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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

MMario 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM
MMario 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM
Little Hawk 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM
Acme 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM
Bunnahabhain 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM
Amos 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM
GUEST 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM
Acme 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM
Amos 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM
Rapparee 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM
GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM
Acme 04 Feb 06 - 09:37 PM
Little Hawk 04 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 12:46 PM
Acme 05 Feb 06 - 01:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 02:25 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 02:33 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 02:47 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 02:50 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 03:41 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 07:00 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM
Little Hawk 05 Feb 06 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 05 Feb 06 - 08:21 PM
Little Hawk 05 Feb 06 - 08:23 PM
Amos 05 Feb 06 - 08:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Feb 06 - 08:56 PM
Acme 05 Feb 06 - 11:34 PM
Amos 06 Feb 06 - 12:01 AM
Rapparee 06 Feb 06 - 09:04 AM
Acme 06 Feb 06 - 10:45 AM
Amos 06 Feb 06 - 01:17 PM
Little Hawk 06 Feb 06 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 06 - 02:23 PM
Amos 06 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM
Rapparee 06 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 12:59 PM

Well, I have to admit I was thinking of Mill ponds and mill-races* and the power derived from damning the water and changing its course.


*the competitive racing of mills, just a the stoneing of mills (you've heard of millstones) have since been banned but were common in former times


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:02 PM

Rapaire, you've been hanging out with English majors again. If you're not careful, someone is going to hang you from one of your riparian arboreal features and drape a sign around your neck:

Don't be a pendant pedant. Stop while you're a head.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:05 PM

technically, if you were a head, would you have a neck to hang the sign around? Are a head and a neck discrete parts or does the neck form part of the head?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:26 PM

I thought about having his head chopped off with one of his swords, but then he'd have to hang from the arboreal feature by his feet and it would be harder to get the sign to stay put.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:29 PM

I decided that discretion is the better part of being smart and to *NOT* make a comment about primary sexual characteristics and hanging signs etc, etc, etc,

besides - the visuals threatened to be REALLY bad...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 01:33 PM

Hang by my feet??? Do you take me for a bat or a sloth??? And as for lopping off my head, well, I will just say that if I don't hang together I'll just have to hang seperately!

(I am an English major. I hold a BA in English literature, which actually means "literature in English" and not just the literature of England. Moreover, I even had (shuddeer!!) graduate-level work in the field.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:46 PM

Well then, sit down and stop hanging about.

Also, get a promotion in the Idaho legion, to something along the lines of his High Generalissomo, Chief Inspector of skimpy outfits, etc , etc


You will now be avoiding hanging out with those English Majors....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM

I just received a promotion in the Legion, I'll have you know. I was promoted to "Mascot 4th Class."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:02 PM

My last post to this thread did not show up. Or else it was deleted. But that's inconceivable, because it was so valuable and apt. Not to metion, ept. I demand its reinstatement! If it does not appear within 24 hours, I shall take stern measures.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM

whose stern will you be measuring? And what is the significance of a stern measurement?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:21 PM

DO let me know the results of your stern measures, LH -- only on the gals, though.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM

There are sterns on this forum that defy measurement by any known measuring device.

I tell you what. I am going to try, by some strategem, to get Shambles onto this thread. If I succeed, he will f*ck it up totally beyond redemption. Hang on to that thought.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 04:03 PM

I had a friend who measured sterns when he was in college. He was slapped, punched out by an irate boyfriend, and finally jailed for indecent boatwrightery -- a hanging offense in Illinois at the time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 07:49 PM

We have managed to offend You-Know-Who when he tried to boss Mom MOAB around. Don't waste our time with Shambles. Send Shatner in instead. Now he might be fun to go toe-to-toe with (so to speak, in a purely conversational manner. The other image is just too gross to contemplate. . . )


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM

Relax stilly.

Shatner, in his prime always ended up meeting some alien. We have no shortage of those round here. Now, about 25 minutes later, he would either end up with a passionate embrace with them, or in a fist fight with them....


OK, now I'm worried with you....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 10:49 PM

Better the adulation of Venusians than the rampant idolatry offered him by some Candidans who shall remain nameless.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 03 Feb 06 - 11:32 PM

I love the Shambles so leave my man alone.(but leave him where ever he is okay?(


Forget not the mother of the fishing boat.
I say,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat
I say it once more,
forget not, the mother of the fishing boat.
'cuz if you do
she might forget you.

I once had a little red toe and I rubbed it awhile and it warmed right back up and turned a paler color than red.


Gentle is the thought that flew from your lips when you never uttered a sound. I like it that way, anyway.

I will not answer if you ask who I am, but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 12:49 AM

. . . but I won't lie if you find a misplaced digit in your underwear drawer.

Oh, Little Hawk, that is downright creepy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 03:29 PM

He came in through the bathroom window
Pretending he was a silver spoon
He left a finger in her bureau
By the light of the simpeirng moon

Didn't anybody wonder?
Didn't any body see?
Little Hawk has left the building
But he's missing digit number three....


'Course it might have been Rapaire...he goes in for manly stuff like missing fingers. :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 05:05 PM

Missing digits isn't manly. Any CPA or accountant can miss a digit and cause a real mess. That's Enron's defense, you know -- "we just missed a digit here and there in accounting...." Or Bill Gates -- "Oh my, our latest version of Windows has a big ol' nasty security hole in it because we forgot it was digital, silly us!"

Now, REAL men, manly men, know that missing a digit only causes trouble. Like Two-Finger Luke over at the Legion. Luke's only got two fingers, one little finger on his right hand and one ring finger on his left. Makes it really hard to work his Red Ryder BB gun. Well, his other fingers aren't really missing, mind you. Luke lost 'em some years back, even though they were attached to his hands like everyone else. He's just not the hottest firecracker in the string and the two fingers I mentioned were all he could (or can) find. He uses all eight fingers and both thumbs, but if you ask him, he's missing most of his manual digits. Of course, there are those who think the Luke is missing a lot more than a few fingers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,R'llotin'nat, Assault Force Black
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:17 PM

wee hab rapairee he iz or prizoner yu musd gif uz yur planid r wee will terminad him beecuz or planid needz yur proteen yu haf sextene ors tu deesid thank yu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:21 PM

Why are dog wastes called droppings? When's the last time you saw a dog go "Whoa! Something just dropped outta my ass!"?

I usually see dogs going "Humpfff! Strain! Groan! Grunt! Damn! There's something trying to come outta my ass! I think it's the thing from that 'Alien' movie!"

That is not dropping. That's forcibly expelling.

Now, many animals do just nonchalantly drop their loads. Birds, mice, alpacas and God knows how many other critters seem to be able to shit in total oblivion, but dogs and cats put a lot of effort into the process. Almost as much as a cow does when she drops a calf.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:32 PM

Here's your missing digit....

A gift from Chongo Chimp...Kree-Gah!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:37 PM

BWL, during our walks (two dogs and me) if one dog and I don't notice that the other dog is trying to take a dump sometimes it ends up being taken "on the fly." But usually we notice and then our main concern is that no one steps in it.

Roald Dahl uses the term "dog droppings" in some of his stories, and his writings are so witty that I enjoy using his term as a sort of "homage" to his work.

Once those "R'llotin'nat" folks figure out that Rapaire will taste like dog droppings if they try to eat him, I figure they'll send him back intact. They might even give him a bath before they drop him off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Feb 06 - 09:41 PM

Yes, they do usually look uncomfortable while defecating, don't they, Bee-Dub? So do cats, but in a very different way. They look paranoid, like they're afraid they might get caught in the act.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 09:31 AM

The oddest thing happened here. Up on Howard Mountain there was a signpost pointing to the original location of Ft. Hall and other things associated with the Howard Family (for whom the mountain was named -- they were VERY active in this area). Anyway, the boys 'n' girls of the Legion who were up there with the Bofors gun reported that a "raygun of some kind" pulled the sign up out of the ground "slick as grease through a pig." Examination by sober folks showed that yes, the sign is indeed missing. The "gun crew" is currently in the county lockup and will be questioned if and when they sober up enough to cooperate with the cops.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 12:46 PM

You sure it wasn't a Reagan of some kind? I believe Ronnie Junior is active in your area.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 01:50 PM

I heard tell it was the Dixie Lee Raygun variety, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:25 PM

Now, here's some odd things.

I had a piece of pipe, the mast for one of those BIG old satellite TV dishes, in my yard. It was imbedded in concrete; I know, I tried to take it out and gave up, refering to it when asked thereafter as an "objet d'art". This pipe was of 1/4 inch steel and stood about 6 feet high.

Just off Two And A Half Mile Road was an old boxcar that the cops used to use as an office for their shooting range. God only knows how they got it there, but it was firmly fixed to a foundation.

During WW2, the US Navy used to make eight-inch turret guns here. One of them used to be out at the airport, sticking straight up (without a breechblock) as a sort of memorial to the old Naval Ordnance plant.

Sometime during last night, when the directional sign disappeared from Howard Mountain, all of these items were ignored!! They, and a lot of similar stuff, are still there!!

Odd, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:33 PM

I think oddness, in this sense, is a function of viewpoint. An ordinary viewpoint will call things odd that look ordinary to an odd viewpoint. And an odd viewpoint will call things odd when a normal one will see normal phenomena.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:47 PM

You sayin' I'm odd, punk???? You sayin' people in Idaho are odd? Are ya? Huh? Ya wanna come up here? Huh? You come up here an' we'll show you odd! We keep all the Californians that move here in special compounds and use 'em to teach the kids about odd, punk. C'mon. C'mon. Knock the chip off. I dare ya. I triple-dare ya. Thought so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 02:50 PM

Phwwwwt..........KerCHUNK.

One chip, shot to hell.

Odd, isn't it?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 03:41 PM

What kind of golf course are you playing on, that you sent your chip shot to hell?

I hate the think of the pro there!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 07:00 PM

Oh, a tapdance, huh? Seen them before.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:08 PM

I most sincerely apologize, Amos. I should never have gotten angry and riled up and offered traditional "fighting words." I have far, far too much respect for you, both as an individual and as a human being, to do violence to you, even cyberviolence. The last time I fought with someone as old as you are I broke her false teeth and snapped her cane in two and it's haunted me ever since. I vowed that I'd never again engage in fisticuffs with someone who's old and decrepit and out of shape and who obviously couldn't fight off an enraged gnat. So I ask you to accept my apology and I promise that I will watch my temper better in the future, mon vieux.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:16 PM

Dear Mom,

I have to say that I'm not looking forward to the next couple weeks. As you know, Mom, this week is my birthday and Natalie McMaster is playing just up the road AND THE TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT!! Good thing we have tickets for both of her performances in SLC in April, huh, Mom? And, of course, there's that stuff at work where I may have to fire someone and you know how much I enjoy personnel issues! And to cap it off, Mom, I'm scheduled to have two teeth removed and two implants put into my jawbone bright and early on the 15th. Yessir, Mom, it's a good thing I got the Christmas tree down today because it SURE wouldn't get down if I waited any longer (it's also a good thing that it's artificial). Anyway, Mom, just think about how lucky you are that you have cyberteeth.

Rapaire


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:17 PM

Yeah? I'll take you on, Mr Idaho. You want a piece of me? C'mon! Let's go! Let's see what yer made of. Show me yer stuff. Let's see some action here! Whatsa matter? You scared? Yeah, I think you are. You look scared to me. Hey! I'm talkin' to you. You gonna show me your stuff or are you just a lotta talk? Hey!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:21 PM

LH, I can't fight you. You're Canadian, fergodssake, and you know what that means.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:23 PM

Never mind... (grin)

I was just having fun pretending to be a Sylvester Stallone character for a minute there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:28 PM

Well, you can talk about age and decrepitude, but you have twice as many implants as I will when I get around to getting one. How much you paying out of pocket on this implant caper? My dentist says insurance considers them "elective"? Like, chewing is optional or sompn. Sheesh!

Aside from the backhanded remarks about decrepitude, and comparing me to some old lady you beat up back when you were in your 50's, the rest of your apology was kind and genteel and gladly accepted.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 08:56 PM

Sometime during last night, when the directional sign disappeared from Howard Mountain, all of these items were ignored!! They, and a lot of similar stuff, are still there!!

Odd, huh?


No. The directional sign disappeared because it was odd. The other things weren't bothered because they are even. Oh, they're unusual all right, but they're obviously not odd. You see, half the things in the universe are odd. The other half are even. You'd have to check the serial number of a particular thing to see if it's odd or even. The trick is knowing where to find the serial number. Oh, it's easy enough to find the serial number on a guitar or a refrigerator, but it's not so easy with a coconut or a salt shaker. They know how to find it but we don't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Feb 06 - 11:34 PM

Where is the serial number on spatulas?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 12:01 AM

It's usually along the edge of the blade, on the left edge for European and Chinese made ones and on the right for those manufactured in the U.S. and Japan. The numbers are very, very, tiny but they can detect them.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 09:04 AM

I had a serial number when I was in the Army. It was NG26413167. The next time I was in the Army they used my Social Security Number. Thus I have a number assigned only to me that it currently being unused, and I find this useful for things, like I used to use the numeric part for a computer login. I also know the name of the person who was assigned the next serial number, -68. I don't think that anyone who's been in the military could EVER forget their number, as the military services have Their Ways of making sure you remember it.

Oh, yeah. The serial number of the US Rifle, Caliber .30, M-1 that I was issued in Basic Training was 321167. I remember this because it was sort of similar to my serial number, and besides, they have Their Ways of making sure you remember that, too.

My serial number is on my dog tags. My M-1's serial number was on the butt-end of the barrel-and-receiver section. I liked my M-1.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 10:45 AM

My ex had the same two number arrangement with the military. Interesting use of an otherwise gone-to-waste number. I could do the same thing with my early university student numbers. I remember them but chances are no one else is using them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 01:17 PM

A soldier named Billy Lamumbah
Use to teach pretty lassies to rhumba
But when he was drafted
He said, "I've been SHAFTED!"
"They gave me a whole different numbah!!'

:>D

Secret ayyyyyy-gent man......


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 01:21 PM

...the point being, he had not even finished trimming the wick! What's the use in that? None at all, that's what. You have to tell them everything.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 02:23 PM

Ain't nobody trimmin' my wick!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 02:58 PM

You're not really wicked, Rapaire; you just like to pretend that you are wicked.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Feb 06 - 03:24 PM

You come 'round with scissors
To trim my wick
And you're goin' down
Quick quick quick.

Dang, but I write great poetry! PB Shelley would be jealous.


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