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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 16 Jun 12 - 02:23 PM
Amos 16 Jun 12 - 11:44 AM
Rapparee 16 Jun 12 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 06:18 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 15 Jun 12 - 06:05 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Jun 12 - 05:03 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 03:53 PM
Amos 15 Jun 12 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 01:44 PM
Amos 15 Jun 12 - 01:25 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 01:17 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 15 Jun 12 - 01:01 PM
Amos 15 Jun 12 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 09:41 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 12 - 09:40 AM
Acme 15 Jun 12 - 09:28 AM
Amos 15 Jun 12 - 09:15 AM
Rapparee 14 Jun 12 - 11:06 PM
Amos 14 Jun 12 - 10:40 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jun 12 - 08:03 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 12 - 07:18 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jun 12 - 05:14 PM
Amos 14 Jun 12 - 04:11 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 12 - 03:30 PM
Amos 14 Jun 12 - 01:05 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jun 12 - 12:07 PM
Amos 14 Jun 12 - 11:57 AM
Rapparee 14 Jun 12 - 09:14 AM
Little Hawk 14 Jun 12 - 02:34 AM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 11:14 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 11:10 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 10:47 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 08:34 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 08:19 PM
Acme 13 Jun 12 - 05:32 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 02:11 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 12 - 02:10 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 12 - 01:55 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 01:40 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 01:31 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 01:27 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 13 Jun 12 - 12:56 PM
Amos 13 Jun 12 - 09:19 AM
Rapparee 13 Jun 12 - 09:12 AM
Acme 12 Jun 12 - 10:39 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 12 - 06:48 PM
gnu 12 Jun 12 - 05:55 PM
Amos 12 Jun 12 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 12 - 02:52 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 02:23 PM

Amos -- destined to live in poverty. After all, you'll never get a-digging a ditch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 11:44 AM

Well, you're the guy who keeps asserting he is Mom's favorite spawn. Rank hath its responsibilities, you know. Some of us were out pursuing honest labor and other stuff.

I am just on a short break from digging a ditch in which we will plant climbing flowering plants to build a screen of delight along out back fence to assuage the neighbor down the hill who want to plonk a six foot board fencer along our property line, uglifying the whole back yard perspective. Very bad idea by a gal with a profoundly fixed idea that board fences are normal. Hopefully we will out-create her notion with a screen of lovely flowered vines that still lets the sunlight dapple through into our patio.

In the course of digging this ditch I found that PVC pipe I had laid for sprinkling the back yard hedge -- about five years back, it was. Well, at least I found half of it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 09:19 AM

Doesn't anyone else keep an eye on Mom? She was down in the gutter with Bacon & Ice Cream sundaes!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 06:18 PM

Dear Shame,

You could not get me in a headlock without becoming quite dead in the process. You're welcome to experiment if you wish.

Sincerely yours,
Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 06:05 PM

I couldn't find the 'Joke Thread'...so..you guys get it:


Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimmingpool, Ralph suddenly Jumped into the deep end.

He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?'

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 05:03 PM

If I had youse in a flippin' headlock right now you would be talkin' a different tune.

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 03:53 PM

Well, it's difficult to expect much from someone who has only half a helix. It's been obvious for some time that he has been a profound disappointment to his parents, whoever they might be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 01:55 PM

No great loss, but then we wouldn't hace Richard Nixon Shane to kick around any more.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 01:44 PM

Now Amos.... Shame has the mind of an infant, and you don't teach an infant by capital punishment. I think I'll simply call some friends in, say, Sudbury and arrange for them to simply kick the shi...rearrange his face to a more pleasing aspect. The other would entail FAR FAR too much work for the local street cleaners and would leave Shame so very severely depleted in mass he might well blow away.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 01:25 PM

They say "How odd--he is usually driven by a chauffeur in his El Dorado!"

Shane, your tongue has been wagging too much and has stretched so far you are running the risk of wrapping it around your own neck. It may not have been brought to your attention, but in the world, people die when they grow too offensive to other people. Is that what you want?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 01:17 PM

They say, "Gee, there goes another veteran, going up to the Hovel for for a 32 ounce mug of good beer for half a dollar. Wow, I wish I could belong to the Idaho Legion!"

But you know something, Shame? I'll betcha our Legion friends in Gore River, Little Current, and Espanola would LOVE to talk to you about your disparaging remarks about veterans. You get quite a kick out of such a talk...several, in fact.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 01:01 PM

You know what you are Rap? You are a flippin' dissgrace, eh? A flippin' dissgrace! You hang arrownd with total flippin' idiots at this awefull place they call the Hovel. What is that? A hotel for Hos? I figger not, coz it sounds like there is only dirty and crazy old men there ecskept for some flippin' old hag that is in charge of the place and calls herself a general commadner or somethin' like that. The fact that you like spendin' yer time with them sort of people tells me that you are a flippin' dissgrace to all humanity and not worth as much as a dog. You got nothin' to boast about. If I was you I would ware a flippin' bag over my head when I went outside and pretend that I was, like, somebody else. I am real glad that I am up here in God's country of North Ontario and not livin' anywheres near that dump you keep talkin' about...the Hovell.

I got respect here, man. When I walk down the street people say, "Look! There is Shane McBride. He is soooo flippin' cool! He is the most ellagi...eligaqb...the most flippin' coolest bachedlor in this hole town, eh? Gosh, I wish I was like Shane."

What do they say when you walk down the street?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 10:30 AM

I weas going to note it, but you blew it by calling attention to it. SOmetimes you have to just trust the silence, man, ya know?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 09:41 AM

Ahem...please note my remarkable and notable self-restraint.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 09:40 AM

Well, when he's sober enough not to fall in, yes. Usually we call him "Patty-Cake" Pater. When he's cadged enough drinks you'll never guess what his favorite little game is. He's also a noted essayist and aesthete. I can't provide the full experience because the original is hand-engrossed in crayon:

Art gud. Prity pikturs er nis. Art gif me muny far wizky. Art gud. Art mayk me fel gud. Pate-caak gud to.

An entire branch of aesthetics has been founded upon the basis of the above essay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 09:28 AM

The Hovel - that's where you keep the carp, right? In that muddy pond out back? Is Mr. Pater the one who feeds them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 09:15 AM

No, I mean the essayist who defined art, communication, and all that. I don't think he knew about the Hovel, or he woulda thrown up his hands and gotten a job sweeping people's porches or something.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 11:06 PM

You mean THE Walter Pater? The one who lives under the porch of the Legion Hovel and cadges drinks from various people by pretending to be a troll, like "The Three Billy Goats Gruff"? THAT Walter Pater?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 10:40 PM

A [ast-life trauma, revivified by commonality of smells and feelings in the Spring. Going off to war just when love was blooming, or something like that. Terrible tragedy and loss, enough to make the boldest man crumple into abject apathetic indifference.

But still, the flame!! The flame!!


"To burn always with this hard, gem-like flame, to maintain this ecstasy, is success in life."

Walter Pater


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 08:03 PM

That's what Shane thinks. But they never stay in the bottle or can long.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 07:18 PM

Spirits are best kept up if they're in a bottle, glass, jar, or can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 05:14 PM

Stirring stuff, Amos. (your previous post, I mean) I applaud your enthusiasm and your sense of idealism.

I've been having a very tough time keeping my own spirits up in the last couple of months. It seems to happen every Spring in much the same way around April-May-June. I'm beginning to think it may be caused by a pollen allergy, since that's when the pollen starts getting in the air.

Either that or there's some psychological trigger buried deep in my subconscious regarding that time of the year. If so, I've no idea what it would be. I suspect it's the pollen that's doing it.

Whatever it is, it's not nice.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 04:11 PM

"necessary that's needed" strength of character is certainly a good thing that is good, which is better than an unneeded bad thing that is bad, Sir R.

I have been longer in the planning than you were. Perhaps I should just walk off this afternoon!!! Oh, what a gnashing of teeth that would precipitate.

Not to mention a pulling of hair and a beating of chests, or perhaps the other way around. Anyway, I am of discipline my own self as far as keeping agreements goes, at least up to a point.

Your commentary was actually inspiringly unsympathetic. It moves me to raise my right arm in Italian in your general direction!   Thanks so much.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 03:30 PM

Gee, Amos. I've been retired now for better than two years, but I have the self-discipline and strength of character necessary that's needed. I have, to paraphrase Marty Buber*, "seen the whirlpool" but I embraced it rather than structuring it out of existence.








*vide Martin Buber's Daniel, specifically "Dialogue Above The City."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 01:05 PM

I would rather be ashes than dust, as the great American writer what's-his-name (Jack London) put it.

We must commit ourselves to Sourcing the Flame!! Being the creators of the hot gem-like fire which begins all great cycles of action in the world. Start now!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 12:07 PM

I've been facing that same conundrum for years now, Amos. Yes, it is a bit of a challenge to be entirely self-motivating. Sometimes I think of running away to join an ashram or some place like that, just so that someone else would more or less force me to hold to some kind of daily routines. Too much freedom can lead to confusion.

There are, as you say, all of those things one could do. But what if one doesn't want to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 11:57 AM

If your mores were half as habile as your ego sum, life would be brighter.

I gotta tell ya, this whole retirement thing is looking strange and scary. See, I won't have to drive down the road, use a pass-key, climb up to my wee office, log in using WIndows, and write technical documents for eight hours a day. I won't be surrounded by nice folks who cheerfully agree I exist. The whole framework of ordinary routine is going by the boards. I will be free to see, think, and act as I please, but the scary part is, what if I don't please?

I mean I could find a hundred and one things to do. I could study programming, or math, or robotics, or physics. I could record songs or write new ones. I could write deathless tomes on the paucity of human understanding. I could develop the great American metaphysics (about time!) or fix up an old boat and sail the Pacific coast. I could learn cabinet-making skills, or sculpture. I could form a research foundation or go to Africa to build water distillation plants. Brush up on my French. A hundred things are possible!

But what if I don't want to? WIthout the network of expectation, I will have to be entirely self-motivated, depending on no-one else's demands or definitions. Self-defining. Now that's scary.

But I am determined to tough it out, to face the storm and pass through the eye thereof, to seek the clear waters on the other side.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 09:14 AM

Good, 'cause Latin has always bored me. Profane and/or obscene, on the other hand, are always fresh and useful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 02:34 AM

Non, ist le sanctum vitae nunc habit ergo sum! Habile et mores!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 11:14 PM

Es nos iens oro Latin iterum, tunc?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 11:10 PM

You speak like a blockhead, with ears of tin, insensitive to all tones and nuances. Aroint!! Non vacat his capitibus ligno.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 10:47 PM

Ah, Amos..."carp" is English, "carpe" is Latin. They're also pronounced differently. The first is pronounced "karp" and the second "kar-PAY."

No, no need to thank me. Like Chaucer's Clerk, "Sowninge in moral vertu [is my] speche/And gladly wolde [I] lerne, and gladly teche.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 08:34 PM

There is not one carp about, but certain eyes will always find the necessary to carp about.
Clearly they saw the sign in the sky that read,
Carpe diem

and thought
It meant they should be critical
All the day long.
This is why God invented
Dictionaries.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 08:19 PM

Carp fillets, breaded and fried, are quite tasty. If you haven't tried it you should.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 05:32 PM

Carp? I prefer trout or salmon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 02:24 PM

WHine, whine, whine. Jealous minds overawed by creative majesty will always find something to carp about.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 02:11 PM

Winifred should have checked her spelling.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 02:10 PM

Rap, I think you're misinterpreting my defense of various characters as saying that they are "real". What I am saying is that they have their own particular psychology, and are autonomous in that sense. They don't necessarily think what I would think or do as I would do...to put it mildly! I may have created them...but once created, they have free will to act in the way they choose to act...not as I would choose to act. This is the nature of created beings. Once created, they take on a life of their own, and they can work their destiny out in ways that the creator may not have intended. Being a kind and loving creator, I give them freedom to do that.

Having created everything yourself, you must surely see how this works. ;-)

I want to say something important now. I did not create Amos. Let's be perfectly clear about that. He is not my responsibility in any way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 01:55 PM

Try Shane McBride, General Delivery, Blind River, Ontario. I don't recall the postal code. Or...just send your mail to Shane McBride care/of the Tim Hortons donut shop in Blind River. Or the Iron Horse Bar, 24 Woodward Avenue, Blind River, Ontario. They know Shane at those places, eh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 01:40 PM

I saw a scurrilous squirrel scampering in Skagway once. Poor thing was lost. Turned out it made a wrong turn at Moosejaw -- it was supposed to go to Blind River, Ontario and store Shame and other nuts away for the winter. I turned it over to PETA. Perhaps...Shame, what's your address? I could turn YOU over to PETA...no, I can't. They'd neuter you, and then euthanize you because you're unadoptable and I wouldn't want that on my conscience. But the neutering is a good idea...maybe with a stump and a sledge hammer...hmmm...I wonder if Little Tony is still living in Toronto....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 01:31 PM

A reminder of past glories:

28 Nov 09 - 02:45 PM

Oh men may boast, and men may talk
Of works of art that made them squawk
But none in the creative flock
Can be compared to Little Hwk!

The man refuses to get stuck!
When others stall, he onward trucks!
There's none quite like this bold Canuck!
(At least, to those who give a fuck!)

When he by Spaw as all dismayed
And thought he might not make the grade
He did not blubber, sad and limp.
He went and dreamed up Chongo Chimp.

And then to prove his inspiration
He then made up Shatnerization,
And Corridus the Hamster, too
From out his fevered spirit flew!

Success inflamed his fervid brain
And led him next to dream up Shane.
And thought brought murmurs from the bar,
From folks who thought he'd gone to far.

But Hawk no brakes would he put on,
He dreamed up Shanes big brother, Don,
And then he still refused to stop,
And brought us Dana, J--a cop.

And on he goes in endless hurry
Creating visions in a fury!
Not always delicate, by thunder,
But rich in blood and great in number.

All this would bring him endless fame
(Especially that asshole Shane)
But Hawk is not quite right, we feel,
When he asserts these dreams are real.

He poses them as full of pride
And angry feelings kept inside
And if one challenges their verity,
He blows his stack with great asperity!

And so instead of praise and glory
His characters grow pale and hoary
As people keep a safe remove
(As honest folks it doth behoove)

Not out of fear, nor condescension
They back away from his pretension,
But from his willdness, their defection
Is more to guard against infection!

Oh men may dream, and men may talk
Of the grandest schemes of Little Hawk,
But they stand well back from his confusion,
So as not to catch his sheer delusion.
And so preserve their normal sanity
From Chongo's slang, or Shane's profanity.

Winifred Simmilarion-Jones
Winsome-on-Occasion, Surrey, England
1987


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 01:27 PM

Or is it MORE scurrilous for a mocked-up ne'er-do-well to be mocked-up as a mocking mocker-up of mockeries? Surely that is the most scurrilous squirrel of all!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 12:56 PM

Squurrels ain't got nothin' to do with it neether way! Rap is a idiot. That is alls you got to know about it. He wants to flippin' DIE when he thinks about me becoz I am so cool and he is, like, a total looser, eh? I live in North Flippin' Ontario! He lives in Ida-flippin'-Ho...a place that was named for a flippin' Indian hooker back in, like, 1600 or whenever the flip it was. She was the one that helped Jerry Lewis and Dick Clark find the Rocky Mountains, eh? Or...maybe it was the Pacific Ocean? Or the Castaids? Anyways, she was the one. They said "Who the flip are you?" when they seen her on the shore and she said "I da ho." And she was! She would flippin' do it with anyone for less than a dime, eh? Sure..a dime could buy a meal back then. Still, pretty flippin' sleezy beehavyer if ya ask me. Girls were not easy to find out west then, so they tooken her with them all the way to Calfirnia and the rest is histry, eh?

- Shane


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 09:19 AM

Is it scurrilous to invent a demeaning, deadbeat, ne-er-do-well like Shame, or is it scurrilous to call such a creature vile names? Who is more scurrilous--the mocker-up, or the mocking un-mocker? Discuss.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 09:12 AM

Mom, I was so glad to hear from Shame yesterday! I thought he was dead, but I suppose that he was simply laying drunk in a gutter again. I do hope the street-sweeping machine didn't cause him more than mild bruising and that he wasn't harmed much when he was placed in the landfill with the rest of the trash.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 10:39 PM

Nothing but a black screen, gnu. Is that the snack?

Loved the poetry, guys!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 06:48 PM

6 lines + 8 lines = 14 lines = a sonnet!!!!

But it took ME to get Amos started on it. Sometimes, like a car I used to have, he just needs a push to get started.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 05:55 PM

Snack!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 03:34 PM

The sure guarantee that mediocrity will triumph is that quality holds its tongue.

I weep for thee, oh, Mudelf true,
That my own silence brought thee rue
And left thy gentle soul exposed
To Rapp's rhetoric fire-hose.
But I will put aside my weeping,
To better spend my hours sleeping.
A dream to make, a dream to keep,
BS is best when it's asleep.


Mick MacDongle
Dublin Fantasies of Spring
Joyce and Rejoyce, pubs.,
Carrickfergus, 1917


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 02:52 PM

Praise to thee, oh Mudelf true
Even though you're green and blue
Vermillion, ochre, tan and beige
Red and yellow, in violent rage
Under the floor and under the wall
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!

      --Offa Thingfrithson, Collected Works
       (Eboracum: 2011).


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