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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Three Weeks Sober In Blind River 12 Mar 13 - 12:29 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 12 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 13 - 06:53 PM
Amos 12 Mar 13 - 06:55 PM
GUEST,999 12 Mar 13 - 07:08 PM
Little Hawk 12 Mar 13 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 12 Mar 13 - 11:55 PM
Little Hawk 13 Mar 13 - 05:56 AM
gnu 13 Mar 13 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 13 Mar 13 - 09:49 AM
Amos 13 Mar 13 - 10:46 PM
Acme 13 Mar 13 - 10:47 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 13 - 09:28 AM
Amos 14 Mar 13 - 09:37 AM
Acme 14 Mar 13 - 10:11 AM
gnu 14 Mar 13 - 11:46 AM
GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River 14 Mar 13 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 13 - 02:33 PM
GUEST,wASTED IN wAWA 14 Mar 13 - 03:19 PM
Amos 14 Mar 13 - 03:22 PM
Little Hawk 14 Mar 13 - 04:52 PM
Rapparee 14 Mar 13 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 13 - 08:42 AM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 13 - 01:23 PM
Acme 15 Mar 13 - 04:39 PM
Rapparee 15 Mar 13 - 05:44 PM
Little Hawk 15 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM
gnu 15 Mar 13 - 09:59 PM
Amos 15 Mar 13 - 10:52 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 13 - 12:03 AM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 11:48 AM
Amos 16 Mar 13 - 11:53 AM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 12:00 PM
Acme 16 Mar 13 - 12:18 PM
Little Hawk 16 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM
gnu 16 Mar 13 - 07:11 PM
GUEST,Jean Chretien 16 Mar 13 - 09:15 PM
gnu 16 Mar 13 - 09:38 PM
Acme 16 Mar 13 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 16 Mar 13 - 10:33 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 12:41 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 13 - 01:25 AM
gnu 17 Mar 13 - 05:13 AM
Rapparee 17 Mar 13 - 09:59 AM
Acme 17 Mar 13 - 11:21 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 17 Mar 13 - 01:35 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 03:24 PM
Little Hawk 17 Mar 13 - 03:46 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 05:00 PM
Amos 17 Mar 13 - 05:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Three Weeks Sober In Blind River
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 12:29 PM

Sober for three weeks now and it feels wonderful. I even have a job, and I've started paying Don for my keep. Not much of a job, but it's honest work.

Three weeks sober. Thank you, Jesus!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM

Boy, it is a sad thing to see the fantastical delusions that the mind of an underemployed Idahoan with WAY too much time on his hands slides into. Tragic, that's what it is. If it was worth my while, I'd administer a couple of sharp blows to the head of this idiot and see if that would clear his thoughts. But the fact is, it ain't worth my time. Besides, it probably wouldn't work anyway. Rap is a hopeless case.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 06:53 PM

High noon tomorrow on the main street of Dodge, outside the Alhambra, monkey-face.

Wells Fargo shotguns. 10 gauge. The recoil will knock your monkey ass ten yards backwards.

Come heeled or don't come at all.

If you don't come take your slime of cowardice like the little garden slug you are and eat some salt.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 06:55 PM

I think Chongo should kidnap Rap and take him to Blind River to learn Hope and The Way from BDiBR. That way peace and harmony could be had by all.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,999
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 07:08 PM

No offence, but Hope's in Alaska.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 09:49 PM

That's a great idea, Amos. If Shane can be saved, then why not Rapparee? And who better than Shane, lit up as he apparently is now by his newfound faith, to show the Bookman what joy can be found in accepting Christ and walking in the paths of forgiveness and love?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 13 - 11:55 PM

Okay, okay. I'm sorry Chonga is a gymnomorphic gastropod who trails through the output of his/her nephridium. I didn't mean to insult gastropods.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 13 - 05:56 AM

Oh, the primanity!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Mar 13 - 08:53 AM

"gymnomorphic"? That don't add up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Mar 13 - 09:49 AM

"Gymnomorphic" means "belonging to the species Gymnomorpha" and as I'm sure you know the current synonym for that species is Systellommatophora. I apologize for using the term which was accepted back when I was in school; I should have said that Chonga is systellommatophoric.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Mar 13 - 10:46 PM

SInce Hope is in ALaska, Rapp is clearly hopeless. However I am going to Alaska in June and ALaska to come back with me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Mar 13 - 10:47 PM

What's going on here? Are all of you boys down at the Legion Hovel? Mom's two up from the bottom, ferchristsake.

Someone run her a hot tub and get her a cuppa chamomile tea and she'll feel better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 09:28 AM

Uh-oh. Spam alert! Spam alert!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 09:37 AM

What are you on?

ANd what on aboot?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 10:11 AM

There has been some around here, but it's a huge job to open the MOAB to see if it's the same guy. I just crashed a page trying to load the whole thing to see who it might be. Best that we don't know. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 11:46 AM

SRS...I didn't know you were a fan of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Still Sober In Blind River
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 12:38 PM

Four weeks today! I've been promoted on the job, Don talks to me, I've been allowed back in the library pending good behaviour, and I talk with Jesus every night and He talks with me. Officer Dana smiles when she sees me working on the streets.

It's wonderful to be sober and to have found my Saviour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 02:33 PM

Good for you. Perhaps you'll be a model for the young yet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,wASTED IN wAWA
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 03:19 PM

WHAT THE FLIP IS GOIN'...

WAIT...

Okay. The flippin' Capps Lock was on, eh? Okay. I hearn that my old buddy Shane has gone flippin' nuts and he went Kristchan, eh? He is became a Bilble-Thumper and joined the church!!! Un-flippin'-beeLEEvabe1!!!!

I cannot even beeleve that he wood do that. I feel sick when I flippin' even THINK about it. Word is spreadin' fast amongs all his drinkin' buddies, eh? He even talks good about COPS now!!! It is a bad flippin' sichuashion when this kinda thing can happen to a freind.

- Bill (in Wawa)(and still wasted!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 03:22 PM

I dunno about a good model, but he'd make a decent Lego set with a little pressure-molding....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 04:52 PM

The really amazing thing is that Shane seems to not only have converted to Christianity, stopped drinking, and taken up mature responsibilities and become a decent member of society....these things are astounding enough in themselves...but he also appears to have miraculously gained a proper understanding of English grammar and spelling!!!!!!!!!!

I provide as evidence of that, his purported last post in its entirety:

"Four weeks today! I've been promoted on the job, Don talks to me, I've been allowed back in the library pending good behaviour, and I talk with Jesus every night and He talks with me. Officer Dana smiles when she sees me working on the streets.

It's wonderful to be sober and to have found my Saviour."


He even spelled the word "Saviour" properly!!!!!!!!!! It's incredible. It boggles the mind. It may be literally a miracle. I think the Vatican should be informed at once. We may have a religious event of truly awesome proportions happening here on our very doorstep!

I predict that future generations will make pilgrimages to Blind River to celebrate the Redemption of Shane McBride, and that a shrine will be erected there to give hope to all the witless losers, worthless scum, and other such gutter-dwelling types who never thought they could rise above the vile depths of depravity into which they had sunk, due to the temptations of women, wine, song, smokes, homegrown weed, and cheap pizza.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Mar 13 - 09:49 PM

You ever read The Confessions of St. Augustine?

As a youth, Francesco di Pietro di Bernardone "became a devotee of troubadours and was fascinated with all things French" and we all know what THAT means. Nevertheless, he became better known as Francis of Assisi.

I believe you're thinking of people like Maria Goretti or Margaret of Antioch or Mildred or Ursula or Thecla or John Berchmans or Expiditus.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 08:42 AM

Oh, good grief. Hanging around with people speculating and betting on who the next Pope will be, folkies, and Terry Pratchett!!!

Mom, have you no shame at all? Now pick up your pension money -- the Pope's already elected so the game is fixed and it wouldn't have been the Dali Lama anyway -- and march yourself back home and sleep it off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 01:23 PM

No, Rap, I have not read The Confessions of St Augustine. Nor was I referring to any of those other people you mentioned. I am simply mystified as to how Shane's alleged conversion experience has suddenly given him such a good command of the English language. He has progressed from a Grade 2 spelling and grammar level to University level in a stunningly short period of time. The very fact that he used the term "pending", a term which Shane has never in his life used before or for that matter understood, makes this indisputable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 04:39 PM

It's all in the opaque curtain the puppetmaster employs, LH. We know that, and (mostly) suspend disbelief. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 05:44 PM

LH, I put little stock in instant conversions.

We also are not sure that it is Shame who's posting. There's more than one person named "Don" you know and more than one person in Blind River.

Shame probably thought "pending" was related to some sort of sexual activity.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 09:18 PM

You're darned right we are not sure that it's "Shame" (meaning Shane) who has been posting those recent messages which purport to be him!

That is exactly what I've been implying, my dear fellow. Who indeed is the puppetmaster, as Stilly put it? Who is the skulking man behind the curtain? Hmmm? Who has dreamed up this utter poppycock about Shane becoming a Christian, getting a job, etc. I know it wasn't me. Being me, you see, I'm in a good position to know that with complete and absolute certainty.

I don't take kindly to people hijacking my favorite fictional characters for their own nefarious purposes, and I know that a torture awaits them in the afterlife for having done so. Oh, yes...it will be dreadful! I'm picturing a lot of wailing, gnashing of teeth, that sort of thing.

Be warned, sir. Be warned. The fate of your soul could be hanging in the balance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 09:59 PM

You lot are too much. I am gonna go check with Oaks and see if his crop of newly planted lesbiens are weathering the frost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Mar 13 - 10:52 PM

What? Oaks is raising LESBIANS now??? Why didn't anyone tell me? I could haveprovided all kinds of advice and personal guidance.


As for Shame I think his education came flooding back as soon as he swore off booze and grass. It clears the mind something wunnerful to go cold turkey--after the initial convulsions are done with.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:03 AM

It's the vomiting along with the convulsions that have always bothered me. And the watery diarrhea, of course. But our friend Shame wouldn't be bothered by those things.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:48 AM

What an unkind thing to say. Shane suffers the tortures of the damned just like anyone else when he is experiencing a hangover. He's even been heard to swear that he would never drink again on the day after a really serious binge, but he always comes to his senses within another day or so and resumes boozing as usual (providing he can find any FREE booze)(it's against his principles to pay for either alcohol or sex)(and that's why he get almost no sex at all...but I digress).

gnu - How does one go about raising lesbians? Does it take a large initial investment?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 11:53 AM

The only convulsions that bother you, Sir, are the ones that get physical. I think history demonstrates that intellectual convulsions, ethical convulsions, and emotional convulsions are ordinary fare to your zany appetite.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:00 PM

Yes, like having your throat grabbed by an angry chimpanzee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:18 PM

Kicking out lots of innocuous spam this morning. MOM even needed to swat at a chunk with her broom. Just ignore it or send me a PM. It's damned annoying to get it out of MOAB - the page tries to load completely.

Back to regular programming.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 12:34 PM

Right.

And what should we do if there is a gorilla at the front door?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 07:11 PM

Amos? You didn't know Oaks has been growing Les Biens in his garden for years? i HADN'T SPOKEN TO HIM SINCE BEFORE kISSMEASS BUT.... Alas... sad news from Oaks JUST A FEW DAYS AGO... to wit...

"Gary! How you doin'? Frost got the lesbians so I've replanted with chlamydia this year..... BLAH BALH BALH... Great to hear from you!!!"

rING HIM! i AM SURE HE'D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

Okay.. we really gotta get the keyboard makers to move that fuckin thing! The bastards moved everything else. Try one a tha new keybords? SOMEBITCH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Jean Chretien
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:15 PM

Now, you stop makin' fun of me like dat, gnu! What you t'ink, I am your daily laughing stock? Tabernac! Da nex' time I see YOU, mister smart guy, you gonna find dese two hands around your t'roat, mon ami, and I got a grip like iron! Da little guy from Shawinigan don' take no shit from les anglaise wise guys, no sir!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 09:38 PM

"les anglaise wise guys"???

WTF?

WTF?!!!!!!!!

Listen up Johnny boy... I don't take shit from NObody. Half Irie and demi Acadian, I trow my coat bot side da road and I take on all comers... I come to fight, me! You fuck wit me and I fuck you... bad.

Macreaux at ten paces! NOW! Fuck dawn! Well, she's prEtty so.... that's my French side... lover, eh? Can't never stop thinkin bout.. RIGHT! Macreaux at ten paces at dawn! I will enjoy making you smell of fish! you, you, you wannabe Quebecer.

Disclaimer... Jean Chretien is a great Canuck and the above is not directed at the real Jean... who, BTW, has PROVEN he gOt da viiice grip, la. Dat guy can choke da shit out of any protester what gets in his face. Learned dat from Pierre. Pierre! Dat guy what kicked da shit outta dat photographer what got in his face.*

* dON'T YA JUST love cANUCK pmS THAT SLAP IDIOTS!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 10:07 PM

Alas, another Ugly American - I know the Jean Chretien name, but I wouldn't know him if I ran into him on the street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Mar 13 - 10:33 PM

Good evening, Mater dear. I'm sorry didn't call sooner, but I went out of town with a friend for a rifle frolic. Nice weather, blue skies, decent temperature, targets at 100 and 200 yards, .22s only, no telescopic sights, shooting first in bench rest and then in off-hand (standing). I did alright, though I didn't take top honors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 12:41 AM

This raises the ugly question as to whether oblique, covert, hidden anger disguised with floral adornments of civility is in any way more desirable or positive or beneficial than direct, overt, in-your-face anger? The Bookeman is a master of the oblique, passive-aggression form, while the Gnuster seems to favor the frontal rage approach. Any votes?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 01:25 AM

The frontal rage approach is way better in my opinion. Ask any Chimp. He'll say the same as I. Frontal rage is straightforward, it's honest, anyone can understand it, and it ain't sneaky. It can lead to broken furniture, true...but furniture can be replaced.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:13 AM

I prefer a balanced approach. I seldom BEGIN with rage... I try, given the opportunity, to say, "Please fuck off." first, with emphasis on the "please".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 09:59 AM

Shooting at paper targets in a venue copied exactly from an Olympic sport is "oblique, covert, hidden anger"? There was no anger there, naught but good cheer, mutual helpfulness, and camaraderie. I do not think that because I chose to use civil language and simple good manners means that I am disguising anything. I could indeed (and possibly in fact) tell you that your are a spit-licking, flea-infested, off-key singing wandering wastrel whose parents met only once (and then briefly) during the re-use of a leaky condom, but I shan't. I shall simply chide you on your poor attempt at psychoanalysis and assure myself that when you return home your mother will dash out from under the rusty AMC Gremlin that is up on blocks in your front yard and bite your tail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 11:21 AM

Ewww. I need to go wash my eyes out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 01:35 PM

Har! Har! ;-D I gotta admit, Rap, that you have a great way with words when it comes to deliverin' a swift kick to the kidneys. I should get you to write some of my speeches for the next campaign.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 03:24 PM

Nahh, all he does is waggle his foot in the air and make grumpy farts. My kidneys are so far removed from his puerile efforts at nullification that they only produce a light breeze around his bald spot.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 03:46 PM

Hmmm. I think Chongo needs both of you to write his campaign speeches.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:00 PM

Better to banter with a beef-witted bookmonger than to pander to an ideational monstrosity, I always say. It's true--I always say that. You could look it up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Mar 13 - 05:46 PM

Next week, Dear Mom, I will be traveling to faraway Portland, birthplace of the Caffeinian Revolution and hot-bed of treehuggers and Anticarbonistas of all stripes.

I go with glad hand and heavy heart, first to play and sing at the Singtimes weekend, but then in the middle of it all to slip off to a funeral service on Saturday, then to return to resume my musical festivities. I shall be thus engaged until the following Tuesday, methinks. I may be able to check in but can promise nothing.

Therefore I do charge my siblings to redouble their efforts to raise both the volume and the quality of BS they produce for the sake of Mom's renown. Do you so with vigah and great cheer, knowing that before much longer, the Great Forty Eight of K shall loom upon the horizon to beckon us all home to her golden bosom.


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