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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 15 Feb 13 - 09:06 AM
Amos 15 Feb 13 - 01:20 AM
Little Hawk 15 Feb 13 - 12:29 AM
Rapparee 14 Feb 13 - 09:44 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 13 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 13 - 01:40 PM
Acme 14 Feb 13 - 12:46 PM
Rapparee 14 Feb 13 - 08:37 AM
Eiseley 14 Feb 13 - 08:24 AM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 13 - 09:29 PM
gnu 13 Feb 13 - 07:06 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 13 - 06:51 PM
Amos 13 Feb 13 - 06:08 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 13 - 03:45 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 13 - 02:46 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 13 - 01:50 PM
Eiseley 13 Feb 13 - 12:49 PM
Amos 13 Feb 13 - 12:30 PM
Acme 13 Feb 13 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 13 - 07:58 AM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 13 - 07:51 AM
Acme 12 Feb 13 - 11:15 PM
Amos 12 Feb 13 - 11:11 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 13 - 04:27 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 13 - 04:10 PM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 13 - 03:31 PM
Amos 12 Feb 13 - 10:20 AM
Little Hawk 12 Feb 13 - 09:52 AM
gnu 11 Feb 13 - 09:12 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 13 - 08:06 PM
Amos 11 Feb 13 - 05:41 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 13 - 04:52 PM
Donuel 11 Feb 13 - 03:51 PM
Amos 11 Feb 13 - 03:04 PM
Eiseley 11 Feb 13 - 12:17 PM
Acme 10 Feb 13 - 11:08 PM
gnu 10 Feb 13 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 10 Feb 13 - 08:48 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 13 - 08:42 PM
Amos 10 Feb 13 - 08:31 PM
gnu 10 Feb 13 - 05:28 PM
Little Hawk 10 Feb 13 - 05:01 PM
Amos 10 Feb 13 - 02:36 PM
Acme 10 Feb 13 - 01:27 PM
Acme 10 Feb 13 - 12:40 AM
Rapparee 09 Feb 13 - 08:18 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 13 - 04:51 PM
Eiseley 09 Feb 13 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 09 Feb 13 - 09:31 AM
Amos 09 Feb 13 - 08:40 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Feb 13 - 09:06 AM

Ten feet wide and the water will do the work for you. Even a foot wide if it were a few feet down from the top. Don't make it more difficult to destroy the dam than it needs to be.

(I've walked levees during floods on the Mississippi and very, very much respect the power that water has in destroying things designed to stop it from going where it wants to go and doing what it wants to do.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Feb 13 - 01:20 AM

Melodramatic metaphors to magnify the megalomaniacal malingering of mellifluous malevolence in the form of fatuous fantasies forced on the febrile. I swan.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Feb 13 - 12:29 AM

I'm semi-familiar with the Dambusters raids, Rap, but what I had in mind was a 300 foot wide hole that goes all the way through the front of the dam. I mean "wide" from left to right...not necessarily the same dimension in terms of depth from front to back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 09:44 PM

It would depend upon where the hole was, of course. Near the bottom a 300 foot wide hole would certainly affect the dam's integrity but might not compromise it to any disastrous extent because of the thickness of the base (remember, it's rather wedge-shaped). It would also make a difference on which side the hole first appeared -- it would be far more of a problem on the upstream side, as water, being incompressible, would hammer against the weakened structure after being "blown back" away from it and thereby cause greater damage than the initial hole would have been. For more information you might check out Operations Chastise and Catechism, carried out by the RAF in WW2, and the operation of the limpet mine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 02:18 PM

Yeah, Blind River is sort of like a wide spot in the road. It probably started the way most small communities did, around a convenient watershed, that being the river that bisects the town. Back then it must have been a peaceful place full of wildlife and beautiful scenery. Indians most likely lived there in those days. Eventually the Whites came along and displaced the Indians, built some cabins and a church and a general store. Generations came and went, and the town slowly grew. Then one day a dark cloud was seen to cover the sky, and an ill wind blew from the East...bringing....

The McBrides! (crash of ominous piano chords)

These shambling ne'er-do-wells and thieving illiterate scum had been driven from their native homes in Ireland during the mid-1800s and had sought refuge from capture and summary justice by fleeing across the gray Atlantic to the far distant shores of Canada. After having alienated themselves in a series of deeply offended communities that stretched all the way from Newfoundland to Eastern Ontario, the surviving McBrides finally found themselves a new home in Blind River. And the place has gone downhill ever since! Alcoholism is rampant, as is teenage pregnancy. Growing pot is the leading cottage industry. The prevalence of extreme stupidity combined with an overweaning sense of entitlement and a penchant for committing reckless acts with no logic or foresight while operating motor vehicles has resulted in a drain on the social services and the justice system which is comparable to what would happen if someone blew a 300 foot wide hole in the Grand Coulee Dam.

Where will it all end?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 01:40 PM

What did I think you meant? Well, sir, I thought you were careening around in your usual frenzy of fantastical lascivious debauchery and lecherous license, of course, what do you think? Rather like Shane, who has pictured himself in all sorts of intimate situations with the same woman, a woman he is as incapable of understanding or relating to as a pig would be when confronted with the writings of Thomas Aquinas.

I'm glad to see that I was mistaken. I hope you learned something useful in the encounter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 12:46 PM

An interesting look at a town that appears to be a wide spot in the road. And why bother to give the restaurant a name? "Restaurant" takes care of all of the information anyone needs. (Down the street from the Library.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 08:37 AM

HAH! Jennifer Dana is quite well read and we discussed everything from global economic markets to Pre-Raphealite poetry and art. Her analysis of "Twelfth Night" was masterly (mistressly?) and she has been preparing a little monograph comparing the the psychology of Canadian and American low-level street criminals that should be extremely well received.

When I left she was intellectually sated -- whatever did you think I meant?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Feb 13 - 08:24 AM

Happy Valentine's Day, MOM!

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 09:29 PM

LOL! Boy, what a dreamer... You wouldn't have a chance with her, Rap.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 07:06 PM

I suppose saturated would be pornographic.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 06:51 PM

Officer Dana was so smitten by my good looks and animal magnetism that she invited me to move on...into her apartment for an intimate dinner and intimate intimacies. When I left her, her appetites had been sated.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 06:08 PM

Actually that's Rapparree when he came through Blind River looking for Shane. Officer Dana advised him to move on and get out of town before anyone learned he was around.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 03:45 PM

That looks like Shane about 25 or 30 years from now, assuming he lasts that long.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 02:46 PM

You know, if he'd ask nicely and told them he was doing research about porn on the Internet they probably wouldn't have gotten so upset. Of course, it's easy to become upset with someone like Shame. (That's not him, Shame has far fewer teeth.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 01:50 PM

Yes, that is the famous "liberry" where Shane has had numerous adventures over the years, including the final disastrous incident where he resisted arrest by several extremely irritated police officers by climbing on top of the bookshelves and hurling hardbound books down at them. This was after the "liberrians" had attempted to kick Shane out for surfing Internet porn on library time. He made a big scene about his "rights", so they called the police. The rest is history.

Shane has been limited to begging Don's girlfriends for use of their iPads and similar digital devices since the Great Liberry Fiasco.

Right next door to the library, you can see Michou's Country Treasures, a charming little gift shop that Shane has never entered.

"They ain't flippin' got nothin' in there!"

So...he's never been inside Michou's. He did throw up on their front entrance once, though...after getting kicked out of the Iron Horse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 12:49 PM

I think the Blind River Public Library looks quite charming in the street view.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 12:30 PM

Wotta low-class joint!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 12:03 PM

If it is congested by Canadian standards it would probably make US transplants feel right at home. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 07:58 AM

And you're right about Officer Dana, Amos. She should move to Toronto...or better yet, the nation's capital: Ottawa, a much more interesting and likable place than "the Big Smoke" (Toronto). Toronto was a great city in the 60s and early 70s, but it's turned into on oversized, conjested urban hell since, by Canadian standards at least.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 13 - 07:51 AM

Yes, it is. As Shane would say, "You can, like, take THAT to the bank, eh?" Blind River. Love it or leave it. Neil Young once mentioned Blind River in a song...I think the title of the song is "Long May You Run"...a nostalgic look back at a car he drove way back in his teen years. He seems to have lived in Blind River for awhile or at least was visiting there. Rick Fielding once even played a gig in Blind River, so he told me. At the hotel. And survived!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 11:15 PM

So this is Shane ground zero?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 11:11 PM

What a god-forsaken second-rate burg. Shane should be ashaned of being part of such a pathetic little burble of civilization. Officer Dana too. You can tell she was cut out for better things just looking at her underwear in the spin cycle at the local Laundromat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 04:27 PM

Okay, here's the Google maps address, Amos.

http://maps.google.ca/maps?hl=en&tab=wl

That gives you the satellite shot of Blind River. Now go in close and search for the "Iron Horse Inn, 24 Woodward Avenue, Blind River". The Iron Horse is one of Shane and Don's favorite watering holes. There's a stunning example of artwork on the front wall by the same guy who painted the art on one of Don's pickup trucks. Shane would like to do that kind of art too, mostly of semi-naked girls and dragons and demons and related stuff, but he's so far been too lazy to learn how, so he simply dreams about doing it, kind of like playing air guitar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 04:10 PM

I have. I've even flown over Blind River. I've even cruised past it in a ship (really!). I still wasn't impressed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 03:31 PM

How many times does one have to swan to reach a sense of completion, Amos?

It's true, Blind River is a pretty dead place, but is that really their fault? I think it's more a problem of their geographical location than anything else. Then too, the economy has been depressed lately. When you live in a place that's too far north, too far away from any real center of culture, and there's not a hell of a lot to do except drink, have sex, get high, and commit random acts of reckless stupidity (like driving your snowmobile out on the lake), what else can you expect?

You should look up Blind River on Google Earth, take a look around the place, have a gander at the actual Tim Horton's Donut Shop which Shane patronizes, and check out the Iron Horse Tavern where he goes to see the Wet T-Shirt contests. You'll be impressed!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 10:20 AM

I guess it depends on your definition of "happening". You make Dead River sound like a real happening place.

Maggie dog found out what skunks smell like. But it's almost all gone now.

Did you know the standard remedy for skunk spray is a pint of hydrogen peroxide (3%) and a mess of baking soda and dish-soap? I swan. The things you learn anymore!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 12 Feb 13 - 09:52 AM

A great many things occur in Blind River every day, Amos, but most of them are quite mundane. People wake up grumpily to their alarm clocks (if they're employed), stagger to the washroom, brush their teeth, stagger to the hall, put on their lumberjack jackets and their baseball caps, go outside and start up the pickup truck, clear off the snow and ice from the windows, stop off at the Tim Horton's Drive-Thru for a quick coffee and breakfast, then go to work, etc....

Bored teenage girls stand around smoking and gossipping. Bored teenage boys stand around cursing, eyeing the girls, and bumming a smoke.

A bored cop cruises down Main Street, stops at Tim's for a donut. Asks if anyone's seen Shane?

Then there are the unemployed, a good 50% of Blind River...I could tell you how they spend their day, but I think you probably get the idea by now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 09:12 PM

Happies Rappies!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 08:06 PM

Thank you for the birthday wishes, and I must correct Amos.

Blind River had a very exciting time a couple years ago when Shame McBride flushed his stash and caused the sewers to back up and act as geysers in every drain in town. It wasn't a very big stash, but it was such bad stuff that even the sewers threw up. That was the official explanation given by the Blind River Sanitary and Sewer Commission and it was backed by whatever the Canadians call their version of the EPA. Unfortunately (for Shame) he was partaking of the facilities at the time and it acted as a gigantic enema on him -- the jail hasn't been the same since.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 05:41 PM

Nothing like that, or like anything else, has ever occurred in Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 04:52 PM

Nothing like that has ever occurred in Blind River.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 03:51 PM

They have a new float at Mardi Gras this year that is over 300 feet long. With over 200 people aboard ,it is the all time grandest float in MG history. I think it is called Librarians gone WILD


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 03:04 PM

I join in birthday wishes for our Inimitable Manne of Booques, without whom our Mother of All Things BS would be bereft beyond description.

The Pope's resignation is stunning--first time since 1415! How does one really retire from being the Mouthpiece of God? What if one kept getting messages, forgot to hang up the phone? What if they conflicted with the New Pope's Telegrams from Infinity?? Chaos unleashed upon a sleeping world!! Oh, NOoooo, Mister Hands!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 11 Feb 13 - 12:17 PM

Happy Birthday, Rapparee!

I hope lots of good things happen for you today, including: good food, good friends, and good music.

And too bad it wasn't the Monsignor who is resigning.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 11:08 PM

I have a cousin who was a Sister of Mercy. I didn't know her very well, and ours was the "lapsed" side of the family, Protestant (nominally) when I was growing up. Shed myself of all of that biblical nonsense a long time ago. It's fine for literature, but other than that, no interest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 09:09 PM

Yer just dickin me around. I will have nun of that!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 08:48 PM

Pat's friend used to be one of the Sisters of the Holy Smokes, but changed orders to the Sisters of the Divine Figure. Now she's just a CSC -- a Holy Cross nun, as opposed to a hot cross bun or a holey, cross, nun or even a wholly cross nun. She used to work at St. Whoever's Hospital in Boise fixing broke-dick mamalukas without anesthetic and big, dull, square needle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 08:42 PM

I have often thought that Penelope Rutledge, given a different family background, might have made a fine nun.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 08:31 PM

ALthough none of my friends are Sumerian, some of my friends are Nuns. Some are loony, many are nutty and belong in a nuttery, but none live in nunneries. Nunneries are all for nuns, but not all nuns are in nunneries. New nuns often shun nunneries, but new nuns know so little and none are inundated with knowing.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 05:28 PM

Nuns are cool. Regular people. Some are nice as can be. Some are as crazy as a bag a hammers. Sister Mary ********* cracked my knuckles with a wooden pointer and I disagreed with her judgement and decision so I grabbed it and broke it in two. She reached out to grab me but I was 9 years old. She chased me but I was 9 years old. I got home and told Me Mère. Sister Mary had some explaining ta do when Me Mère arrived at the school. Me Mère was about 5 tall but she would give you the shirt off her back or take yours if you fucked with her. Sister had NO chance in... you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 05:01 PM

I've never actually known any nuns, loose or otherwise, not having been around the Catholic Church much during this life.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 02:36 PM

The very best nuns are "loose". It adds to their air of mystery. I am back from a delightful expedition and dinner with fine friends of north of LA. And I have returned, which is how I got back. In case anyone wondered.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 01:27 PM

MOM - let's get you dusted off and fed. Here's a cuppa tea and some bacon and a bagel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Feb 13 - 12:40 AM

Is this new snow or part of a steady supply of snow that you're shoveling, Eiseley? Did this big winter storm take a swipe at your house on its way east?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 08:18 PM

She's putting on the Polish polish.

You needn't worry about my walking stick. Here in Merryland-On-The-DC Border -- at least where I am -- there's no snow and it's supposed to be 45 tomorrow. Besides, my walking stick has a tungsten carbide "ice point" under the rubber tip. It's useful for walking on icy surfaces, wading mountain streams, poking holes in the floors of airplanes, and threatening people who are mean to me.

Well, you guys missed out on my turquoise toilet and now you've missed out on a collection of a couple hundred holy/prayer cards. They went to a friend who's a loose nun. That is, she doesn't live "in community" but has her own place and works with a hospice. She's also a MS in Nursing and more-or-less nuts. Eiseley, she says she's going to come visiting this year so be warned.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 04:51 PM

Soon you'll have mastered the pronunciation of words like "zbynkqr" and "kznvczvch".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 01:31 PM

Good morning, Mom!
(No, I'm not referring to the one who lives south of here, but the ubiquitous web-based maternal thread.) I just finished shoveling the walks, and will spend an hour or so learning Polish before prodding the boys to finish their weekend homework. Please don't slip on the icy patch by the bridal veil bush. Rapparee might be persuaded to put the 4-pronged spikes on your cane so you can get around better.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 09:31 AM

Yes, I see. It is the Mother of all the other BS threads. I get that. So when you refer to it as "Mom", you mean Mom only in that relative sense, not in the sense of your own family.

Okay. That's a good point, Amos, and it has done much to alleviate my concerns that you might all have been sliding into dementia.

Have a nice time in Gomorrah.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Feb 13 - 08:40 AM

...as each other? As Blind Riverians? As Freud?

I am off to Gomorrah.

Oh, and LH, don't be silly--no-one here thinks of a thread in cyberspace as their own mother. That would be absurd. Even Mom says so. Have you observed, yet, what the title of this particular thread is? Just wondering, after all this time...


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