It was a very nice evening. Your sabre hardly rattled at all and your guns didn't make your fringe leather jacket look at all lumpy. Good to talk to Pat. (Did you really compare Bruce Murdock to Burt Lancaster?)

Only had one mild dragon to slay on the way home. :) Scraped him off at the stop before mine, at the inter-modal rapid transit station downtown. A sort of overly-friendly puppi-ish middle-aged guy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 07:41 AM

Bruce -- no, not that I remember. I usually don't compare people to movie stars, mostly because I don't remember what movie stars look like.
Except for Kermit and that bunch. Bruce doesn't look anything like Kermit; he's not green for one thing, and right there is one good way to tell the difference between Bruce and Kermit.

Amos doesn't look like Animal, either, or at least not much, because Amos gets his hair cut, especially right after he's been arrested again. He gets a shower then, too. And his clothes are burnt and he's given new ones. But that only happens a couple times a year now. I understand that the jailer holds his mail between sentences. Or maybe not anymore -- I heard that the last time he was up before the Judge the Judge said, "The next time you're not getting a sentence. You're gonna get the whole book." So maybe Amos hasn't been in for a while.

Yes, last night was fun and you're welcome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:53 AM

Maybe if I use deodorant I can get him to settle on a paragraph.

Fortunately I am in good humour and low on bile. Be gratefyul for smalles blessynges!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 03:01 PM

With Stilly and Rapaire hung over from their hoopla, Mom is having a slow morning of it. Stilly, PDF will be fine for your secret notes on all subjects discussed. Name the file after a folk song and email it at your convenience.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 03:47 PM

You wanna catch up on library chat, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 07:19 PM

Sure, sure!!

I just bid adieu to houseguests from far away to the East, who had flown out for a job interview and a vacation --we burned the late hours and tore through some vino turning over old childhood links and memories.


It's remarkable how much attention we have tied up in odds and ends from long ago, innit?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 08:50 PM

It's kind of odd--here Rapaire was cutting class to pound away on his laptop, right up to the evening he had dinner with Stilly, and all of a sudden, silence. Could she have slipped him a mickey?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 09:39 PM

Could he have flown home and just gotten back now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 10:30 PM

Amos, you know that when he's flying his arms get tired and he can't type at the same time anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 10:42 PM

Hmmm--their mutual protestations of innocence are very suspicious....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:08 PM

Envy ill becomes you, Amos. I've met Stilly and you haven't. Would you like to know of what we spoke? Are you certain sure?

Well, we talked about you. We carefully explored every facet of what passes for your character and then we spent ten or twelve seconds covering your good qualities. I explained that you were NOT laying drunk in the gutter every day, that you have kept a job for as long as thirty days and only lost it because your sentence was up, and that you only sold dirty postcards in schoolyards because you didn't understand the subject matter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Apr 09 - 11:14 PM

Oh, I didn't mention that business in Tahiti you told me about. The one with the goat, the first mate, and the treacle? You remember -- you showed me the warrant for your arrest? You said you were lucky to get out of that sticky situation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 08:51 AM

Or the time when you were in port in Basel during the cigarette-smuggling deal and Interpol was just outside the door when you tied the bedsheets together and climbed down two stories? And how it was a six-story building? And how you realized that even so you should have tied the bedsheet rope to something other than your own ankle?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 09:46 AM

At this rate, you will end up finding Little Hawk, mon vieux. You are clearly at least in the same frame of mind...




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 09:57 AM

We talked about the weather. Does that help?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 10:54 AM

Oh, immensely!!! :D

THis is indeed a surprising development!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 11:21 AM

Amos, I am always a surprising development. And I apologize -- I meant "Papeete" and wrote "Tahiti."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 11:31 AM

No worries, it's quite understandable. For my own part, I also apologize--I wrote "immensely", when I should have written "Yo Momma".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 03:29 PM

What about my momma? She's at 39° 57' 12.13"N, 91° 23' 02.65" W if you want to visit with her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 10:38 PM

IF you have to ask, you can't afford to...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 10:45 PM

Quency, Ill? Why would you leave her there?\



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 11:23 PM

Quincy. For shame! Quincy, Illinois -- like in Quincy, Indiana; Quincy, Michigan; Quincy, California; Quincy, Washington; Quincy, Oregon...but NOT like QuinZEE, Mass.

Well, one very good reason is that she and my father have been in Calvary Cemetery there since 1981 and 1950, respectively. They are there because both of them were, like their parents and their grandparents, born there.

But if you want to visit them just let me know and I'll give you directions. You can also visit some of my friends -- Doug, Bob -- they're nearby. Nice folks, you'd like them, but they're kinda quiet these days.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Apr 09 - 11:39 PM

I have my own such secret place, thanks, at 41º11'53.77"N and 73º26'37.64"W and you are equally welcome to visit, should you ever find yourself in Connecticut with some spare time on your hands. JAck and Eunice were famous for their hospitality, once upon a time, and I am sure the spirit will still move them should you make the occasion.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Apr 09 - 10:58 AM

Rapaire porn http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/rapaire.jpg

http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/don/rapaire2.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 09 - 02:07 PM

Donuel:

Very creative, no question--but improbable. Women that age do not tend to get awestruck or impressed by Rapaire. Unfortunately they either sneer or smile politely in a vacuuous manner while scanning around looking for the nearest exit.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Apr 09 - 05:28 PM

You could be out carving eggs instead of lollygagging.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Apr 09 - 09:23 PM

Or all of the above. Or none of the above. Or some of the above. I don't know. No one does. Can any of use truly know something? To know it would mean that we can understand the real, wouldn't it? And do we understand what is real and what is illusion? Indeed, is that which we call real actually illusion? Illusion cannot be what is real, so can we only perceive illusion while understanding nothing?

I hope Plato, Aristotle, Heraclitus, Sartre, Rousseau, Pascal, Augustine, Swedenborg, North, Aquinas, Camus, and the whole lot are happy now. If they or anyone can truly know happiness, given the human condition. For given the human condition and the continual search for illusive truth and for what is real, can we ever be truly happy? Can we ever know what happiness is? Perhaps the Greek philosopher Arcturides said it best when he said, "It is impossible to step into the same open sewer twice, at least if you have any sense at all."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 01:27 AM

Our family has a couple of spots like that. Here, in Silvana, Washington and here, in Ansonia, CT. (I started at my great aunt's address, though I shifted over to the graveyard where many family members reside).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 02:10 AM

The search for truth was canceled by the Galactic Overlords when they realized each searcher was his own full answer. And no other.

The error of searching for that which is Without, like the error of seeking for truth Within, gave way to the simplicity of finding all truth in Being the Whole.


Socrates vowed he would come back as a taxi-dancer after that.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 10:29 AM

Oh. I thought he said he would come back as a TAXI.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 10:53 AM

That was Cab Calloway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 10:56 AM

He was searching for something.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 02:19 PM

Are you trying to tell us something? Are you that reefer man?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 06:22 PM

Well, see, now Gnu is a man of wide travels, and to him Refer is sea-going slang for an electric refrigeration unit. So when he was told he was the Reefer Man, he moved to Canada, where he has been freezing his balls off ever since.


Amazing how much can turn on one mis-interpreted word, in't it?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 06:28 PM

To whom are you referring? I thought this was about the great philosophers Socrates and Calloway, no?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 08:37 PM

Hi MOM,

Apropo to nothing recently posted, we are back from our quite wonderful trip to eastern Kentucky. Spent the weekend with 2 distant cousins we had never met, but with whom the rapport of family was immediately established, climbed up to the tops of high ridges to visit the graves of many, many ancesters, and located and walked old family farms - a few still in the family, that started out as land-grants to assorted members of the clan who fought in the Revolutionary and 1812 wars.

Although it took him forever, and we feared we wouldn't get him back down, my father, who walks with a cane, insisted on walking up to the cemeteries that had either cleared pasture or a dirt track up to them. We could tell it meant the world to him.

The weather was absolutely wonderful. A splendid way to spend an Easter weekend.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 08:49 PM

Hi, Mom! I have arisen.

And it was a pretty good nap, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Apr 09 - 09:07 PM

Janie, you embarrass us, by suggesting that you actually read the recent posts. That is true dedication!


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