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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 21 Sep 08 - 05:00 PM
Acme 21 Sep 08 - 04:14 PM
Amos 21 Sep 08 - 12:05 PM
Little Hawk 20 Sep 08 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 08 - 09:50 PM
Amos 20 Sep 08 - 06:23 PM
Acme 20 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM
Rapparee 20 Sep 08 - 03:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 08 - 05:55 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 05:43 PM
Amos 19 Sep 08 - 05:40 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 05:23 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 08 - 05:21 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM
Rapparee 19 Sep 08 - 04:19 PM
Amos 19 Sep 08 - 03:40 PM
MMario 19 Sep 08 - 02:31 PM
Little Hawk 19 Sep 08 - 02:27 PM
Amos 19 Sep 08 - 01:55 PM
Acme 19 Sep 08 - 01:23 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 08 - 11:04 PM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 07:59 PM
Acme 18 Sep 08 - 06:58 PM
Acme 18 Sep 08 - 06:29 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 08 - 05:09 PM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 04:13 PM
MMario 18 Sep 08 - 03:45 PM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 03:42 PM
Acme 18 Sep 08 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 08 - 02:55 PM
MMario 18 Sep 08 - 02:53 PM
Rapparee 18 Sep 08 - 02:48 PM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 10:23 AM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 09:16 AM
Rapparee 18 Sep 08 - 09:06 AM
MMario 18 Sep 08 - 08:51 AM
Amos 18 Sep 08 - 12:17 AM
Amos 17 Sep 08 - 11:02 PM
Acme 17 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM
Amos 17 Sep 08 - 05:18 PM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 08 - 04:46 PM
Amos 17 Sep 08 - 04:11 PM
Little Hawk 17 Sep 08 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 17 Sep 08 - 09:16 AM
MMario 17 Sep 08 - 06:04 AM
Acme 16 Sep 08 - 10:27 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 08 - 10:20 PM
Amos 16 Sep 08 - 08:27 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 08 - 07:35 PM
Rapparee 16 Sep 08 - 07:22 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 05:00 PM

Yes, these kayaking stories of yours are causing me some anxiety, Amos. How will we all feel if you get eaten by a shark or run down by an oil tanker or something?

I think it is time you took up a safer pastime, such as hiking or skydiving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 04:14 PM

MOM gets kind of worried when you go out on the water by yourself, Amos. She asked me to ask you if Davy Jones had a kayak in his locker.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 08 - 12:05 PM

I'm back from the sea, again, Mom.

The air is a little cooler, and the swells a litle higher today. This makes entry and exit from the sea a more challenging tactical task. If you time it wrong on the way out, your nose gets battered by a mass of green and white water which then falls all over you. This leaves you wet and irritated.

If you time it wrong coming in, you can get picked up on the back of a swell, and loose all your steering traction, with the result that the natural tendency of the hull form to be pushed around results in you broaching and rolling. This ends up with you standing in the waist-deep shallows cursing and recovering your damn boat.

But neither of these happened today, Mom; I cut the surf going out at just the right angle and just the right moment to minimize the collisions, and was outside the surfline before I had to negotiate any high swells. It can be as little as a few yards between getting soaked and just riding a swell gracefully.

I've learned the trick coming in. You don't catch a wave. You time the swells moving in from behind you, and the 10-second large ones are the ones to notice. They lift you up a little higher than the rest, and the trick is to be going just slowly enough that they speed you without capturing you. Let the crash and die on the sands ahead of you, and as they do so, paddle like mad in behind them, letting their backwash lift you as you driver up the sand. That way you are safe ashore, having stepped lively out of the boat, before the next larger swell crashes in behind you.

Just in case you decide to go kayaking without me, Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 09:58 PM

That's nothing to how appreciated you are going to feel on election night when you and Chongo become the new president and vice president of the USA.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 09:50 PM

Thank you, Amos. Seldom have you said something that made me cry tears of pure joy, as you have now. It feels so darned good to be appreciated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 06:23 PM

Oh Rapaire, thank you so much for your heroic action in rescuing our Mom. Although it is nothing that we all haven't done from time to time, I know it is really important to make you feel special about it. So let me just add you are a broke-dick mammalucca like no other.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM

Aw, I had the rescue rope in the back yard, with a chunk of brick tied to it and tossed up over a big tree limb we were cutting down. The brick got stuck in the tree until the branch came down and then it fell out. MOM woulda been okay for another few minutes.

Before we finished sawing that limb we had a brick, a rope, a saw, the clothesline stand, and a ladder all in some way or other "in" that tree.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Sep 08 - 03:03 PM

Fourth from the bottom! Hanging on to a rescue rope by her false teeth, and them slipping out!

For shame! Again it is apparent to Mom that only I really care about her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:55 PM

I abuse space, time, energy, and matter all at once.

Y'oughta try it sometime.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:43 PM

If yu kepe skeruing op yer spelling al the time, Amos, wee are going to hav to send you back too primery skool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:40 PM

We are al substance abusers. Some of us abuse space, some time, while others cannot give up on molecular forms or solids.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:23 PM

Hell, what do they know? A couple of danged substance abusers, those two!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 05:21 PM

Not according to Dante and his "Inferno." Or Pope's "Dunciad."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 04:54 PM

Please, MMario. That was poetic license. One is permitted to portray hypothetical situations when composing free verse. Besides, it's always dawn somewhere.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 04:19 PM

He's also a time-renowned traveler in his own world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 03:40 PM

He's a world-renowned time traveler in his own mind.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 02:31 PM

LH - HOw the HECK are you viewing the wonders of the dawn at 2:27 in the afternoon?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 02:27 PM

Persiflage. Spread across the greensward. Ankles not exposed. Behold the enchantment of the dawn and gawp in wonder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 01:55 PM

SOmetimes its amazing how much lift a simple underwire can provide.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Sep 08 - 01:23 PM

No one could see MOM's shoes, her jeans were slipping. The sagging look isn't so great on women this age, even with a long top hiding the elastic waistband of her HanesHerWay.

Up you go!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 11:04 PM

Hand pumps? Hand pumps? I thought you said hand GUNS!! What are these "hand pumps"? Some kind of shoe for when you walk on your hands?

Sheesh....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 07:59 PM

YEah. Talking about them handpumps can make a call all perky.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 06:58 PM

Be careful around here this afternoon, Mr. M. On another thread they're talking about "laying" (wink wink) a driveway and Bobert is talking about humping it, and well, lots of potential there for "dirty" talk also if they're not using concrete or asphalt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 06:29 PM

You wish!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 05:09 PM

Top half or bottom half?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 04:13 PM

Oooh!! A half of a double entendre!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 03:45 PM

MOM! Stilly is talking dirty!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 03:42 PM

Hey! Rapaire needs to borrow a hand pump!! Anybody up for it?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 03:36 PM

A good hand pump air compressor will take care of that problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 02:55 PM

Although...my telephone DOES sound funny....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 02:53 PM

No problems except that pesky air leak, you mean? Don't let it go on too long or you'll start to wrinkle up like an old prune, and certain parts will just deflate and go limp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 02:48 PM

Well, fortunately I got passt the TH problemss. No one sseems to be watching me (but Amoss might find a "sstranger sstanding by") and sso far I don't sseem to have any new problemss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 10:23 AM

"..Oh, by the way, you should know who I really am. I'm Thor."

"YOU'RE Thor??? I can hardly WALK!!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 09:16 AM

AH, that accounts for the sudden increase in royalties.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 09:06 AM

That happened to me once. I had a stuck TH. It was pretty horrible. I'd type stuff like "THings wiTH THat THickness require THoughtful widTH and depTH measurement." People thought it was some sort of code; the FBI arrested me, NSA questioned me. You see, they had analyzed what I'd written and determined that I appeared to be passing on highly secret information, only they couldn't figure out what it was. They surfboarded me, forced me to eat McDonald's hamburgers PLAIN, made me sleep in a tiny cell with a nightlight on all the time, beat me at checkers, and did everything you can think of to gain the information they wanted. Finally I cracked; I simply couldn't take another minute of Wayne Newton singing "Danke Schoen." I told them that my TH was stuck and there was no information at all in what I was sending out.

Naturally they wouldn't accept that, and so they let me go with the warning that they "would be watching me." That was okay with me, because I'd given them Amos's name in the first place.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 08:51 AM

is your TH stuck, Amos?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Sep 08 - 12:17 AM

Oh!! Twenty-five THree THirty!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 11:02 PM

Well, save some for Leedle Hack, who won't be on time for it because he so half-fast.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 08:55 PM

Rap, thanks for sending along that recipe, but I think I'll pass over that one and use this one instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 05:18 PM

And I notice your retort was not completely slow, and maybe even half fast, which is an improvement, Little Hawk.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 04:46 PM

You're half right, anyway. That's an improvement, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 04:11 PM

See, that's why he belongs int he White House, along with the other chimp. A common philosphy of crime bonds them together.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 01:11 PM

Chongo always says, "Get away? Why would I want to get away if it's justifiable homicide? That's the only kind I've ever done."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 09:16 AM

You learn SO MUCH in libraries....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Sep 08 - 06:04 AM

BUT - with CSI if you are the FIRST person they go after, chances are you are innocent - because it always seems to be the SECOND person they look at this actually did it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 10:27 PM

If you're smart it will biodegrade quickly and leave little or no trace for some smart-aleck forensic toxicologist to find.

Don't you think CSI is absolutely real? They can take a whiff of a whisper and have an immediate printout on their super fast computers. There is no chance for you to get away.
























Until the commercial break, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 10:20 PM

Following the ingestion (swallowing) of strychnine, symptoms of poisoning usually appear within 15 to 60 minutes.
People exposed to low or moderate doses of strychnine by any route will have the following signs or symptoms:

    * Agitation
    * Apprehension or fear
    * Ability to be easily startled
    * Restlessness
    * Painful muscle spasms possibly leading to fever and to kidney and liver injury
    * Uncontrollable arching of the neck and back
    * Rigid arms and legs
    * Jaw tightness
    * Muscle pain and soreness
    * Difficulty breathing
    * Dark urine
    * Initial consciousness and awareness of symptoms

People exposed to high doses of strychnine may have the following signs and symptoms within the first 15 to 30 minutes of exposure:

    * Respiratory failure (inability to breathe), possibly leading to death
    * Brain death


'Tain't a purty way ta go, that's fer dang sure....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 08:27 PM

No, but his little sister Chinga has...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 07:35 PM

I guess Chongo has never seen strychnine work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Sep 08 - 07:22 PM

A nice, slow-acting poison allows the recepient to croak several hours after administration, often in their own home. If you're smart it will biodegrade quickly and leave little or no trace for some smart-aleck forensic toxicologist to find. Most importantly, someone else has to deal with the mess of disposing of the body, cleaning up, and so on.

Throttling is okay too, as long as you tie off your victims pant legs at the ankle. Done correctly the hyoid bone might not even be broken.


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Mudcat time: 17 October 4:34 PM EDT

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