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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 01:03 PM
MMario 19 Aug 08 - 01:23 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 01:35 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 08 - 03:11 PM
MMario 19 Aug 08 - 03:30 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 04:00 PM
MMario 19 Aug 08 - 04:12 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 04:47 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 05:03 PM
Acme 19 Aug 08 - 06:01 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 07:39 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 07:59 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 08:35 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 09:39 PM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 08 - 09:08 AM
Acme 20 Aug 08 - 09:13 AM
Rapparee 20 Aug 08 - 09:34 AM
MMario 20 Aug 08 - 09:48 AM
Acme 20 Aug 08 - 10:12 AM
MMario 20 Aug 08 - 10:23 AM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 10:29 AM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 08 - 01:51 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 03:13 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 08 - 05:55 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:04 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:07 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:07 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:14 PM
Bobert 20 Aug 08 - 06:14 PM
Amos 20 Aug 08 - 06:15 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 08 - 06:22 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 01:03 PM

Golly, Mom, just forty-five
Until you reach K twenty-five!
We'll help you get there, standing tall,
And then I'll post the...something or other....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 01:23 PM

So - anything important happen while I was off visiting 1585?

I met Walter Raleigh, and Lady Mary Sidney, and Francis Drake, and Francis Walsingham, and Cardinal Tellini, and Churchyard O'Shea (and his little sister Margaret) and lots and lots of other people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 01:35 PM

Nah, except Rapaire is running out of drool-naps. LH is hiring help to keep his fantasy characters in line, and trying to get elected dictator. Rapaire is above all that, he's running for Primary Mover Unmoved, but so far he hasn't been able to muster up enough electoral votes to be invited to the debates.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 03:11 PM

I sure hope King Khandu shows up on time to bring some dignity and real authority into this cultural wasteland.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 03:30 PM

I have been accused of being succinct! Can you believe that? I'm pretty sure it constitutes an insult. The nerve of some people, saying someone is succint just because on occasion they deliver concise and accurate answers to convuluted questions. They needn't get insulting about it. It's not like I make a practice of it.

Given my New England upbringing I may be taciturn, sometimes blunt or terse, on occasion even brusque; but I am quite positive that I am not normally, nor deliberately succinct.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 04:00 PM

Bein' taciturn, you speak few words, and not bein' succinct means it takes you a real long time to beat around the bush on any given topic. But most folks in this day and age have attention deficits, so anything that happens over a real long time gets blocked out, and only the short parts get observed, see? So that makes you LOOK succinct, because you're taciturn. Makes perfect sense when ya think about it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 04:12 PM

okay. That would explain it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 04:47 PM

When I was a new editor one of the reporters told me that I was succinct. Or something like that. He said I sucked something, anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 05:03 PM

Prolly cuz you threw all the information you could get into a story, from the crazed aunt in the attic to the kitchen succinct.

Either that or he thought you were a succinctor or some kind.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 06:01 PM

Just so you weren't called suck sphincter.






























I just grossed myself out with that one. Familiarity with rim shots doesn't mean they are appealing. (It means one is running unfiltered Google in the grown-up mode. But anyway, yech.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 07:39 PM

I think the Prime Mover invents these little contretemps for himself in order to have some adventures in humility, even though his Mom told him to knock off the slumming.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 07:59 PM

You may consider me as the Uncaused Cause.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 08:35 PM

You should listen to your muthah, Mister Unplannedcaused Whatever....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 09:39 PM

I shall now recite my favorite poem (favourite poem, in those countries with spelling difficulties):

I am Jesus' little lamb
He has made me what I am
He will wash me white as snow
What a dirty job for little Jesus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:39 PM

Thou art Jesus' Favourite Ham,
He has made thou what thou Am;
He has clothed thee in thy cloak,
He inspires your bad jokes;
He provides both health and tumor.
Would he had a Sense of humour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 09:08 AM

Okay, Amos. That's enough. I'm gonna tell it like it is.

I had my annual Performance Evaluation by the Board of Trustees last evening and they kept me on for another year. After what they said about me I was flown home by the flights of angels that are mine to command, lest I dash my foot against a stone. This morning I took a short walk, skipping merrily across the water left on the grass blades from the sprinklers, and I can't wait to surprise the boaters on the Reservoir by walking out and asking if they have any Grey Poupon.

More than just that, they asked my staff for input. Because of that input a bright glow now surrounds me, blinding those who try to look upon me when I have the rheostat all the way up. I pal around with Moses and Elijah and a sometimes a cloud will form and a voice like thunder says, "This is My Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. Don't piss him off."

If you'd like, I send you a hem of my garment so you can be cured by its touch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 09:13 AM

Did you get a raise with that review?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 09:34 AM

Ah, yeah. Effective October 1.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 09:48 AM

someone must be performing the loaves and the fishes with budget!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 10:12 AM

I have to go to work, so the mortgage can get paid on time. You guys carry on, and don't bleed on the carpet over that big number. No stacking or turning over the furniture, and leave the swords and guns OUTSIDE.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 10:23 AM

Is it okay if we use the sofa as a trampoline?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 10:29 AM

Well done, well done, my good Rapaire!
Well done, well done to you!
So well you apply the Golden Butt Kiss
That thou earns't a Golden Screw.


A

(Seriously, congrats on a good review, and I know it was well-earned.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 01:25 PM

I have no mortgage on my home, but even so there always seems to be a bit too much month left over at the end of every pay check.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 01:51 PM

That happens because you live where you do. Now if you lived in, say, Arimo or McAmmon that wouldn't happen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 03:13 PM

YEah. But there would be other trade-offs. For one thing, I know where San Diego is.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 05:55 PM

Tsk. I know where San Diego is as well as where Arimo and McAmmon are. Obviously I know more than you do.

But another downside (from your point of view anyway)is that you wouldn't have anything to have left at the end of the month because you wouldn't have anything at the beginning of the month.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:04 PM

Yeah; well I know where Hurlbutt Street is, and Redding, and San Ysidro. And although you could look those things up in order to reinforce your smart-ass persona it would n't be the same.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:07 PM

1.

They came around the twenty-four-six
And their hooves were pounding hard.
The track was soft, and the mud flew out
For all of forty yards.

It seemed Big Mom was left behind,
And the bettors screamed and cussed.
They'd put their dough down on her run,
With a special kind of trust.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:07 PM

As they pounded past the second pole,
Brown Derby in the lead,
The bettors howled and screamed "Big Mom"
But the jockey did not heed.

He was holding his own three back from the lead,
And he neither lost, nor gained,
And the horses passed with a thundering sound
And the bettors winced with pain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM

2.

Somewhere out there there's a sure-win bet,
And a horse that will never stall.
Somewhere out there, there's a jockey who
Rides better than them all.

And every bettor knows its true,
"I swear it's true!!", they'll say.
But it didn't look true as the herd ran through
Drivin' for twenty-five K.

At twenty-four six fifty
The ponies glowed with sweat,
THey were striving for the lap flag,
But they hadn't seen it yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM

Big Mom was stretching wide and lean,
Lopin' along with a grin,
Watching the tails of the two ahead,
Brown Derby and Bright Glim.

Now the crowd was getting mad as hell,
And the sky was growing dark,
There was rainclouds gathering overhead,
And in the bettor's hearts.

They knew Big Mom could break away,
They could see it in her eyes.
But she didn't surge, and the bettors sighed,
And hoped their bets was wise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:08 PM

Their eyes rolled wide, the hot foam flew,
As they hurtled past the stands.
And the muscles on their mighty necks
Rippled like iron bands.

Brown Derby ran like a beast possessed,
With a heart that could not fail.
And his jockey heard, like the drums of hell,
Bright Glim there, on his tail.

And back in third, jes' taking her time,
Was the shadow of Big Mom,
Eating the track with a long, slow stride,
Like a slowly ticking bomb.

The 'caster he was hollerin' loud
Over the old PA,
It was more a fearsome, awesome roar,
There wasn't too much he could say.

The storm of those mighty muscles flew
Like tornados under glass,
And the watchers chewed their nails, and prayed
And yelled, as they thundered past.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM

4.


DOwn past the nine-and-fifty mark!
THeir steely hooves were flying!
And the flying mounts with rolling eyes,
Grabbed air like they were dying.

But they never faltered, slowed or shied,
THey could not slow or stay;
For the crops came down and the heels dug in,
For the 25 of K.

There are men who love their horses well,
Who think them fine and fair
But they'll drive a stallion half to hell
When a prize is in the air;

And there are lasses who will swoon,
To stroke a gentle flank
Who'll scream for blood, when the thundering feet
Mean money in the bank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM

And the horses' blood, and the horses' foam
Scattered wide in the summery air
And the sweat of the battle ran like blood
Through the fine and windblown hair.

And the thud of the endless pounding hoofs
And the cannon roars of the crowd
And the dust in the wind, and the summer sun,
Were hot, and long and loud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM

5.

And on they came, like dust from hell,
Their drumming shoe like hail,
Their fiery breath and murd'rous gaze
And their flying, wind-swept tails.

The jockeys bent and cried and sang,
"Come on! Big Girl, come on!"
Around the flag at 24-9,
And straight to the end of dawn.

They hammered the turf with flashing feet,
And they filled the air with thunder.
The bettors gasped and watched Big Mom
With hope, and awe, and wonder.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:09 PM

She had come abeam of the very tip
Of the tail of bold Bright Glim,
And Big Mom smiled and stretched a tad,
And moved to the flank of him.

And the ladies fluttered their summer fans,
And recovered from summer swoons,
As a ripple of hope ran through the crowds
On that burning afternoon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

6.

And still they roared and thundered on,
Bound onward toward the nine,
But the back three started to feel the heat,
Falling back in a long, thin line.

Brown Derby would not quail or flinch,
Moving out like a beast of steel,
ANd behind her Bright Glim raged ahead,
With an anger you could feel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

Then the crowd fell still, while on the stretch
While the trainers muttered and cussed,
On the far-away stretch they saw every horse
DIsappear in a cloud of dust.

The shyster on the field PA
Could only mutter and stew,
For they couldn't make out one horse from the next,
WHile the dust-clouds whirled and blew.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

7.

But the clump was driving fast as hell,
Faster than well-oiled dreams,
And the crowd grew wan, with a muffled gasp
And a few well-muted screams.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

On down, on down, those ponies ran,
Into the rising sun,
And the hopes of every betting man
Hung balanced on their run.

And the gentlemen curled their mighty hands,
And the ladies whispered in dread,
As the distant cloud moved down the stretch,
With the nine in sight, ahead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

8.

Then suddenly, the Nine came down
Like a flag from an angry Zeus
ANd the thunder of the cheers rose up
In the thunder of mighty shoes,

And the clouds of dust were whipped aside,
As fast as light in the night
And Big Brown whipped across the Nine
WIth another horse on his right

But it wasn't what they'd thought it was
Just aft the right of him;
The horse that moved in his very steps
Was no longer brave Bright Glim.

For Glim was third!! And in her place
Like a well-aimed flying bomb,
Came loping up in second place
Implacable Big Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:10 PM

Ten thousand breaths that had been held
Were let out as one breath
Ten thousand hearty voices yelled,
Loud enough to wake the deaf.

Ten thousand kerchiefs waved in the sun,
And ten thousand spirits prayed,
As the rounded the Nine and went for the line,
AT the dawn of that summer day.
....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM

9.

And there was the Nine, now flying past!
And there the crowd, gone mad,
ANd they started to yell, "Come On, Big Mom!!"
With everything they had.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM

But there was no way, any jock could see
For Big Mom to make that draw
For Big Brown moved with the longest stride
Any horse-man ever saw.

And he moved with speed and he moved with grace,
Like a shell from a well-oiled gun
And the betting men cheered in spite of themselves
Knowing down deep he'd won.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM

10.

There's folks today still tell the tale,
In the quiet evening hours,
When the heat of the speed of the passing hooves
Drained the life from the roadside flowers
When every heart was prepared to break,
And every eye weep a tear,
As they prayed or cheered or cursed in their beards,
For the horse they held so dear.

It was surely a loss, for the giant Brown
Still strove at Big Mom's head
And his tail was high and his head was down
Lookin' strong, and game, and fed.

And some as was there still get the stare
Of a man who sees too far,
And can't quite reckon the time and the ways
When reality lowers the bar.

But the darkening clouds grew over Brown
In the last of the quart-miles
And a spray of lightning light came down
And snaked across the ground

And it didn't hit Brown enough to hurt,
Of blood, there warn't a dab.
But it bit his heels and made him leap,
And startle, and stall, and crab.

And while he crabbed Big Mom blew by,
Like dawn pouring into day,
And poured on everything she had,
And she crossed 25 of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:11 PM













This space for rent. -Muderator


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:14 PM

I think in some strange way it is only ultimately appropriate that the 2500th post should be a Zen post, the sound of no words in a space of infinite time. For thus is True BS.

I dedicate it to King Khandu and all who have come after him.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bobert
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:14 PM

Wow, Amos...

I think you deserve to take a victory lap and maybe get into Ripley's Believe-it-or-Not...

Congrates...

B~


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:15 PM

Do NOT delete that post, dearheart!!!! It has a hiidden meaning!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 08 - 06:22 PM

Looks like Jeri bagged 25K, Amos....


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