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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 30 Jan 17 - 01:13 PM
Amos 30 Jan 17 - 05:56 PM
keberoxu 30 Jan 17 - 06:41 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 30 Jan 17 - 07:03 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 17 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 30 Jan 17 - 08:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 31 Jan 17 - 09:02 AM
keberoxu 31 Jan 17 - 02:49 PM
Rapparee 31 Jan 17 - 09:43 PM
Amos 31 Jan 17 - 10:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 17 - 08:17 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 17 - 08:48 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 01 Feb 17 - 11:39 AM
Rapparee 01 Feb 17 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 17 - 08:47 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 02 Feb 17 - 12:30 PM
Amos 02 Feb 17 - 04:16 PM
Rapparee 02 Feb 17 - 08:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 17 - 08:12 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 17 - 08:48 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM
Rapparee 04 Feb 17 - 12:58 PM
Acme 04 Feb 17 - 01:11 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 17 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 17 - 07:52 PM
Acme 04 Feb 17 - 08:07 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 17 - 10:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Feb 17 - 10:36 AM
Rapparee 05 Feb 17 - 08:44 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Feb 17 - 11:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 17 - 08:39 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Feb 17 - 10:40 AM
gnu 06 Feb 17 - 03:21 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 17 - 06:34 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Feb 17 - 07:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 17 - 08:21 PM
Amos 06 Feb 17 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 17 - 09:27 PM
Acme 06 Feb 17 - 09:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Feb 17 - 10:31 PM
gnu 07 Feb 17 - 08:43 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM
gnu 08 Feb 17 - 11:27 AM
Rapparee 08 Feb 17 - 11:34 AM
Amos 08 Feb 17 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 17 - 06:21 PM
Rapparee 08 Feb 17 - 08:05 PM
Amos 08 Feb 17 - 08:56 PM
keberoxu 09 Feb 17 - 04:51 PM
Rapparee 09 Feb 17 - 07:05 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 01:13 PM

Yesterday, I had a shower, did a wash, and, while at the wash, I flicked open my upright freezer... it WASN'T freezing. Nay! It was thawing! On the top shelf, I figured the steak was okay to go in the fridge freezer as it was only half thawed but I had to cook the chops. The chicken and turkey broth and such were toast but still cold so I left them where they were, and I moved the rest to the next shelf down. I was distraught. At an early hour of today, I wakened and could not go oggies again as the thought of losing the contents of the freezer kept me wide awake. As the hour of appliance store(s) opening approached, I decided to take one last look so I would be armed with the info needed to make a quick decision. As I approached the freezer, I heard a sound so joyous, I began to tremble in nervous anticipation. I opened the freezer and read the thermo meter I had placed in the freezer last night. -21C!!!!!!!!!!!! The broth containers were frozen solid! All was and is safe for now.

I went to three appliance stores and priced freezers. I shall, at sundown, 17:21h to be more precise, transfer the freezer contents to coolers in the garage, defrost the freezer, and power it. Should it be functioning well when I arise on the morrow, I shall indeed be a happy camper.

From "The Great Ice Storm of '17", CW Gary J. Owens, Bullshit Press, all rights reserved.

On a sad note, them there poor buggers up north (30,000) are still in a hard way. Two dead from CO poisoning and others treated for same. 200 troops on the way to clean up trees and get people to safety and provide field ambulance services and such.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 05:56 PM

WHy not just put it all out in the back yard, Gnuzer? It'll stay fruzz 'til May!

God the details in getting a house from barebones to normal operation are uncountable! But sooner or later we will finish this all and get into the groove. When this point has been reached--pictures hung and gewgaws placed aesthetically and all the operational parts in known places and carpets down and wires connected--we shall have a fine home and throw a great house-warming party to which you are invited. Or will be, when we know when it is to be. Should be either this Spring or next, depending on myriad variables.

Forge on!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 06:41 PM

I just read a novel by Sharyn McCrumb, set in the Carolinas; one character is a newcomer, previously in New England, who says that to her, North Carolina is like Vermont without the Vermont winters. It kind of gave me pause. But then North Carolina has winter as well. It's just not a Vermont winter. I dunno.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 07:03 PM

North Carolina is also a lot like New Mexico, only without the heat, and with a lot more rain, and more trees, and fewer cacti, and it's mostly green, not brown. Other than those inconsequential differences, they're pretty much identical. Except for the Gila Monsters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 08:08 PM

I had dibs and it worked!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Jan 17 - 08:19 PM

And the sidewinders. And the chupacabras. And the javelinas. And the chuckwallas. And the scorpions. And the tarantulas. And the plague-carrying rodents.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 09:02 AM

There probably are chupacabras in North Carolina. Naturalists are pretty much in agreement that most chupacabra sightings are nothing but coyotes which have been rendered hairless by Sarcoptic mange. Since there are coyotes in North Carolina, it follows that there must be chupacabras.

I have seen such a thing crossing the road right here in Floribama, only I didn't call it a chupacabra. I called it a "What in the hell is that?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 02:49 PM

Ahh, the plague-carrying rodents.
Land of the flea, and the home of the plague.
You left out the deer mice and the hantavirus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 09:43 PM

I also left out ague, West Nile virus, dengue fever, shigellosis, tularemia, rabies, hepatitis, cholera, tuberculosis, botulism, whooping cough, tetanus, norovirus, typhoid, streptococcus, influenza, and post-diarrheal hemolytic uremic syndrome, all of which and more can be or have been found there. It's a positive bubbling stew of dangerous animals and deadly disease!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jan 17 - 10:19 PM

What I love about Rapparee is his ineluctable vocabulary. It's a flood of precision associations which cannot be balked or thwarted by such flimsy efforts as reason or relevance; it floods on like the mighty Eno in the rainy season and knows no let or hindrance. That's true Library Power, the result of years of a strict diet on nothing but fricaseed thesaurus and slow-turned etymologies.

In other news, our simple small-town lives are forming up nicely. Tucker is meeting musicians, I am playing in bars for the sheer adulation of it, and we have our computers up and running. Our phones work, our furniture is in place and there are only a handful left of the dreaded cartones Bekinses around to threaten us with random content revelations and the roar of chaotic small-object relocation. We persevere and we conquer.

Just ahead the unfathomable mysteries of gew-gaws, picture hanging and the Mystery of fFurbelow placement and bauble deployment.. We are blessed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 17 - 08:17 AM

There's a simple way to deal with the placement of gee-gaws and such. If the item doesn't immediately speak to you when you unpack it, it's yard art. Hang it from a tree. Treat it as one component in a much larger sculptural statement. Like my step-son's neighbor's house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 17 - 08:48 AM

In truth, Amos, I took that list of diseases from the website of the New Mexico Department of Public Health.

Some gee-gaws make good skeet targets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 01 Feb 17 - 11:39 AM

Oh no! Now that Amos has packed up and moved to North Carolina, it has been revealed that the state's economy is on the verge of collapse! The National Bacon Reserve is at a fifty year low! And North Carolina's bacon-based economy is Ground Zero! If you're partial to vanilla milkshakes with bacon crumbles and maple syrup, you'd better get 'em in a hurry.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Feb 17 - 07:30 PM

Well, yes and no.

But the Oakland Raiders may move to Sandyego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 08:47 AM

STOP SQUANDERING HELIUM!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 12:30 PM

Why worry about squandering helium? The universe is full of the stuff. Our own Sun is 23.8% helium by mass. That's a huge amount! Yes, it's pretty hot helium, but think about this for a minute: the main thing helium is used for on earth is arc welding, where it's used as a shield to protect the weld from atmospheric contamination. It's not incorporated into the weld in any fashion, so a lot of energy gets wasted by heating up helium instead of metal. If welders could use preheated helium from the Sun, all the energy could go into the actual weld! I see a Nobel Prize in my future for this glorious idea! Or at least a MacArthur Genius Grant.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 04:16 PM

Hell, if MacArthur Fdn could spot genius in the wild Mom would have gotten a grant by now. So would BWL, Rapp, and possibly Little Hawk for creative innovations beyond the call of dereliction.

Night before last the buyer of our California home, just one signature away from funding and closure, curled up into a ball and stopped all communication, dropping into a black hole of neurotic flibbertyjibbery known only to her sorry self. We have filed the demand to perform, but if she doesn't break radio silence we are back in the batter's cage hoping for a good pitch and a better price this time.I will shake her deposit out of her, if I can, but it is MOST irritating to have such tiddlywinks played with my serious life steps, ya know? Just teejus. Teejus as hayull.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Feb 17 - 08:40 PM

She coughs up or she gets sued to sign. There's a contract -- c-o-n-t-r-a-c-t, contract, that begins with "c" and ends with "t" and stands for much in court, which also begins with "c" and ends with "t".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 08:12 PM

Hi, Mom. I'm missing a box of screw eyes. Have you seen them? Well, it's not really a box, but one of those little clear plastic drawers from a hardware storage cabinet like this. I said "box" because if I said "drawer" you'd probably go looking for a drawer like this in which case you'd maybe find socks, but no screw eyes. Anyway, if you see them, let me know. Or if you feel like coming over and pulling out all those little drawers from the four hardware storage cabinets in my shed-house (as if I haven't already done it twice) I'll pay your bus fare.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 17 - 08:48 PM

Some guys I went to high school with had screw eyes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 07:57 AM

From somewhere on the Web:

"A bill passed in the Arizona House of Representatives this week makes it legal for homeowners to use small-caliber firearms to kill snakes or rats that enter their property. House Bill 2022 makes it legal to shoot the vermin with a special type of bullet known as a bird- or rat-shot cartridge.

I'm not so sure I'd trust .22 rat-shot to kill a fix-foot rattler. It'd probably just piss him off. I'd shoot the fucker with a 12 gauge but make sure I had a .22 loaded with rat-shot on the premises in case the neighbors called the cops. "What's the problem? I shot him with this .22, just like the law allows. The neighbors say it sounded like a cannon going off? They probably had their hearing aids turned up too loud."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 12:58 PM

Such a cartridge will work if you put it close enough. YOU, not me.

How do they define "snakes", "rats," and "vermin"? I've been called those things and I really would rather not get shot, ever with a small caliber weapon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 01:11 PM

That little box/drawer of screw eyes looks like the cup hook and screw eye drawer in the little cabinet in my laundry room cupboard up over the dryer. You know as well as we all do how to find the box - go buy a new one. Upon your return home the old one will greet you at the door with an innocent "were you looking for me?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 02:19 PM

Mom! I have found my screw eyes! They were pretending to be wire nuts. I'm so pleased. Now I can hang the carpenter bee traps I built.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 07:52 PM

All things come to those who dash and and buy replacements.

You may quote me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 08:07 PM

Another good use for jelly jars. Mine are mostly full of jelly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 17 - 10:20 PM

Yet another reason, apart from the termites, pythons, rising sea levels, alligators, and suchlike not to live in Florida.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Feb 17 - 10:36 AM

For the uninitiated, carpenter bees bore into wood and lay their eggs. That's fine as long as the wood in question is a dead tree. Not so fine when it's your house. Even worse when pileated woodpeckers try to rip your house apart to get at the bee larvae, which they seem to be able to hear from miles away.

Carpenter bees will first try to expand an existing burrow before starting a new one from scratch. The holes drilled in the bee traps mimic the openings of burrows. The bees crawl into them to investigate and then can't get out. They can't crawl up the sides of a glass jar and their wings are too small for them to take off vertically.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 17 - 08:44 PM

I see. You are using the same sort of techniques against these carpenter bees that were used to exterminate the dodo and nearly killed off the Galapagos Tortoise. You're the sort who probably approves of the slaughter of the American bison and the extinction of the variola vera. Well, we have a New President now!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Feb 17 - 11:48 PM

Our purported new president's policy on species preservation is the same as on regulation in general. For each new regulation, he has promised to do away with two. For each new species placed on the Endangered Species List, he's promised to allow two to go extinct.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 08:39 AM

This is bad? Let's face it: some species are disgusting! Like the Glyptapanteles wasp that lays its eggs on a living catepillar that its offspring eats, or the hagfish and its slime, or the sea cucumber turning itself inside out, or the horned lizard shooting blood from its eyes. And animals in general poop and pee all over the place, with no regard at all for decency and hygiene. In fact, whenever you walk around without your shoes on you're walking through CENTURIES of dried animal excretions! And you're also breathing them! No wonder people get sick!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 10:40 AM

Important food safety alert:

"The Illinois maker of a cat and dog food product issued a voluntary recall over a potential contaminant that could cause symptoms of illness and possibly even death. Evanger's Dog & Cat Food issued the recall after pentobarbital was discovered in a sample of its Hunk of Beef Au Jus product. If you have recently purchased cans of this product, DO NOT EAT IT! Feed it to your dog instead."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 03:21 PM

I wouldn't feed that to a dog! Nor my SiL's cooking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 06:34 PM

Ah...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 07:32 PM

Mom! Rap's posting links to factual information again! Facts have no place on The Mother of All BS Threads! Make him stop!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 08:21 PM

I'm entering this using a pencil taped to my nose. Mom broke all my fingers for telling the truth. And both wrists. And my elbows. Now I can only subsist on milkshakes and booze, both drunk through a straw. And I have only Bee-Dubya-Ell to thank for this. It's a good thing I'll recover and that I have lots of .45-70 ammunition.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 08:39 PM

Heya Mom! It is insane how long it takes to take 6.5 tons of stuff and stuff them into a bag, move it three thousand miles and then distribute the tonnage through a 3,000 square-foot antebellum house. I am still scrapping and tapping and hauling and moving things around. Today we had a bamboo expert come by to size up our bamboo grove which is overgrown and thick with deadwood and some thirty feet high. I learned more about bamboo than I though could be possibly known.

So many subjects are like that--you skate around the outside of them thinking you know something or other and then someone comes along and starts filling in the details, and before you know it you are overwhelmed with information, very little of which is useable.

Anyway we are just another week away from having an operational house with AV wiring put right, bamboo cut back, paintings hung, cars registered and licenses re-generated. By the end of February we will be wholly operational, I expect, and by the end of March I plan to be made whole on the house-sale thing and get that all set back up right. Jaysus Christ, this has NOT been a vacation, but the town is loverly and the beer and friendship andf good neighbor-ness beyond compare.

So gawd bless our little hearts, and we will keep on trucking hoping to get where we are going. Right now I am bone-sore, back-broke, muscle-mangled and work-weary, but tomorrow is another day!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 09:27 PM

Amos, you need a good massage. I have a massage therapist here who will be happy to fly out and provide such, all for just her expenses. But she's really good and I promise you you'll know you've been worked over. Oh yes, she's a registered Massage Therapist and qualified to take medical insurance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 09:45 PM

Just don't give Maggie any of that Evanger's dog food, whatever you do! If Bobert is in the area maybe he's been taking shots at rabbits or deer in his garden - that would be good quality meat for your pooch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Feb 17 - 10:31 PM

Amos does not need a massage. He's in North Carolina now. He needs barbecued pig, grits, and moonshine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Feb 17 - 08:43 AM

Feed deer meat to a dog? I'd share a bit but mostly just the pancakes and maple slurpup. Hmmm... not too much of the slurpup as I assume it might upset a pup's tummy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Feb 17 - 09:49 PM

Hi, Mom. I didn't get the $21,000 reward they were offering for information leading to the capture of that guy who made the national news for killing three women near here. The cops caught up to him in a motel in Georgia and he shot himself. Actually, I wasn't going to provide information leading to his capture anyway. I loaded my 12 gauge over-under with 00 buck and was waiting for him to come cruising up my driveway. Then I was going to let my buddy Barack shoot him. I guess we would have had to split the reward, but that's okay. $10,500 ain't chicken feed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 11:27 AM

Barack needs some (proper) shooting training. And what's with the wimpy recoil vent(s)? Da girls I goes with be laughin, eh wha?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 11:34 AM

'Round about here we don't do that. Idaho does it 3-7-77.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 03:11 PM

What did the guy on the right do?

Played a fun set at the Nash Street Tavern. I had to go back to the DMV three times because they couldn't read the plain legal language of a trust document. I mean, really!! This kind of subliteracy is an embarrassment to the Great North State!

Which, by the way, fought most valiantly in the unfortunate dispute between the States, and earned their men the nickname of Tarheels. The story as sometimes told:

"Thus after one of the fiercest battles, in which their supporting column was driven from the field and they successfully fought it out alone, in the exchange of compliments of the occasion the North Carolinians were greeted with the question from the passing derelict regiment: "Any more tar down in the Old North State, boys?" Quick as thought came the answer: "No, not a bit; old Jeff's bought it all up." "Is that so; what is he going to do with it?" was asked. "he is going to put it on you'ns heels to make you stick better in the next fight." "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 06:21 PM

Lost, didn't they? Yup, they lost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:05 PM

"One legend has the nickname being applied to the state's residents as long ago as the Revolutionary War. According to this story, the troops of British General Cornwallis were fording what is now known as the Tar River between Rocky Mount and Battleboro when they discovered that tar had been dumped into the stream to impede their crossing. When they finally got across the river they found their feet completely black with tar. Their observation that anyone who waded North Carolina rivers would acquire tar heels led to the nickname first being used."

               --From the same place as Amos's explanation, goheels.com


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Feb 17 - 08:56 PM

Ah, yes, I recall Cornwallis--caught a glimpse of him once. At least I was told it was he--he had his back turned and was fleeing at the time.

Annyhoo, I had a long talk today with one our brightest and best activists. We have a lot of work ahead to untangle the wicked webs of deceit, greed, poverty, racism and sheer tomfoolery that have troubled these parts for too long. I am going to Raleigh on Saturday, to rub shoulders with the legions of goodhearts who turn out there for the Moral March conflation of high-minded types.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 04:51 PM

Before I brush the snow off my parked car, I will give MOM a boost up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 17 - 07:05 PM

Try not to get arrested, Amos. I understand NC chain gangs are not very nice, although you can pick up some new blues songs.


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