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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 04 Mar 12 - 11:30 AM
Amos 04 Mar 12 - 05:24 PM
gnu 04 Mar 12 - 05:49 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 12 - 07:00 PM
gnu 04 Mar 12 - 07:28 PM
Amos 04 Mar 12 - 07:48 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 12 - 09:41 PM
gnu 04 Mar 12 - 10:24 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 12 - 10:47 PM
Amos 04 Mar 12 - 11:25 PM
Amos 04 Mar 12 - 11:30 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 12 - 11:43 PM
Acme 05 Mar 12 - 12:28 AM
Acme 05 Mar 12 - 01:01 AM
Amos 05 Mar 12 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 05 Mar 12 - 10:28 AM
Amos 05 Mar 12 - 11:01 AM
Rapparee 05 Mar 12 - 12:27 PM
gnu 05 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM
Amos 05 Mar 12 - 04:15 PM
gnu 05 Mar 12 - 04:24 PM
gnu 05 Mar 12 - 04:26 PM
Amos 05 Mar 12 - 08:18 PM
gnu 05 Mar 12 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 12 - 09:23 PM
Amos 06 Mar 12 - 12:14 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Mar 12 - 01:04 AM
Acme 06 Mar 12 - 01:14 AM
Amos 06 Mar 12 - 10:19 AM
Rapparee 06 Mar 12 - 10:45 AM
Bill D 06 Mar 12 - 12:00 PM
Amos 06 Mar 12 - 01:07 PM
gnu 06 Mar 12 - 01:19 PM
catspaw49 06 Mar 12 - 02:26 PM
Amos 06 Mar 12 - 06:47 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 06 Mar 12 - 09:48 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 12 - 10:41 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 12 - 01:09 AM
Amos 07 Mar 12 - 09:21 AM
Rapparee 07 Mar 12 - 10:00 AM
Amos 07 Mar 12 - 01:10 PM
Acme 07 Mar 12 - 09:49 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 12 - 10:42 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 12 - 09:39 AM
Amos 08 Mar 12 - 12:07 PM
gnu 08 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 12 - 08:28 PM
Amos 09 Mar 12 - 09:45 AM
Amos 09 Mar 12 - 10:31 AM
gnu 09 Mar 12 - 02:13 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 11:30 AM

That's almost as pathetic, strained, and far-fetched as an original MacGonagle, Rapp. Not quite, but close. It has the same fine earmarks of craft abuse which flag his finest work for instant ignominy.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 05:24 PM

I can't believe I have been hard at work untangling unnecessary confusion all the day and here it is 2:30 PST and no-one has bothered to uplift our Mom with a sparkling insight or a scintillating rebuff. That faux-McGonagle rap really put a damper on the vibes around here, man.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 05:49 PM

I am in the buff.

Sorry about that. Have a good evening... if you can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 07:00 PM

Well, that's it. That's the final straw. I'm leaving.



















For vacation. Two weeks in AZ, NM, southern UT, CO. I'll be around, but I'm outa HERE for two weeks or so starting tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 07:28 PM

Bonnie voyage and enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 07:48 PM

Heeeheeeeheeee!!
THere goes Rapparee!
With a hasty explanation
(Something about a vacation)
Turns and beats his little feet
In a hasty, grim retreat.
Too much banter, too much guff
Made him lose his vaunted stuff
So he turned the volume louder,
Turned and took himself a powduh.

Making tracks like desert thunder
Rapp is off for over yonduh.
Sad, that he our day should sweeten
By this zealous quick retreatin'
As though he felt he'd been beaten!
But we will not lack for talk,
Loud rebuffs and shallow squawk,
'Cuz we still have Little Hawk.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 09:41 PM

Amos, vescere bracis meis. Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditiones habes, sed tum podem extulit horridulum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 10:24 PM

Gee... that sounds horridulum.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 10:47 PM

It is, it is. And Amos knows it's true.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 11:25 PM

Rapparee has invited me to eat his suspenders, and threatens to exercise horrible things on me because I know so little. Ah, woe is me, that the wrath of such an erudite sop-wit should fall upon me. By the grace of our Mom, I swear I shall ne'er offend him again, but shall study hard to learn him in the ways of humility and thus defuse all offense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 11:30 PM

Sadly I realize I must send Rapparee my apologies to demonstrate the correct attitude; the last witless couplets I wrote were entirely uncalled for. And, I should add,
Combibo meus amplus niger spheres , vos nequam filius vilis Cupiditasi increbresco exigo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 12 - 11:43 PM

I'm educated and educated too well, so I can read little Latin and less Greek. Amos' last sentence (which out of decency I shan't translate) would once have gotten him run through without the benefit of a formal duel OR clergy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 12:28 AM

Wow! I'm not even on the last page. Been busy hunting out miscreants who probably never check the MOAB thread for references to their evil-doing, and been busy getting over this cold.

Keep the course steady, and look out for the freds. They have given up on Mars, I hear, and are looking exclusively at the Blue Planet for their DNA/RNA fix. Keep your heads up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 01:01 AM

You're so close, if you want to swing by Texas on your vacation, Rap, just give me a call. It's only a 12-hour drive out of your way. I in the book. You know what town to enter, along with the name. I've love to see you guys. We have room, and can give you a Grand Tour.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 09:21 AM

Waidaminnit, waidaminnit. Somp'n sure is fishy. Da Rapp, who claims to be retired, now claims to be bound out on vacation. Well that don't add up, do it? See, retirement is not something you can take a vacation from. So there's information missin' here, see whad I mean? Mebbe it has to do with those two large-headed dudes in baggy suits who called on His Booqieness just the night before he announced his imminent departure, ya think?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 10:28 AM

I do far, far more than you think, Good Amos. Out here there are dragons to be slain, maidens to rescue, rings to toss into volcanoes, castles to besiege, naps to take, damsels in distress, and unicorns to barbecue. I spend my time in Doing Good For Others and Bringing Sinners To Repentance.

Actually, I shall be going into the desert and for a fortnight of fasting and prayer, praying for your repentance and the forgiveness of your manifold sins. You could at least thank me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 11:01 AM

I have many things to thank you for, sir, but repentance for and forgiveness of my sins is not among them. Such burdens are tasks of great moment and gravity which I alone must bear.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 12:27 PM

1. Go get a goat.
2. Dump some olive oil and wine on it.
3. While you do that say, "This oil and wine washes away all my sins."
4. Drive the goat off into the wilderness and/or the MCRD (they're much the same).
5. Party like you're without sin. This gives you a chance to start sinning all over again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM

Ahhh, A. My translator doesn't say Rap wants to eat his suspenders. And, didn't you mean "blue" instead of black?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 04:15 PM

ANd how would you know, Mister Gnu, which term I should have used?


:>)


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 04:24 PM

Oops... YOU to eat.

Well, "Eat my shorts." is a more common saying, as I understand it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 04:26 PM

And, if your balls are black, you might wanna get that checked out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 08:18 PM

I enjoy having them checked out but nopt by Rap. Or you either! :D And he didn't say shorts, I think. I dunno what he was trying to say. His Latin leaves something to be desired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 09:06 PM

Well, Google translator said it was "Eat my shorts." I don't even know Pig Latin... don't even have the recipe. But my breaded fried pork chop recipe is deeeelicious. I prefer sirloin chops as I find they can be well cooked and still are tender while centre loin chops can sometimes be "touchy" to get juuuust right. Unfortunately, even though the sirloin are on sale at $2 a pound here, they are cut an inch thick or more... to get volume dollar sales I assume. Too thick for frying. Seriously... I saw some today that were close to 1.25". The nerve of the bastards!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 12 - 09:23 PM

The Google translator is correct. Amos is not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 12:14 AM

Well, it says you said I was talking ragged, but that is obviously not true. Google does say "Eat my shorts" but I am going to decline. You look ugly enough with them on.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 01:04 AM

Tickle my guavas, latte'-boy.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 01:14 AM

Slips into the living room and pulls the quilted comforter over MOM, where she fell asleep in the recliner, again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 10:19 AM

But we will not lack for talk,
Loud rebuffs and shallow squawk,
'Cuz we still have Little Hawk.
Backed with rhythm, on the bongo,
By the sociopathic Chongo.



Sorry, man. Didn't mean to leave you out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 10:45 AM

Mangez-vous mes shorts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 12:00 PM

what flavor?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 01:07 PM

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 01:19 PM

Frisbeetarianism? I heard that one over 30 years ago. Some good ones in there. Thanks A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: catspaw49
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 02:26 PM

Came by to see if that POS Ken had stopped by. Came with the dust and went with the wind............geeziz...............Just glad he didn't fall of the edge of the earth over there in Mississippi............

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 06:47 PM

I won't eat your shorts, Rapparee. Stop begging me. It is not becoming of an allegedly fully --or should that be foully?--grown man to give in so to such lowly obsessions, and I am not a good choice of participant in your perfervid but perverted schemes. The answer is no.

Have you talked to your wife about this strange impulse of yours? Perhaps she'd be willing to make some kind of accommodation.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 09:48 PM

If I was his wife...(a truly horrifyin' thought!)...I sure as hell wouldn't be willin' to accomodate him.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 12 - 10:41 PM

It's okay, Amos. You can eat anyone's shorts you want to. They don't have to be mine because you're a big boy now and can make your own decisions. In fact, I'm not even going to tell you where I am, except to say that I'll be visiting Best Friends. They'd let you in too, only they might not let you back out.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 01:09 AM

And with great reluctance, because they hate to "put down" any animal, I am certain that they would be unable to save either Shame or Chongo.

Well, it IS peaceful and done with compassion. Injection would probably be used with Chongo, whereas Shame would simply have a heavy rock used to flatten his head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 09:21 AM

AZ, NM, southern UT, CO -- all your best beloved ditches and deserts, chunks of glorious rock and great piles of most impressive dirt. It is good to take a retreat amongst your fellows.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 10:00 AM

Yes, the Navajo, the Hopi, the Zuni, the Apache, the Utes....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 01:10 PM

Mwahaha!! "THis white man has appeared claiming kinship, but he does not bring us another Casino License. What should we do, Brave Eagle?"

"Stake him out and let the desert have its way with him."

Hey!! IT'S GNU'S BIRTHDAY!! HOW ABBBBBOUT THAT!!! HE's FINALLY OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK WITHOUT SCARING ANYONE!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 09:49 PM

Gnu, twenty years ago today I was busy pushing and puffing to deliver a bouncing 7 lb baby boy into the world. It may be my son's birthday, but it's a day I remember for all of the work involved. Perhaps your mom tells you stories of the day you were born? I think my kids kind of enjoy those stories, if they aren't told too often.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 12 - 10:42 PM

Happy Birthday to Gnu & Whoever He Is.

Amos, we bring them pictures of presidents to trade for trinkets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 09:39 AM

I just rescued Mom from a seamy, steamy dive down by the waterfront. She was sooooooooooooo influenced by alcohol and bad companions that she was going to demonstrate her "table dance." I pleaded with her, telling her about the baby being sick and Amos dying and all that bull and finally I was able to fight our way out and take her home.

Please move silently around her today -- cheap rum and red wine should not be mixed with Four Roses, especially in the same flagon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 12:07 PM

Behold the wandering wayward Rap
Who bids us kill the fatted calf
By bringing home a load of crap
TO make Mom swoon--but we just laff.
We know his idle, wandering ways,
We've copped his scam for many a week.
And though barefoot he rambles off,
He's just a barefoot boy with cheek.

John Blueballs Whatayear
Greaves of Lass and other poems.
Rochester, New York, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 02:19 PM

"Perhaps your mom tells you stories of the day you were born?"

All she ever says is that it was happiest day of her life. Apparently, the hemorrhoids were worth it. Oh, yeah, that is a story... I was a pain in the ass.

If you read my Bday thread, there is a cute story of what my Dad used to say about that day regarding the timing of my birth.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 08:28 PM

MY mother said, "Well, thank God that's over with!"

Then she had three more, but being first I got all of the really good genes and the others had to take the leftover crappy genes. That's why I'm so superior to everyone else. Then she went out and dropped me on my head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 09:45 AM

Welcome to the NEW 44000 which is 44 and 100.

And green is the new black, too.

And insanity the new normal.

Do not panic. Just hold on to your towel.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 10:31 AM

In the "Still on the Craziest PLanet in Space" Department:

"The latest in a series of such thefts involved the removal of the preserved heart of St. Laurence O'Toole, Dublin's 12th-century patron saint, from the city's historic Christ Church Cathedral. As there was no sign of forced entry to the cathedral itself, the dean of Christ Church, Dermot Dunne, initially believed the thief had probably hidden in the building when it closed on Friday evening, taken the artifact overnight and simply walked out the next morning.

"Maybe someone stole it to order; it certainly seems plausible," Dean Dunne said Monday in an interview at Christ Church. "Or maybe a religious fanatic wants the relic and paid somebody to steal it."

(NYT)

A preserved heart from the 12th century. Now, that's what I call real value.

Better not tell Mom.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 02:13 PM

Someone stole a Saint's preserved heart from the 12th century?

The heartless bastard!


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