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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 16 Aug 08 - 09:00 PM
Rapparee 16 Aug 08 - 09:36 PM
Little Hawk 16 Aug 08 - 09:58 PM
Rapparee 16 Aug 08 - 10:17 PM
Amos 16 Aug 08 - 10:37 PM
Acme 17 Aug 08 - 12:46 AM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 08:53 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 08 - 10:25 AM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 10:58 AM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 11:56 AM
Acme 17 Aug 08 - 12:53 PM
Little Hawk 17 Aug 08 - 02:05 PM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 02:12 PM
Little Hawk 17 Aug 08 - 02:37 PM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 03:36 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 08 - 04:10 PM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 05:35 PM
Little Hawk 17 Aug 08 - 07:19 PM
Amos 17 Aug 08 - 08:11 PM
Acme 18 Aug 08 - 01:04 AM
Acme 18 Aug 08 - 08:56 AM
Rapparee 18 Aug 08 - 08:58 AM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 09:43 AM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 11:19 AM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 12:37 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 01:30 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 01:59 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 02:07 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 02:22 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 02:25 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 02:34 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 03:26 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 03:31 PM
Little Hawk 18 Aug 08 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 08 - 03:45 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 03:47 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 08 - 04:14 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 05:34 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 08 - 06:26 PM
Amos 18 Aug 08 - 10:51 PM
Acme 18 Aug 08 - 11:28 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 08:33 AM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 08 - 10:33 AM
Acme 19 Aug 08 - 11:16 AM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 11:25 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 11:32 AM
Amos 19 Aug 08 - 11:38 AM
Rapparee 19 Aug 08 - 12:26 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 09:00 PM

Not much of a gentleman, Monsieur 'Ack, hein???

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 09:36 PM

Monsieur Ack, hein?

Don't you mean "Monsieur Ack's heiny", as in "derriere"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 09:58 PM

You really want me to pick someone worthy of the 25,000th post, Stilly? ;-) You confer this awesome responsibility on me?

I'm flattered. Give me a day or so to look into the matter, and I shall make a decision.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 10:17 PM

Not to worry, mon vieux. Mom said I, her Most Favored One, was it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Aug 08 - 10:37 PM

Sigh.

If you gentlemen could concentrate on the required Quality for the event, instead of puerile quibbles about the STatus and Favour thereof, Mom would be MUCH more proud of you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 12:46 AM

I'm sure someone already put dibs on it. Probably several someones. We need to know who was the first to dibs it. An easy task, certainly, LH. Open the entire thread in one window then search on "25,000" with the browser "find" feature. How many hits could there be?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 08:53 AM

It isn't very far away,
The glimmering 25 of K;
I'm sure that 90 posts will squeak
Across this line sometime this week.
And as we cross the finish pole
And reach that star-high, noble goal
What then becomes of our mighty team,
Who strove so long to reach their dream?
Will this release Mom's agile slaves?
Retire Mom to a well-earned grave?
Or will this thread, like all the rest,
Go on and on, to More BS?
Dreams and ambitions, grand and wide
Have driven us all, from deep inside;
What will you do, to start anew,
When the 25 of K comes through?

Penny Whistler Irritant
A Time to Ponder
Trivial Publications and Puzzlers, Hartford 1956


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 10:25 AM

After I am granted number 25,000 I see no reason why we cannot strive for 50 or ever 100 thousand.

I will thank all of you little people for helping me achieve these numbers in my acceptance speeches.

You're welcome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 10:58 AM

You sir, are an arrogant good-for-nothing. These good Sons and Daughters of MOAB have strived long and hard to create this milestone, not for the glory of you, but for the pride in Mom which is their light. You should b e ashamed, sir, ashamed, for seeking to turn this dedication into personal aggrandizement, and for raising yourself up at their expense onto such an unworthy, uncivil, hollow pedestal.

Study true virtue, sir, and learn.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 11:56 AM

And, I would add, it should be obvious even to the casual reader such as yourself, of these hallowed halls, that BS--like all true creative acts -- is not subject to any law of entropic decline but is instead the essence that steers systems to MORE order, MORE beauty, MORE new and wonderful forms -- in short, the very opposite of entropy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 12:53 PM

Will you design a non-entropy trophy for the 25,000 post?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 02:05 PM

Okay, I've got it. I have reached a final decision on who gets the 25,000th post on the MOABS, and it is an irrevocable decision.

Are you ready?










You sure?












Here it comes....








Okay. Now I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking "William Shatner", aren't you? He would seem like the natural choice, after all.

Well, it's not Shatner! No. He's too busy right now. Ha! Had you fooled, didn't I?

No, it's not Shatner who must have the 25,000th post on this thread.

So who could it be???????



Well, I'll tell you who it could be and who it MUST be.

King Khandu, that's who.

Long, long ago in a time and place far, far away King Khandu, the King of Mississipi, launched this historic thread. (all pause for a moment of worshipful silence) He launched it with these deathless words:

Another brainstorm of mine, inspired by Tweed, Spaw, Carol the Sailor and their ilk.

We can save time which we spend searching through all the BS threads very easily. Henceforth, post all BS here in this thread. Soon there will be only one BS thread. We won't have to look for particular threads as this will be the only one and it will contain all the BS we have to offer.

My Gawd!! Why has this not been thought of earlier? It is so obvious!

I swear, sometimes I even amaze myself!

Once again, for those of you who are slow in understanding...hear me, Tweed! Post all BS in this thread from now on!

Pene Azul and Joe Offer will thank me for making their job so much easier! My fellow 'Catters will also thank me when they realize the time my idea will save them! Maybe this will finally get me the coveted "Time/Life Man of the Year"!!

I swear, sometimes I even blow my own mind!!

King khandu"


It can only be right that King Khandu, the inventor and founder of this might thread, be the one to inaugurate the upcoming milestone of the 25,000th post.

It has be him. It cannot be another. Someone must contact King Khandu, and ensure that he is here for the 25,000th post. Amos? Can you do that?

As for Rapaire posting that post...ha! The idea is laughable. It can only be King Khandu.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 02:12 PM

It never ceases to amaze me how dictatorial and puffed up some people get when they imagine themselves imbued with authority.

Little Hawk, I think your idea for Khando is a fine one, but I suppose you are just as capable of implementing it as I am, unless you are sorely pressed with a great load of urgent executive responsibilities from your undreamed of heights of power?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 02:37 PM

I thought you knew him personally, Amos. Don't you?

"It never ceases to amaze me how dictatorial and puffed up some people get when they imagine themselves imbued with authority."

That is no way to talk about our King!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 03:36 PM

You're right. Good thing I was talking about someone else...



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 04:10 PM

I'm sorry. I accept the position of King and Ruler Of The Universe with a most humble, yet arrogant, heart.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 05:35 PM

Um.....Rapaire? That's really good, ya know, but you're supposed to wait until it gets offered....




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 07:19 PM

I think Shane already has dibs on that position. Or so he told me.

Amos, answer the question. Do you or do you not know Khandu personally? If you do, I think you should contact him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 08 - 08:11 PM

LIttle Hawk:

Khandu lives just across the state line, about 2000 miles from here. We don't see each other as often as we never did before.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 01:04 AM

He pops in about every 10,000 posts. He's due again soon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 08:56 AM

Looks like the boys are sleeping late today, Mom. Here's a cuppa hot tea and a thick toasted slice of my homemade whole wheat bread topped with my homemade Mustang grape jelly. Mmmmmm!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 08:58 AM

Armed rebellion and violent overthrow has made Mississippi a Marxist state now. The rain of Khandu and his minions has ended and the glorious dawn of a People's Republic has gladdened the hearts of the oppressed. Henceforth the name shall not be "Mississippi", but "The Glorious And Completely Egalitarian People's Republic Of Mississippi And Surrounding Territory." (I have humbly, and without extant opposition, accepted the position of Glorious Leader.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 09:43 AM

(I am sure he learned to wait until it was offered).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 11:19 AM

Besides, while no-one doubts Rapaire's innate talents for leadership (The Big Muddy comes to mind) I have to draw the line at Glory. There's no glory in leading a Marxist state, for one thing. FOr another thing, library folks aren't equipped to handle Glory. They keep it filed away under G, between dustcovers, to be checked out for two weeks at a stretch. That's well and good for the reading public, as most of them wouldn't know what to do with any more than that; but it is no training for the real thing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 12:37 PM

"There's no glory in leading a Marxist state..."

What???? You can't be serious! There is much glory in it. Just go and look at some of those Chinese posters from the Cultural Revolution, for heaven's sake.

That reminds me, the Gang of Three are still under strict investigation and house arrest, and you're one of them, Amos. Best be very careful what you say!

***

Okay, I guess it was someone else who knows Khandu. Must've been Spaw or some other member of the Inner Clique like that.

Fine. I shall PM King Khandu myself and alert him to the situation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 01:30 PM

Oh, Pfui and pshaw, LH.

You cannot elect me to a Gang of Three; if nominated, I will not run, and if chosen, I will not serve. Your studious adaptation of the ChiComm brainwashing and propoganda procedures handbook notwithstanding, there is no gang here except my little Gang of One.

FUrthermore I absolutely and categorically reject any invitation of warning to be careful of what I say, beyond my own self-selected parameters, and consider your effort to erect frightening straw-images of overwhelming force (in the absence of any effective means) completely unconscionable, immoral, and vile.

Therefore I say unto you, go, pander some other mis-led, easily bamboozled pinko Maoist. The one you are addressing here is imaginary.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 01:59 PM

I wish you would deliver one of these elegant diatribes of yours to Shane sometime. The poor fellow would be in a total state of confusion by the time you were done, because words like "parameters" leave him quite at a loss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 02:07 PM

It speaks to your internal lack of total integration of soul that you would want me to offer a diatribe to a figment of your imagination, with the end in mind of leaving him at a total loss. If your mocked-up friend bothers you such that you would prefer to leave him at a total loss, why not just mock him up in that state?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 02:22 PM

It speaks to my "internal lack of total integration of soul", sir? I beg to differ. My internal integration of soul is seamless, my good fellow. It has the impermiable integrity of a coat of Mithril. There are no chinks in my soul's armour nor will such blandishments and disingenuous blathertwaddle on your part serve to compromise in any way the flawless perfection of the fabric of my soul or my inner Self. Methinks if you were inclined to a bit more honest self-observation rather than focusing on the imagined shortcomings of others you would find that many of these imperfections you ascribe to me are but mirrored reflections of your own galloping inadequacies, due to a life spent composing endless perambulations of unutterable bullroar masquerading as serious comment worthy of others' attention. In short, sir, you are engaging in a ceaseless flow of codswallop that would embarrass a snake-oil salesman.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 02:25 PM

Well, sir, your defense is certainly perfervid. And passionate. But it does not speak to the issue of why you would want to subdivide your universe to the point of needing someone else to chastise one of your imaginary playmates for you!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 02:34 PM

I am capable of even further subdividing my Universe, my good man. Don't tempt me! You see...in the House of my mind are many mansions. ;-) In each one of those mansions reside many types and archetypes. Though I am one, I am also legion. Within my consciousness you may find everything from the Alpha to the Omega, and why should I deny any of them full expression?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:21 PM

Being one AND legion, then, MIster Alden, speak to your playmates on your own merits.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:26 PM

Oh, I do. By the way, I have sent a pm to khandu. I hope he gets it and responds soon enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:31 PM

I make no promises of good behavior, Sirrah. Legion you may be, and One, too, but your decrees are not binding in this neck of the woods. Poste qui peut, I say. Chacun a son pouvoir, and all that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:34 PM

Imaginez-vous que parler en français te donne une certaine sorte d'avantage par rapport à moi ? Ha ! Je ris dans votre visage.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:45 PM

My reign and monarchy is supported by the crack troopers of the Idaho Legion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:47 PM

Oui, et ta soeur pise bleu, va t'en tinter tes ch'veux, mon vieux chevre.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 03:48 PM

Well, jeeze, Rapaire--you better get them off the crack before you need to call on them for anything serious.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 04:14 PM

Slight spelling error..."crack" should read "cracked".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 05:34 PM

I hate it when my mockups start misbehaving and acting all cracked. Makes me feel I am Somehow Flawed as an All-Powerful Creator. Sigh.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 06:26 PM

They are flawed because YOU are flawed.

I created you that way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 10:51 PM

How careless of you, you second-string clayfoot, you...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 08 - 11:28 PM

Time out!

Mom says so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 08:33 AM

It was intentional, because I am the sole and only flawless being and if I had created you flawless you would have been equal, but hardly superior, to me.

As to who created me -- I did. Per onmia saecula saeculorum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 10:33 AM

Don' ; entretien de t à moi au sujet de ma soeur, vous dupez ! Vous devenez ridicule. Votre nom est dans le déshonneur d'une extrémité de ce pays à l'autre. Les chiens vous regardent avec le dédain. Les oiseaux laissent tomber de petits messages sur votre tête. Les petits enfants dansent sur votre poésie. Les belles femmes vous évitent car elles éviteraient une maladie désagréable ou une odeur vile.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 11:16 AM

MOM says that's pretty good, Little Hawk. Did you think she doesn't know how to use the translate button on each post?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 11:25 AM

I expect that's how he got it done, anyway. Pauvre petit menteur fatigué.


As for Rapaire, I think we need to wait for a medical diagnosis. It would be wrong to treat it as schizophrenic bipolar syndrom if it in fact was Alzheimers or Parkinson's.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 11:32 AM

I knew you would say that because I made you do so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 11:38 AM

SO what?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 08 - 12:26 PM

I made you say that, too.   That is because essence (yours) preceded existence (yours also). Hence the Hegelian Absolute, which is me.


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