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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 26 Oct 10 - 05:39 PM
Acme 26 Oct 10 - 06:05 PM
Rapparee 26 Oct 10 - 06:28 PM
gnu 26 Oct 10 - 07:37 PM
Amos 26 Oct 10 - 11:19 PM
Amos 26 Oct 10 - 11:26 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 09:15 AM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 09:49 AM
Rapparee 27 Oct 10 - 09:53 AM
Amos 27 Oct 10 - 10:12 AM
Amos 27 Oct 10 - 10:30 AM
Eiseley 27 Oct 10 - 10:53 AM
Amos 27 Oct 10 - 12:59 PM
Donuel 27 Oct 10 - 03:07 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 03:12 PM
MMario 27 Oct 10 - 03:22 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 03:41 PM
Amos 27 Oct 10 - 04:47 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 05:53 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 10 - 07:13 PM
gnu 27 Oct 10 - 07:19 PM
Rapparee 27 Oct 10 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 27 Oct 10 - 11:12 PM
Eiseley 28 Oct 10 - 09:08 AM
MMario 28 Oct 10 - 09:19 AM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 10 - 09:24 AM
MMario 28 Oct 10 - 09:39 AM
Amos 28 Oct 10 - 10:06 AM
Acme 28 Oct 10 - 10:52 AM
Rapparee 28 Oct 10 - 10:59 AM
MMario 28 Oct 10 - 11:00 AM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 10 - 11:17 AM
MMario 28 Oct 10 - 11:20 AM
Acme 28 Oct 10 - 05:59 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 10 - 06:46 PM
Amos 28 Oct 10 - 07:12 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 10 - 08:08 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 10 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 10 - 08:49 PM
Little Hawk 28 Oct 10 - 10:08 PM
Amos 28 Oct 10 - 10:14 PM
Rapparee 28 Oct 10 - 10:17 PM
Eiseley 29 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM
Little Hawk 29 Oct 10 - 04:26 AM
Rapparee 29 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM
Acme 29 Oct 10 - 10:31 AM
gnu 29 Oct 10 - 10:36 AM
Little Hawk 29 Oct 10 - 11:12 AM
Acme 29 Oct 10 - 11:22 AM
Little Hawk 29 Oct 10 - 12:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 05:39 PM

I note that that vain and posturing vagabond Amos brazenly came forth from the shadows in which he skulks and siezed the virgin body of the 39,000th post and took it for his own in a flagrant display of public grandstanding that would have embarrassed Mussolini. Dreadful. The man is simply shameless. And that is why Shane McBride should go and visit him in San Diego, stay for a month, drink all his beer, and leave dirty, filthy socks and old pizza crust strewn on the floor beside the couch opposite the TV.... ;-)

Rapaire and I, on the other hand, being true gentlemen of excellent breeding and sober demeanour, did not flaunt ourselves in that fashion, but stood humbly aside as the 39,000th post came and went. And Amos interprets that as us losing count?????? Oh, the presumption of the man! He assumes that others are as vainglorious as he. Thus has it ever been with mountebanks, tyrants, and poseurs. Verily, the man waxeth most vexatious, but his thunderous posturings shall lead, I fear, to a humbling denoument.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 06:05 PM

You should see the upholstery in Rap's car.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 06:28 PM

Actually, Amos took...nay, stole...38,100. But as Mom says, "As the path has wound behind, so too it gives you a good idea of how it's going to wind in front of you." True, he thinks he's made off with 39,000 but that is simply not the case.

Ah, well. He'll probably throw a tantrum and hold his breath until he turns blue and then Mom will give him a swat on the seat of his pants and a time-out. As she also says, "Those that cannot learn must learn to feel."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 07:37 PM

"but stood humbly aside as the 39,000th post came and went"

Wha?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 11:19 PM

Little Hawk, I think you need to review Basic Decimal. I tried to point this lout in my poeti, kindly, gentlemanly post # 38,100. But you ignored the clue. So let me offer you this insight: 38,000 plus 100 is 38,100.

See?

We still have 900 to go before you need tyo worry about that Great Kay.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Oct 10 - 11:26 PM

In case you ren't following the Song Challenge threads, Mom, there was a story wherein a guy explained to the police that he had been stopped on his bicycleby two people in gorilla costumes and one in a big chicken outfit, and he had been knocked in the head by one of the gorillas, and the chicken and ridden off on his bike. True story.

So we wrote some songs about it, and here's mine:


The Chicken, and Gun the Gorilla, and Me




I was lying around in the Westchester zoo
With the other gorillas, with not much to do
When a teenage gorilla the others called Gun
Came up and asked if I wanted some fun
Well the Zoo, it was boring, and I had me no mate,
And there's nothing to do there if you're staying up late
Gun sounded excited, Gun sounded like fun,
So I said I would join him on a getaway run.

CHO: Oh, that night on the run,
Oh, that night on the run!
We went up on the east side and down on the west
For wild nights on foot, this sure was the best,
Oh, that night on the run.

Well we distracted the warden and made our escape
We flew over the guard wall and climbed over the gate
And the next thing ya know, with the moon still half-down
We're running the highway that leads into town.
Well we galloped along, just smelling the breeze
Two wild-ass gorillas, as bare as you please,
Past farm yards and barn yards and dogs in their pen,
We were zoned out on freedom, and guess what happened then!


CHO.

We stopped for a breather, as the evening was hot
Outside of a bar in a big parking lot,
We'd have gone for a brew, but we hadn't no dough,
And they don't give free beer to gorillas, you know.
So we idled around, in the cool evening air
Just glad to be out, without much of a care,
When a big bird walked up looking sassy and cute,
Some guy from a ball team, in a big chicken suit!

CHO.

Well we three got to talking, and he was purdy impressed
That his two new companions had escaped from the rest,
He sprang for a twelve-pack and we sat on the ground
Just knocking back Coorses and passing them around.
His name was Chinchester, or that's what he said
And he was sick of the view from that big chicken head,
But he'd taken the role on a cheerleading squad
Just to pay for the rent while he got right with God.

CHO.

We were all getting snookered, from drinking that beer
And Gun the Gorilla, he spoke out, "Look here,
You can't get right with God while you're dressed like a bird
It's purely unnacherl and completely absurd!"
And Chinch, he allowed as my pal Gun was right,
He would quit the damn cheerleaders, that very night!
He would go to a center he knew in Duluth
And sign up as a monk, and foreswear his wild youth.

He would give up his drinking, and swearing and hype,
And hanging out in strange places with bestial types
He'd confess all his sins, and turn honest and nice
And take up the vows of a brother-in-Christ.
Well this notion made Chinc a revitalized man,
And he said, "Let's get down there as fast as we can"
But we didn't have a license, being simian, you see
And we hadn't no wheels for a long highway spree.

We sat and we pondered, and tried to connive
But Chinch, he confessed he didn't know how to drive,
And Duluth was a long way down that highway of dreams,
And then Gun the Gorilla came up with a scheme.
He said "Boys, every morning on the side roads around,
There's newsboys on bikes crossing all over town!
We'll grab us a newsie and his bike we will steal,
And send Chinch to glory on a new set of wheels!"

Well, we found us a nearby suburban milieu
And a newsboy on duty soon came rolling through
And Chinch in his outfit, and us in our fur
Jumped out of the bushes and made quite a stir.
Well Gun hit him once, and he dropped like a stone
And we helped Chinch climb up on that bike all alone,
And we sent him off wheeling even though he was drunk,
Toward Duluth, and God, and the life of a monk.

So then Gun the Gorilla and me, we made tracks,
'Cuz the sun was arising, and we had to get back,
And we loped up the highway, and at six twenty-two,
We climbed over the entrance gate back at the zoo.
We sneaked back to our cave, with our heads all abuzz
And curled up in our sleeping spots just as we was,
But I'll never forget that wild midnight spree,
With the Chicken, and Gun the Gorilla, and me.

CHO.


Oh, that night on the run,
Oh, that night on the run!
We went up on the east side and down on the west
For wild nights on foot, this sure was the best,
Oh, that night on the run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 09:15 AM

Well, that certainly is odd, Amos. My computer shows that the MOABS is presently at 39,010 posts. There must be something wrong with your computer. Get it checked out, pard.

Now I have to read that epic poem you posted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 09:49 AM

Okay, I've read it. Amazing. Astounding. A veritable revelation.

Now get your computer fixed, eh? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 09:53 AM

THAT? Epic? Why, that li'l ol' limerick ain't no more than a advertisin' rhyme, just a jingle. Now if you want EPIC, you gotta think epic. You gotta BE epic. You gotta feel it inside your very being. You gotta become epic in every fiber of your being.

Now, librarians are epic....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 10:12 AM

LH:

MY computers all agree with Mudcat Central's count.

Rap:

You should, in all honesty, admit you are a carrier of epiczootics, sirrah.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 10:30 AM

La vita fugge, et non s'arresta una hora,
et la morte vien dietro a gran giornate.

Petrarch


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 10:53 AM

I remember William Shatner grabbed the 38,000th post, right?

There haven't been 1,000 posts since then! Go count em.



Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 12:59 PM

There you go, LH!! No sense even THINKING about arguing with a comely and intelligent lass like Mz Eiseley...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 03:07 PM

A quick doodle I call Romance violin

http://usera.imagecave.com/donuel/wierd.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 03:12 PM

Aha! Well, that explains why Shatner wasn't here again, doesn't it? There may indeed be something wrong with my computer. I'll have to have a little talk with it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 03:22 PM

I do believe there are about 882 posts to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 03:41 PM

Good. That leaves lots of time to plan for the celebration when Mr Shatner stops by again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 04:47 PM

That gives you a lot of time to train him out of his egregious egoism, LH, and perhaps into some ordinary courtesies as well, such as not invading a thread to which he has contributed next to nothing and grabbing the numbers. It's crude, boorish, flatulent behavior.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 05:53 PM

You expect me to train Shatner?????   ARE YOU MAD??? Do you realize who William Shatner IS????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 07:13 PM

Yeah. And I think that with love, care, kindness, and electroshock he can indeed be housebroken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 07:19 PM

A shat upon you heathens! He isith the soul through which true enlightenment cometh. Do youse not wanna cometh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 08:53 PM

Like many, but not all, Canadians. The Shame of the McBrides, for example, still has to remember that clothing gets in the way of his natural functions, and the certainty of this changing during his so-called lifetime approaches zero.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Oct 10 - 11:12 PM

I have tried to talk Shane into trying out a 1 month stay at a local nudist camp in hopes that he would learn basic hygeine and other valuable social skills there, but so far he has rejected the idea. When he realized that it wouldn't be just him and a lot of "hot babes" there, he chickened out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 09:08 AM

Good morning Mom,
Ben is making breakfast this morning---scrambled egg and sausage wraps. Isn't it nice when your grandchildren do the cooking? I'll have him put extra cheese in yours.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 09:19 AM

Amos @4:47

you say: It's crude, boorish, flatulent behavior

In other words; typical Shatner.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 09:24 AM

Shatner recently turned down the chance to be Governor General of Canada....the direct representative of Her Majesty the Queen. That tells you just how august he is. He dwells at an Olympian level that few can appreciate and almost none can aspire to. He possesses ineffable qualities that cannot be expressed in human language, but only grasped by the silent heart. He looms large upon the land.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 09:39 AM

He looms large over the land? So do I - most people call it "obese"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:06 AM

He possesses ineffable qualities that cannot be expressed in human language, but only grasped by the silent heart.

I think that's the flatulent part...we used to call them SBD's. Beuatiful turn of phrase, though.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:52 AM

Eiseley,

MOM knows about your children, but do your children know about MOM? Did they hear you whooping it up as you read through the early posts, or did you read quietly, keeping this world a discrete place in your life?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:59 AM

Is it normal to wake up and find that you're a giant cockroach or something?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 11:00 AM

the moab dicrete? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

oh....you meant "seperate"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 11:17 AM

That same thing used to happen to my grandfather regularly, Rapaire. Specially on Saturday or Sunday mornings after carousing into the wee hours with his dissolute mates at the U of T faculty. Don't worry! It will pass.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 11:20 AM

Rap - it is perfectly normal to wake up and find you are something. Ussually it is yourself, but sometimes it isn't.

Everyone has days like that, though. Even MOM - but she doesn't like to admit it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 05:59 PM

There are a few MOABites who, after naps, are regularly beside themselves with something on their minds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 06:46 PM

Yeah, that's me alright. Now that I'm no longer a cockroach or dung beetle or whatever I was I'm going to start fixing supper (dinner for all you effete Easterners).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 07:12 PM

Congrats on your post-Kafkaian maturation phase, Rapaire!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 08:08 PM

I just hope that it doesn't happen every day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 08:21 PM

I wonder if I'll ever wake up in the morning and find that I'm Winona Ryder?

;-) I wouldn't mind if that happened now and then. It would be an interesting change.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 08:49 PM

Your old buddy Shame would like that....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:08 PM

He'd never get near her, I assure you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:14 PM

That's a great plot twist from the Kafka pattern .

Little Hawk wakes up to find he has become a beautiful woman. This transformation becomes hellish as he gradually discovers he must now reject all his lascivious imaginary playmates. It ruins his life.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Oct 10 - 10:17 PM

Little Hawk wakes up to find he has become a beautiful woman. This transformation becomes hellish as he gradually discovers that Penelope Rutledge has a "thing" for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 01:11 AM

MOM knows about your children, but do your children know about MOM?

They came and read over my shoulder sometimes when I was laughing too hard to stop them, but for the most part they thought it was all totally boring. No loud noises, few animated parts, nothing but (to their minds) poetry and adult stupidity. It's the best kept secret on the Web.

I did show Tom a run of posts when the boys fought a duel. He was intrigued, so I had to take evasive measures. This isn't the type of thing a twelve-year-old should read in his spare time. He could probably figure out the vocabulary but it would rob him of innocence a bit early. Mostly the fellows just got used to my wheezing with suppressed laughter and paid me no mind.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 04:26 AM

Rapaire, the "problem" you mention would be no problem at all for me. I'd get into a lesbian affair with Penelope Rutledge in a heartbeat. ;-) Penelope may be a bit of a snob, but she's definitely got an attractive aspect and she also has a good deal of character and lots of courage.

I have no trouble imagining being a woman. It would be as easy as changing into another set of clothing. That's why I am always rather bemused (if not astounded) on the rare occasions when some misguided individual on this forum accuses me of some form of male chauvinism. It has happened once or twice. When it does, they're only seeing the chip on their own shoulder reflected in the great mirror of life, but they're not seeing me.

I think it's absolutely cool to be either a man or a woman. Wonderful possibilities. Certainly nothing to complain about in either case...

So, it's 4:24 AM and I just got up. Where are the rest of you? ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 10:27 AM

4:24 a.m. in Ontario is 2:24 a.m. in Idaho.

I was in bed. Asleep.

What I did not mention is that Hector Ballsdirty ALSO has a thing for LH as Winona, unless Shame gets there first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 10:31 AM

Would Winona be able to successfully dress for the day from your closet, LH? Better keep a few slim belts, at the very least, so she can at least keep the jeans on. T-shirts are so commonly unisex they should be fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 10:36 AM

I was up working. Best time of the day for it. Fewer distractions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 11:12 AM

I'm slim myself, Stilly. I think most of my stuff would fit her okay. She could just put on some jeans and a T-shirt.

If you haven't seen me, here I am, in the green T-shirt....

playing a Dylan song...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 11:22 AM

Nice song.

You'd better at least have some women's flip flops handy, I don't think she'll like those boots.

Eiseley, I meant to mention earlier, wheezing as you read MOAB is okay as long it is suppressed laughter, but please don't develop asthma just for MOM, okay? :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Oct 10 - 12:21 PM

I do have some sandals. Awhile back I bought a pair of women's leather boots that fit me, because all the boots in the men's section were so damn ugly and clunky looking that I couldn't find any I liked there. ;-) I'm not too impressed by the shoe styles that are being offered lately. About the only people who seem to make real shoes and boots any longer are the Italians.


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