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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 02 May 06 - 05:51 PM
Rapparee 02 May 06 - 05:47 PM
Amos 02 May 06 - 12:02 PM
Acme 02 May 06 - 10:54 AM
Rapparee 02 May 06 - 08:36 AM
Acme 02 May 06 - 01:18 AM
Amos 01 May 06 - 10:57 PM
number 6 01 May 06 - 08:16 PM
Rustic Rebel 01 May 06 - 08:10 PM
Rustic Rebel 01 May 06 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 01 May 06 - 06:47 PM
Rapparee 01 May 06 - 06:43 PM
Amos 01 May 06 - 05:47 PM
Acme 01 May 06 - 05:44 PM
Bunnahabhain 01 May 06 - 05:24 PM
Rapparee 01 May 06 - 05:10 PM
Little Hawk 01 May 06 - 04:56 PM
Acme 01 May 06 - 04:14 PM
Rapparee 01 May 06 - 09:01 AM
Amos 01 May 06 - 01:30 AM
Acme 01 May 06 - 12:26 AM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 10:31 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 03:07 PM
Amos 30 Apr 06 - 02:30 PM
Acme 30 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM
Rapparee 30 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM
Bunnahabhain 30 Apr 06 - 08:31 AM
Acme 30 Apr 06 - 01:16 AM
Little Hawk 30 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 11:36 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM
Little Hawk 29 Apr 06 - 08:39 PM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM
Amos 29 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM
Acme 29 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM
Rapparee 29 Apr 06 - 10:03 AM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM
Acme 28 Apr 06 - 11:19 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 10:43 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 09:18 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 09:09 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM
Amos 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM
Little Hawk 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM
Rapparee 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM
Bunnahabhain 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM
MMario 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 06 - 05:51 PM

There's a loophole in the anti-litter laws, is why. Bulldogs can't read and so are exempt. So they have the litters. The humans are just "picking up after 'em", i swhat they claim. You might be able to get them for transporting the litter across state lines, though.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 06 - 05:47 PM

Why haven't these people been ticketed under the anti-litter laws?

It's just another case of politicians taking care of their relatives, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 May 06 - 12:02 PM

From the FAQ of Mallard Point Bulle Dogges:

Can you ship your puppies and do you ship them year round?
From September til May each year we are able to fly our puppies into all of the major airports in the lower 48 states and in addition some of the minor airports. Most often, our flights can be scheduled any day of the week ~ however, there are times that weather or unusual circumstances we aren't able to control that can delay or cancel a flight and then we are forced to postpone the delivery until the next possible day. During the summer months, it becomes much more challenging to safely ship puppies because of Bulldogs low tolerance to heat. Therefore, for their well being we are limited to the areas of the country we can ship to and often post an available cities list during those months that we can ship our puppies to if we have summertime litters born.



Send me a bullldogge
Send it by air!
Send it by Dellta!
We know they care.
Send it in spring time,
Send it in fall,
But during summer,
Don't ship at all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 06 - 10:54 AM

Lets hope the windshield doesn't pop out whilst the vehicle is full of hardware.

Puppies for sale online. (Do you suppose they freeze-dry them for shipping? Put them in the mail?) and English Bulldog Puppies in the Google box below.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 May 06 - 08:36 AM

Rapaire is going to go take a shower and change into work clothes. At 0730 Rapaire is heading North to help move seven (7) servers to his library. Rapaire may not be posting much until this evening -- with luck.

'Tis the flowers of the plain
And I see them yet again
As the lightning and the rain
Courses down my window pane:

I think, my dear, of you
And of what we used to do:
When I got poop upon my shoe
And you'd point and say, "Do-do!"

Now I miss your subtle ways,
And your pure steel corset stays.
They stopped us from becoming strays
In our lustful, youthful, days.


         --Agamennon Charles Dionysios Rupert Heldwigssen: Songs of
          Innocence and Youth
(Small, Idaho: Cross Dress Press,
          1902).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 May 06 - 01:18 AM

BB will be busy transplanting these for minutes to come once he discovers more "mudcat poetry" over here. sIx dropped in after he (she?) started a copycat thread--seems it would have been easier to lurk and work his way in slowly. MOM would let him in.

Hey--I was driving home tonight and near the house stopped to say hello to a fellow out waking a beautiful brindled pit bull male--and realized he was the man who was driving the other day and asked about papers or breeding my dog Cinnamon! All became clear! He walks his dog, he loves his beautiful sweet-tempered pooch, he's not a breeder or anything shady, and he saw my beautiful sweet tempered dog and had an "ah ha!" moment. What a compliment! Still I wouldn't have been interested in puppies, but it is nice to know what that look of disappointment was about when we spoke the other day on the bridge. It wasn't disapproval at taking any pitbull out of genetic circulation, but a touch of sadness at taking a particularly nice dog out of the puppy possibilities. I can understand that, and felt a twinge of remorse that my sweet dog wouldn't have more sweet puppies like herself for others to enjoy.

Now back to Rapaire's regular ball bashing, poetical swilling and general mayhem with sharp objects.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 06 - 10:57 PM

No, Six, it isa much more than this. Go back to page 1 and read forward. All will become clear.

Oh Rustical Rebel, O, Rebel my dear,
Your wit is so deep, and your eyes are so clear,
Your arms and your fingers are pure, I confess,
But the mind also lingers upon all the rest.
So random and wild are the spins we are in,
When you drift amongst us, your MOABITE kin,
That the end can't be figgered
From where it begins,
In the shadowy tendrils of bullshit.

Oh, BW, BW, BWL,
Whose humor and insight goes too far to tell,
From the Florida sky to his downy deep vale,
Where his clay pots lie patiently drying their tails,
So wicked the flashing of lightning like wit,
As he toils in the earth,
and the storm, and the pit,
Midst the shadowy tendrils of bullshit!

Rapaire in the Northland, where the egos grow tall,
Where space is wide open, and nothing looks small,
Where a man is as big as the blue sky he smells,
And as sturdy and tall as the bullshit he tells,
He's winsome and lithe,
And much more than alive,
In the flowering tendrils
of bullshit!

And Steady-On Stilly, of well-lettered zest,
Transplanted to Texas from the wooly Northwest,
With marvelous treasure hidden deep in her mind,
Which leave all her fellows at MOAB stone blind
So clear and unscarred,
With her dogs, in her yard,
Midst the delicate tendrils of bullshit!

There's dozens of others whose names I could name
Who have conquered the MOAB, who well deserve fame
But I don't have forever, and they know who they are,
Each fellow a poet, and each lass a star
As we follow this spiralling back-slapping trail,
Where no-one can falter, and no-one can fail
Midst the perilous tendrils of bullshit!

Agonistes Perihelion III,
Advocate-General of the Public Weal
Peon Paeans and Those Who Write Them
Byronme and Pisceonyu,
Long Beach, California, 1897


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: number 6
Date: 01 May 06 - 08:16 PM

Jeeeezuz .... I need some oxygen, can't catch my breath, ... damnit it ...damn I think i have a hernia too .... that is one heavy mother.

is this all it is!?!?!

sIx


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 May 06 - 08:10 PM

Well shit I sure screwed that up-It was Mmario that wasn't mentioned. So we are the puritans-I knew when I said Bee-Dubya it didn't feel quite right.

MMario and Rustic pure in their way
Like to bullshit, all through the day
With a wise crack here and a joke on the side,
Up in heaven, will be a good place to hide!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 01 May 06 - 07:55 PM

So how high do your balls bounce Rapaire? And when you drop them from forehead height does it....Oh forget that..I don't even want to really know!

The MOTHER Got Balls by Gettemwhile Yewcan.

So what's up folks? I stay away for a week and you forget about me? My name doesn't rhyme with anything or what? Gee-whiz and golly snickit. I notice even the Rev. Billy Ray or what ever he called himself, left Bee-dubya and me out of his redeeming rehabilitation quest to purify the MOAB. We must be the puritans around here!
Yes that's it!

Rustically Rebel and Bee-Dubya-ell
They are pure and won't go to hell!
They like to bullshit and some tales they do tell
Damn those two, sure are swell...ed!

Yours true-Rustically Rebelish
PS-If anyone was wondering-I am not the Rev. Ray- I do have some dignity!
PS again- I'm once again heading to Fargo in the morn-My quest for the rings continues without falter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 06 - 06:47 PM

The preceeding was from Irving Frankfurtamrhine's Gunny, get your aunt!, a play from way, way, off-Broadway (opened in Mendon, Illinois on March 7, 1948, closed March 7, 1948).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 06 - 06:43 PM

MEN'S CHORUS:
The freds, the Ralphs, the Legion, the pomes
The visitors that don't know up from down

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
The eyeaches, the earaches, the migraines, the flops
The martians invading every town

MEN'S CHORUS:
The postings when your heart beats like a drum

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
The panic when the BS doesn't come

ALLS:
There's no business like MOAB business
Like no business I know

MEN'S CHORUS:
Everything about it is apalling

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
Every pun the traffic will allow

MEN'S CHORUS:
No where could you find a duckdog reeling

ALL:
When you're petting old Gluon!
There's no people like MOAB people
They smile because they are low

MEN'S CHORUS:
Yesterday they told you you would not go far

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
That night you posted and here you are

MEN'S CHORUS:
Next day you find yourself hangin' round a bar

ALL:
Let's go, on with the posts!

MEN'S CHORUS:
There's Amos, and Stilly, and Bee-Dub, and Tweed
There's Khandu, who started the whole mess --

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
There's music, there's poems, there's science, there's puns
The Catters who have posted, every one,

MEN'S CHORUS:
The BS and the horse poop and the smell

WOMEN'S CHORUS:
The Reverend Jimmy Ray we'd like to quell

ALL:
There's no BS like MOAB BS
Try it, you'll know it's so
Folks from everywhere are coming posting
Standing out in front of all their friends
Smiling as you watch dear MOAB filling
And see the postings that never end!

There's no people like MOAB people
They'll laugh at you because like them you're low
Because you are a turkey and your wit is old
They'll kick you out and leave out in the cold
Still you wouldn't trade 'em for a sack o' gold
Let's go on with MOAB!
Let's go on with MOAB!
The MOAB!
The MOAB!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:47 PM

Ah, woe. Is it to this the vision of the Once King has fallen? Ball-whacking? Song-citing? Alas, the Day of BS is fading before our eyes...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:44 PM

Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you toss them o'er your shoulder
   like a continental soldier?
Do your ears hang low?

As is noted on one site I went to to double check other verses: "A considerably sanitized song that, in its original form, described less polite but more recognizably pendulous body parts. Tune: any one of Turkey In the Straw, the Sailor's Hornpipe, or the Parade of the Wooden Soldiers."

Here is a site with the other verses (and accuses Oscar Brand of bowdlerizing the song. . . )

I don't want to post too much of this here or one of the clones might mistake this for a music thread and move MOM above the line.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:24 PM

To the tune generally known as the Sailors hornpipe...

Do your Balls hang low? Can you swing them to and Fro?
Do your Balls hang Low? Can you tie them in a bow?


I can't remeber how it carries on thankfully....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:10 PM

Oh. I've been dropping them from forehead height and seeing how high they bounce.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 May 06 - 04:56 PM

The thing you have to do is test your balls first to see if they are still in good enough shape to be marketable...

Place your balls on a solid surface such as an oak table and deliver a good whack to each with a rubber hammer. The resilience of your balls under severe impact will establish if they still have what it takes to meet official playing standards.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 06 - 04:14 PM

When I owned a blue Volkswagen (a 1967 beetle, the best model year they ever made) I always kept a couple of spare wire coat hangers, almost more useful than duct tape. One served as my arial and the other was handy to reach in through the slightly open window to catch the button and pull and open the car in case the key was deciding not to work that day. I would go hiking and instead of hiding a spare key somewhere near the car I always hid my folded hangar with my pre-hooked end for opening the door. I never had to tie down the trunk or the engine cover, they worked just fine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 May 06 - 09:01 AM

Because if I find cast-off soda cans in my yard I chuck 'em back on the golf course. Doesn't happen nearly as often as find balls there.

I am truly annoyed about the trim falling off. I could have been run over (I lost my balance picking it up out of the high-speed lane on the Interstate) and it shouldn't have come off in the first place.

But if you want REAL excitement, I was once breezing down the highway at about 65 when the hood latch let go. Suddenly the entire view out the windshield turned white. It took me a microsecond to realize that I was now looking at the car hood, and I stuck my head out the window and braked, finally pulling off the road without injury to myself or others (I do admit to being a bit shaky). There was some wire in the car, so I wired the hood down to the grill and drove slowly home, where more permanent repairs were arranged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 May 06 - 01:30 AM

I said target market, and I do not suggest targeting your balls, at least not for fencing or sidearm practice.

But never mind. I a concerned this desire to acquire others' balls may not be   healthy.

Why don't you take up collecting cast-off soda cans instead?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 May 06 - 12:26 AM

First time I read that I thought the WINDSHIELD fell off and you duct taped it into place. So I went back and reread. I must say, it is a MUCH more exciting story if the windshield falls out than a bit of trimfalls off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 10:31 PM

Why would I target my balls? And which ones? I have one of them hanging by a rope under the deck; I use it for an epee target. Is that what you meant? Would you like to send me one of your balls to use as an epee target? It doesn't have to be a new one -- one that's old and worn out is okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 03:07 PM

I'd like to put them in a vending machine ($1.50 per ball) and put the vending machine on my fence. The 8 year old girl next door is selling lemonade and I hope she'd making a bunch of money.

Friday last I had the windshield in Pat's Element replaced -- it was cracked nearly all the way across. I let it sit all day yesterday, and today I drove it to Idaho Falls (50 miles each way) to get some wicker patio furniture for the new Sun Room we've recreated. I had to leave two chairs and I interded make two trips today. Right -- on the way back the trim fro the driver's side of the windshield fell off. I taped it on (duct tape forever!) and some miles down the Interstate it flew off, causing me to dodge traffic to retrieve it.

Glass company's gonna git a phone call bright and early tomorrow morning! I need this vehicle to move servers from Idaho Falls to down here on Tuesday -- not to mention my chairs (which will not fit into my Civic).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 02:30 PM

Just remember, Rap -- if things get desperate, and you can't make ends meet on a librarian's pension, you can always resort to selling your balls.

'Course you might want to start by thinking about your target market...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 01:27 PM

Soon you can put a modest sign on your back fence that says "balls for sale."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 09:34 AM

In the past three days I've FOUND four balls in my back yard. Hard, white, and with pitted surfaces. They belonged to people named "Sleznger" (I think), "Titlest 2" (the junior member of the family, I guess), and names like those. I feel badly that these golfers left their balls in my yard, but not badly enough to advise them to seek medical attention.

Lots of golfers leave their balls in my yard. I have three LARGE 44 oz. drink cups full of them. I can only speculate that this is some sort of arcane golf ritual promoting birth control.

There used to be a labrador retriever who would run out on the golf course and retrieve golfer's balls. I thought that was nasty, training a dog to do that. I mean, losing their balls in a golf ritual is one thing, but geez!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 08:31 AM

You steal the balls from visiting golfer from far, far away. The locals might recognise you if you steal theirs, and organise a march with flaming torches on the Idaho legion HQ, and somebody will do something silly and call the police, who will overreact, and call in the FBI, AFT and NASCAR, and that will only lead to trouble..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 01:16 AM

Mom, while Rap has been out stealing balls from the local golfers I've been out working on the home turf and putting in a few shrubs. Not enough rain yesterday to soak down more than a couple of inches, but every little bit helps.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 12:05 AM

There's help at the WSSBA for most types of common dementia.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:36 PM

Littkle Hawk:

Whatsamadda you? I was talking to Mom. You blind? I know where THAT comes from.

Rapaire: you know, there's no need for these wild mood swings, pal. There are sources of help out there...somewhere. Manila, maybe.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:02 PM

Ah, well. I shall post the lyrics to my song.

MOAB dear! MOAB dear!
In far off Idaho I heard your call
MOAB dear! MOAB dear!!
And here am I to give my all
I know in my soul what you expect of me
And all that and more I shall be!
A MOABite should be quite BSible
Succeed where a less fantastic man would fail
Climb to the heights no else can climb
Cleave a GUEST in record time
Post BS tho' he is without e-mail!
No matter the pun he ought to be unwinceable
Impossible tales should be his daily fare
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so extraordinaire?

C'est moi! C'est moi!
I'm forced to admit
'Tis I, I humbly reply
That mortal who
These marvels can do
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I
I've never lost
In battle or game
I'm simply the best by far
When words are cross'd
'Tis always the same
One pun and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi!
So admir'bly fit
A Idahoer of Rabelasian cheer
And here I stand with BS untold
Exception'lly brave, amazingly bold
To serve our MOAB dear!

The soul of a MOABite should be so sparkable
Yet my heart and my mind are pure as morning dew
With a will and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
I could easily work a miracle or two
In love and desire I ought to be remarkable
Tho' ways of the flesh doth offer no allure
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so untouch'd and pure?

[spoken] C'est moi

C'est moi! C'est moi!
I blush to disclose, I'm far too noble to lie
That person in whom these qualities bloom
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I

I've never stray'd from all I believe
I'm bless'd with an iron gut
Had I been made the partner of Eve
We'd all be in still in rut!
C'est moi! C'est moi
The angels have chose to post their postings below
And here I stand as pure as a pray'r
Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare
The MOABitest man I know!
C'est moi!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 09:07 PM

If you cannot make sense of Rapaire, you can't make sense out of anyone or anything.

Just consider poor Rapaire, sitting alone in his mountain fastness, working to keep the flames of Knowledge, Literacy, Art, yea, even Reason itself! burning brightly for all people everywhere. But what reward does he reap? Only to be scorned, insulted, driven from pillar to post, by the minions of the Forces of Ignorance, Gluttony, Lust, Pride, Greed, Envy, Famine, Death, Plague, War, and Perineal Pruritus.

None the less, he soldiers on, his Duty clear, his Sword of Enlightenment blazing white-hot against the encroaching Darkness. And for what? Only a pittance, a moldy crust and a flagon of stagnant water on even-numbered days, and then he must endure the slights of those who should be supporting poor Rapaire's work.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 08:39 PM

Talking to yourself again, Amos? ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 08:05 PM

Well, Mom, I see you're having a dizzy spell. I suppose you've been listening to that Rapaire again, and trying to make sense of it, huh? I know, I know....it is tempting, I understand, but Mom, if you indulge him, he'll just do it more!!

Here ya go, now, back up...

I love you too, Mom!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 03:55 PM

Glad you're not being lambasted Mag. Your story makes one moral clear: Being an airhead has its advantages.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 11:50 AM

Our neighborhood received a nice rain, half-inch to an inch, so I'm going to go work in the garden this morning. I went to bed with the weather radio nearby and a full set of clothes and shoes on the foot of the bed in case I had to exit in a hurry. A purist in bad weather probably would have gone to bed wearing those clothes, but I find it uncomfortable to sleep with my keys in my pants pocket.

It's beginning to rumble out there now, but it might be a car up the street. I'm going to work outside for a little while (it has been drizzling, then sunshining, then drizzling again, a nice morning that makes the neighborhood, with all of its tender spring leaves and green lawns look like someplace OTHER than a place that will be as hot as hell and turn brown if we have another drought this year).

Say, MOM, a guy stopped me on my walk with the dogs yesterday and asked if I had papers for the pitbull, like maybe I'd like to breed my dog. I'm glad she is so beautiful he'd think such a thing, but I told him she had been a stray and I'd had her spayed. He clearly was sorry to hear that, but MOM, the prospect of this sweetheart having puppies would mean I'd fall in love with all of them and have a yard FULL of dogs! I couldn't give them away or sell them. And considering the price for keeping a dog (for me) was to have one spayed, I think was worth it, because if I'd turned her over to the dog pound folks injured as she was, they'd have euthanized her. Anyway, two is plenty (and Poppy noticed he didn't ask about breeding her, but she's an airhead Catahoula, and forgot the slight about 17 seconds later).

My spell-check just suggested "carthweel" instead of "catahoula." Ha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Apr 06 - 10:03 AM

Hmmm...no word from DEep In The Heart Of. Guess she blew away. Hope the dogs are okay.

Uncle Caleb started out as a lancer on a whaling vessel. Being a tad nearsighted (and too proud to wear specs) his boat had to get really, really close before Unky made his throw. In fact, before he'd throw the crew would paint "This dead whale is the property of the whaling ship 'Buttercup'out of the port of New Bedford" on the side of the whale. Then Unky would make his throw and miss. The crew would back-paddle so fast that they burned the paint off the stern of their whaleboat and Unky would turn around and asked where the whale went.

His navigation stunk, too, but he was hell on wheels as a scrimshander (I think that's the first time that word has been used in MOAB).

I really don't know how the old man mannatee threatened Unky. I guess I always assumed it was with a shotgun or some other traditional way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:35 PM

Just had a look on the Net, Stilly. Yeah, there seems to be bad weather all around your area of Texas, and a tornado warning just east of Fort Worth. Well, ride it out and we'll check in tomorrow and see how you made out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 11:19 PM

My father was the keeper of the Eddystone Light
And he slept with a mermaid one fine night.
From this union there came three,
Two little fishes and the third was me.

(or "A porpoise and a porgy and the third was me.")


Tornado siren went off a few minutes ago, and upon checking the weather, I think it might be a rough one here in North Texas. For those who follow such things, I'm on the south side of Fort Worth. If you look at the maps there is a circle around the city that is Interstate Loop 820. I'm about three blocks south of that and about a half mile west of I-35 (that intersects 820 just north and east of me), in case you're reading the radar. I'll set up a room if I have to bring in the dogs (that is a last resort!) and may have to sleep in the hallway. I have a futon pad I can pull in there and be comfortable (as long as the cats don't sleep right on top of me).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 10:43 PM

The manatee's daddy? What did he do -- threaten to flop him with a flipper?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:18 PM

My four times great uncle Caleb put his arm around a manatee one time and got right friendly with her. But her daddy caught 'em and made Uncle Caleb marry her.

Unk Caleb was pretty danged nearsighted, and he'd heard about mermaids, and well, you kin figger out the rest. We don't think there was any kids, which is good, 'cause we've always been sort of conservative about cross-species dating. My family's always pritty much stuck to other human beans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:09 PM

Sea cows, or manatee, also have been known to get in the way of outboard motors, but they almost always lose. The outboard and its owners are in fact the manatee's only natural enemies! They are extraordinarily docile creatures who spend their days schmooing along the riverbottoms looking for water lilies to eat.

I once put my arm around one and he gave me a ride along the river bottom. I asked him who he was, and he reckoned he was just Joe Manatee, an ordinary kind of person.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 09:01 PM

GIves a whole new look at the word "motivation", huh?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 07:22 PM

"marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors"

No kidding! Man they must really move at a good clip that way. ;-D There are some pretty smart animals out there, I must say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 06:09 PM

Croc 1, chainsaw 0.

The news says that the chainsaw probably won't be repairable.

They think that the noise bothered the croc, because marine crocodiles have also been known to attach outboard motors. This being the case I'm surprised these crocs are still extant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 04:59 PM

Who won -- the croc, or the chainsaw?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 03:33 PM

He's a busy man, Wilmer. He has a life. Keep checking in, though, don't give up. Hope springs eternal.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:33 PM

I had this sign posted in my computer room. It was true then and it's true now:

"The is no problem with computers that cannont be solved by the calculation and placement of the correct amount of high explosive."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:22 PM

Rap, you really ought to start quoting the original source for your wonders of literature, and give us their Childish numbers.

As for tech support, you don't need any of that fancy stuff. Try a hammer, some kicking, and alot of cursing. It worked on the tractor today, and it almost got water to the pigs....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 28 Apr 06 - 02:21 PM

Dear MOM;

Just a quick note to let you know the workplace is sending me to training all next week. I don't know if I'll be home for supper or not.

Love,

MMario


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