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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 18 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 10:59 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 10:54 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 03:44 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 02:37 PM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 02:21 PM
Rapparee 17 Jul 07 - 02:05 PM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM
Rapparee 17 Jul 07 - 09:07 AM
Amos 17 Jul 07 - 01:55 AM
Acme 17 Jul 07 - 12:59 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM
Amos 16 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM
Acme 16 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM
JennyO 16 Jul 07 - 12:37 PM
MMario 16 Jul 07 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,Gluon 16 Jul 07 - 11:53 AM
Acme 16 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM
Amos 16 Jul 07 - 11:24 AM
JennyO 16 Jul 07 - 11:19 AM
Amos 16 Jul 07 - 10:02 AM
JennyO 16 Jul 07 - 09:36 AM
Rapparee 16 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM
Acme 16 Jul 07 - 02:38 AM
Amos 15 Jul 07 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 07 - 01:50 PM
Acme 15 Jul 07 - 12:41 PM
Little Hawk 15 Jul 07 - 01:59 AM
Rapparee 14 Jul 07 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 07 - 05:54 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 07 - 03:23 PM
Amos 14 Jul 07 - 02:41 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM
Acme 14 Jul 07 - 10:55 AM
Acme 14 Jul 07 - 12:33 AM
Rapparee 13 Jul 07 - 09:26 PM
Acme 13 Jul 07 - 09:09 PM
Amos 13 Jul 07 - 08:48 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 07 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 07 - 03:34 PM
beardedbruce 13 Jul 07 - 03:23 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 07 - 03:20 PM
MMario 13 Jul 07 - 02:59 PM
Rapparee 13 Jul 07 - 02:03 PM
beardedbruce 13 Jul 07 - 12:27 PM
Amos 13 Jul 07 - 12:24 PM
MMario 13 Jul 07 - 11:42 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 07 - 02:55 PM

Now our Mom is falling low.
Where did everybody go?
Stilly, Bunn, and Rustic, where?
Gone to ground, my friend Rapaire!
Where is Khandu, Spaw or Tweed,
All renowned for BS deeds?
Lost in storms of life's duress,
And only I come to provide
Solace at our Mother's side...
Only I, here to BS.

Walt Whittler
Leaves of Many Grasses
East Village Headpress, 1965


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:59 PM

That he often says most who speaketh least, I have frequently been told; but only as a remedial suggestion. :D Thanks for your rather bewildering remarks, Mag! I was emulating the towering Masters of Semantically Null Flourishes, people like Matthew Arnold and other late Victorians who took it to a fine art. I alas, am but an apprentice at the feet of the great Fluffmasters.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 10:54 PM

Where are all of our western Mudcat MOABites? Setting up your drip Gatorade IVs? I read that it is still a little hot out there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 04:20 PM

Amazing, Amos! All of those words and they say absolutely NOTHING! What a perfectly reflective yet gossamer thin piece of handiwork! What a remarkable gift you wield (not to be confused with political obfuscation as is practiced by the current administration. They're measurably different. Somehow. I know they are.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 03:44 PM

Far past the unsheathed range of night,
Beyond the plane where mortal beings stress,
Struggling to master lesser rights
And fearing greater wrongs to e'er confess,
Beyond the realm where human turmoil reigns
And cruel force reduces all to nil,
There is a sphere, free from contriving pain,
Where all is whim, and light, and Will.

In these high ranges darkness yields to light,
And high creative spirit bans duress;
Here is the answer to the mortal night,
Immortal font of all true, pure, B.S.
None here does suffer from confusion's strains
Nor stumbles, crushed in flesh and will;
Here doth every soul their right regain,
And in creative honor shine both bright and still.

These are the powerful sources of our Mother's hand,
Which do inform her every smile and turn;
Then, stranger, follow, to a better land,
Where bright B.S. doth every honor earn,
And proud BS' torches burn, and burn.


Antony Anstyly
Where Dwells The Not
Murk and Maunder, pubs.
New London, 2001


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:37 PM

In the last three days I have moved abot 1.3 tons of building blocks to a neat array in the back of the house, taken down three patio lighting fixtures and replaced and rewired them, including figuring out how to bypass the light and motion sensor subroutines so they just damn well go on when they are told to, scrubbed the shower, fixed the garden hose, reprogrammed the sprikler system and acted as companion and chauffeur to my BBW, who is doing much better but still is not quite able to drive a manual shift with her healing shoulder. And cleaned up the garage.

But, I get lots of encouragement for all this sweat. Which, after all, is all I need to keep me happy!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:21 PM

Most such uncharitable negotiations are, au fond simple projection of one's own shortcomings onto others, I have learned.

Hold that line!!!!!!


:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 02:05 PM

Mom's kids do not gouge others. Just charge all the traffic will bear plus 50%.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 12:08 PM

I love the idea that a perfectly good and in fact rather lovely (though dated, I'm sure, as far as those homeowners were concerned) fixture, to say nothing of the chunk of brass that went into it, will continue to be appreciated and have a useful life. Who knows that is buried in landfills because people couldn't be bothered to recycle?

Okay. Off my soap box. I just had a request from someone to drop the shipping charge by $30 on the other one, then he might bid. I explained in excruciating detail how I arrived at the shipping cost and how he in fact may reproduce this number and find that I'm actually subsidizing by not charging for the box and packing materials (it seems so high to me that I made this choice, but I'll be damned if I'll let a cheapskate suggest that I'm gouging!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 09:07 AM

I tried selling trash once, but nobody would buy me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 01:55 AM

Mom always said Stilly was the one with a head for business. Way to go; one less chandelier will have to be made.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jul 07 - 12:59 AM

Hey, Mom! I just sold a piece of trash on eBay for $100! It's one of two light fixtures I picked out of a neighbor's trash pile last fall. The other one is still running (the small one sold in the first 24 hours so I probably priced it too low). Brass and crystal has a nice way of cleaning up if you do it right. :)

Huzzah!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 06:16 PM

No, it's a plot by the Government Accounting Standards Board to drive everyone stark raving mad.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 04:35 PM

WHich, as Rapaire conveniently omits mentioning, is the latest high-level plan to take over the world and convert all the nations, states, counties, provinces, regions and villages therein from English measurement systems and English/Latin hierarchies of classification to Dewey Decimal.

I hear Dick Cheny and Karl Rove are involved as it will improve oil revenues in ways we can't imagine.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 03:26 PM

It wasn't this one, if that's what you're thinking! I've been on the phone all morning about GASB 34.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 01:01 PM

I think some librarian torqued her tail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 12:37 PM

I don't think I'd be able to trust myself driving a Total Confusion. A Keep It Simple would be more my speed.

Maybe one day I might achieve my goal of owning a Total Satisfaction. Now THERE'S something to aim for!







Meanwhile, what's Gluon getting all crazy about?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 12:12 PM

Boy, sounds like you all got to drive the real "status" cars. I mostly have had a second hand 'Bewilderment'; though I did get to test drive a 'Total Confusion'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 11:53 AM

Quark!


Quark!


Quark! 


Quark!


Quark!


Quark!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM

Once you put all of those status cars behind you and get on with living your life you'll find that a boxy pickup that seats six and has room for lots of lumber and potted plants may suit your needs best. I prefer the Merrily She Rolls Along, model year 2000 because it has the best cup holder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 11:24 AM

Gluon the duck-dog, by the way, is one-sixteenth Goo on his dog-parent's side. Those who study such things believe that there may be a trace of Goo ancestry on the duck side of the family as well, but their research has been exposed as invalid. They were actually studying a Chinese take-out menu and billing the time to the University. Sigh. Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose, eh, mes copains?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 11:19 AM

Wow, a brand-new Fit of Pique - I'm impressed!

When I was married, my husband always had the big cars. His favourite was a bright red Towering Rage. You should have seen him burning up the road in it! Meanwhile I had traded the Huff in on a second hand Dummy Spit. The kids liked that one.

Now I've moved up in the world and I'm very happy with my Righteous Indignation - a lot more classy than the others!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 10:02 AM

Yeah, my cousin's first car in high school was one of those Huffs. Then he started selling pot to freshmen and making a little dough, so he upgraded to a Snit. Later in life, he became a sales executive in software and made mucho dinero during the tech bubble days. Bought himself a brand-new Fit of Pique, right off the showroom floor...talk about irrational exuberance!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 09:36 AM

The gentleman left in a huff

I had one of those once - good little car - good mpg. Not big enough for all the camping gear tho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 09:31 AM

I knew a goo girl in college. Every night she would goo all the way...
























home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 07 - 02:38 AM

supporting them by knocking off Seven-Elevels

I do love typos!

My pit bull, Cinnamon, has had a rash on her tummy and chest for a while, from allergies made worse by all of the rain--she gets this every summer. I finally got an appointment with the vet for this afternoon. (I left Poppy, the Blue Heeler, at home).

The vet put her on an antihistamine and gave (heck--sold! $50!) us a bottle of a topical steroid spray. I rolled her over right there and gave her a good spritz, then we went over to the feed store to get their dog food. Cinnamon does like the feed store--all of those open bins of dog goodies--but she didn't help herself (much). I gave her a couple of little biscuits as she did her trick for the clerks (I put the food down in front of her and tell her when she can get it). Since she couldn't have the food IN the boxes she sniffed UNDER them and found several dusty biscuits that I let her have. Just like a two-year-old kid! At about 7:30 I rolled Cinnamon over to take a look and her skin was looking better--much less red. She is very happy to be back to being a goo girl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 11:22 PM

Goo dogs are a specialized breed from the back country of Kazakhstan. They are bred for their uncanny ability to get people out of sticky situations, even when they don't know fully what the situation was. One lady who was lucky enough to have a goo dog was dismayed and upset when the dog took a dislike to her current lover, and bit him in the haunch one evening. The gentleman left in a huff and refused to renew their relationship. The lady was devastated, until she found out he'd been running three separate affairs simultaneously and supporting them by knocking off Seven-Elevels in his spare time. That dog was a classic Goo Dog, and a real hero to her after that, you betcha.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 06:17 PM

Goo dogs? I called them goo dogs?? I meant to say "gooD dogs." "Goo dogs" calls up unsavory mental images of canine Goo-Goo Clusters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 01:50 PM

Why not? Goo dogs don't eat people food or drink people drink. Gluon, on the other hand.....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 12:41 PM

Hot dog, MOM! The girls (Cinnamon and Poppy) had the dog trainer over again today. They do "down" real well but "stay" needs some work. (We're taking baby steps right now). So if Poppy comes up on the porch swing with you, gently push her off and tell her to "stay" on the floor. And you'd best not set your drink or plate on the floor while they're here. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 07 - 01:59 AM

And now for some levity: George Bush addresses American veterans...

"Let me tell ya somethin'..."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 09:40 PM

Sorry, LH. I was in error. The book I received today was Imre Vass's "Epee Fencing: A Complete System."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 05:54 PM

How about "The Duellist's Companion" by Guy Windsor? It's right over there on my father's old Army footlocker -- along with the author's "The Swordsman's Companion." And I just received today, as a gifte from my Goode Wife, "The Complete Book of the Epee."

Should "Shane" decide upon a challenge I would remind him that the challenged party has the choice of weapons and the condition of the duello. I would also remind him that I am a fair-to-middlin' shot with rifle, pistol (including revolvers), shotgun and bow, and that I used to teach hand-to-hand combat.

Moreover, I would set the duel as Third Blood

But I am not too concerned, as he would have to send his friends "call upon me" and I'm not sure he has any. Besides, I'm certain writing the initial note would tax his abilities to their limits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 03:23 PM

You should pick up a book on dueling, Rapaire, because I think Shane is nursing grievances in regards to you. He may show up one day and demand "satisfaction".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 02:41 PM

The deep and troubled waters of anger run through thy soul, good Rapaire. May you find a peaceful delta where they join a benevolent sea, and be safe home by day's end.

Duwa Chuwannadewe
Kenoibi Lakayu

Teachers of The Way Around


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 11:35 AM

Mommommom! Guess what!

I just ordered "Arte of Defence", "Fighting with the Quarterstaff," and "Highland Swordsmanship"!

Neat, huh? I think I'll get Silver's books too later on.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 10:55 AM

Even this morning when no one is around, she got up early and did her hair and dressed (or undressed) nicely. Like Billy Joel said,

"They will tell you, you can't sleep alone in a strange place
Then they'll tell you, you can't sleep with somebody else
Ah, but sooner or later you sleep in your own space
Either way it's okay, you wake up with yourself."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 07 - 12:33 AM

You Betcha!

(And if MOM has taken really good care of herself, she might still look like the Naked Maja.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 09:26 PM

Mom might be a slacker, but she's still MOM! And no steenkin' ad calls Mom a slacker to my face. I'm going to report the ad to The Legion, where Momhood is respected, revered, and something else that begins with R. Why, on the wall of the Legion Hovel, dead center of the wall behind the bar, just above the oil painting of The Naked Maja, is a framed cross-stitch reading "Be Good To Your Mom Or She'll Whomp Your Ass".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 09:09 PM

Hmmmm.

Google ads are running "Are You a Slacker Mom?" at the bottom of the page. I hope MOM didn't see that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 08:48 PM

Dear Gawd, somebody find Rapaire's meds. He's been palming his tablets again.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:35 PM

But you can also use an alternative form of address:

Dominus et Deus Meus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:34 PM

Only if you address me properly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:23 PM

D. Meum?

Can we presume you reside in a pentagram?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 03:20 PM

I prefer to be addressed by my proper title:

Dominum et Deum Meum.

It's the Old Family Title, and I ascended to it by primogeniture, just as my father obtained it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 02:59 PM

Well of course his Patent of Nobility is For Reign. A Patent of Nobility that wasn't in effect for the reign of the noble would be pretty useless, wouldn't it?

Besides - the US doesn't *issue* Patent's of Nobility.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 02:03 PM

That's because you used the PN, or Part Number. Try a search by PONN or Patent Of Nobility Number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: beardedbruce
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 12:27 PM

Rapaire,

AHAH!!!

From the site Amos posted:

"Results of Search in US Patents Collection db for:
PN/32475939: 0 patents.

No patents have matched your query "

So you must have a FOREIGN patent of nobility!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 12:24 PM

You-all ain't seen nuffin' yet. You could spend a year or two just tracking down all his dates. If you did, the dates of those searches would be, themselves, a kind of meta-date.

He made history by getting the Federal Gummint to interfere in his prior art. Not many can make that claim.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Jul 07 - 11:42 AM

So this guy "Patents" gets around a lot? Over 3 million dates a year? But he practilcally lives on little blue pills.


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