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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 19 Apr 04 - 10:10 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 19 Apr 04 - 11:22 PM
Amos 19 Apr 04 - 11:28 PM
Acme 19 Apr 04 - 11:45 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 04 - 12:05 AM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 01:16 AM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 04 - 01:30 AM
GUEST,Shlio 20 Apr 04 - 03:52 AM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 20 Apr 04 - 09:31 AM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 10:50 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 04 - 11:18 AM
Little Hawk 20 Apr 04 - 11:25 AM
GUEST 20 Apr 04 - 11:26 AM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 11:40 AM
GUEST,MMario 20 Apr 04 - 11:46 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 04 - 01:01 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 04 - 01:11 PM
Rapparee 20 Apr 04 - 06:43 PM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 08:39 PM
Amos 20 Apr 04 - 08:40 PM
catspaw49 20 Apr 04 - 09:57 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 20 Apr 04 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Apr 04 - 09:30 AM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 04 - 09:33 AM
Rapparee 21 Apr 04 - 03:03 PM
Amos 21 Apr 04 - 03:17 PM
Amos 21 Apr 04 - 03:23 PM
GUEST,MMario 21 Apr 04 - 03:26 PM
Little Hawk 21 Apr 04 - 03:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 04 - 05:05 PM
GUEST,The coolest one 21 Apr 04 - 05:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 21 Apr 04 - 07:00 PM
Rustic Rebel 22 Apr 04 - 03:21 AM
Rapparee 22 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,MMario 22 Apr 04 - 10:21 AM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 10:52 AM
GUEST,MMario 22 Apr 04 - 11:07 AM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 11:26 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 22 Apr 04 - 11:43 AM
MMario 22 Apr 04 - 11:59 AM
MMario 22 Apr 04 - 12:02 PM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 12:04 PM
GUEST,MMario 22 Apr 04 - 12:11 PM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 12:23 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 04 - 12:57 PM
Rapparee 22 Apr 04 - 01:00 PM
Amos 22 Apr 04 - 01:34 PM
GUEST,Shlio 22 Apr 04 - 02:55 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 10:10 PM

cheat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:22 PM

Gee! I was in such a hurry to beat Little Hawk William Shatner to the 2700th post that I misspelled "know". Well, actually, I didn't misspell "know". I spelled "no" instead and I spelled it perfectly. It just wasn't the correct word for the context, even though "no" and "know" sound exactly the same and if we were talking instead of writing the distinction between the two is totally nonexistant.

No what I mean?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:28 PM

No


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Apr 04 - 11:45 PM

That would be a homonym (unless you're a homophobe in which case you'll have to think of something else to call words that sound the same but have different meanings). Not to be confused with the recently-popular ad hominem.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 12:05 AM

Speaking of homophobia...

WalMart no longer calls their regular homogienized milk "Homo Milk".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:16 AM

Why not? Someone can't tell the difference between homogeneity and homosexuality? I think the Dairy Department is in deep trouble...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:30 AM

The thing you must understand about the Great William Shatner is this: He seldom arrives when expected...but...occasionally he DOES arrive when expected. This is calculated to keep people off guard at all times and subtly orchestrate their actions. Thus they end up doing Shatner's will regardless of what they do or do not do!!!

It would be diabolical if it wasn't so wonderful. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 03:52 AM

And Shatner's will is?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 09:21 AM

To make others seem as incomprehensible as possible....so he will (he hopes) be able to survive as though worth something in comparison.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 09:31 AM

Whoopee! No possible jury duty call until Friday!

Oh, wait. Damn. I wanted to vote for execution in that insurance lawsuit. Oh, poop, I guess I'll have to wait.

"It is the judgement of this court that you be taken back to the place of confinement and on [date] you be taken from there to the place of execution, where you are to be hanged by the neck until life is nearly extinct, and then cut down, and your privy members cut off and burnt before your face, and your entrails withdrawn and likewise burnt, and then your heart likewise, and your head then struck from your body and your body divided into four parts and disposed of as His Majesty (or Her Majesty) sees fit."

Oh, I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO miss the old days! And that was for jaywalking!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 10:50 AM

I am curious to know what that sentence really was, if it was genuine. Musta been a Republican court, I expect.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:18 AM

That's not a sentence. It's a paragraph.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:25 AM

It sounds like what would happen to someone who insulted Penelope Rutledge in a public place...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:26 AM

drawn and quartered


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:40 AM

Well, that answers that question!! Thanks, Nameless. This was, then, a punishment for treason, piracy, or spiritual treason (wrong religion). Maybe the chruch and state separation should have been articulated more carefully in the US Constitution; letting it slip can obviously lead to over-exertion by the judiciary.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:46 AM

gee Amos, that smacks of treason!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:01 PM

WOBH! For some reason I thought "drawn and quartered" was the means of execution whereby each of one's four limbs was tied to a draught horse and when the horses were whipped into action... Well, you get the picture.

I guess if I had a choice I'd rather have my 'nads cut off and burned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 01:11 PM

Idaho Code 19-2716 provides that execution will be by lethal injection, except!

"...in any case where the director finds it to be impractical to carry out the punishment of death by administration of the required lethal substance or substances for the reason that it is not reasonably possible to obtain expert technical assistance, should such be necessary to assure that infliction of death by administration of such substance or substances can be carried out in a manner which causes death without unnecessary suffering, the sentence of death may be carried out by firing squad, the number of members of which shall be determined by the director...."

So nice to know that they have a fall-back position.

This, by the way, is fanatically opposed by the Idaho Legion, usually on very personal grounds.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 06:43 PM

Big News from The Borowitz Report!!

NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK SET IN BUSH WHITE HOUSE

'Wizards of Mass Destruction' Latest Tell-all Memoir

"Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling has climbed aboard the publishing industry's hottest trend, announcing today that her next entry in the Potter series will be set backstage at the Bush White House in the run-up to the invasion of Iraq.

The book, Harry Potter and the Wizards of Mass Destruction, is expected to be the most successful Bush-cabinet tell-all memoir yet, publishing insiders say.

"It's a little like the Richard Clarke book and a little like the Paul O'Neill book, but with that J.K. Rowling magic thrown in," says Annabelle Kaminski of the industry bible Publishers Weekly. "This is going to be the first book about the Bush White House to move a lot of units with teens and tweens."

According to Ms. Kaminski, the new Rowling book picks up Harry's story as he graduates from the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and begins his career as a junior member of the Bush cabinet.

But once he arrives at the White House, young Harry discovers that the entire cabinet is under the spell of a mysterious wizard named "Ahmad Chalabi."

"Chalabi has convinced all of the cabinet members that there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and it's up to Harry to remove the spell," says Ms. Kaminski. "Ultimately, Harry fails, so he leaves the cabinet and signs a book deal instead."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 08:39 PM

TWENTY ONE TWENTY!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 08:40 PM

Correction: TWENTY-SEVEN TWENTY


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 09:57 PM

Here.....Let me give all of you lame motherfuckers something to aspire to.........At one of my other favorite haunts on the web, The SPEED Boards, THIS TURKEY has over 13,000 posts on it. Granted they ain't none too brilliant or esoteric, but as a waster of bandwidth, very hard to beat!!! Note also that this thread has only been running for a little over 5 months. There are some real idiots over there, believe me!!!!

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 20 Apr 04 - 11:55 PM

Quality, Spaw, not quantity. The content of this thread is 100% board certified mental masturbation. And we ain't gonna stop until we all get our cookies.

Hey, I bet George W. has higher approval ratings at that Speed website than he does here.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 09:30 AM

Of course it's about quality! MOAB means quality. If quantity was all there was, posting "George Bush is the best president who ever existed" would attract posters like flies to a shitpile. MOAB, on the other hand, only attracts the creme de la creme, the knowledgable, the cogniscenti, the very elite, of flies to its shitpile, so to speak.

When you think QUALITY shit, think Mother!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 09:33 AM

Speed Boards? Nawww... Too many graphics! It looks like a place where teenagers hang out. I like the basic thread idea though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:03 PM

MOAB.


 


Supplying Quality BS to the
Mudcat CafÉ and the world for
close to a year now.





When you think of quality BS,
You think of MOAB.





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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:17 PM

A once-fierce warrior, reduced (by long-term exposure to over-pressure of high-purity BS) to mouthing mealy marketing platitudes!! It is too, too, sad...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:23 PM

A sentiment worthy of repitition:

       Mister Bush is a knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
       base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
       hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
       lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
       glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
       one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
       bawd, in way of good service, and is nothing but
       the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,
       and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch.

Sincerely,

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:26 PM

hey! I din't know anything about cookies?!?!

white chocolate macadamia?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 03:32 PM

And Chongo is now on the trail of a vampire! Looks to be a good month ahead of us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 05:05 PM

"To get one's cookies" = street slang for ejaculation.

I'm in a bit of a quandry though as to exactly what form the ejaculate of mental masturbation would take. Has anyone ever actually achieved mental masturbatory climax? Would he/she know it if he/she did?

Maybe there is no climax. Maybe we have to just keep beating off and beating off and never get to the point of getting off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,The coolest one
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 05:20 PM

Man, ain't you ever heard that "the beat goes on?" Since it goes on, why should the beaten ever end? This mental jackoff stuff is, like, one continuous and eternal climax.

It's like an eternal journey, man, with an eternal end. It's the only place where you can get off while gettin' off like, forever. You're gettin' off while you get off, et nunc et semper.

Dig it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 21 Apr 04 - 07:00 PM

Groovy, Daddio.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 03:21 AM

My mother used to call my pussy , a cookie.
That doesnt't really have anything to do with this conversation at hand now does it?
So what were we talking about?

Eternal jacking off.

I once knew a man that believed in eternal jacking off. He was considered an eternal jack-off-er in the community.
He was the best in the field.
He was the best in the grove.
He was the best in the high tide.
It really didn't matter where he was, he was the best jack-off-er I knew.
I loved him so much I called him-Jack-Off-Er.
Highly respected, highly wanted and highly high.
I understand he found nirvana just by jacking off.

Now I wonder if I really knew him at all. I wonder if jacking off is the answer to his horniness. I wonder if I spell horniness correctly.I wonder if I should be submitting this to the Mother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 09:17 AM

You can post anything here.

I'm glad to see a beatnik or hepcat post. A touch of nostalgia there. Takes me back to my younger days. "Beat me, Daddy, four to the bar" and such stuff. Tiny cups of eXpresso and poetry like "The rooster crows in my belly" and Ferlinghetti and Brother Antoninus and wait, no, that bunch wasn't in West Central Illinois.

Never mind. We never had such commie pinko people back when I was young. I wonder what the world is coming to these days, bunch of lazy can't tell the boys from the girls...mutter...mutter....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 10:18 AM

Grooving on the wondrous horizon that stars say
MOAB makes with plain hours,
I must alarums raise! And run naked into the street!
Or you will never see the truth rise!
So, nothing is square, but all is naked;
Let the wind blow, it is enough
That we have the MOAB to groove eternity through...

Ole A., First Vowel

I am digging this mightily, and it is cool.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 10:21 AM

I must alarums raise! And run naked into the street!
Or you will never see the truth rise!


I thought you had received treatment for this, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 10:52 AM

No, that was for fear of rejection -- very effective treatment. But really, MM, ya gotta get behind the hep groove, man. Revisit Howl and Gregory Corso, man!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 11:07 AM

are you suggesting that I *gasp* be disloyal to iambic pentameter? the Immortal Bard's chosen meter?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 11:26 AM

"I have seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving, hysterical, naked...."

Nahr, MM -- tha's awright then. Tend to your pentameter and go gently.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 11:43 AM

Speaking of Iambic pentameter, free verse etc...

Dr. Seuss recast into free verse:



I am known by many as "Sam"
"Sam" is the name by which I am known

I have a great fondness
for the fruit of the hen
and slabs of salt pork
allowed to age
until their countenances
are indistinguishable
from putrid goat bile

(To be followed by the sound of dozens of Espresso drinkers loudly snapping their fingers.)

It's a groove, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 11:59 AM

WOE! WOE! The immortal words of Suess - the divine word as revealed to the good doctor - bastardized and corrupted!

*flinging of ashes, rending of garments*

WOE! WOE!

The WORLD *WILL* probably end tomorrow - can such an occurrence be other then one of the signs of the apocolypse?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 12:02 PM

the best minds of my generation destroyed

Anyone we know?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 12:04 PM

Man, that BWL is hip to it, y'know. The dharma thing is right there around him, like a halo from the River god, man, the sign of the writing hand written on him like a foodstamp on the forehead. It is cool, beyond cool, where the calm of cool is the beatific rhythm of the cooling calm beat, and it is good, man, good...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 12:11 PM

the degeneracy of these modern times!

where the heck did I put my sackcloth?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 12:23 PM

MM, get hip, jack!! Sackcloth cuts no ice, man. We remember "those who", like, y'know? As the Godfather poet in the moonfrenzy of those rising years spoke it:

...who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna Deus

...to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,

...the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting down here what might be left to say in time come after death,

..and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the suffering of America's naked mind for love into an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio...


There's the beat man...Be on it!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 12:57 PM

Commie beatniks.

Wearin' berets and sunglasses indoors. All of 'em smokin' that evil reefer and playin' them bongo drums. Can't tell the boys from the girls, as if you'd want to, seein' as how ain't none of 'em take a bath anyway. Other day one of 'em asked me if I could spare some bread, so I gave him two slices and he looked at me like I was something that crawled out from under a rock, and it was whole wheat, too. Heard two of 'em talkin' about smokin' pot, and I told 'em to put some more water in it or take it off the stove if it was smokin' and they laughed at me.

Commies, every last one of 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 01:00 PM

Think I'll report the who bunch of ya ta ol' J. Edgar. HE'LL know how ta handle ya.

Red commies.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 01:34 PM

Oh Rapaire, it's so exciting when you talk about Edgar boy handling things like that!! What will he be wearing??? Dooo tell!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 22 Apr 04 - 02:55 PM

I'm proud I understand so little of this


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