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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Chongo Chimp 29 Mar 13 - 08:08 AM
Rapparee 29 Mar 13 - 09:48 AM
Amos 29 Mar 13 - 11:58 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 29 Mar 13 - 01:16 PM
Amos 29 Mar 13 - 05:19 PM
Rapparee 29 Mar 13 - 05:33 PM
Acme 29 Mar 13 - 11:46 PM
Amos 30 Mar 13 - 03:56 AM
gnu 30 Mar 13 - 04:37 AM
Rapparee 30 Mar 13 - 09:41 AM
Amos 30 Mar 13 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 30 Mar 13 - 10:45 PM
Amos 31 Mar 13 - 12:54 AM
Acme 31 Mar 13 - 02:07 AM
Rapparee 31 Mar 13 - 03:18 PM
gnu 31 Mar 13 - 04:57 PM
Amos 31 Mar 13 - 07:25 PM
Acme 31 Mar 13 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 31 Mar 13 - 10:00 PM
Amos 31 Mar 13 - 11:53 PM
GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy 01 Apr 13 - 01:04 AM
Rapparee 01 Apr 13 - 09:39 AM
gnu 01 Apr 13 - 10:02 AM
Amos 01 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM
Amos 01 Apr 13 - 05:48 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 13 - 07:31 PM
gnu 01 Apr 13 - 07:42 PM
Amos 01 Apr 13 - 09:19 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 13 - 09:54 PM
Acme 01 Apr 13 - 10:54 PM
Rapparee 01 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 01 Apr 13 - 11:20 PM
Amos 02 Apr 13 - 12:33 AM
Amos 02 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM
Amos 02 Apr 13 - 12:59 AM
Acme 02 Apr 13 - 01:32 AM
Rapparee 02 Apr 13 - 08:47 AM
Acme 02 Apr 13 - 02:40 PM
Acme 02 Apr 13 - 10:55 PM
Rapparee 02 Apr 13 - 11:25 PM
Amos 03 Apr 13 - 01:56 AM
Rapparee 03 Apr 13 - 10:00 AM
gnu 03 Apr 13 - 05:11 PM
Amos 03 Apr 13 - 06:37 PM
Acme 03 Apr 13 - 06:55 PM
Amos 03 Apr 13 - 07:42 PM
Amos 04 Apr 13 - 12:15 AM
Amos 04 Apr 13 - 12:19 AM
Amos 04 Apr 13 - 12:20 AM
Little Hawk 04 Apr 13 - 01:23 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 08:08 AM

It's a scary place. There's a Starbucks on every corner and they all drink Chai Latte' and discuss gay rights issues for hours every day. They are intent on ferretin' out the hidden homophobes that are still lurkin' in their ranks, so they can excommunicate 'em from Californica and force 'em all to move to El Paso. Also, they wear silk underwear and knee socks, kinda like Pippi Longstocking or whoever the hell it was...

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 09:48 AM

True, Chonga, and that's at the USMCRD. The people who actually LIVE there, well..."stoned" doesn't begin to describe them. "Ossified" or "petrified" come closest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 11:58 AM

It does my heart good to see all you snowbound mongrels making stuff up about my chosen city, of the most slanderous kind, such that you will be inclined to stay in your frozen holes of suffering, thus reducing the population growth in my gem-like city. May you enjoy your last days of winter with heart-felt frigidity.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 01:16 PM

Ook! Ook! ;-D Funny, Amos, funny! Actually, Californica was one of the first places to give a Chimp a good payin' job...when my old pal Cheetah was workin' in Hollywood back in the 20s. So it can't be all bad, right? In fact, some of my best friends are Californicators...

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 05:19 PM

Your kind approbation, Chongo, is just the sort of thing we need to minimize the population growth here in Southern California. Keep up the good --if imaginary--work.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 05:33 PM

All the Californicators are moving -- to Oregon, Idaho, Arizona, Nevada....

Didcha hear about the Idaho Motor Marathon? You have to circumnavigate the State in a pink Cadillac Escalade with California license plates and a bumper sticker that reads, "I'm Here To Take Your Guns." The person who finishes wins.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Mar 13 - 11:46 PM

Friday at last! I don't suppose it makes a difference to all of you retirees, but to wage slaves, it is the nicest night of the week!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 13 - 03:56 AM

I applaud the sheer grit it takes to arrive at the Friday afternoon goal line once again!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 30 Mar 13 - 04:37 AM

I am contemplatin movin to British California in my later years. I may just become an Okie. Kelowna sounds nice. Then I could call my self a Kelown and I would be welcome in Idaho.

Valdy is from BC so it can't be all bad, eh?

PS    Valdy... one of the best geetar pickers I ever did see in yer person.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 13 - 09:41 AM

Hell's bells, boy. Yer welcome in Idaho anytime. Jist remember ta bring lotsa money so's you kin help our economy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Mar 13 - 08:03 PM

And a truck, to help replace the buried refrigerators when they run out of gas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Mar 13 - 10:45 PM

The money will take care of that. Besides, I have buried freezers under my deck, not refrigerators. What sort of person do you take me for? Refrigerators indeed! Hmph!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 12:54 AM

I'm sure they were refrigerators when they left San Pedro Port, but they became freezers the very hour that they crossed the Idaho state line.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 02:07 AM

That is a story I'd like to hear. Who decided the appropriate place for freezers was buried under a sundeck. A Mormon foible?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 03:18 PM

There is a stone wall perpendicular to the house. From the wall east an extension was built onto the existing, covered, deck. The freezers (small chest-type) were buried before the extension of the deck was built. I suspect that they were used to store bodies before they could be disposed of in old mineshafts and similar places. I currently have a lot of concrete edging and other heavy things on top of them. Please feel free to come dig them out; there's at least three feet of headroom between the ground and the bottom of the deck.

It could have been a Mormon thing; Porter Rockwell once owned the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 04:57 PM

Minds me of a song I wrote when I was at least half my age... I'm a Mormon for You Baby. It's got a great beat and I give it a 95 but ya can't dance to it unless ya do so within he written guidelines.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 07:25 PM

I have a similar song: I'm Mormon Without You Than I Was When You Were Around.

I think Tweed got a bit overwhelmed at the sheer Magnitude of Our Accomplishment and fled in a fit of self-defined unworthiness.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 09:28 PM

Hire Chongo to dig up the freezers. See if he can manage without tearing up the deck or burning down the house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 10:00 PM

When they were found I hoped there was a body in at least one of them. Then the police would have had to take them out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Mar 13 - 11:53 PM

Maybe if the police were to intercept a message that that's where the guns are buried...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Hector Ballsworthy
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 01:04 AM

The REAL truth about those buried freezers is far more shocking than any of you have imagined or DARED to imagine!!! Wait for the truth to be revealed in next week's groundbreaking issue of the Independent Presse!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 09:39 AM

Amos, Amos, Amos. The police around here EXPECT guns to be buried in backyards. This is Idaho, remember? In fact, if you don't have guns buried in your backyard you can be forced to move to someplace like Wyoming or Montana. Even Eiseley has buried guns (M1A1 Super Soakers). I have cap pistols buried. You have to be READY when The Time comes, fergoshsakes! Albertan troops are already massing at the Idaho border! They want our oil and they intend to take it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 10:02 AM

Yer miscombobulated, Rap. THEY have oil and they want YOU to take it. Right up the pipeline.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 11:21 AM

Gee, I don't understand, Rapp. It worked for the IRish potato farmer!

ANyway it's Monday and the world appears to have gone back to work after a really madcap Easter. Millions of reproductive units were hidden, lost, found, recovered, and wasted on the ground before the day was over. Seeds of all kind were elevated from their usual status as minor nuisance to brightly painted objects of intense desire. The Catholic church in our neighborhood attracted hundred of cars which clustered around the building, spilling out into streets for blocks around, all of whom were there to affirm their bottomless egg-envy toward those with more organic systems. Why they have a special day just for cars, I don't know, but this one was exceptionally well attended.

I am glad we have ratcheted down to normal levels of planetary madness. I get nervous when the Index of Human Insanity starts heating up. Beween North Korea offering to start a war, and godlets rising up fromt he dead, it's been a rough week at the Human Sanity Foundation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 05:48 PM

Your pipeline seems to be misfunctioning. Mom has slipped back down toward the sump and had to be hauled up by the scruff of her figurative neck. Here's a shot of Jack for ya, Mom. You'll feel better soon.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 07:31 PM

Did you know that today is Dingus Day?

Look it up. I'm not going to do all your work for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 07:42 PM

Dyngus, spelt incorrectly, has a deeper meaning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 09:19 PM

DIng us all the follies gladly
Tralalalala, lalalala
Even if you're feeling badly
Tralalalala, lalalala
In the crush of dewdrops falling
Tralala,lalala, la la la
Hear the ancient dyngus calling
Tra lalalala, la la la la


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 09:54 PM

"Dingus" was the favorite swear word of Jesse Woodson James. It was also his nickname.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 10:54 PM

I wonder what MOM would talk about if she was writing a blog?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 10:59 PM

Me. Her favorite kid. What else would there be for her to talk about?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 01 Apr 13 - 11:20 PM

Where to find a good adoption agency?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 12:33 AM

Or how to sue one if you aren't happy with how it turned out?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 12:56 AM

"The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man
up to his level of sagacity, but man has frequently
dragged the dog down to his."

          James Thurber
"If you pick up a starving Dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man..."


Mark Twain

"If there are no dogs in Heaven,
then when I die I want to go
where they went."

          Will Rogers, 1897-1935


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 12:59 AM

I repeat: Plebeian, pedestrian, jejeune, callow, dull, uninspired, cattarhythmic, microcephalic meanderings about a fat Canadian are below the high-set finely tuned quality standards of excellence here, I believe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 01:32 AM

I gotta clean up my office. Spring cleaning. Toss out the empties, blow the dust off the blinds (in case I decide to open the window). Toss out the box of contraband that MOM took away from you boys over the years (sharp stuff, sticky stuff, things that make loud noise.)

Oh, look. . . . .!

Poof! BANG! THUD!

cough cough


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 08:47 AM

Told ya and told ya not to pull the pin on them things. Now your office is filled with tear gas and red smoke. The red smoke is to tell the black helicopters were to land. You might consider opening a window, going outside and take with you the thing labeled "Thermite." Pull the pin on that and toss it through the open window. That'll burn your house down and get rid of the red smoke and the tear gas and the black helicopters won't land.

I don't quite know what you'll have to tell your insurance company.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 02:40 PM

"Cleaning accident."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 10:55 PM

All I can say is Classic!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Apr 13 - 11:25 PM

Don't go poking around in stuff Mom confiscated. She took away my Atom Bomb Science Fair Project, and I have the U235 and everything. Sometimes she's an old poop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 01:56 AM

Yeah but she's lived longer nor you; better a live old poop than a dead young rapscallion, I allus say.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 10:00 AM

It was only going to have a yield of about .8 KT. Shucks, that's not very much. That's only equivalent to about 800 tons of TNT. That's a firecracker, something you set off on the 4th of July. Sheesh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 05:11 PM

SRS... ain't that vid a hoot! I clicked it out of curiousity and was, at first, inclined to discard it but then could not turn away. I give that lad an E for efort and an A++++ for entertaining people and not just for the "Hahaha... watch the fat man dance." aspect. It's for the fact that he does such a great job! It's downright inspiring.

Good on him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 06:37 PM

I am bushed. I went down to Mexico this morning for dental work and found the Feds had redesigned the whole port, adding twenty minutes to the pedestrian traffic into Mexico. The line back out to the US was bottlenecked and backed up for two solid hours of shuffling toward home. I may have to shift to a US dentist even for surgeries. I am getting to old for this. But I am back now, had some lunch and took the puppy for a gallop so lkife is back in balance. Thanks for asking, Mom!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 06:55 PM

How many more trips do you anticipate, Amos? Perhaps you could speed the process by hiring a coyote to go the other way . . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Apr 13 - 07:42 PM

I'd thought I was done until a company picnic served super-frozen icecream cones and a perfectly good false tooth--a bridge anchored in a natural root with a post--gave way under pressure. So now I have to have it replaced with an implant which will be more bulletproof, so to speak. I tried one of those coyote buses once, promised to take you right over the border in comfort for $5 a head. They got stuck in the border traffic like everyone else, and I eventually bailed out and crossed on foot.

The thing that chaps me is that they don't have a separate line for US Citizens. It doesn't matter what kind of id you have, unless you qualify for and buy a SENTRI card--they get a separate faster line, but it is only worth it if you cross frequently.   

There was once a certain feeling of freedom about being able to traipse into Mexico and come back again, but the channels have become so unwieldy and constrained it seems more like a mild prison sentence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 13 - 12:15 AM

We're used up all our clever lines
And burned out all our tricks...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 13 - 12:19 AM

But still we like to think we'll find...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Apr 13 - 12:20 AM

That Forty-Seven, Six!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Apr 13 - 01:23 AM

Why should they have a separate line for US citizens?


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