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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Ed T 25 Nov 09 - 06:43 PM
Little Hawk 25 Nov 09 - 07:15 PM
Ed T 25 Nov 09 - 07:41 PM
Janie 25 Nov 09 - 09:31 PM
Little Hawk 25 Nov 09 - 10:35 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 06:41 AM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 06:44 AM
Tweed 26 Nov 09 - 09:29 AM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 10:49 AM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 11:25 AM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 11:32 AM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 11:42 AM
Rapparee 26 Nov 09 - 11:55 AM
Amos 26 Nov 09 - 01:13 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 01:25 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 01:42 PM
Acme 26 Nov 09 - 03:49 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 04:29 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 05:37 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 05:42 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 05:57 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 06:27 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 06:30 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 06:43 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 09 - 09:26 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 09:38 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 09:40 PM
Ed T 26 Nov 09 - 09:49 PM
Little Hawk 26 Nov 09 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 26 Nov 09 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 09 - 11:36 AM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 09 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 09 - 01:38 PM
Amos 27 Nov 09 - 02:30 PM
Little Hawk 27 Nov 09 - 02:32 PM
Ed T 27 Nov 09 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 09 - 03:40 PM
Amos 27 Nov 09 - 07:04 PM
Acme 27 Nov 09 - 08:39 PM
Rapparee 27 Nov 09 - 09:25 PM
Amos 27 Nov 09 - 10:55 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 09 - 12:34 AM
Acme 28 Nov 09 - 10:16 AM
Amos 28 Nov 09 - 10:58 AM
Amos 28 Nov 09 - 02:45 PM
Ed T 28 Nov 09 - 07:50 PM
Janie 28 Nov 09 - 11:33 PM
Little Hawk 28 Nov 09 - 11:46 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 29 Nov 09 - 11:00 AM
Little Hawk 29 Nov 09 - 11:22 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 06:43 PM

LH
To appreciate the woman you speak of may have taken years of apprenticeship


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 07:15 PM

True. 3 years in my case.... ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 07:41 PM

"The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see its behind". German Proverb


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 09:31 PM

While all you boyz is bizy philosophizing, bragging, writing poetry and playing the dozens, I've been in the kitchen playing prep cook for the big family feast tomorrow.

Onlyest thing is, see, I got kinda carried away with the menu and at the grocery and right now I got a lot more feast than people to eat it, even if we have leftovers every night 'til Christmas. I know all of youse are headed for the assorted in-laws tomorrow, but I was thinking we could all get together Friday night with MOM at my house for a pot luck, only don't feel like you have to bring anything - well- maybe some wine or good scotch - cuz' I will likely still have an abundance, a plethora, even, of ham, turkey, dressing with and without oysters, Missy potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, green beans, brussel sprouts with shallots in a dijon mustard sauce, fresh cranberry orange relish, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, mince pie, soft dinner rolls and hard french rolls, fruit salad and good coffee. The wine and the veggie tray will probably have been polished off already, but it don't take but a minute to toss together a salad, and like I already said, feel free to bring another bottle of wine.

No bananas, so Chongo will need to stay in Chicago, I don't 'llow no floozies but meself in my house so Chinga is not welcomed, and the Highway Patrol is already on alert to arrest Shane should he cross anywhere into North Carolina, so he would be better off not coming - North Carolina jails ain't fun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Nov 09 - 10:35 PM

Shane would take that warning seriously, Janie. He has already had enough trouble with the Ontario police to keep him (and them) busy enough as it is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:41 AM

If he went to jail there would probaably be women lined bringing him cigarettes and magazines....and a few conjugal visits in the jail trailer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:44 AM

"Monkeys are very nice, sociable animals. Except for their habit flinging their excrement at others. Were it not for this (and their habit of masturbating in public) they would be as welcome at a dinner party as any Senator"

Rapaire....are you sure they are monkeys?   Could they be some of the human locals you post about:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:29 AM

Happy Thanksgiving MOAB, and to all the Moabites.

I am astonished to find this thing still going.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 10:49 AM

Hey, people are still voting for the Democrats and Republicans, aren't they? ;-) Don't be so surprised.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:25 AM

LH
Maybe they are voting for 'em in the USof A, but likely less so elsewhere:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:32 AM

Almost nobody "elsewhere" would be naive enough to vote for the Democrats or the Republicans... ;-) Although...most of them would have voted for Obama, that's for sure. I would have, given the choice. (but in doing so, I would have been ready and not very surprised to see the $ySStem soon bend Mr Obama to its unholy purposes once he was in office).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:42 AM

Did Shane vote from jail?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 11:55 AM

Shame doesn't vote because he has to mark a ballot with an "X" and he doesn't want to write his name on anything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 01:13 PM

Little Hawk has secured a soft and comfortable place in a small pond from which he can make decrees about all things about American politics and find them bad.

Fortunately, we have more than enough jaded pessimistic cynics of our own, so we don't have to import any extras.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 01:25 PM

Well, Amos, the sad truth is that the Canadian political scene is almost as futile and pointless and wretched as yours is in the USA. But it's not nearly as dangerous. I am thankful for small favors.

The last time Shane had a chance to vote in Blind River it seems to me that he was hesitating between not voting for "Bible Thumper" (the Christian Heritage Party, who usually cull about half of a tenth of a percent of the local vote) and not voting for "Bolthole" (the Conservative candidate) or "Flipface" (the Liberal candidate) and "No Hope" (the NDP candidate) or "Give Me a Flippin' Break" (the Green Party Candidate". "Bolthole" won as far as I know, but Shane didn't vote for any of them. He is waiting for a party that will promise free beer and smokes for all unemployed Canadians, plus enough pogey to live on comfortably outside of the free beer and smokes.

No official party has yet made such promises, but Shane remains hopeful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 01:42 PM

"You that will have all solid, and a world of pig-lead, deceive yourselves grossly. You believe yourselves rooted and grounded on adamant, and yet if we uncover the last facts of our knowledge, you are spinning like bubbles on a river, you know not whither or whence, and you are bottomed and capped and wrapped in delusions."

Emerson, Representative Men.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 03:49 PM

Janie,

You took the words right from my mouth last night. Getting ready for cooking today, and then, cooking today. I'm glad to see the boys are staying out from underfoot by playing on their 'puters. I'm taking a break (gotta take a load off--the feet and butt get tired with all of this walking, stooping, lugging, etc, in the kitchen).

Leftovers here won't be quite as elaborate, but the turkey, which will go in the oven soon (we eat late, to accommodate members of our clan who also go to two other T'giving meals early in the day today). We savor our hot open-face turkey sandwiches. Mmmmmm! I brined the turkey so we'll get lots of good gravy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 04:29 PM

Emerson sure got that right, Ed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 05:37 PM

Shane... Maybe yes....maybe no?

http://backinasecond.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/jailbird.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 05:42 PM

Shane?
http://benandjanae.com/images/jay-the-jail-bird.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 05:57 PM

That guy doesn't look at all like Shane. Let me describe the lad. He's got greasy blond hair, shoulder-length, in a mullet cut, and a greasy blond mustache, and five o-clock shadow like he hadn't shaved for maybe five days or so. He's got nicotine-stained calloused fingers and filthy hands that have clearly seen a lot of manual activity of one sort or another (probably not what you would call "work", though). He wears tattered blue jeans, cruddy old work boots, a lumberjack shirt and a really filthy old jacket. He wears a baseball cap backwards with "Go Leafs Go!" on it or else the one with "I'm With the IDIOT ---->" on it. Sometimes he wears a T-shirt with the motto "FREE SEX (enquire below)" on it. There's a red arrow pointing down toward his crotch under FREE SEX (enquire below) part. His shirt is usually half tucked in, half hanging out, and with a button or two missing or undone. His fly may be half open...or not...depending on whether he noticed yet.

If a young woman comes by, he leers at her suggestively and makes what he imagines to be clever flirtatious remarks. If she rejects his advances (and they all do), he calls her a "flippin' skank" and says he can do way better "anyways".

He is quite likely to ask if you "got smokes". He expects you to give him one if you do. He will be glad to go drinking with you anytime as long as you pay. He will give you advice on romancing women if you give him some money. He would gladly pay you Tuesday for a glass of beer today...but you won't find him anywhere when Tuesday comes. He sells homegrown at reasonable rates, but check for purity, because he sometimes cuts it with ground-up old dead oak and maple leaves from the backyard, and that stuff leaves a REAL bad aftertaste and does NOT get you high at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:27 PM

What's his favourite cologne (for shaving, not drinking)?

Does he have a mullet or a   skullet (not much hair on top)

Sideburns?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:30 PM

Is this getting closer?


http://www.freakingnews.com/Redneck-Pictures-11701.asp


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 06:43 PM

He has a mullet, not a skullet. Lots of hair in other words. You are sort of getting warm with that last picture, although Shane is a lot younger than that guy and he doesn't have the glasses.

Shane admires heavy metal rockers. Like most of those guys, he goes for the long haired look. He has become reasonably adept at air guitar, but is almost useless on the real thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:26 PM

Must look funny, since Shame's skull is flat from his eyebrows back, much like this one is. Mind you, Shame is nowhere nearly as smart or as creative as PDQ Bach was.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:38 PM

Nor as handsome as the famous surveyor, Smuel Holland:
http://images.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Samuelholland.jpg&imgrefurl=http://en.wikipe


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:40 PM

Sorry Sir Samuel, I lost you for a moment:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Samuelholland.jpg


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:49 PM

Not sure about this one:
http://graphicshunt.com/funny/images/mullet-12895.htm


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 09:58 PM

Oh. My. God. (!)

Even Shane would have second thoughts about taking her on. Besides...he can't afford her.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Nov 09 - 10:51 PM

Does Shame wear a mullet as a hairstyle to cover up his otherwise nauseating odour?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 11:36 AM

Well, I suppose Shame has none.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 01:21 PM

They say that Shame has no shame. A logical impossibility!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 01:38 PM

I meant cojones...I don't know about the other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 02:30 PM

When you grow old, and sad and lonely
And mourn the loss of your cojones
Think of poor Shane, who took no fall,
Never having had any balls at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 02:32 PM

You're really going to get him angry if you carry on this way. I hate to think what could happen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 03:11 PM

When you're sad and lonely sweet
Take weight off cojones of your feet
And, when you see Shane's mullety hair
Mourn she that see's his mullet down there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 03:40 PM

There was a young guy name of Shame
Who had only his own self to blame
For he thought he knew how
To use his "endow":
By waving it at passing trains.

Oh, his older brother, hight Don
Had tried to teach the young clown
What his endowment was for.
But he didn't get far,
Because Shame couldn't pour piss out of boot with the instructions printed on the heel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 07:04 PM

Shane's mind and morals may be bent
Rancid his breath and foul his scent!
But hard though it be on this crass pretender
Take pity more on his daft inventor!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 08:39 PM

Sorry I haven't been here all day. Been dealing with the BSOD. Ugg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 09:25 PM

Stayed home, mostly. Them clowns out there ain't my cuppa. Gonna fly back to Idaho tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Nov 09 - 10:55 PM

What a couple of days it has been!! A full house with MIL, sister-in-law and her best friend from Colorado in house. We gallivanted around shopping and such, idled away Thursday morning, dined royally in a brilliant crowd of software and chip designers at a huge ranch in Valley Center, and today wandered the hills of the incredible orry Pines state park and the TOrrey Pines beach, and explored the coast, and spent a couple of hours in a large outdoor garden called FreeFlight where Macaws, assorted other parrots, molluccan cockatoos, cockatiels and some cranes are all wandering about being fed and cared for while they recover. You can wander among them and pick them up--except the ones in the Biting Area -- and cuddle them and listen to what they have to say. Tonight we watched a two hour segment of the National Parks documentary, which was produced by Frank Burns. Wonderful job.

I am sore from hiking and ready for bed. I have no rhymes in me even.


G'night Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 12:34 AM

If Amos had a mind like Shane's
He'd have a much less busy brain
His relatives would live in trailers
He wouldn't talk like Norman Mailer

He'd haunt the donut shops and bars
And never drive a yuppie car
He'd get hung over frequently
And never drink hot Earl Grey tea

He wouldn't know the word "jejeune"
Nor would he hum a merry tune
While writing rhymes in clever verse
That prove his friend Rapaire's perverse

Instead going to the zoo
He'd go to jail for a month or two
And when they let him out he'd claim
That he had been unfairly framed

He'd say the cops are out to get him
Because they did refuse to let him
Make a 3 AM trip to the liquor store
With a chainsaw that "unlocked" the door

He'd cry and whine before the judge
"These fliphead cops have got a grudge!
"They hate me so becoz I'm cool.
"And cos I ain't no fliphead fool.

"They want me put in flippin' stir!
"It's really all becoz of her!
"Cos Jenny Dana loves me better
"Than she loves them! But they won't let her...

"...show off her love fer me, her hero!
"My love adds up to more than zero!
"And if I was let go, I'd prove it
"I'd win her love and not remove it...

"So let me go, judge, let me off!"
The judge at that point gives a cough
And slams his gavel down and hollers
"SIX MORE MONTHS IN AN IRON COLLAR!"

Then Shane is dragged from the courtroom, howling
As the judge sits silent, darkly scowling
And brother Don fumes at the bar
"That flippin' judge has gone TOO FAR!"

Yes, all these things could happen to Amos
And he might even become quite famous
In time if he'd been born like Shane
With a smaller, far less busy brain.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 10:16 AM

32647! Will that win anything, do you think? Here's the search but I don't think I'll get rich and I don't want to go to Northern Tool today.

Amos, sounds like a nice day. LH, Amos is lucky to have a friend to point out in such detail how lucky he is.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 10:58 AM

That was a fine job of versing, Hawkster! Mighty fine--well balanced and of good scansion, even artful! :D



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 02:45 PM

Oh men may boast, and men may talk
Of works of art that made them squawk
But none in the creative flock
Can be compared to Little Hwk!

The man refuses to get stuck!
When others stall, he onward trucks!
There's none quite like this bold Canuck!
(At least, to those who give a fuck!)

When he by Spaw as all dismayed
And thought he might not make the grade
He did not blubber, sad and limp.
He went and dreamed up Chongo Chimp.

And then to prove his inspiration
He then made up Shatnerization,
And Corridus the Hamster, too
From out his fevered spirit flew!

Success inflamed his fervid brain
And led him next to dream up Shane.
And thought brought murmurs from the bar,
From folks who thought he'd gone to far.

But Hawk no brakes would he put on,
He dreamed up Shanes big brother, Don,
And then he still refused to stop,
And brought us Dana, J--a cop.

And on he goes in endless hurry
Creating visions in a fury!
Not always delicate, by thunder,
But rich in blood and great in number.

All this would bring him endless fame
(Especially that asshole Shane)
But Hawk is not quite right, we feel,
When he asserts these dreams are real.

He poses them as full of pride
And angry feelings kept inside
And if one challenges their verity,
He blows his stack with great asperity!

And so instead of praise and glory
His characters grow pale and hoary
As people keep a safe remove
(As honest folks it doth behoove)

Not out of fear, nor condescension
They back away from his pretension,
But from his willdness, their defection
Is more to guard against infection!

Oh men may dream, and men may talk
Of the grandest schemes of Little Hawk,
But they stand well back from his confusion,
So as not to catch his sheer delusion.
And so preserve their normal sanity
From Chongo's slang, or Shane's profanity.

Winifred Simmilarion-Jones
Winsome-on-Occasion, Surrey, England
1987


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 07:50 PM

We know that Shane likes to fight.

Amos and Rapaire oft came close to computer blows.

LH will stand tall for his maple-snowed (if not snow shoe'd)   ground...if given the call.

What 'ta fuck...we all like to watch a fight....it's the Testosterone in us (minus Janie).

Then there is William Shatner....the greatest Canadian (AKA American) fighter of all time...as seen here....possibly the greatest fight scene of all time (step back MMA, WBA or the WWF...and not he ecology wimps...the rreal WWF).


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1eFdUSnaQM&feature=youtube_gdata


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 11:33 PM

Beautious long weekend with family, MOM., plus sister Annie installed the programable thermostat for my furnace I bought a year ago and we cut down diseased dogwoods, and assorted other smallish and in-the-way trees planted by bird droppings over the last 40 years, walked all over town, browsed a terrific used bookstore I hadn't been in, hauled brush, mulched leaves and daydreamed some inexpensive renovations for if I ever have the money for inexpensive renovations.

I haven't caught up on the MOAB chatter except for a quick skim. I'm assuming a more careful reading of the last 3 days will reveal why the two Google ads at the bottom of the thread are "Parrot Training 101" and "Want Parrot Beginner Tips."

And NOBODY appears to have said "Howdy and Happy T-Day back at you" to Tweed.

"Tweed who?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 28 Nov 09 - 11:46 PM

That Shatner scene is indeed legendary, Ed. We show it on the big screen every year at the Annual Shatnerization Weekend at the WSSBA in Orillia. Women have been known to faint watching that scene. Men have been known to lose coherency, and fall down foaming at the mouth. Dogs have been known to bark. A statue of the Virgin Mary wept real tears.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 29 Nov 09 - 11:00 AM

You forgot to mention that even Shame spits up onto his bib and his some nice motherly type wipes the drool from his mouth while his rifles through her purse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 29 Nov 09 - 11:22 AM

I fear, Rapaire, that further libelous remarks of that sort on your part may drive Shane to some act of violence. Please desist!


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