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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 01:42 PM
Amos 22 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM
Rapparee 22 Aug 09 - 03:34 PM
Little Hawk 22 Aug 09 - 09:52 PM
Janie 22 Aug 09 - 11:54 PM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 01:07 AM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 23 Aug 09 - 12:17 PM
Janie 23 Aug 09 - 04:31 PM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 06:36 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 09 - 09:46 PM
Acme 23 Aug 09 - 10:31 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 07:14 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 09:03 AM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 24 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM
Acme 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
gnu 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM
Janie 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM
Amos 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM
Little Hawk 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 02:06 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 02:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 03:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 04:42 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:19 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Acme 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 07:21 PM
Amos 25 Aug 09 - 07:36 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 09 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 25 Aug 09 - 10:37 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:32 PM

Fie! Bosh! Balderdash! Stuff and nonsense! Horse feathers! Bunk! Rubbish!

Such fun it is to use those expressions. ;-) Very stress-relieving.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 01:42 PM

And it's even more fun if you make a fist with one hand and pound the desk as you utter the words. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 02:43 PM

LH, I urge you to be circumspect in your apprenticeship to oratorical pomposity and theatrical rhetorical mastery. Part of the art is to understate your own enjoyment in relishing the gestures, to use them with grace and gravitas, thus adding to their irresistible burden of dark power and ineluctable verity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 03:34 PM

So...I apologize correcting you on a simply typo. But I'm still not sure I want to trust your directions.

"Just sail 92 degrees true and...oops, I meant 90 degrees. Sorry about that, but the navy has to practice gunnery somewhere."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 09:52 PM

Oh, well said, Amos! I bow to your greater knowledge in these matters.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 22 Aug 09 - 11:54 PM

Good night, and Good Luck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 01:07 AM

Sorry I was away for so long today, MOM. We did a birthday lunch for Moonglow and me ("21 and Over-21") and then I decided to treat myself to the Harry Potter movie (Good!). I walked in the door to a ringing phone--Moonglow called to tell me that her Dad, who was supposed to pick up her brother at 9:30, had locked himself out of his car AND his house. I went to go get my son (who was at a mall on a Saturday night after hours) and deliver him to his father. Unlocked his door and they will resume their weekend.

MOM wouldn't have made this mistake.

Oh, and it's a dirty rotten lie, about the Depends. Mom is NOT incontinent. Someone was listening to a Revolutionary War documentary and heard about the Continental Army and misunderstood what they were hearing. It wasn't me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 10:19 AM

What is it with all of these Internet ads that say "Mom Lost 47 pounds" "Crowley Mom does this or that" etc. Targeted (I don't live in Crowley, but it is nearby). Do they think that Moms can't be big fools like everyone else when it comes to advertising? Now, if they said "MOM Moab" did anything I'd see they were tarred and feathered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 12:17 PM

AND run out of town on a rail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 04:31 PM

I need some TLC, MOM. Yesterday afternoon some tiny little moving part in my knee took a notion to zig instead of zag. It hurt, but my knees often do. Woke up this morning with it swollen and very reluctant to bend. So instead of being out and about and enjoying this beautifully temperate day, I'm on the couch with an ice pack.

But that's not so bad as I have two new books to read, and am putting a serious dent in one of them.

Now, MOM, would you bring me a bite to eat and a glass of wine?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 06:36 PM

Careful with the wine or you could get a little careless and really mess up that knee!

I have a smallish stack of books I've accumulated this month to read. Haven't started any, but I need to. And two on order from Amazon.

MOM likes recorded books. I think I heard her playing an old Mickey Spillane novel when she was working around the kitchen one evening last week.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 09:46 PM

Galoushes. Five-buckle boots.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 09 - 10:31 PM

Something's afoot with Rapaire.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 07:14 AM

Ice is good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:03 AM

"Wear your rubbers," she said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 10:59 AM

"Inconceivable," he replied.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 11:38 AM

"One of my childhood memories is of placing a chicken egg in a goose nest when I was about 10 (my young scientist phase). That mother goose was thrilled when her eggs hatched, and maternal love is such that she never seemed to notice that one of her babies was a neckless midget.

As for the chick, she never doubted her goosiness. At night, our chickens would roost high up in the barn, while the geese would sleep on the floor, with their heads tucked under their wings. This chick slept with the goslings, and she tried mightily to stretch her neck under her wing. No doubt she had a permanent crick in her neck.

Then the fateful day came when the mother goose took her brood to the water for the first time. She jumped in, and the goslings leaped in after her. The chick stood on the bank, aghast.

For the next few days, mother and daughter tried to reason it out, each deeply upset by the other's intransigence. After several days of barnyard trauma, the chick underwent an identity crisis, nature triumphed over nurture, and she redefined herself as a hen.

She moved across the barn to hang out with the chickens. At first she still slept goose-like, and visited her "mother" and fellow goslings each day, but within two months she no longer even acknowledged her stepmother and stepsiblings and behaved just like other chickens.

Recollections like that make me wistful for a healthy rural America composed of diverse family farms, which also offer decent and varied lives for the animals themselves (at least when farm boys aren't conducting "scientific" experiments). In contrast, a modern industrialized operation is a different world: more than 100,000 hens in cages, their beaks removed, without a rooster, without geese or other animals, spewing out pollution and ending up as so-called food ? a calorie factory, without any soul. "

(From Nicholas Kristof's column in the ?NYT).

I thought that story was just beautiful.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 11:55 AM

"Maybe hip boots would be better. Or even waders," she continued.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 12:42 PM

"On second thought," she mused, "if it's deep enough to require either hip boots or waders, I'd rather have a canoe."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:20 PM

"Hmmm," she mused, "I can paddle. Canoe?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 01:48 PM

To which the duck replied, "Kayak! Kayak!".


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 03:14 PM

"I am wearing my black suit, white shirt, dark blue tie, and bowler," I replied. "Black socks, and my black wingtip shoes. My umbrella is tightly wrapped, and I have my briefcase."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:27 PM

LH is going to ask every American Indian he meets whether or not he (the Indian) has cut off his dick.

LH feels that this is scientific research that needs to be done.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 04:39 PM

You've been passing around something since I was here last. I seem to have missed my turn.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:07 PM

I think Rapaire has been boning up on Tangential Approximations of Intersecting Irrelevance, and taking a minor in "The Use of Protective Outerwear as a Means of Contraception".



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 05:48 PM

"Mommy, look at that man waddling down the sidewalk. He looks funny in those clothes!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:34 PM

And then I'm going to tell them that I'm asking on your behalf, Rapaire....and give them your name and address. ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 06:59 PM

Hi MOM. The IRS has just notified me they are imposing a penality for my failure to provide 1099-misc to some trucking company in PA for 2007.

What were you up to then, MOM, and how did you get my SSN?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

Wait--wasn't that the company you used to run those Revolutionary War-era muskets down to Mexico with? I vaguely remember some kind of deal...


No, no, just kidding, honest!!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:25 PM

Butterscotch ripple. Cdn$1.50 per litre.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 08:32 PM

Amos - CELLAR!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:13 PM

Made ya nervous? NEver mind--just tell them I said it was okay, Hey, where's the light switch down here???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 09 - 09:17 PM

There's a double knife switch next to that nice chair with the arm and leg straps and the hat attached.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 12:27 AM

Just lie down on the table here, Amos. There. Nice and comfy?    (Click!)(Clank!) (the sound of the manacles being secured)

Now we will start the pendulum. Ka-chink!

Creakkkk...........Creakkkk..........Creakkkk............

In a few hours, Amos, you will discover what it is like to live in two realities at once, a bifurcated existence...try to enjoy watching the pendulum's hynotic motion as the blade ever so sloooooowly descends toward your solar plexus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 08:55 AM

Will this cause multiple personality disorder? I dunno if we can take more than one of him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 09:53 AM

Little Hawk was a dude from the border
With multiple ego disorder.
He'd walk into some dive
ANd walk out alive
'Cuz he couldn't agree what to order.


Seriously, LH, don't you think it is disrespectful to steal other people's violent fantasies and then stick them onto your friends?

I do.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 11:33 AM

An Ode to Lethargy

Boredom, tedium, and ennui
Cannot compare with lethargy.
A pot of coffee cannot chase it.
Antidepressants can't erase it.
The only cure for this condition
is to say "Screw it!" and go fishin'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:06 PM

Wouldn't the last line scan better as

"Just say 'screw it' and THEN go fishin'."

Or is that too unlethargic?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 02:55 PM

You're reading it without the drawl. Down in FLoribammy the words "say" and "it" have anywhere from 2 to 8 syllables each.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 03:40 PM

Down in Floribammy
Where I used to keep my Mammy --
She was dear as dear could be to me --
I kept her in a shed
With a crown upon her head
'Cause Mother Moab means the world to me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 04:42 PM

Here in Floribama, "screw it" is a one-syllable word, pronounced more like "skrit". The name "Bill", on the other hand, is at least two syllables, sometimes three, depending on the ratio of Flor to Bama in one's genetic and/or cultural makeup.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 06:11 PM

I defer to your local knowledge, good Potter.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:19 PM

Janie, drop everything and get a free credit report, to see if your identity has been stolen. This could be the tip of the iceberg.

https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp is the one I use.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

MOM says don't all rush in at once for that next number.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

Don't even get up out of your chair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:20 PM

I'll take care of it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:21 PM

What number is that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 07:36 PM

Mom!! While Still was burning up all that energy getting the

THIRTY ONE OF KAY,

for which she surely deserves

CONGRATULATIONS,

my SOlar System produced

22 Kilowatt Hours of Electricity in One Day,

while the grid only needed to send in 4.

Pretty good, too!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 09:58 PM

"grid"? Shouldn't that be "girl"? There's a girl who brings us our electricity here in Idaho.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 25 Aug 09 - 10:37 PM

A girl brings my electricity too. She comes around about the fifth of each month. She gets out of her truck, walks up to the meter and zaps it with a little hand-held device that fills the meter up with enough electricity to last another month.


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