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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM
rumanci 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM
MMario 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM
Bunnahabhain 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM
Acme 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM
Amos 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM
Little Hawk 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM
Bunnahabhain 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM
Amos 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM
Acme 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM
Acme 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM
Rustic Rebel 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM
Amos 07 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 11:51 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 11:42 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Aug 05 - 08:55 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 08:50 PM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 08:49 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 07:36 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 06:04 PM
Amos 06 Aug 05 - 11:34 AM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 09:53 AM
Rustic Rebel 06 Aug 05 - 04:04 AM
Acme 06 Aug 05 - 02:30 AM
Amos 05 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM
Acme 05 Aug 05 - 11:33 PM
Amos 05 Aug 05 - 10:33 PM
Acme 05 Aug 05 - 09:08 PM
Amos 05 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM
Acme 05 Aug 05 - 08:09 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 05 Aug 05 - 07:08 PM
Amos 05 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM
GUEST,freds 05 Aug 05 - 03:06 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 11:39 PM

THere was a thread hung on a site,
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
Where lubbers posted day and night
And say farewell to the MOAB-O!

And on this thread there was many a post!
Away, the gallant Mudcat-O
From men and dogs and ghosts
Rise again, again, the MOAB-O

And when them lubbers was asleep
Away, the gallant Mudcat O
This thread she slipped into the deep
Come rise again, the MOAB-O!

There was a topmast man just there
Away the gallant Mudcat O
And he seized her by her silvery hair
And raised again the MOAB O!

Now she lies sleeping on the hard
Away the gallant Mudcat O
Saved by a hand from a tops'l yard
Come rise again the MOAB O!

So, sailors learn once and for all
Away, the gallant Mudcat O!
Be 'ware lest yer sainted Mother fall,
And rise again, the MOAB O!

Songs from the Ancient Chandeliers
Collected by Wilhelmina Garibaldi, 1928
From the singing of Bathtub Topsailmen
Gudgeon, Gunter and Pintle , New Bedford, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:45 PM

I ain't chewin' him, Maw -- he's me bruvver!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM

Hey Amos !!!

Ain'tcha chewed .....errrrr Rap enough ?
I bet he's back at the doublet now


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 03:02 PM

Sages are like that, man .... always seeing through stuff, and wiley in the ways of the world.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:58 PM

no - that's just Peter, my pouch mouse!

Wait-a-minute!

Who told you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 02:55 PM

"Is that a cod in your piece, or are you just glad to see me?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:24 PM

Mercutio:

Now to thy several stations, do repair
And to your Mother with brave postings mind
To raise with merriment and rhyme her features kind,
Until repaired to us is bold Rapaire.
Hark! I hear footsteps on the stair!
'Tis he! 'Tis he! Now welcome bold Rapaire.

(Enter Rapaire stage left, dripping with malodourous slime).
(He collapses center stage, gasping)


Jester (sings):

Bold Rapaire would a sliming go
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
Out on the oceans dark with snow
With a nonny, nonny, hey!
And when his bark was tossed by storms
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He swore if spared, he would reform
With a nonny, nonny, hey!

And spared was he in God's own time,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
And stumbleth home, all wet with slime!
To me nonny, nonny, hey!
But if he cleanetheth up, I wot,
Hey and nonny, nonny ho!
He'll be the same, reforméd not!
With a nonny, nonny
Nonny no nonny
Nonny nonny hey!

Rapaire gasps and throws half a rotten salmon, drawn from his tunic, at the Jester, who ducks away and skips off stage right humming).

Rapaire:

Aw, shit.

Finis


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:05 PM

What is wrong with Mom? I keep finding her at the bottom of the list. We need more poetry. Or things resembling poetry anyway...

Poetry, or wizardry,
Or maybe serindipity,
To rescue Mom,
From depths Glum,
And disgraceful obscurity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:53 PM

Rapaire's run off to Fiji
To marry with a squeegee
He's gonna spend his life out in the shade;
Living on bananas
And dreaming of mananas
And worrying about his rubbery blade.

His plan seemed like a good 'un
His wife said he was wooden
And she didn't want a blade all made of rubber
So he said he'd go off sliming
But, thanks to clever timing
He's off to Polynesia with anubber!
CHO:

Squuuueeegee me in Fiji!
Playin' lord and liegey!
Gettin' down and dancin' in the sun!
Where the tides are gentle
And the ladies drive you mental
Come along and be my squeegee one!

Oh, squeegee me in Fiji!
Baby woncha squeejee
Until I have lost all track of time!
Keep your blade a stroking
Baby, I'm not jokin'
Squeegee 'til I climb out of the slime!

....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 10:25 AM

Isn't Rapaire finished sliming and squeegeeing yet? Where is he, anyway? He didn't really abuse the library color copier, I hope. . .or I know how to answer the next part of that question. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 09:56 AM

IF you have any of them, please UPS them to RR for hugging. It will restore the blades and make the wooden parts much mor elively.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 01:34 AM

You think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Aug 05 - 12:24 AM

I believe a squilgee is actually a forlorn family of the squeegee. It just hasn't been hugged enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 11:36 PM

Well, when he cleans up he can come back in; have yerself a helluva prosperous time at the airshow!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 09:27 PM

Hi, Mom!

Just thought I'd stop in and say "Hi!" I'll be gone away for a couple of weeks. Doing a four-day art/craft show in northern Indiana this weekend and a three-day show in St. Louis next weekend. See ya when I get back.

Wonder if Rapaire uses a squilgee in his new job as a slimer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 08:39 PM

No great recommendation, but BWL can't stamp no documents 'cuz he ain't no tree public!

Rise up, Momma, and show the world yer petticoats!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:57 PM

Don't worry, he'll always be less wooden than Shatner...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:37 PM

Well, see, in the spatula episode he didn't have to suffer the splinters of outrageous fortune in the form of pointed remarks about rubber blades and being wooden.

I think he is operating on the premise that discretion is the better part of squeegee.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 12:59 PM

Mom, you're looking a little low. Are you sad about Jennings also? Or maybe you wish BWL would pick up the squeegee mantle and run with it, like he did with the spatula episode?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Aug 05 - 01:28 AM

You had to take a rather sharp left to arrive at that one, didn't you? I hope you didn't crane your neck in the process. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

You lasses are opening up a can of...umm...worms here. Spaw might show up. Woody have some remarks to add, d'ye think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 11:29 PM

There's a song about that: Wooden It be Loverly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 08:31 PM

A wooden lover is another interesting thought. Sends slivers down my back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:16 PM

Or better, google "etymology +squeegee" which produces this tidbit:

squeegee
"wooden scraping instrument with a rubber blade," 1844, a nautical word, perhaps from squeege "to press" (1782), an alteration of squeeze.

squeeze
c.1600, probably an alteration of quease (c.1550), from O.E. cwysan "to squeeze," of unknown origin, perhaps imitative (cf. Ger. quetschen "to squeeze"). Slang expression to put the squeeze on (someone or something) "exert influence" is from 1711. Baseball squeeze play first recorded 1905. Main squeeze "most important person" is attested from 1896; meaning "one's sweetheart, lover" is attested by 1980.

So!   a squeegee is a wooden lover with a rubbery blade, I guess, huh?

:D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 07:00 PM

When in doubt, Google "Define: Squeegee".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 06:43 PM

I think it is a commercial term dreamed up by marrying "squeeze" and "gee!".

Glad your head is ok!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 04:49 PM

Sitting upstairs I hear the jars popping, like a 'vacuum' seal. This also has nothing to do with crotches or black holes or salmon patties.
I do have a pondering thing going on though... That would be squeegees. Where did that word come from? I'm thinking from the sound a squeegee makes but I don't believe it. Maybe it's squeezing water and someone said, "Gee-this thing squeezes water-gee, that's pretty cool shit."
Then if that where true it should be called a squeezewatergee.
Squeegee is almost as weird as spatula.


PS.-I had no headache Amos, thanks for your kind concern!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Aug 05 - 10:18 AM

He dined on clergyman cold and raw,
A portion of which got stuck in his craw
The very last meal that he ever saw!
The King of the Cannibal Islands!

Oh, Hokey-pokey, winky wung
Callimaroo, Callimarung
Wangery-Changery, Chingery Chung,
The King of the Cannibal Islands!

The last words of this monarch bold
Were not bequeathing his lands or gold
But warning them all against clergyman cold!
The King of the Cannibal Islands!


Oh, by the way, they have foundthose naughty black holes they couldn't find. They were hiding in dust-couds, perturbating. Such carryings-on!

"VORACIOUS BLACK HOLES HIDE THEIR APPETITE IN DUSTY GALAXIES, August 05
A UK-led team of astronomers reports today (August 4th) in Nature that they have tracked down an elusive population of black holes growing rapidly hidden behind clouds of dust. Their results suggest that most black hole growth takes place in dusty galaxies, solving astronomer's headaches, as until now, the cosmic x-ray background suggested the existence of more growing black holes than they could find."

Full story at http://www.physorg.com/news5650.html



Really, I sympathize. Certain trends in my own life, also, have led me to suspect the existence of more black holes than I can find. Vacuuming doesn't seem to help...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

Thanks for your concern, Maggie, but the salmon post was not autobiographical. Yes, I did cook salmon patties tonight but I felt no ill effects whatsoever. It was canned salmon anyway and the patties were delicious. Better'n Spam.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:51 PM

I don't think God had created the frige yet.

I am over my momentary depression about Marilyn. The idea of Her free-associating to penetrate the unconscious while lying at home in only a bra just kinda wrapped the whole thing up for me. I am better now.

:D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:42 PM

I posted another, more thorough article over on the same thread. Interesting stuff.

Sorry to envision your salmon woes, BWL. I hope everything is in good running order now. You have to stop defrosting that frozen fish on the countertop. Immerse the package in cold water or put it in the fridge for a day to thaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 09:29 PM

Yes, of course you are right. It's just hard when your idol has parts of mortal flesh, you know...

I actually really liked hearing her voice from across the years...and I am especially curious that it reflects on her state of mind before she died.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:55 PM

On the eighth day, God created salmon patties and saw that they were good.

And on the ninth day, God created tartar sauce so he could have salmon patty sandwiches.

And on the tenth day, God created bread, having overlooked that little item when he had the salmon patty sandwich brainstorm.

And on the eleventh day, God created napkins to wipe the tartar sauce from his beard.

And on the twelfth day God said, "Good Me! I feel like deep-fried doo-doo! Wonder if there was something wrong with that salmon?"

And on the thirteenth day, god invented diarrhea.

And on the fourteenth day, God felt a lot better but swore never to eat salmon patties again.

And on the fifteenth day, God created the Reuben sandwich and saw that it was good.

(Yes, I just posted this same thing over at Tweed's Blues. So what? It's not verbatim the same anyway. I changed "samwich" to "sandwich" because this is a higher class joint.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:50 PM

This is what Amos is fretting about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 08:49 PM

I thought it was an interesting article. Aren't you glad that she was able to sort out her sexual dysfunction? That she found men who were willing to take the time for her and not just treat her like a sexy receptacle? Or are you worried about the RFK end of things? Is this different than if it was JFK? And aren't you glad to know that even though they divorced, DiMaggio and Monroe still felt love and respect for one another?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 07:36 PM

Meaning Marilyn, not SRS. SRS's never been in doubt. Well, hardly ever... :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 06:04 PM

Dang -- SRS went and popped my last remaining bubble with her news post about Marilyn Monroe. I don't know if I can love her anymore after this.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 11:34 AM

Suze, I hope you are keeping well, and that writing the foregoing did not cause the loss of any brain cells or a headache or nothin' like that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 09:53 AM

Not lost in the ether, however. Everything is connected to MOAB. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 04:04 AM

It was a means to all that wanted a means to really believe that the crotch was a means to find the end of an era that wasn't forgotten but mearly lost in the shuffle of the cards of the sKeptics to retrieve and lose in a deal of a harmonica solo that nearly lost my mind but was never found in the lost and found file of life.
I might not ever begin to really repeat that whole thang again so if anyone questions my mobility or my lucidity,:::It just may be a question lost in the ozone of MOAB, ::::::::never to be repeated or seen again::::::::Amen:;


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Aug 05 - 02:30 AM

Well, whatever you do, watch out when those hesheit folks are around. If they're doing any shoat shape shifting you'd end up casting your purls before swine. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 11:56 PM

Wal, Miz Sage, I dunno much about the art but my unnerstandin' is that purling two is the inverse of knitting one. Reminds me of a song I once knew about some yarn, but they don't sing it much annymore fer some reason. Is that what you use for crocheting? Or is it some special stuff?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 11:33 PM

Handling two pearls? Is that like family jewels?

(Can you tell it's a wild and crazy Friday night in Texas?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 10:33 PM

D'accord. I can knit one, but you'll have to handle the purl two part...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 09:08 PM

Ce soir?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 08:18 PM

Voulez-vous crochet avec moi?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 08:09 PM

Why are you crouching? Are you actually crotchetty? Did you couch your request for information in the wrong terms?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 07:08 PM

Why is a labrador retriever sniffing at my crouch?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 03:39 PM

SRS, how did you hack into Rapaire's hard drive and his secret JPEGs directory?

Freds, see SRS' last link -- I think it has been made clear where Rapaire has gone and what kind of sliming he has been up to.

Sigh...


One small dance step for a dancing girl -- but a giant leap for shemale-kind.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 05 Aug 05 - 03:06 PM

Hello again! Might anyone know where we might find someone called "Rapaire?" Itshehe is of interest to the Galactic Overlord.

Thank you.


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