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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Bee-dubya-ell 05 Feb 05 - 01:21 AM
Teresa 04 Feb 05 - 11:02 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 05 - 10:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 05 - 10:48 PM
Acme 04 Feb 05 - 10:27 PM
Teresa 04 Feb 05 - 09:58 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 05 - 09:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 05 - 07:38 PM
Amos 04 Feb 05 - 06:27 PM
Teresa 04 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM
GUEST 04 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM
Acme 04 Feb 05 - 03:13 PM
Amos 04 Feb 05 - 01:38 PM
Acme 04 Feb 05 - 10:58 AM
GUEST,MMario 04 Feb 05 - 09:17 AM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 05 - 08:42 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 08:24 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 08:03 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 05 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM
Acme 03 Feb 05 - 03:04 PM
Amos 03 Feb 05 - 01:56 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 01:37 PM
GUEST,heric 03 Feb 05 - 01:31 PM
Amos 03 Feb 05 - 01:16 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 05 - 01:00 PM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 12:29 PM
Amos 03 Feb 05 - 12:22 PM
Layah 03 Feb 05 - 12:14 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 05 - 12:12 PM
GUEST,heric 03 Feb 05 - 11:43 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 11:17 AM
Acme 03 Feb 05 - 11:00 AM
GUEST,heric 03 Feb 05 - 10:29 AM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 05 - 10:24 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 10:18 AM
GUEST,heric 03 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 10:15 AM
GUEST,sex thousand 03 Feb 05 - 10:14 AM
GUEST,heric 03 Feb 05 - 10:14 AM
GUEST 03 Feb 05 - 10:13 AM
GUEST 03 Feb 05 - 10:13 AM
Acme 03 Feb 05 - 10:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Feb 05 - 10:00 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 09:56 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 05 - 09:54 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 09:52 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 09:50 AM
GUEST,MMario 03 Feb 05 - 09:48 AM
Rapparee 03 Feb 05 - 09:44 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Feb 05 - 01:21 AM

Teresa - I would love to know how your computer pronounces إ???. I've only seen it in print. I've always imagined it to sound something like a cross between the mating call of a Whooping Crane, a cat coughing up a furball, and a violent attack of flatulence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 11:02 PM

And what are the visual signs of a resident of the planet إ????

Oh, never mind. I've been an exile for so long I almost forgot ... [riffling furiously through The book] let's see ... ability to shapeshift? Not visual. Um. Unless it's done on the fly or the sly ... I give up. I've forsaken my planet for so long I've forgotten its folkways.

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:59 PM

Teresa, I had a skunk once that exhibited those qualities your "cats" exhibit. Please don't do anything to annoy them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:48 PM

Teresa - If your cat does not exhibit those qualities then there is a strong possibility it isn't really a cat. Perhaps someone has played a cruel practical joke on you. Maybe you should get a sighted friend or relative to have a close look at it. It may be a visitor from the planet إ??? masquerading as a cat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:27 PM

BWL--you missed ennui. My two are good at that. They're also great undercover cats, so maybe there's a little of James Bond in them (but only a little--they're both fixed!) And what would you call the expression when they hop up in your lap and walk back and forth, purring and swishing their tail past your face with each pass? That's what mine have.

What they don't have are spatulas. They have a couple of slotted plastic litter scoops instead.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:58 PM

I have a very strange cat, then. He shows none of those qualities.

I have had cats who showed those qualities, however. I've had humans who showed those qualities. And the occasional dog. :)

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:26 PM

Cat's just ooze special properties, don't they?

Why, yes they do! Here are a few of them: belligerence, aggression, combativeness, pugnacity, aloofness, indifference, disinterest, disregard, heedlessness, insouciance, lassitude, lethargy, listlessness, unconcern, unmindfulness, apathy, impassivity, insensibility, unresponsiveness, inertness, passivity, detachment, unconcern, lethargy, torpidity, stupefaction.

But, they rarely shit in the house and ya don't have to bathe 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 07:38 PM

And instead of the bat cave, she could live in the Cat House!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 06:27 PM

Well, I think you ought to use it to make a super-hero costume, because I am sure it has special properties. Cat's just ooze special properties, don't they? You might not know what they were until you, say, tried it on, complete with undies on the outside, brightly colored leggings, and cape, and tried flying off the roof or something, but sooner or later you could figger it out and bingo!! You'd be ready for a new career as a cat-suited crimefighter!!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Teresa
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM

One summer, as a teenager, I took a weaving class. My teacher had a Samoyan dog and she made sweaters out of his hair. There were bags of it outside on her porch, and she taught me to spin and weave a bit.

Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM

got the hair of three cats at home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 03:13 PM

I could knit a new cat every couple of weeks for all of the hair these two leave around the place. My housekeeping skills aren't as finely honed as they could be--my kitchen is clean, the bathrooms are clean, but there is a layer of dust around the place. And little eddies of cat hair. If you think you can use it, MMario, I'll save some for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 01:38 PM

Bag that hair and make it into a stuffed animal, dere, SRS!! Or a beanbag for throwing at people who insist they are allergic to cats.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 10:58 AM

What I have plenty of "spare" of is cat hair. The calico likes to sit on my lap while I work and I see that my keyboard is beginning to attract more than is probably good for it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 04 Feb 05 - 09:17 AM

there's never spare whisky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:42 PM

Only if you're sure it's spare....

I really would prefere the whisky though.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:24 PM

On second thought, Bunnahabhain, perhaps we could spare one sheep as tribute to you.

You can have this one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 08:03 PM

Sorry, Bunny Boy. The sheep at this MOAB serve a much higher calling than those of King Mesha. No, we aren't going to go into detail about it what with this being a public forum and thus subject to being snooped upon by people who might not understand the true and abiding affection we bear toward our ovine consorts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 07:13 PM

"And Mesha, king of MOAB was a sheep-master, and rendered unto the king of Israel a hundred thousand lambs, and a hundred thousand rams, with the wool."

2 Kings, 3.4


The principal of fines for MOAbites is well established. Pay up!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 03:20 PM

"Throw a few pots." Yeah, right. WE know what you old hardline hippies do with "a few pots." You've probably got a "kiln" to fire them up, too. You ain't kidding either me or the DEA or your mom.

Heric should not be forgiven or exonerated or the sentence reduced. If anything, it is too light and another sign of the growing decadence and criminal behavior in today's society. Besides, the Official MOAB Court Of Peels sits only in Corn Creek, Idaho -- the session is held in early January and lasts as long as the liquor does.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 03:04 PM

Honor/Offer. Amos. You've done a flashback to your junior high school days, I fear.

If any of those pots turn out to be good ones, throw a few our way!

SRS Okay, back to my press releases. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:56 PM

Sounds awful close to contempt, Your Honor. So get Offer.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:37 PM

Yas, it is probably true that nobody could make 250 posts of quality BS within the next 1000 messages. In fact, my own BS generator is in dire need of recharging at this very moment. The spatula thread has severely depleted its resources. I am afraid that if I continue I shall begin to sound like a person from Hull. I am going to walk over to my studio now and throw pots for a while.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:31 PM

Subtlety? A case?? Man, when you can whip any person in the world, you never know peace. Champions aren't made on the MOAB. When we reach 10,000, and we will, remember that champions are made from something they have deep inside them-a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill. And remember that I have the prettiest face in mudcat, the fastest hands, and no equal in reason, rhyme or rhythm.

I can do that 100 posts and make you think it was YOUR sentence.

-THE prettiest face


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:16 PM

MM:

Absolutely not. There is excellence in all things, and mediocrity as well. Because something is BS does not mean it must be mediocre!!

There is plenty of mediocre BS out there, no mistake. Obscure back-handed humor without any recognizable context, snide degradations disguised as jokes, certain people's obsession with gutter-talk are examples. Even without these there is plenty of uninspired humor or BS that is well conceived but poor in execution. But truly elegant and excellent BS knows no bounds and combines the very best of overtones, semantics, harmonious phonemic structures, alliteration, and rhetorical power in one FELL swoop.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 01:00 PM

Judicial review reduces the sentence to 100 posts, as 250 in the next thousand verges on the impossible.

My fee for this appeal will be 300 quality posts to a selection of suitable threads, or a case of single malt.

bunnahabhain


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:29 PM

Isn't "quality BS" an Oxymoron? or am I confusing oxymorons with Ilk?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:22 PM

Since Guest Heric saw fit to take undue advantage of a thousand hard-earned posts, produced by others, and then to reap all the glory by stealing the 6000 slot although he had contributed next to nothing of the effort, should qwe excoriate him? Accuse him of rampant capitalist doggerel?

He should be sentenced to write 250 posts in the next thousand!!! Only quality BS posts showing originality and humor and subtlety.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Layah
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:14 PM

Like this one. 6011


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 12:12 PM

It's only a number. There will be more....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:43 AM

Please, criticism of bwl is unwarranted. While he may have had you distracted with spatulas, he certainly had his eye on the game. He missed by only microseconds with clever banter, making me appear about as eloquent as Neil Armstrong. No, I could not have asked for a more formidable and experienced champion, clearly at the top of his game.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:17 AM


Post by Post, Post by Post
Post by Post upwards
All in the MOAB thread
yearned for six thousand
"Forward Idaho Brigade!
Ignore Spatulas!" he said
But most in the MOAB thread
missed post six thousand.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 11:00 AM

BWL, it's your own damned fault. You distracted us with spatulas.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:29 AM

I'd like to thank khandu, of course, for the inspiration that made this day possible. And all of the thousands of contributions, and the effort it entailed. For those of you feeling some pangs of disappointment oe envy, I wish you the very best in your future endeavours in this puursuit. Today is not an end but a beginning, and there will surely be more opportunities arising and challenges to overcome. Thank you. Thank you all.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:24 AM

We're more than half way to 10K - 100 squared. That one will be a prize.

The true path- Spatualae!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:18 AM

Addendum: No, we let some asshole make the 6000th post while we sit around with our thumb up our ass talking about how much restraint we have.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:16 AM

Om my gosh omy gosh, it's like, oh, it's like. Words just cannot explain. Yes, 6000. Not a game for dial-up players!

Now I'll go out and take on the day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:15 AM

The restraint of MOABites is amazing. As this thread barrels pell-mell toward post #6000 do we go into manic frenzies of posting a la Phlegmenco Ted to try to get there first? No! We are more dignified than that.

We also have a slow-ass dial-up connection, crappy phone service, a shitty ISP, and a worn out computer that could use some more RAM, all of which combines to make loading this thread slow and tedious even in descending order.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,sex thousand
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:14 AM


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,heric
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:14 AM

yep


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:13 AM

5999


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:13 AM

5998


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:04 AM

I've skinned a woodchuck--there's lots of fat in those suckers. You don't need to add any extra oil in that marinade or barbecue sauce. Another real greasy critter that I've skinned out is the armadillo.

Why, you ask, did I skin these and other critters? I am a naturalist by training, and I used these skins in interpretive programs. Snakes, rabbits, squirrels, coyote, and the most impressive, the head of an alligator gar (boiled in a big galvanized bucket to get the excess fat off of it--a 75 pounder caught in a Louisianna bayou where I worked as a Corps of Engineers ranger for a little while).

I don't recall using a spatula on any of these noble critters. Just my pocket knife.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 10:00 AM

You mean the groundhog's range comes that close to Floribama? Central Alabama? Heck, that's only a three hour drive north of here. Maybe I'll jump in the van and haul ass up to those hills north of Birmingham and see if I can find one. Then again, maybe I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:56 AM

did you know Vancouver Island has it's very own version of the groundhog? But it is one of the most endangered mammels -

the island is the only place it exists and it is down to a population of under 100


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:54 AM

I dunno, Mario. I was out in the backyard last Fall and saw one mighty big squirrel beat up a golfer and take both his nuts and his balls.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:52 AM

the Feast of St. Philip of Puxatawney is properly celebrated by the consumption of pork sausage in as many guises as possible, supplemented by dishes made with ground ham, or ground bacon.

Other activities associated with the feast of this saint is the ceremonial tossing of cabers (wood "chucking") - or ritual moving of fireplace logs from place to place by tossing them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:50 AM

Did you know that the groundhog is a member of the squirrel family? the biggest one at that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:48 AM

Woodchucks/Groundhogs are found over east central Alaska and across southern Canada to the Pacific coastal provinces, extending south to northern Idaho. They are also distributed in the eastern United States (south to central Alabama and Arkansas)and westward to the edge of the plains


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 05 - 09:44 AM

Only if they are threatening your life or the life of another.


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