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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM
GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM
Amos 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM
Acme 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM
GUEST 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 12:55 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 12:41 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 11:52 AM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 11:09 AM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 10:48 AM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 10:42 AM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 10:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 11:50 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 11:37 PM
Acme 02 Feb 06 - 10:14 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Feb 06 - 06:28 PM
Acme 02 Feb 06 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 03:22 PM
kindaloupehackenweez 02 Feb 06 - 03:18 PM
Acme 02 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 06 - 02:35 PM
Bunnahabhain 02 Feb 06 - 02:08 PM
MMario 02 Feb 06 - 12:22 PM
Amos 02 Feb 06 - 12:20 PM
Acme 02 Feb 06 - 12:19 PM
Amos 02 Feb 06 - 12:11 PM
MMario 02 Feb 06 - 12:01 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM

Here's your missing digit....

A gift from Chongo Chimp...Kree-Gah!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM

Why are dog wastes called droppings? When's the last time you saw a dog go "Whoa! Something just dropped outta my ass!"?

I usually see dogs going "Humpfff! Strain! Groan! Grunt! Damn! There's something trying to come outta my ass! I think it's the thing from that 'Alien' movie!"

That is not dropping. That's forcibly expelling.

Now, many animals do just nonchalantly drop their loads. Birds, mice, alpacas and God knows how many other critters seem to be able to shit in total oblivion, but dogs and cats put a lot of effort into the process. Almost as much as a cow does when she drops a calf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM

wee hab rapairee he iz or prizoner yu musd gif uz yur planid r wee will terminad him beecuz or planid needz yur proteen yu haf sextene ors tu deesid thank yu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM

Missing digits isn't manly. Any CPA or accountant can miss a digit and cause a real mess. That's Enron's defense, you know -- "we just missed a digit here and there in accounting...." Or Bill Gates -- "Oh my, our latest version of Windows has a big ol' nasty security hole in it because we forgot it was digital, silly us!"

Now, REAL men, manly men, know that missing a digit only causes trouble. Like Two-Finger Luke over at the Legion. Luke's only got two fingers, one little finger on his right hand and one ring finger on his left. Makes it really hard to work his Red Ryder BB gun. Well, his other fingers aren't really missing, mind you. Luke lost 'em some years back, even though they were attached to his hands like everyone else. He's just not the hottest firecracker in the string and the two fingers I mentioned were all he could (or can) find. He uses all eight fingers and both thumbs, but if you ask him, he's missing most of his manual digits. Of course, there are those who think the Luke is missing a lot more than a few fingers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM

He came in through the bathroom window
Pretending he was a silver spoon
He left a finger in her bureau
By the light of the simpeirng moon

Didn't anybody wonder?
Didn't any body see?
Little Hawk has left the building
But he's missing digit number three....


'Course it might have been Rapaire...he goes in for manly stuff like missing fingers. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM

. . . but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.

Oh, Little Hawk, that is downright creepy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM

I love the Shambles so leave my man alone.(but leave him where ever he is okay?(


Forget not the mother of the fishing boat.
I say,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat
I say it once more,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat.
'cuz if you do
she might forget you.

I once had a little red toe and I rubbed it awhile and it warmed right back up and turned a paler color than red.


Gentle is the thought that flew from your lips when you never uttered a sound. I like it that way, anyway.

I will not answer if you ask who I am, but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM

Better the adulation of Venusians than the rampant idolatry offered him by some Candidans who shall remain nameless.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM

Relax stilly.

Shatner, in his prime always ended up meeting some alien. We have no shortage of those round here. Now, about 25 minutes later, he would either end up with a passionate embrace with them, or in a fist fight with them....


OK, now I'm worried with you....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM

We have managed to offend You-Know-Who when he tried to boss Mom MOAB around. Don't waste our time with Shambles. Send Shatner in instead. Now he might be fun to go toe-to-toe with (so to speak, in a purely conversational manner. The other image is just too gross to contemplate. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM

I had a friend who measured sterns when he was in college. He was slapped, punched out by an irate boyfriend, and finally jailed for indecent boatwrightery -- a hanging offense in Illinois at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM

There are sterns on this forum that defy measurement by any known measuring device.

I tell you what. I am going to try, by some strategem, to get Shambles onto this thread. If I succeed, he will f*ck it up totally beyond redemption. Hang on to that thought.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM

DO let me know the results of your stern measures, LH -- only on the gals, though.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM

whose stern will you be measuring? And what is the significance of a stern measurement?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM

My last post to this thread did not show up. Or else it was deleted. But that's inconceivable, because it was so valuable and apt. Not to metion, ept. I demand its reinstatement! If it does not appear within 24 hours, I shall take stern measures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM

I just received a promotion in the Legion, I'll have you know. I was promoted to "Mascot 4th Class."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM

Well then, sit down and stop hanging about.

Also, get a promotion in the Idaho legion, to something along the lines of his High Generalissomo, Chief Inspector of skimpy outfits, etc , etc


You will now be avoiding hanging out with those English Majors....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM

Hang by my feet??? Do you take me for a bat or a sloth??? And as for lopping off my head, well, I will just say that if I don't hang together I'll just have to hang seperately!

(I am an English major. I hold a BA in English literature, which actually means "literature in English" and not just the literature of England. Moreover, I even had (shuddeer!!) graduate-level work in the field.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM

I decided that discretion is the better part of being smart and to *NOT* make a comment about primary sexual characteristics and hanging signs etc, etc, etc,

besides - the visuals threatened to be REALLY bad...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM

I thought about having his head chopped off with one of his swords, but then he'd have to hang from the arboreal feature by his feet and it would be harder to get the sign to stay put.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM

technically, if you were a head, would you have a neck to hang the sign around? Are a head and a neck discrete parts or does the neck form part of the head?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM

Rapaire, you've been hanging out with English majors again. If you're not careful, someone is going to hang you from one of your riparian arboreal features and drape a sign around your neck:

Don't be a pendant pedant. Stop while you're a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

Well, I have to admit I was thinking of Mill ponds and mill-races* and the power derived from damning the water and changing its course.


*the competitive racing of mills, just a the stoneing of mills (you've heard of millstones) have since been banned but were common in former times


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:55 PM

You spelled "course" wrong. What you meant, I'm sure, is "the power of a course. Like the witches' course taught up at the University.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:41 PM

gotta love english.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:13 PM

Snort!

Good one! Now come clean up my keyboard, Mmario, I spit Diet RC all over it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:57 AM

damning the water turns it from its natural course? The power of a curse!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:52 AM

Amos, I think you mean "riparian": riparian, adj." referring to the banks of a river or stream. As in "riparian rights", or the right of the owner of the land forming the bank of a river or stream to use water from the waterway on the land, such as for drinking water or irrigation. State laws vary as to the extent of the rights, but controversy exists as to the extent of riparian rights for diversion of water to sell to others, for industrial purposes, to mine the land under the water for gravel or minerals or for docks and marinas. Consistent in these questions is that a riparian owner may not act to deny riparian rights to the owner of downstream properties along the waterway, meaning the water may not be dammed and channelled away from its natural course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:09 AM

dang, Amos! That's astounding.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:48 AM

Rapaire, Idahoan Librarian
Took attitudes highly contrarian,
At the drop of a hat
He would pull out a gat,
Or a Snickersnee, shiv or Rapierian!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:42 AM

Good! I wasn't sure what direction to take this (or just how many syllables I really wanted in that first line--"librarian" is one busy word, dontcha know, and "Idaho" is no slouch)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:39 AM

There once was a librarian in Idaho
Whose guns and swords made quite a show
When spurning Robittussins
His hair soaked in Bitumen
Cried 'fire' as he totally bald did go


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:33 AM

Limerickize it!

A librarian from Idaho
with gun and sword made a show
But a mad Robotussin
with a great deal of cussin'
Abducted him, don'tcha know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:29 AM

Scratchpad stuff this morning, incomplete (and probably doesn't scan)

There once was a librarian in Idaho
Whose guns and swords made quite a show
When spurning Robittussins
His ______ ______ _____ ________
Dada dada dada dada dada . . .   row to hoe. . . ice to floe. . . pants to sew. . .?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 09:41 AM

Sorry, Mom. I guess I have to do all the work around here. I mean, all the work that you don't do to keep the kids quasi-healthy, pseudo-sane, and able to put up at least a front of normalicy. And I know how hard that is, what with Amos living in Southern California and almost certainly involved in those cults and things down there and Stilly living in Texas and Bee-Dubya still living in a rotten log in a swamp and Bunn living in (God help us all!) Scotland and Weehawken living in someplace and RR in Minnesota and Khandu owing me money and the Robotussians ready to invade Earth and EVERYTHING.

But it's okay, Mom. I've called on the Idaho Legion to help protect Earth from the Tussies and they've set up the twin Bofors gun on the top of Howard Mountain. It's probably just as well that they don't have ammunition for it. They have armed themselves though, opening the Arms Room at the Hovel and distributing the deadly Wacky Wackers stored therein. And, Mom? They're doing all this to protect ME from being "abducted, seducted, subducted and/or tapeducted by them godless commie fascist pinko creepy impolite egg-suckin' puppy-kickin' unAmerican sicko Californians...I mean Rubbertushians," as Special Imperial Generalissimo Field Marshal Undergropingferher Sam "Zitnose" Pamplemousse, the local Legion Commandante, said last night when they were hauling that Bofors gun up the mountain. That was just before the guys hauling the gun pulled Zitnose off of it and tossed him into south-flowing Icewater Creek, just north of Skullfracture Falls. But don't worry about him, Mom; he was pretty loosened up and anyway, you know what they say about God protecting fools and drunks and so you know that Zitnose had double protection.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 11:50 PM

And I've just posted to that thread about Shatner hitting bottom. Gad, first an ass's head is put on him and them Billy Shatner punches him out. Poor chap. I hope he brings charges.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 11:37 PM

It has now become clear to me exactly what it is that they do with those urine samples collected in doctors' offices, for drug testing, and so on. In fact, the additional income corporations and other institutions get for used urine could well be what keeps them (you'll pardon the expression) afloat. I wonder, though, what it's posted under in the accounting offices -- accounts receivable? accounts payable? general ledger? And how do you handle the inventory?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 10:14 PM

Ewwww. . .now this conjures up ideas of one pretty smarmy sauce, Bunnah.

I think I prefer "butter makes the batter better" to "chamber lye doesn't foul your fowl."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 06:28 PM

It has been tried. My hair is now long, shiny and very clean. I will send you a sample. This is not a problem, as it has all fallen out, so I can spare some....

Goose is very tasty. Sauce is good though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 05:48 PM

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, Rap. You put it in your hair first, and report back. Then I'll think about it. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 03:22 PM

Chamber lye was also used to impart a sheen and body to woman's hair. Well, it's cheaper than VO5 or Pantene Pro-V or whatever...or maybe I've just identified the active ingredient....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: kindaloupehackenweez
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 03:18 PM

This was sent to me and will pass it on:

Prsident George W Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside Washington as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like.

We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and i will agree to do it."

Bush shows up looking especially pompous and smug the following Sunday, and as the sermon progresses the Bishop begins his homily:
"George Bush is petty, a self-avsorbeed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating "Mission Accomplished." He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a Methodist i've ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint."

Hope you enjoyed that.

This morning received a yahoo alert informing me of a high serverity.
the blackworm is scheduled to strike feb 3rd perhaps at first light.
Then its Bud lite, forever. (oh did i say that) sick sick sick...ok

kindaloupehackenweez


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM

I can manage the dog droppings, but there's no way I'm sending you dog pee, Rapaire. These girls are too close to the ground and too fast to catch anything. If I were to seriously collect any human materials I'd be using one of those domed septic tank/methane chambers and using the gas to cook over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 02:35 PM

During the late unpleasantness between the South and the Yankees, the Niter Board of the Confederacy requested that Southern women save their "chamber-lye" for the making of niter. The old urine (which is what "chamber-lye" or "chamber-ley" is) would be collected and taken to a powder mill to be turned into gunpowder to shoot Northern troops.

Nothing special about the urine, just that the men were off in Army and the women were at home, patriotically mictruating for victory.

(By the way, the book Foxfire 5 has a nice section on how to make your own gunpowder. One of the ingredients is urine, the older and staler the better.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 02:08 PM

Well, it felt like Vaseline in the dark....

When they do spawn, look out for a new meteor shower. Feb 29 seems a good date...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 12:22 PM

TRIVIA TIME! Did you know that aged doggie droppings used to be used in the manufacturing of fine leathers? 'struth!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 12:20 PM

Far be it from me to suggest a destination, Mag. LOL!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 12:19 PM

Amos, I just buried a bunch of dog droppings in my compost. You can have them for alternative fuel any time you need them. I'll double wrap the plastic bag in the box so the post office doesn't get upset. Where do you want me to mail them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 12:11 PM

Bunnhabain, you do me great disservice. It was NOT vaseline. It was bunker fuel. We were preparing an alternative method of propulsion to reform the planet's dependency on oil. But that was before we heard about Rapaire's mis-connected phone call. These guys are serious and this could be important.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 02 Feb 06 - 12:01 PM

I think this is a new bunch - something about species cumpulsion to emigrate and spawn.


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