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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 12:59 PM
Donuel 14 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 02:17 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 03:37 PM
MMario 14 Jul 08 - 03:42 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 04:23 PM
MMario 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 04:35 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 05:35 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 06:30 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 06:36 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM
Acme 14 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM
Amos 14 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 09:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Jul 08 - 10:12 PM
Rapparee 14 Jul 08 - 10:38 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jul 08 - 11:00 PM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM
Little Hawk 15 Jul 08 - 01:08 AM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 09:23 AM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM
MMario 15 Jul 08 - 11:56 AM
Little Hawk 15 Jul 08 - 12:38 PM
Acme 15 Jul 08 - 12:43 PM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 12:49 PM
Donuel 15 Jul 08 - 02:35 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 03:09 PM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 03:55 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 04:36 PM
Acme 15 Jul 08 - 05:06 PM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 07:17 PM
Amos 15 Jul 08 - 07:37 PM
Rapparee 15 Jul 08 - 09:58 PM
MMario 15 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM
MMario 15 Jul 08 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM
Acme 16 Jul 08 - 01:00 PM
Amos 16 Jul 08 - 01:07 PM
MMario 16 Jul 08 - 01:36 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 01:39 PM
Rapparee 16 Jul 08 - 01:40 PM
Acme 16 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM
MMario 16 Jul 08 - 02:34 PM
Amos 17 Jul 08 - 12:19 AM
Rapparee 17 Jul 08 - 08:53 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:29 PM

Yeah, Bee-Dubya would want any of that other sort of dynamite. Hetero it is!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 12:59 PM

There's a great willow snag out at the back of the next door neighbor's property that is perfect for owls and hawks, but I've also seen a lot of other birds pause there. It's difficult to plant (intentionally) new trees that close to the creek because digging a hole and putting a tree in means it will probably get washed away next time the creek rises. It really needs to plant itself.

I have a volunteer cottonwood in a pot near the back door, and I've considered taking this little thing down and putting it in, maybe it will suck up the water so fast it will get established before the next flash flood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:01 PM

Rapaire, do you have a novel or two that employ some of your clever pranks/scenarios?

if not why not


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM

Do it! Cottonwoods are gracious and an ecological asset as well.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 02:17 PM

Maybe I should, otherwise it gets pulled out as a weed.

I hope, Amos, that you realized that on another thread just now I made an assertion that wasn't intended to hit everyone. I was painting with a rather broad brush and may have hit a few innocent bystanders in the process.

Sometimes these folks just chap my hide and one has to apply the Vaseline liberally at the source of irritation. Kind of like smothering a tick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:37 PM

Oh!! Alright, then. I'll take your remarks off the "suppressed resentment" stack and send them along the flow of time oproperly, then.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 03:42 PM

Hey MOM! I gotta question. If you know less about something then a third class citizen does that make you a fourth class citizen? I judge by reading another thread that there are designated target for personal attack on the mudcat - and that people are encouraged to attack them.

Heck! I never seen no list, nor designation; nor encouragment for that matter.

Guess I'm just a dumb f*cker nobody tells nuthin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:23 PM

The answer is no. There are no fourth class citizens.

If you fall out of third class they put you in the baggage compartment.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:26 PM

jeez-louise! I always knew I *had* baggage, didn't realize I *was* baggage.

*sigh*


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 04:35 PM

EVERYONE is baggage.

Except me, of course.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 05:35 PM

All baggage should be inspected, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:30 PM

The only reason you think you are not baggage is because no-pne is willing to inspect your saggy white butt, Rapaire.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:36 PM

Sounds like he's a duffel bag.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 06:49 PM

Then get me two stainless-steel baggage carts
And place them at head and at toe.
And on them to place this inscription:
"Here lies an old duffel, below".....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 08:21 PM

I see by your outfit
That you are a duffel,
You see by my outfit
That I am luggage too,
We see by our outfits
That we are both baggage,
Let's run away to Denver
To the lost luggage zoo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:00 PM

I fly with valise
My duffel is below
I'm catching Jet Blue
For a town in Ohio
They violate the baggage
They bust up your guitar,
Your Samsonite suitcase
Is showing its scars,

Get along, all you baggage
Ride around and 'round and 'round
The conveyor belt is broken,
And its slowing me down,
Get along all you baggage,
Ride around real slow,
A leisure-suited Momma
Is rarin' to go....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 09:59 PM

I tried to wear a leisure suit a long, long time ago but I was already employed AND married, so I no longer had the leisure to do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:12 PM

The only leisure suit I've ever worn is the one I was born with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 10:38 PM

Was it polyester double knit?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jul 08 - 11:00 PM

Anyone seen Artie Fufkin lately?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:15 AM

No, not at the time; but lately it's kinda double-hung and needs some pressin'.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 01:08 AM

Or Al Harrington? How about him?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 08:22 AM

Being an expert on leisure suit icons is like, for sure, a sign of a misspent youth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:23 AM

I think Amos would look great in a powder-blue polyester double knit leisure suit. It sort of suits the leisurely San Diego life style, and would look just fah-bulous! in a kayak. And a wig like Donny Trump wears, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 10:33 AM

Dear Sir:

Cut back on the Vicodin; you are close to being surrounded by trumpeting elephants wearing pink tuutuus.


With kind regards,


Amos


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 11:46 AM

And lots and lots of heavy gold chains with big medallions hung around his neck. And he should be wearing a polyester shirt with big pointy collars sticking out of the leisure suit's jacket.

Can't decide if he should wear white shoes, though....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 11:56 AM

white socks and sandels


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:38 PM

There you go. Why, we may soon have Amos circulating amongst the "beautiful people", networking, schmoozing, rubbing shoulders with the likes of Billy Crystal and other such luminaries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:43 PM

Someone pass MOM the Pepto Bismol. She's looking a little bilious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 12:49 PM

...okay, Big Guy, I'll go for the Beverly Wilshire shtick, if you will accept employment as an under-paid illegal-immigrant chauffeur driving my stretch HUMMER around LA on various errands -- coke runs, massage stops, racquetball dates, mansions of the the rich and anonymous, picking up underage dates and assorted strong-arm calls and collections visits you may have to make on my behalf.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 02:35 PM

I bought a unique tuba case. It was sleek and smooth. It looked aerodynmaic. Even though it was used. It looked like Fat Boy, of the Enola Gay. I filled it with clothes, and painted it grey. I went to the airport and what did they say. They said


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:09 PM

Sure. Remember when you pay me that I'll be armed, 'cause I ain't goin' into SoCal without AT LEAST one automatic weapon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 03:55 PM

HEll, we's friends ain't we? WHy should I care if you wanna pack heat?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 04:36 PM

"Friends don't let friends underpay friends." -- A. Capone


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 05:06 PM

So what did they say?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 07:17 PM

YEah, Donuel--what DID they say?


About your tuba case?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 07:37 PM

Oh mother dear, in ten more posts
We will come to half a K
ANd this one is the 25th!
Along your joyful way.
So we will gather here and there
To make a bit of fuss,
And thank you for the random buzz
Your love has brought to us!

We're glad you're here, we're glad you're well,
We're glad that you're alive;
We've minded you through every Kay,
Soon to be twenty-five.
And though that is a lot of posts
(As e'en fools will allow)
We do not think it is too much--
We need e'en more, somehow.

So let us to you one and all
Raise up a cheery glass,
And pray that we will never see
You fall flat on your ass;
But keeping well, and hale and strong,
Bearing your beaming smile,
We'll carry you along this road
For yet another mile!
So here's to you, with all our love,
We proudly do confess
There's no-one whom we'd rather toast
Than the Mom of all BS!


Sappy Ent Hominid Jr.
Dancing about Architecture
Selfless, Hopeless, Homeless, Goalless, Chicago, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 09:58 PM

I once had an atom bomb that looked like a tuba case....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 10:55 PM

Ate?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 15 Jul 08 - 10:58 PM

10 base seven septadecimal?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 09:29 AM

No, I never ate it. Ingesting plutonium isn't good for you. It makes your flatus glow in the dark.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:00 PM

It might explain some SBDs, though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:07 PM

Wow, man. Tritium triglyceride emanations. Awesome.

Put away your BIC, Rapaire.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:36 PM

I've lost count. Is there Three or two left?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:39 PM

One, unless someone else posts before me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:40 PM

None, now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 01:47 PM

You counted correctly. Probably scared everyone away with the threat of nuclear farts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 08 - 02:34 PM

Good - now we can get mom regular again - she seemed a bit "slow" today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 12:19 AM

Now, you guys, let's not get started on irregularity and Mom's various remedies therefore. I had almost forgotten the taste of cod - liver oil.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jul 08 - 08:53 AM

Well Mom, in about a hour and half they're coming for me. I'll be taken out, the guns will be loaded, and..."Ready! Aim!...."

Yes Mom, this is the day when I will go out to the range with my Supervisors and teach them to shoot targets with .22 pistols. This is, of course, prefatory to practicing so that we can eventually challenge the Top Cops to a shoot-out. But mostly this is an exercise in building their self-confidence, team cohesion, and stuff like that. They're pretty excited about it, since most of them have never handled a pistol in their life. I've had them studying and reviewing safety and stuff for a couple months, and we've even had a class on it here at my house where they got to handle guns and see what they're like. So I'd better go shower, Mom.

Later.


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