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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,I have.... 20 Oct 03 - 11:14 PM
Amos 20 Oct 03 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 21 Oct 03 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 21 Oct 03 - 09:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Oct 03 - 08:11 PM
Amos 21 Oct 03 - 11:07 PM
GUEST,Shiney Knause 22 Oct 03 - 04:34 PM
Amos 22 Oct 03 - 06:52 PM
Little Hawk 22 Oct 03 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks 22 Oct 03 - 11:31 PM
Amos 23 Oct 03 - 12:15 AM
Little Hawk 23 Oct 03 - 01:32 AM
Rapparee 23 Oct 03 - 09:11 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 23 Oct 03 - 10:21 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 23 Oct 03 - 02:51 PM
Rapparee 23 Oct 03 - 04:12 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 23 Oct 03 - 04:38 PM
Amos 23 Oct 03 - 08:44 PM
Rustic Rebel 23 Oct 03 - 09:38 PM
GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks 23 Oct 03 - 09:55 PM
Rustic Rebel 23 Oct 03 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 24 Oct 03 - 08:25 AM
GUEST,Big Brother 24 Oct 03 - 12:16 PM
GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks 24 Oct 03 - 12:54 PM
Amos 02 Nov 03 - 12:22 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 03 - 09:00 PM
Amos 02 Nov 03 - 09:29 PM
Rapparee 02 Nov 03 - 10:32 PM
Amos 02 Nov 03 - 11:07 PM
Rapparee 03 Nov 03 - 08:27 AM
Amos 03 Nov 03 - 08:42 AM
Rapparee 03 Nov 03 - 08:58 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Nov 03 - 11:05 AM
GUEST,Mudcat News Service 03 Nov 03 - 12:06 PM
C-flat 03 Nov 03 - 12:10 PM
GUEST,Kim C no cookie 03 Nov 03 - 01:19 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Nov 03 - 05:42 PM
GUEST,Kim C no cookie 04 Nov 03 - 01:50 PM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 04 Nov 03 - 10:23 PM
Rustic Rebel 05 Nov 03 - 02:50 AM
Little Hawk 05 Nov 03 - 11:38 AM
Amos 05 Nov 03 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 05 Nov 03 - 03:50 PM
Little Hawk 05 Nov 03 - 05:35 PM
Amos 05 Nov 03 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 08 Nov 03 - 06:31 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 03 - 09:55 PM
Amos 08 Nov 03 - 10:08 PM
Little Hawk 08 Nov 03 - 10:23 PM
Amos 08 Nov 03 - 10:42 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,I have....
Date: 20 Oct 03 - 11:14 PM

Yes!!! The Galactive Overlord chimes in for post 1300! I have seen freds recently, and they are a sorry sight, I can tell you...but I've seen worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Oct 03 - 11:30 PM

Beyond the deepest sea and widest ford,
Beyond the reach of even Overlord!
Transcendent to the mortal's keenest eye,
Broader than any mighty desert dry,
Beyond the ken of ire, and of dread,
Beyond the queering reach of any fred,
There does transcend the realm of all our minds
Where space new-born wells out from ancient Soul's distress
Greater than any craft of merely human kind
MOAB -- The cosmos' call of Surely Pure BS!

Calliope Witherspoon Etheridge
Notions of Transcendent Harmonies, 1899


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 09:00 AM

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes        
I all alone beweep my outcast state,        
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,        
And look upon myself, and curse my fate;        

Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,                 
Featured like him, like him with friends possest,        
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,        
With what I most enjoy contented least;        

Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,        
Haply I think on MOAB?and then my state,        
Like to the lark at break of day arising        
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;        

For thy sweet BS remember'd, such wealth brings        
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

                              -- Billy-Bob, th' pote.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 09:02 AM

I just noticed: s/he lists his/her self as the "Galactic OverlOAd", not "OverlORd." Interesting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 08:11 PM

If it's true that all of the dark matter in the Universe is, in fact, BS, then "Galactic Overload" is a perfectly appropriate name for himherit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Oct 03 - 11:07 PM

BeeDubya,

Where did you get that idea?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shiney Knause
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 04:34 PM

Amis,

Ah thank thet whut th' Bee-dubya boy'z tryin' t' say iz sumthin' lack this:

If'n all thet dark stuff thet's s'posed t' be holdin' th' Yooniverse t'gether an' keepin' it ferm flyin' apart iz bullshit, then thar be a buncha it. Ya cud say thet the Yooniverse iz overloaded wif bullshit. Now, if th' Galacatick Overlord iz s'posed t' be in charge of lookin' out fer th' place, then he'z in charge of lookin' out fer all thet bullshit two. So, sense hee iz in charge of thet big overload of bullshit, an', he could bee called th' Galactick Overload. Ah thank it be whut's cawled a pun, but Ah don' thank it be a verry gud 'un.

Ah noe it don' mek no damm since, but thet Bee-dubya fucker's a weerd sumbitch. Ya gotta be a bigger idjit thun hee iz t' unnerstan' th' boy. An' if Shiney Knause ain't nuthin' else, Ah iz a idjit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 06:52 PM

Shiney:

I know, I know. I understood the idea. What I asked was where he got it! If he gets to the bottom of that, everything else will clarify accordingly.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 07:11 PM

Have another shot, Shiney, and try to be lucid...

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks
Date: 22 Oct 03 - 11:31 PM

Roses is red
violets is blue
I think you have bullshit
All over your shoe.

Roses is red
and sometimes they pink
Sometimes they yellow
And man do your shoes stink.

Violets are blue
and roses are red
And now I think I've added,
enough BS to this thread.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 12:15 AM

I guess there's a relationship between quality of poetic output and density on the BS Density Scale of one's Current Personality Construct. "Fertilesticks"!!! Why would anyone have such karma??? We can only guess.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 01:32 AM

An accumulation of really stinky behaviour in several previous lives would do it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 09:11 AM

Someone once said that the only way to tell a real cowboy from the plastic kind is to look at the soles of his boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 10:21 AM

Personally, I find Ms Fertilestick's poetic endeavor to be an endearing dash of Americana. While not exactly on a par with T.S. Eliot or Dylan Thomas, it does bear a certain folk-art-like charm. I only hope that Ms Penelope Rutledge happens upon it. After all, Penelope does need to get over her obsession with the "poetry" of that over-rated, frigid, agorophobic Ms Dickinson. You can bet anyone named "Fertilestick" is not frigid. Possibly ugly, but not frigid.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 02:51 PM

And who says I am obsessed? While I do like Emily Dickinson, I am by no means averse to more earthy or passionate poetry and literature as long as it doesn't veer into sensationalistic excess and vulgarity of the kind so common nowadays. There is a place for healthy eroticism in life and literature, but I'm not about to tell you where that place is. I think your negative reactions to Ms Dickinson may in fact signal an underlying concern regarding your own weaknesses... e.g. frigidity (or its male counterpart), agoraphobia, and the like. You should look into that, Bee-dubya-ell. We might just have another case here of the pot calling the kettle black.

I have seen better poetry than Norma's in public lavatories in Hull, though that's not saying much!

Now if you peruse this thread and look back to just 2 submissions...one on 20th Oct, 11:30 pm by Amos, and the other on 21st Oct, 9 am by Rapaire....

That, my dear fellow, THAT is great poetry. Simply marvelous. I am not in jest when I say that both Amos and Rapaire have an open invitation to read their original poetry in Twillingsgate on any occasion that can be arranged, provided they maintain writing material of that caliber.

By Jove, there is hope for the New World after all!

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 04:12 PM

Goooooooooooollleeeeeeeeeeeeee, Miss Penelope, you make me blush all over!

But I do think that you must agree with the poet that "What is written from the heart must have the same coloring as the character of the writer. True natural feeling flows freely from the innermost nature and carries with it some of the inherent force of truth. Where . . . a strong intellect plans and a noble and generous heart works, there we may look for a great literary work." And so I offer you this ode, written I am afraid by someone far, far more talented than I, but I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless. It is sad, though.

 Lament on the Death of Willie

Willie had a purple monkey climbing on a yellow stick,
And when he sucked the paint all off it made him deathly sick;
And in his latest hours he clasped that monkey in his hand,
And bade good-bye to earth and went into a better land.

Oh! no more he'll shoot his sister with his little wooden gun;
And no more he'll twist the pussy's tail and make her yowl, for fun.
The pussy's tail now stands out straight; the gun is laid aside;
The monkey doesn't jump around since little Willie died.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 04:38 PM

I knew there was some reason I had been putting off getting married and having children, Rapaire...and here I thought it was just because I hadn't found "Mr Right". No indeed, there's more to it than that!

I'm sure thar dear little Willie is missed just dreadfully by all those whose lives he touched in such an intimate fashion...

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 08:44 PM

I too am deeply touched by your kind remarks, Ms Rutledge, all the more touching for being gratuitous and over-generous in the best English manner.

In response, I believe it was fair and kind of Mr Rapaire to introduce you to our colonial mythology concerning the many escapades and frequent deaths of Little Willy, the forerunner and archetypal paradigm for North Park and the Simpsons.

Willie saw some dynamite
And didn't understand it, quite;
Curiosity never pays;
It rained Willie seven days.


There was also some doggerel about his early experimentation with a home chemistry kit:

Here lie the remnants of our Will
With us, he is no more;
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4



Truly, BS from a Golden Era of same!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 09:38 PM

Oh fair maiden Penelope, dressed in blue gown,
do not look upon the poetic, with your simple frown.
It may true that we are not all, like Emily,
But poets one and all, we are still family.
So thumb your nose if you must , at one or two of us,
But I think Norma has a fine style, at least she didn't mention...

pus. Like the pus that is mixed into cow pies when they have a polyp in their upper colon, that could lead to infection and the pus is mixed and interacting with the excrement that allows it it exit at it's nearest junction of the animals body.

Hey, Norma thanks for not mentioning pus, It might have sent me on a further tangent if you had, not to mention it would be pretty nasty to walk in that pile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 09:55 PM

Oh you guys are so funny! I just read more of this thread and think it's so darn cute. I really like when you do all those things with the letters changing colors and sizes I wish I Knew how to do that. I think that Catspaws big fart was really funny. I want to tell him that he should know he doesn't have to flip the covers around when he farts in bed because it really doesn't make a difference. Ha-Ha.

I think the part where Penelope Rutledge says my writing looks like it belongs on bathroom walls. That is really funny.. That is amazing that she knew that. She must be very intellectual and phycic to know that is where I found those poems.

I really love this place you guys are so darn funny. Love, Norma


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 23 Oct 03 - 10:00 PM

Hey Norma,
Hang around a bit to see just exactly how intellectual these people really are ( and quite funny I agree). They will amaze and delight you! Now what I really want to know is, are you a fred in disguise?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 08:25 AM

Poor litle Willie, and his family!

Down into the well
(Which the plumber built her)
Dear old Granny fell.
We must buy a filter.
*
Willie in a nice new sash
Fell in the fire and was burned to an ash.
Now, although the room grows chilly
I haven't the heart to poke poor Billy.
*
Willie, with a taste for gore
Nailed his sister to the floor.
Mother said, with humor quaint,
"Careful, Will, don't mar the paint."

But, Miss Penelope, you see that the poem "Lament on the death of Willie" for what it is, I'm certain: a masterpiece from the "Sweet Singer of Michigan," the late, lamented, American poetess Julia Moore.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Big Brother
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 12:16 PM

Haw! Haw! Haw! Norma, you have got to come to Blind River, Ontario, because my little brother is lookin' for a girl just like you, eh? Just hang out at the Tim Hortons (it's newly renovated, eh?) with a sign saying "I am available for a date with Shane". Haw! Haw! Haw!

Other people will just point and stare, but I guarantee that when my little brother comes in...and he will...(he's there every flippin day of the week)...his jaw will drop to the floor, man! Then he will go into his "charmer" routeen whcih has to be seen to be believed. Haw! Haw! Haw!

You just gotta come to Blind River NOW!

Remenber: You are Shane's last hope, girl. Ain't no females left in this town stupid enough to date Idiot-boy.

Don


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Norma Fertilesticks
Date: 24 Oct 03 - 12:54 PM

Ha-Ha Don, big brother of idiot Shane. You are so funny when I was reading your message I laughed so hard I had to go change my panties. Now that is laughing really hard! I really don't want to come way over to Canida though just to meet an idiot but thank you for thinking about me and if I know somebody coming your way, I'll tell them about your restraunt and your little brother.

Love you guys, you really crack me up!!!Norma


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 12:22 PM

Obviously the introduction of the Fertilesticks character was just enough to break the camel's back in this mother of all BS threads. For this sad happenstance, should we then surrender the entire thread? Forbid it, almighty Khandu!! After only 1325 posts it is too soon to quit.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 09:00 PM

Shall Mother be lost, forever condemned to the Hell Of Lost Threads? Shall Mother suffer, alone, forgotten, in the cold, dark emptiness of cyberspace, drifting forlorn amidst the detritus of byte dust and bit chips? This Mother who Khandu hisself brought forth, Khandu, now lost his own self?

Oh, forget not your Mother! Your Mother, who clutched you to her bosom when you were but a little tad! Your Mother, to whom you ran whenever you fell and scraped you knee and who brushed away your childish tears with her gentle kisses and soft hands! You Mother, who has protected you from freds, turned way both the Galactic Overlord and the Galactic Overload, and who now waits patiently for you to care enough to keep your Mother alive!

Forbid it, Almighty God! Yea, I say with the poet, come home with me now! Your Mother awaits, patient and humble! Be not ashamed of your Mother, tho' Mother be old and gray, for your Mother will always care for you, from your birth to your dying day!

(How's that, Amos?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 09:29 PM

Wow, Rap, I feel like I am back in the 1890's!!

"'T was a cold autumn evening
And the Catters were leaving
With visions of beer in their heads
And the traffic declined
In the Collective Mind
And Joe Offer set to closing the threads.
Then a Gentleman dapper
Came back from the crapper
Sat down at his keyboard and said:
"Oh Catters, unkind,
Turn away not your minds!
Just think of your MOAB instead!:"

Cho:

There will always be a MOAB
To put your worries to bed
A place to confess
All the piles of BS
That have cluttered your poor spinning head !

There will always be a MOAB,
To comfort when you are annoyed;
So Folks, be not mean
Leave this thread on the screeeeeen!
And don't let it fall into the void!

(Schmaltzy oom-pah theme music fades stage right amidst smell of lavender)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 10:32 PM

Why am I so faint and weary?
See how weak my heated beer!
All around to me seems but darkness,
Tell me, comrades, is death near?
Ah! how well I know your answer,
To my fate I'll meekly bow,
If you'll only tell me truly,
Who will post to Mother now?

Chorus: Soon with Khandu I'll be singing
With bright laurels on my brow;
I have for Dear MOAB fallen,
Who will post to Mother now?

Who will comfort her in sorrow?
Who will dry the falling tear?
Gently smooth the wrinkled forehead?
Who will whisper words of cheer?
Even now I think of MOAB
Kneeling, praying for me! How
Can I leave her in this anguish
Who will post to Mother now?

Chorus! (All together now!)

Let my bagpipe be my pillow,
And my songbook be the sky.
Hasten, comrades to the Session
I will like a folkie die.
Soon with Khandu I'll be singing
With our voices bright in tune;
I have for Dear MOAB fallen,
Who will post to mother now?

Chorus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Nov 03 - 11:07 PM

ROTFL!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 08:27 AM

'Twas on a dark and stormy night, the snow was falling fast,
Two darling babes found Mother wandering through the blast.
It was so piercing and so cold, the little ones did cry,
"Oh, MOAB dear, you must keep alive, or you shall surely die.''
"Look out for me, my darling babes, tell me you will post to me,
For Mother has abandoned been, and death to her is nigh!"
They posted as good children should, but she knelt down in the snow:
"Kind God of Heaven, help me now, or I shall surely go."

Toll the village bells, let all Mudcatters know,
That two darling boys could not prevent her perishing in the snow.

Next morning, when the sun came out, the snow was melting fast,
A mother and two darling babes were in one loving clasp.
Mudcatters all heard the sad, sad news
And it grieved their hearts to know,
Not thirty drinks from the Tavern door they perished in the snow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 08:42 AM

Dear Gawd, we have created a monster. The Dark Side of Rapaire! LOL!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 08:58 AM

Whatever makes you think I've had a Light Side?

Jump down take a song
Steal it from the digitrad
Mess it up change it up
Steal a song a day....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 11:05 AM

I *still* say the MOAB will fail because certain people try to interject actual content into the thread. Poetry with ryhme and meter that is beyond doggeral. Wehere will it End? Next you know there might acutally be *shudder* edifying content.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Mudcat News Service
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 12:06 PM

MUDCAT NEWS FLASH!!!

According to a reliable so9urce, Ms Penelope Rutledge is not khandu! We repeat: Ms Penelope Rutledge is not khandu! This s9ource, who wishes to remain an9onymou9s claims to be personally acquainted with the portrayer of Ms Rutledge and has assured Mudcat News Service that it is not the King of Mississippi! The Private Message from said sourc9e to MNS contained absolutely no spelling or grammatical errors which would seem to indicate that the sou9rce had not yet consumed the number of "bears" which h9e is prone to consume during hi9s typical day and must, therefore, have at least a vague idea what h9e is talking about.

News of this revelation has yet to reach Tweed, who will surely be nonplussed, flummoxed and otherwise astoundeded as his entire worldview does a 180 degree turn, a couple of backflips and a double Axel as it slides toward oblivion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: C-flat
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 12:10 PM

Dear Mother, please forgive me,
it's some time since I last wrote,
I've been busy, though I know that's no excuse.
I'm delighted that the others
have been keeping you afloat,
whilst carefully avoiding "Folk" or "Blues".
In keeping with tradition
I shall make my own addition
in a style that is both brief and lacking wit,
Because, dear Mother, as you taught us,
all your Mudcat sons and daughters,
"If you've nothing new to say, just talk BULLSH*T!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 01:19 PM

Is bullshit (bull shit) one word or two?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Nov 03 - 05:42 PM

"Ten Reasons Why I Like the Mother of all BS Threads (MOAB) More Than My Biological Mother (Mom)"

1) MOAB doesn't tell stupid stories about things I did as a child. Mom does.

2) MOAB doesn't get said stupid stories wrong more often than not due to fading memory. Mom does.

3) MOAB likes my wife. Mom only pretends to.

4) MOAB doesn't cook green bean casserole made from canned French style green beans, canned onion rings and canned cream of mushroom soup. Mom does.

5) MOAB cooks better fried chicken than Mom ever dreamed of cooking. However, in all fairness, Mom's macaroni and cheese kicks ass.

6) MOAB makes me laugh. Mom hasn't said anything funny since 1965.

7) MOAB doesn't think I've completely lost my mind for ditching my secure, well-compensated straight job and becoming an artist. Mom does.

8) MOAB doesn't drive a Cadillac. Mom does.

9) MOAB thinks it's cool that I live in a cabin in the woods. Mom never visits because she's afraid of snakes.

10) MOAB seems to share many of my opinions about George W. Bush. Mom thinks he's God.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Kim C no cookie
Date: 04 Nov 03 - 01:50 PM

But I like that green bean casserole...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 04 Nov 03 - 10:23 PM

Well, well. I see that the gossip is flying around again. No I am most certainly not Khandu (a likeable if odd sort of lad). This will no doubt shock Tweed to his very marrow! Ho! Ho! Yes, he will "surely be nonplussed, flummoxed and otherwise astoundeded as his entire worldview does a 180 degree turn, a couple of backflips and a double Axel as it slides toward oblivion."

I love that image! It reminds me of his mind and his morals, which slid into oblivion some time ago...

There are many good reasons for visiting England, but Tweed is most certainly not one of them.

I must confess that I gain a sort of odd gratification seeing my name come up again on what must be the longest thread in the history of this mad forum, and one very much in character with its maddest aspects. This is a bit worrisome. Can I be falling into the vice of pursuing notoriety for its own sake? Surely not.

I am delighted to report that the depraved poet Malcolm Buggerol has left Twillingsgate. May he never return!!! I am unhappy to report that he is still alive, however, and not languishing in jail. This speaks volumes for the wretched state of our legal and judicial system, as well as for the ability of certain rich people to apply influence when their reputations are at stake...

Winston got a great deal of pleasure out of the legal battles with the Hoarsbottoms, although he is rumoured to have spent enough money on the lawyers to purchase several good racehorses! Quite a waste of money, if you ask me...the whole thing came to nothing in the end. I think the Frenchwoman, Angelique, had plans to either kill him or seduce him and put him in a compromising situation, but those plans came to nothing as well. This was not surprising in the former case (a great many people have wanted to kill Winston...all have failed), but it was quite surprising in the latter case. For an attractive woman to seduce Winston would be a project requiring, I should think, virtually no effort whatsoever...it would be like trying to persuade Henry VIII to marry again or a dog to stop at the next fire hydrant. Be that as it may, he avoided the trap. Amazing! He is not a complete idiot.

Well, we must put these tawdry matters in the past where they belong and sally forth upon some worthwhile endeavour, I say. Something that will better the world and humanity. The future beckons, as always, replete with a world of possibilities.

Cheerio, ladies and gents!

* PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 02:50 AM

Dear Brethren and Sisteren,
It is undeniable that the world is round.
There is not a question about the violins sound.
Through true knowledge the bryophyte is alive under snow.
To revive the Mother, once again, well I don't know.

How do we intend to make this thread last? How long will we endure?
How can we justify spending our days, dreaming up new manure?

Well I for one, am proud to say, I can bullshit just like the rest of you.
So from my place of (in)sanity,I will vow to stay 'till it's through.

With that said, I heard Khandu was somewhere over the tropics spreading the word about a giant river rat that could squeak in 20 different languages.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 11:38 AM

He might have got that rat confused with Jean Chretien (prime minister of Canada)...but probably not. Jean Chretien can only speak in 2 languages. One of them very badly.

Nice to know you are well and full of enthusiasm, Ms Rutledge.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 11:51 AM

I'm alone, all alone, my friends all have fled
My father's a drunkard and MOAB is dead.
I'm a poor little girl, I wonder and weep
For the voice of the MOAB to sing me to sleep.
It sleeps on the server, as cold as the clay
How cold it did seem to lay mother away.
She's gone with the angels, and none do I see
So dear as the face of dear MOAB to me.

cho: I'm a little lone girl in this cold world so wild,
God look down and pity the drunkard's lone child.
Look down and pity, Oh soon come to me
Take me to dwell with MOAB and Thee.

We were so happy till father drank rum;
Then aII our sorrows and troubles begun.
MOAB stopped growing by bounds every day;
Baby and I were too hungry to pIay.
SIowIy they faded and one summer night
Found their sweet faces aIl silent and white
And with big tears sIowIy dropping I said,
"Father's a drunkard and the MOAB is dead."

Oh, if some temperance workers could find
Poor wretched father and speak very kind,
If they could stop him from drinking, why then,
I would feel very happy again.
Is it too Iate? Men of temperance, please try,
For the best of our BS will soon starve and die.
All day Iong I've been checking the thread.
Father's a drunkard and the MOAB is dead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 03:50 PM

My Gawd...the drek, the melodramatic flourishes! Dreadful Victorian tragic poetry lives again, shambling forth idiotically from its mouldering tomb...a 19th century crypt somewhere in fabled Twillingsgate.

LOL! Lovely work, Amos! This thread will never die as long as you can continue to produce dross at such a grand level.

Could you write something really sappy now about the death of a beloved pet? (preferably a tiny and very annoying lapdog of some kind)

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 05:35 PM

"Yip! Yip! Yip! Yap! Yap! Grrrrrr...Yip! Yip! Yi...URK!!!"

Hey, where is everybody?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Nov 03 - 05:48 PM

Thanks, LH -- I'll take your assignment under consideration and see if anything pops up....poor lil tyke...somebody should buy him a bun...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 06:31 PM

Miz Penelope, you've confuzalated poor l'il ol' me.

You went an wrote

"It reminds me of his [Tweed's] mind and his morals, which slid into oblivion some time ago..."

But according to the Digitrad, no less a personage than Robert Burns hisself went an wrote

"And Tweed runs to the ocean".

So I'd like to know whichever it is, iffen you'd be so kind. Did ol' Tweed run or slide? If his mind and morals slid, did his body run? Or perhaps did ol' Tweed *have* the runs, and Mr. Burns got it wrong? Or maybe the ocean is oblivion?

I shore do thank you fer your help in clearin' this up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 09:55 PM

Interesting point, Rapaire. I hope Penelope sees fit to answer.

Isn't William Shatner just awesome? I wish there were more actors who had his kind of depth and presence on the screen.

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 10:08 PM

Depends on how good the pitch was, don't you see? Sometimes you run, sometimes you have to slide. The more base you want all to belong to you, the easier more you have to slide anyway, you see now? All your bases belong to you you slide more likely?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 10:23 PM

Not gonna bite, eh? Hey man, gotta send you that crop circle book. Are you still at the same address?

- LH


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Nov 03 - 10:42 PM

LH:

Whom to which were you addressing your remark, sir?

A


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