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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 04 Dec 11 - 05:28 PM
Amos 04 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 09:01 PM
Little Hawk 04 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM
gnu 04 Dec 11 - 09:14 PM
Rapparee 04 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 Dec 11 - 01:12 AM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 10:37 AM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 05 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM
Acme 05 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM
Amos 05 Dec 11 - 12:40 PM
gnu 05 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 02:55 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 03:52 PM
Rapparee 05 Dec 11 - 05:50 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 06:16 PM
Amos 05 Dec 11 - 08:30 PM
Little Hawk 05 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 09:36 AM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 11:11 AM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 01:29 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 01:34 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 02:32 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 02:36 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 02:39 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 06:36 PM
Little Hawk 06 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM
Amos 06 Dec 11 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 11 - 01:10 AM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 09:25 AM
Amos 07 Dec 11 - 09:59 AM
Acme 07 Dec 11 - 10:03 AM
Amos 07 Dec 11 - 11:35 AM
Acme 07 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 12:33 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 11 - 12:51 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 12:59 PM
Rapparee 07 Dec 11 - 02:08 PM
gnu 07 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM
gnu 07 Dec 11 - 02:18 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 07 Dec 11 - 02:38 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 07 Dec 11 - 02:40 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 11 - 02:41 PM
Amos 07 Dec 11 - 03:14 PM
Little Hawk 07 Dec 11 - 05:45 PM
gnu 07 Dec 11 - 06:28 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 07 Dec 11 - 06:35 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 05:28 PM

Meanwhile, Little Hawk keeps his menagerie of sprites and mental floss in a hobbit house over near a peat bog.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM

The invisibility of completion, dear Maggie, is an inherent aspect of the beauty of the thing; the vanishment of effort brings out the mysterious depths of the Result in all its glory.
This then becomes part of the Qualitas of the space, the Whatness of the Which, the source of all comfort and pride, the definition of Mastery, or, as the case here may be, Mistressy.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:01 PM

Amos is sayin' that you did such a good job that it looks like it's been there all along.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:05 PM

Everything is thought, good people. Yes, even we are thought-forms, phantasms that appear for a short while in space and time, then vanish to realms unglimpsed by those who wearily or merrily tread upon the Earth...a world which is itself an immense thought-form composed of uncountable trillions of thoughts, dreams, and celestial archetypes wrought into atomic structure.

My advice is, let your thoughts be joyful ones that illuminate and uplift, for in this way we can make of our dream a happy story, not a sad one.

***

Moving on from that, I want to let you all know that Chongo, in the spirit of good fellowship and reconciliation, has purchased one of Bobert's forthcoming CDs, and I have purchased another. I think it fine of Chongo to make such a gesture. He is a chimp with a lot of heart. It's no small thing for a naturalized American ape to overlook repeated accusations of "poopflinging"!

As for Shane, I couldn't interest him in doing the same after he found out that it's not a sex DVD with "naked babes from the States", but only a music CD. I could've lied to him about it and gotten another sale for Bobert, but that's not my way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 09:14 PM

I may have to take up smokin dope again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM

I've been telling you and telling you -- you only exist because I thought you up.

(No need to thank me, except with massive amounts of tax-free USD.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 01:12 AM

Hey, Rap? The real truth is I flippin' thoght YOU up, man. I did. I was sittin' arownd on, like, a real slow day...and I started thinkin' like who would be the dumbest possible bolthole that could ever even live? Who? And I thunk you up. It was a stroak of flippin' geenius, man! The Bolthole from Boise was flippin' born in that hystorick moment, eh?

I have been, like, playin' arownd with the idea ever since. When I get real bored or don't have nothin' else to do then I make you, my flippin' creashion, post totally stoopid stuff on the Net, eh? And the greatest part is this: You don't even flippin' KNOW that I am makin' you do it...just like the puppete master pullin' the strings, know'm sayin'? The flippin' puppet thinks HE is pullin' the strings!

I was worryin' that if I tole you this you woudl flippin' vanish or somethin', but then I reelized I could make you not beleeve it anyways, so it wouldn't matter.

Ha! Ha! Ha! The laffs just keep comin'! The Bolthole from Boise speaks and the hole flippin' world gets a laff and a haff!

Now I am gonna make you say somethin' else stoopid. Any time now. When I am ready to.

Keep watchin' for it, folks. Youse can all thank me for the flippin' ennertanement when "Rapparee" posts again, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 10:37 AM

You're right, Shame. The "Bolthole from Boise" vanished. Sure glad I don't live there. Yup, you thought him up real good.

Now, as for you -- one day I blew my nose and when I saw what came out (all green and slimy and sort of lumpy) I thought of you and POOF! there you were. A poof, but all green and slimy and sort of lumpy...like you still are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

See? It is workin' great, eh? The Bolthole from Boise thinks he is from this other jerkwater place called Poclatello, but he ain't really from nowheres except from my brillyant mind, that is where! I made him what he flippin' is today! And that ain't much. Kinda like a flyspeck on a flippin' pickup trucks' windshield if ya ask me.

I am gonna write a song about him next. Wait fer it, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:39 PM

It's snowing east of here today. Where did you guys leave the sled last time you used it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 12:40 PM

In the hall where the mirrors rule
Nothing is straight, or plumb, or true.
Only the echoes have the floor,
Disjointed, and all askew.
Wind, dust, violate the light
And the mirrors feed on hopes of night.
No being is there but broke-dick jadrools
In the hall where the mirrors rule.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM

King Lew would be proud.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 02:55 PM

The lumpy parts I put in the back of Shame's underwear, and he's kept them renewed all by himself! We should all be proud of the boy for that, because it took him a long time to learn how to do that. Now he's working on learning how to do "Number One."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 03:52 PM

Cut it out, Shane! Enough of this "Rapparee" nonsense, I say. It's getting downright rude and offensive. Go back to stealing Don's beer and pestering the girls at Timmie's, willya?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 05:50 PM

It's okay, LH. I don't mind matching wits with an unarmed man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 06:16 PM

Heh! Well, the boy has finally begun using his head, Rap. I fear what damage he may yet do to the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 08:30 PM

Be angry with your imaginary creature
And beat him when he sneezes
He's only trying to defeat yer,
Because he knows it teases.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Dec 11 - 11:55 PM

Well, we are closing in pretty fast on 43,000. What I would like to do now is say a prayer to the Great Shatner to guide us safely and securely across yet another significant milestone in the progress of the MOABS Threads.

(All bow your heads and kneel...)

Our Captain
Who art allmighty
Hallowed be your name!
Give us this day
Our alloted BS
And protect us from the snares
Of political threads!
And lead us not into religious debates
But deliver us from personal vendettas
Which would lead to mean words
And unpleasant characterizations
And ensure that our fantasy characters
Do not have their identities tampered with
By a malicious few
For thine is the program
The journey
And the triumph
FOREVER AND EVER!
HAIL SHATNER!!!!


(All rise...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 09:36 AM

I don't think Shatner exists. I think he's a figment, made up in Hollywood like Shrek and Mickey Mouse. If he did exist why haven't I been struck down dead for my disbelief?

No, never again will I believe in Shatner. I am proud to call myself an ashatnerist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 09:37 AM

Your sickness, sir, doth rise and fall like the constant tide;
and when the moon doth call it up, brings to the shore
A scurrilous invent'r'y of rotted things--
Cast offs and trashes of a thousand ships,
The haunting remnants of a broken love,
The corpses of forgotten war, in parts and pieces
And the ghosts of horrid plastic souls.
And such a one is Shatner--he,
Obese, forgotten, cast off for
His unbecoming mediocrity,
Who never graced an artist's place
Or spoke a human soul
Comes out like old Sargasso leavings on the tide
When fevers in your soul rise up
And heave, like the loveless, frosted tide.

Shakin' Will Geronimo Smith
Po8 Lauri8 of the Ninth Street and Avenue "A" Generation


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 11:11 AM

"If he did exist why haven't I been struck down dead for my disbelief?"

Because the Great Shatner is all-forgiving and full of compassion, that's why! He forgives unregenerate sinners such as yourself, Rap, and draws them tenderly to his celestial (and hairless) bosom.

But he might make an exception in Amos's case! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 01:29 PM

Shaking Willie Geronimo Smith--the Poet Laureate of the 9th Street and Avenue A Generation -- is peeved as hell that I posted his stellar work on Shatner, which some critics in the samizdat community have called the definitive analysis of Shatners peculiar qualities. For one thing he had wanted to polish it a bit. I told him it would be gilding the lily, that he had acheived nearly the zenith of Shakespearean elegance in is finely formed piece, but he still grumbled.

I told him the world needed to hear his impeccable voice in order to burst the filmy gauze of their mass illusion concerning this overweight has-been thespian. Still, he grumbled.

I told him that Little Hawk has givenmore attention to Rapparree's senseless quibbling than he had to Shaking Willie's literary brilliance, and he said he could always hunt Little Hawk down and kill him.

Then he put on his leather jacket and left, taking the freight elevator down to the back door that opens onto the alley leading to 9th Street.

I dunno what he plans to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 01:34 PM

LOL!!!

I guess I'll call up Chongo and alert him to the situation. I have little doubt that he can take care of Shaking Willie (whose literary brilliance is actually quite impressive).

But Amos, what in hell is the samizdat community?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:32 PM

See, there you go. First impulse, bring out the animals with gats. Sic Chongo and Rapparee on anyone with a spark of self-determination or independent thought. Crush the creative spark under the boots of imagniary brutality!!

I shake my head and sigh for your deeply reactive impulses, sir. For fie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:36 PM

samizdat: a key form of dissident activity across the Soviet bloc in which individuals reproduced censored publications by hand and passed the documents from reader to reader. This grassroots practice to evade officially imposed censorship was fraught with danger as harsh punishments were meted out to people caught possessing or copying censored materials.

I gotta do ALL the work around this joint....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 02:39 PM

Hey, I don't give a flying doughnut WHAT you think! After all, I thunk you up, didn't I? So whatever YOU think is actually MY thought, and therefore I can't care what one of my creatures thinks because all thoughts are mine anyway.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 06:36 PM

Oh hear the bold Narcissus scoff
Rejecting everyone's existence
And further (just to piss us off)
Insisting, with bizarre persistence,
That you and I and we are he,
And only he can be an I,
And none but he can freely be
Beneath the cold Narcissan sky.
Thus, such a one is Rapparee
Who knows you each are his invention,
And knows the world as one great Me
(Though Heaven knows, with what intention).

Dolores Addlepate, Graduate
Limerick School Of Secretarial Skills and Computer Applications
Dublin, 1967


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 07:05 PM

Yes, but what he doesn't realize is that Shane created him! And I created Shane....which means....that....

Omigod.

WHAT HAVE I DONE??????????????

***

Amos, you misunderstand Chongo's good intentions. His actions are entirely dependent upon Shaking Willie's actions, you see. If Mr Willie is merely intent on paying me a pleasant social call, then Chongo will be happy to sit down with him, offer him a drink and a cigar, and discuss fine literature like the Raymond Chandler novels and Sam Spade. If, on the other hand, Shaking Willie proves to have some harmful intentions towards mois, then Chongo will rip his head off, stuff it down his throat sideways, and leave his bullet-riddled body tied upsidedown to a nearby lamp post as a warning to the unwise.

This seems like a reasonable enough approach to me, it's clear and simple, easy to understand, and it leaves Shaking Willie entirely in charge of whether he lives or dies, dependent strictly on his own actions.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 10:48 PM

Oh, I don't think there will be any problem. For one thing, Shakin' Willie is s poet and loves good conversation.

For another he has more backup than you can shake a chimp at. So either way he has no fear.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Dec 11 - 10:52 PM

I previously explained how I created Shame. I did this using the mind of my creation called "Little Hawk." That way I don't have to do all the work.

This is all true because before me was Nothing, Chaos. I remember that quite well and how much trouble it was to arrange things as they are now. Oh, yes -- I'm still not finished.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 01:10 AM

I should think NOT! What we see around us in this world is definitely "a work in progress".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 09:25 AM

I probably shouldn't have had all that wine. Canada was supposed to be a tropical paradise. Well, if I adjust the poles just, oh, say, 90° it will be...hmmm...tilt it to the left, so the Yukon has warm weather...maybe switch Nunavut with Ontario...yeah, could work....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 09:59 AM

Maybe he was just badly brought up, ya think?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 10:03 AM

Rap, careful as you slosh around in Canada. Their weird weather leaks out and dribbles down to Texas. After last summer, we don't need extreme lows this winter. We'd prefer tropical.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 11:35 AM

It's bad enough having a rampant narcissistic teleological nihilistic solipsist on the thread, but to have one who can't even keep Texas warm is pretty discouraging.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:27 PM

You got that right!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:33 PM

I shall endeavor to make the area in which Stilly moves pleasantly warm all winter. No snow for her to skid in, gentle breezes only, and a pleasing 72° F. with the scent and views of flowers and trees.

Outside of that little bubble, who knows? Between Bush and Perry the place is pretty well screwed up. I may have to have a Massive Intervention.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:51 PM

We're gettin' close, folks. Really close. May Shatner guide us safely through the passage that lies ahead!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:55 PM

No!! We shall be guided through by Mr. Scott and Jed Clampett!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 12:59 PM

Lemme tell ya of a story 'bout a man named Bill
Poor Canadian couldn't keep his belly fill'
Then one day as he was shovelin' in the drek
Up came a man who offered him "Star Trek."

Star Trek.
Enterprise.
Captain Kirk.
Lieutenant Uhura.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:08 PM

Next thing ya know ol' Bill's a millionaire
Enterprise crew says "Move away from here!"
They said, "Beaver Creek is the place you oughta be!"
So he downed another beer and he hit on Beverly.

Billy, Billy Shatner
King of the far frontier!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:15 PM

I have just returned from The Queen's Mail outlet (we don't have post offices any more up here on accounta private corporations now make money offin a the Queen's Mail and pay kickbacks to the silly servants that let the contracts so they can pay a cut to the politicians that arrange for them to do so) nearby after providing photo ID and signing the fancy little electronic screen rigginfriggin to receive a registered letter from the King of Idaho.

Thank you much, Good King, for the get well card. I will reserve thanks for the funny looking note in the card until my financial institution verifies it's authenticity.

And, BTW... ya sure know how to make a guy feel bad. If I'da known it was gonna cost you that much just to send me the shipping costs for the book, I'da said don't bother. I figgered ya'd just hafta put a money order in an envelope and post it.

Good people... not only was the postage $26.96 but there is a note, mentioned above, that looks rather odd. I recognize the gentleman's image on the note as U.S. Grant and written on this note is that is is legal tender valued at $50.00. Let it never be said that Rap don't know how to make a guy feel bad. The postage what about what my postage was and the $50 is over and above that.

All hail The King.

I am still gonna see what they say at the Credit Onion, of course.

PS... whaddya mean "Buy some GOOD beer?"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:18 PM

Please ignore the yptos in my last... well, all of my posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:38 PM

My...friend...a man known as Little Hawk on this web forum, has informed me that my special blessings are needed to ferry this...conversation...over the threshold of 43,000 posts. We...or rather you...are now on that threshold with only 3 posts to go. Or two after this one...I think.

At any rate, he has been pestering me for some time about it. Okay. I am a fairly generous man. Some people would dispute that, but they are...prejudiced. They have a jaundiced view of things, driven, I suspect, by their own disappointments, and I'm not responsible for those, am I.

I am a generous man. It is therefore in that spirit of generosity that I now willingly give my blessing to this thread as it is about to pass the boundary of 43,000 posts, and I say...Live Long and...

Hell, no. I can't say that. No way, people. Here's what I really have to say about it.

For God's sake! Get a life! Here you are frittering away your days typing forgettable dreck on a pointless thread on an obscure internet forum that most people in Hollywood have never even heard of. Get real. I can't believe you people are still doing this.

This is William Shatner, signing off. God bless.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:40 PM

ARe we there yet?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 02:41 PM

Thanks, Bill! You're a prince.

The check is in the mail.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 03:14 PM

IF asked I woudl have written a MUCH better Milestone Post for the 43 of K. It is really pathetic to see such a significant historical occasion be reduced to juvenile drivel by the generation of such jejune schmaltz as an imaginary post by Shatner the Shit. I really think it is below Mom to have her great day so adulterated with low-grade material. Sigh....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 05:45 PM

Amos, I KNOW you could have come up with something truly heroic for the 43,000th post, something positively Homeric in its brilliance, its sagacity, and its verbal sophistication, not to mention its wit.

But you didn't. You were not there at the crucial moment. I am sure that I join many in mourning the fact that you missed that brief window of opportunity. I blame Shane. He ruined it by asking the inane question "Are we there yet?" I wasn't expecting him to do that, but he's an unruly young lad with no sense of timing and very few (if any) social graces. We cross posted. I was looking at photos of Winona Ryder in between waiting for the Mudcat page to reload on my balky computer, so when I posted my brief "thank you" to Mr Shatner, I was expecting that to be the 42,999th post, not the 43,000th post!

And it was my firm intention that you, sir, should have the honor of entering some incredible piece of poetry on the 43,000th post, following my thank you note to Mr Shatner for imparting his blessings on our thread.

It's tragic that it didn't work out that way. Disturbing. Discomforting. Upsetting. A less than ideal result.

But I can draw comfort from the fact that in about 1,000 posts from now you WILL be there to wow us all with an inconceivably clever and apt piece of writing for the 44,000th post of the MOABS.

Wait for it, folks!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 06:28 PM

Wait for it? Fuck that. Let's here it now.

A?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 07 Dec 11 - 06:35 PM

Now yer talkin' sense! Let's get to the flippin' point in a few simple words insteda beatin' arownd the bush, eh?

- Shane

p.s. Not that I am agenst beatin' arownd the bush if I am in the right company...know what I mean?


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