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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 04 Dec 08 - 02:29 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 08 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 08 - 12:20 PM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 10:59 AM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 10:02 AM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 09:51 AM
MMario 04 Dec 08 - 09:38 AM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 09:35 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 08 - 09:21 AM
MMario 04 Dec 08 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 04 Dec 08 - 08:56 AM
Amos 04 Dec 08 - 12:07 AM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 11:53 PM
Acme 03 Dec 08 - 11:25 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 11:22 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 09:54 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 06:10 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 04:55 PM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM
Little Hawk 03 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 03:48 PM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 02:50 PM
Acme 03 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 09:03 AM
Amos 03 Dec 08 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 03 Dec 08 - 08:49 AM
Acme 02 Dec 08 - 11:33 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 11:02 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 10:05 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 09:52 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 08:31 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 06:38 PM
Little Hawk 02 Dec 08 - 06:22 PM
Rapparee 02 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 04:29 PM
MMario 02 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM
Acme 02 Dec 08 - 03:45 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 02 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM
Amos 02 Dec 08 - 12:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 02:29 PM

So...lemme see if I have this straight. Having become frustrated in your attempts to become a Gigolo to the Stars, a Has-Been Talent agent, and a P.T. Barnum of Imaginary Animals, with Alcoholic Juvenile Delinquents as a sideshow, you are now setting forth on a new career as an Extreme Ideological Rabblerouser?

I dunno, Hawkster. Seems the old expression "Get a Life" might have been coined with you in mind. You may end up starting serious damage to Western Civ if you go on at this rate.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:38 PM

Get with it, Stilly! You're losing ground here in the posting totals and your once secure place as one third of the Central Ruling Triumvirate of the MOABS is being threatened by a sly putsch being launched by MMario!

Running Dog interventionists must not be allowed to hatch their nefarious schemes!

I have a hundred thousand fanatical young MOABists ready to spring into action and subject MMario to a public show trial where he will be forced to recant and apologize for his crimes against the People.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:20 PM

Actually Amos, I discussed data mining in the old Pick operating system (now called U2 and owned by IBM).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 11:08 AM

I saw mummy hit Santa Claus


"LONDON: Angry parents have beaten up Santa and three of his elves after taking their children to visit a "rip-off" Christmas grotto in England.

Visitors who forked out £30 ($69) a ticket to enter the grotto were promised a Christmas wonderland where "dreams really do come true".

However disappointed families have spoken of a "glorified car boot sale" with a Nativity scene painted on a billboard, a broken ice-skating rink and huskies tied up outside their kennels in a muddy field.

The park has now been renamed "Winter blunderland" and Britain's consumer watchdog has received 1300 complaints.

Former gate worker Adrian Wood said parents became angry when Santa refused to allow children to sit on his knee and charged an extra £10 for a picture.

"The final straw for one dad came when after four hours he was told he would have to join another queue for his child to get a present - so he marched up and punched Santa on the chin," Mr Wood told The Sun.

"The park was more like a war zone. How there weren't riots I've no idea."

Emma Craven, who worked as an elf, was slapped in the face by one woman who was fed up with the long wait for her children to see Santa. "The woman was screaming, 'Look what you've done to my kids'," she told the newspaper. "Then she slapped me around the face. It stung like hell as it was freezing."

It was claimed one child had to be comforted after finding a Santa smoking a cigarette outside his grotto.

Ivan Hancock, from Dorset County Council's trading standards department, said: "I've never known anything spark so many complaints in my 20 years of working with three different authorities. We have had 1300 people contact us. I've heard of someone spending £3000 on tickets and terrible stories of real human misery."

A park spokesman blamed "a few groups of professional troublemakers" for problems.
"


Harding's the name, Dick Harding. I'm known for a lot of things. Mostly, I'm known for trouble. That's my trade. It's what I do. I make trouble. I'm a pro. Pros know how to do it right. If you really want some trouble, you'll get better quality if you call on a pro--believe me, I know. Ya wouldn't believe the times I had to be called in to handle a trouble-making situation where some amateur had offered to do the job cheap, and ended up creating nothing but minor irritation or some stupid transient upset between a couple of fringe bit players. That's not real troubl;e. You want REAL trouble, you call a pro. Like me. The names Harding, like I said. Dick Harding. You want trouble, give me a call.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 10:59 AM

an invited speaker at a Conference held at Girton College, Cambridge.

What--they wanted to provide comic relief, or find out what the dumbasses from the colonies would say? WHat did you speak about? "Wise Choices: Door Hardware and Shower Fixtures for the 21st Century Library"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 10:02 AM

A little research reveals he turned 21 in 1999:

"Date: 06 Dec 99 - 08:30 AM

I had a birthday on Saturday, and I turned 21.

One's 21st birthday means coming of age, and being officially considered an adult. So, I got to thinking about time and my future life as an adult, and a great poem by J.R.R. Tolkien came to mind. Here it is--enjoy.

I sit beside the fire and think of all that I have seen,
Of meadow-flowers and butterflies in summers that have been;
Of yellow leaves and gossamer in autumns that there were,
With morning mist and silver sun and wind upon my hair.
I sit beside the fire and think of how the world will be
When winter comes without a spring that I shall never see.
For still there are so many things that I have never seen:
In every wood in every spring there is a different green.
I sit beside the fire and think of people long ago,
And people who will see a world that I shall never know.
But all the while I sit and think of times there were before,
I listen for returning feet and voices at the door.


By J.R.R. Tolkien (from The Fellowship of The Ring)


--Mbo "

Thus, in 2008, he turns thirty.

Voila!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:51 AM

Well, he should kinow, yes. No guarantees, though. But it is more likely he was confused ten years ago than that he is confused now, I suppose.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:38 AM

All I know is I'm actually more freaked out by this then when any of my nephews or nieces turned 30.

How the heck can Mbo be THIRTY! But he says so on the Kendall health thread and he should know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:35 AM

Wait, wait. He was just turniong eighteen when into these hallowed halls first I fell, like a great eagle skewered by the bolt of a goode crosse bowe. That was NOT 12 years ago. It was ten years ago. That's bad enough. Maybe he was not eighteen. Maybe he was a very young twenty?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:21 AM

There's a great big hole outside of Big Neck, Illinois. It sucks up Time, so that's where The Time went. This is the Time Hole for North America; there are similar holes in various places around the world. The sucked-up Time is polished and completely refurbished by kobalds and let out through other holes (called "Time Spewers") and reused.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 09:18 AM

HOLY FREEKIN' JAYZUS!

Matt_r, our little Mbo is THIRTY!

Where the hell has time gone?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 08:56 AM

"Then, as the book saith, Sir Launcelot began to resort unto Queen Guenever again, and forgat the promise and the perfection that he made in the quest. For, as the book saith, had not Sir Launcelot been in his privy thoughts and in his mind so set inwardly to the queen as he was in seeming outward to God, there had no knight passed him in the quest of the Sangreal; but ever his thoughts were privily on the queen, and so they loved together more hotter than they did to-forehand, and had such privy draughts together, that many in the court spake of it, and in especial Sir Agravaine, Sir Gawaine's brother, for he was ever open-mouthed."
----------
"So, to pass upon this tale, Sir Launcelot went unto bed with the queen, and he took no force of his hurt hand, but took his pleasaunce and his liking until it was in the dawning of the day; and wit ye well he slept not but watched, and when he saw his time that he might tarry no longer he took his leave and departed at the window, and put it together as well as he might again, and so departed unto his own chamber; and there he told Sir Lavaine how he was hurt. Then Sir Lavaine dressed his hand and staunched it, and put upon it a glove, that it should not be espied; and so the queen lay long in her bed until it was nine of the clock."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 08 - 12:07 AM

Lancelot lay before the shrine;
    (The apple tree's in the wood)
There was set Christ's very sign,
The bread unknown and the unknown wine
That the soul's life for a livelihood
    Craves from his wheat and vine.

(D. G. Rossetti)

Thus are we confounded by
The windy yearnings of a century gone by;
Thus is the mind of all our kind revealed,
Laden with untrue images, thick as blood
In every unexamined tissue of the soul.


AHJ


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:53 PM

At the Devil's booth are all things sold
Each ounce of dross costs its ounce of gold;
   For a cap and bells our lives we pay,
Bubbles we earn with a whole soul's tasking:
   'T is heaven alone that is given away,
'T is only God may be had for the asking;
There is no price set on the lavish summer,
And June may be had by the poorest comer.

And what is so rare as a day in June?
   Then, if ever, come perfect days;
Then Heaven tries the earth if it be in tune,
   And over it softly her warm ear lays:
Whether we look, or whether we listen,
We hear life murmur, or see it glisten;
Every clod feels a stir of might,
   An instinct within it that reaches and towers,
And, grasping blindly above it for light,
   Climbs to a soul in grass and flowers;
The flush of life may well be seen
   Thrilling back over hills and valleys;
The cowslip startles in meadows green,
   The buttercup catches the sun in its chalice,
And there 's never a leaf or a blade too mean
   To be some happy creature's palace;
The little bird sits at his door in the sun,
   Atilt like a blossom among the leaves,
And lets his illumined being o'errun
   With the deluge of summer it receives;
His mate feels the eggs beneath her wings,
And the heart in her dumb breast flutters and sings;
He sings to the wide world, and she to her nest,--
In the nice ear of Nature which song is the best?

(James Russell Lowell)

Fie on your fallacious fugues of idle fancy, you Rapirescallion. Baubles of froth and wind most noisome, cast before the lowing clots of the readers of Gethsemane.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:25 PM

These century marks hardly make a blip on the radar any more, do they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 11:22 PM

I wondered who would be crass enough to snatch 26,500. It is a cursed number, which is why I did not do it. There were exactly 26,500 deaths from the Sweating Disease in 1154. There were 26,500 soldiers killed at the Battle of Theistis. 26,500 peasants were burned in the Rape of Thuringa by Merle of Gant. Jesse and Frank James took exactly US $26,500 when they held up the bank in West, Iowa. On his 26,500th time at the wicket Babe Ruth failed to hit. Anyone who gets 26,500 will be cursed for all eternity and then some, said Mag, the Witch of the North-North-East Country.

26,501, on the other hand, is a wonderful, lucky, fantastic number which presages nothing but good luck for the holder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:15 PM

Now may we ll be glad to thrive
At 26 of K and Five
And onward, forward, upward strive
From 26 of K and Five.
Let not this century's brief thrill
Seduce into standing still
But vow to further make our way
On to the 27 of the Kay;
Ah hat will be a merry day!
And what will then the doubters say?

Tom T. Tompititom
Rhythm for Mongoloids
Tasteless Publications New World Division
Schenectady, 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:54 PM

He should have used the Legionnaire's Bust-Up Calculator. He would have been able to predict how badly truth-telling would lower his chances of survival in such a morass of half-witted mendicant prevaricators.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

Well, Red Rivers did a no-no at the Legion this evening. Seems like the talk was gettin' around to "What I did in The War" when ol' Red made a big mistake. A real downer for everyone.

He told the truth. He said, "Hell, I sat on my ass at Ft. Leonard Wood as a Chaplain's Assistant. Spent two an' a haff years diggin' splinters outa my butt all day and drinkin' 3.2 in the PX beer garden at night."

Well, as you can imagine the Hovel was in an immediate uproar. Not since the Beer Tank Car ran dry has there been such a mess. Grown men and woman, some of whom could toss a Brammer Bull a hundred feet without breakin' a sweat, were down on their knees pleading with Red to tell the truth. "Say it warn't so, Red!" pleaded Bronco Phillips, who works lining railroad cars by hand all day. "No, no, not that! That's horrible, a War Crime!" screamed Daisy Mae Kolodjizki, a former Marine who landed on Iwo Jima in the first wave, the only woman Marine to serve there.

But Red was adamant. He would not admit to wiping out an entire Viet Cong battalion with his bare hands and a pocket knife with a broken blade. No, he was never in combat. No, he never called artillery fire down on his own position to prevent being overrun. No, his only medals were the National Defense Service Medal and the Good Conduct Ribbon, and he admitted he was lucky to get those.

Strong men wept and stronger women wailed their laments to the mountains. But finally it had to be admitted that Red Rivers, voted just last month "Legionnaire Most Likely", never had and probably never would.

When I left he was sitting there alone, mumbling about DD Forms and mimeographing hymns, never again to find himself a hale fellow well-met, never again to be a real part of the Idaho Legion. Sitting there stripped of his Legion honors and worse, he had actually Told The Truth.

A strong man, humbled by his own words.

I took my hat and quietly closed the door behind me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:28 PM

www.divorce360.com, use the "Marriage Calculator" in the middle of the page.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 06:10 PM

404--not untypical of Idahoan insights....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:55 PM

Here ya go. (Maybe this should have its own thread.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:15 PM

Wee Gates? (That's Bill and Melinda's kid.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM

Nicht wahr.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 03:48 PM

My CV is bien resumé.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 02:50 PM

EIne Dummheit Schkieemen, ja?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 10:25 AM

Looks like rain today, but it still isn't nasty enough for it really to be "let's put up the xmas lights" weather yet. MOM wouldn't want them up when it's still warm and balmy out--what kind of holiday lighting scheme is that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 09:03 AM

Danke Usted, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:53 AM

By the way, the word for stupidity in German is spelled "Dummheit ".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Dec 08 - 08:49 AM

So you need to resume your CV, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:33 PM

Well, they do if they got around to writing it. Mine is still a bunch of notes in a file.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 11:02 PM

No, I call it a resume. Only the academic types have a CV.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:52 PM

I suppose it would look odd on your resume, or as you literate types like to call them, your CV. I withdraw my objection. Have an hors d'oeuvre.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 10:05 PM

In this harsh, desolate, godforsaken land where I live honor is all I or any other man has. Once that is compromised you are branded as a coward and/or a Legionnaire, irrevocably and finally, and no one wants a fate like that!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:56 PM

And yet, what strange an appetite you hold for such hard words, finding them where none were put.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:52 PM

Thank you for the clarification. I am certain that you agree that to call someone..that...would be an deadly insult which could only be washed out with third blood. Whoever would or could swallow such an insult...it bends the mind to think of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:48 PM

Sir:

I recommend Q-tips to improve your hearing. I did not characterize you as Little Hawk. I merely suggested it would improve both of you to swop characters once in a while.

You are under no obligation to act on my suggestion, although I personally think it would be an enlightening experiment for both of you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 09:16 PM

Sir,

I demand to know if you intended your characterization of me as "Little Hawk" as an insult or not. There can be few more mortal insults; indeed, it even surpasses in all respects a blow. If it were not so intended I ask that you say so at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:31 PM

Sir,

Do you or do you not apologize for your remarks about myself?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 08:20 PM

I am no coward, sirrah. So I will choose poltroon, and recommend the two of you make the swop twice daily for a week.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:49 PM

SIR!

That is an insult which cannot be borne by anyone who wishes to continue to be considered a gentleman, nor is it given by one who considers himself to be a gentleman. Only a lout, a coward, or a poltroon would make such a remark. Please apologize at once.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:38 PM

Don't twist your own arm too hard patting self on back, amigo. You have competition--the silliest threadmongers in Alle Englande are particularly fond of that silly "swop characters" trick.

Now if you REALLY want to do something noteworthy, swop characters with Rapaire. It might be an improvement for both of you.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:22 PM

Fuckminster Buller. God, I love the sound of that. Fuckminster Buller. It has a certain ring to it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 06:09 PM

I think it's cream-filled, with chocolate and sprinkles on top.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 04:29 PM

Judging from the inhabitants, I would say glazed.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 04:01 PM

I've seen theories postulating a torus shape for the universe...

My question is, if the universe is a doughnut, is it plain, sugared or glazed?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 03:45 PM

You mean the universe is a donut?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 01:05 PM

I knew there was a reason for posting that bit about black holes...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:33 PM

I once dined with R. Fuckminster Buller, Rapaire. We went to Tim Hortons, had a sandwich, coffee, and a donut each, and discussed Las Vegas showgirls. The wisdom that poured out of that man in a half hour of discourse was profound, let me tell you. I will forever treasure the memory.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Dec 08 - 12:17 PM

I am sorry, but I already have as much information on your "circles" as I can tolerate, including the ones under your eyes, the ones in which you run, and the ones governing various biological processes.


A


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