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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 AM
Rapparee 26 Sep 11 - 12:00 AM
Little Hawk 25 Sep 11 - 09:47 PM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 25 Sep 11 - 09:37 PM
gnu 25 Sep 11 - 08:49 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 07:54 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 06:09 PM
Little Hawk 25 Sep 11 - 01:26 PM
gnu 25 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM
Rapparee 25 Sep 11 - 12:32 PM
Amos 25 Sep 11 - 11:23 AM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 06:34 PM
Amos 24 Sep 11 - 05:02 PM
gnu 24 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 03:19 PM
gnu 24 Sep 11 - 01:04 PM
Little Hawk 24 Sep 11 - 12:45 PM
Rapparee 24 Sep 11 - 11:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 11:55 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 08:58 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 08:34 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 03:35 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM
Little Hawk 23 Sep 11 - 02:40 PM
gnu 23 Sep 11 - 02:28 PM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 01:59 PM
Amos 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM
Rapparee 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM
Acme 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM
Rapparee 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM
Little Hawk 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM
gnu 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 10:27 AM
Amos 22 Sep 11 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,Guest from Sanity 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM
Acme 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM
gnu 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM
Amos 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 12:20 AM

I hope Mom's BS was strained before the guys on that boat got their drinking water in the creek. Otherwise they're going to feel real bad in a few hours.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Sep 11 - 12:00 AM

Wasn't the fall of Manatee one of the deciding battles of the Canadian Civil War, with forces marching on "Nova Scotia's Old Port City" from the East while cavalry rode from the South? General du Gonge was the rebel commander if I recall correctly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 09:47 PM

Nope. I tried to open them, but it didn't work for some reason. I don't know what the problem is. Maybe I should get advice from the guys at the computer store tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 09:37 PM

Little Hawk...No word from you yet..Did they open???

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 08:49 PM

What a wonderous adventure! Thanks A.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 07:54 PM

A toast to Richard Hudson who has finally been able to get a signal out indicating he is only a couple of hundred miles from Dutch Harbor near the Aleutians, having sailed through the Northwest Passage from Toronto and the Saint Lawrence.

What a great adventure!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 06:09 PM

Manatee has fallen on dugong road home, LH.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 01:26 PM

Mammories? Are they a relative of the dugong?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 12:55 PM

I'd like to recode a few mammories.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 12:32 PM

But then, what would they call each other?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Sep 11 - 11:23 AM

Well, I know those people lie, Rapparee. But if the could RECODE time, it would shift all the agreements, you see, so they wouldn't have to lie.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 06:34 PM

Politicians and dictators do it all the time, Amos. Look up the actual and the official biographies of Kim Il Sung. Or Adolph Hitler. Or G. W. Bush.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 05:02 PM

The last syllable of recoded time is usually a checksum. But I think it would be nice to be able to recode lots of time data. For example when people get all depressed because they acted so asinine as teenagers, they could recode the time to show they were actually acting as a secret agent for the Gummint, or launching an international career of high acclaim as a poet. It woul dnot change their present circumstances, but by recoding their pasts, they would feel much better and get busy putting things right.

If Rapp really wants to make some serious dough in his retirmenet he will market a Secret Time Recoder Ring.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:47 PM

til?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:22 PM

Only

5

more days!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 03:19 PM

My ol' buddy Billy Bob Shakespeare writ that. I remember askin' him at the time why he'd wanna strain BS but he was too far inta his cups ta say more than "If it were done when 'tis done then 'twere well it were done quickly" (one of his tongue-twisters), 'ceptin' he screwed it up an' it came out somethin' like "it wersh dun well quick" an' then he fell unconscious to the floor. Next mornin' we hauled him up to a table an' fed him Mom's patented hangover cure (a sheep's eyeball floatin' in a glass of tomato juice). He jist sorta looked at it an' said, "Tomorrow an' tomorrow an' tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day ta day, to the last syllable of recoded time, an' all our backtrails the way to dusty death." Then he said, "Hey, thas purty good. I'm gonna use that in my next play-actin' thing" an' collapsed on the floor agin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 01:04 PM

Mercy me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 12:45 PM

Bravo! Heroic stuff, Rapparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Sep 11 - 11:49 AM

The quality of BS is not strain'd,
It droppeth, as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice bless'd;
It blesseth them that gives, and them that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But BS is above this sceptred sway,
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When BS mercy seasons life itself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 11:55 PM

I really wish she would.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:58 PM

Moooommmm!!!!   Rapparree quantum-tunneled through his myelin sheathing at the ulnar nerve radius and now he won't come to the Getaway!! Make him STOP!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:34 PM

Is an astronomical instrument like a tuba or something? Or does that refer to the price?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 03:35 PM

Quantum networks build on entanglement and quantum
measurement
to bring new capabilities to communication systems.

Quantum physical effects can be used to detect eavesdropping, to
improve the shared sensitivity of separated astronomical
instruments, or to create distributed states that will enable
numerical quantum computation over a distance using teleportation.

Because quantum data is fragile and some quantum operations are
probabilistic, errors and distributed calculations must be managed
aggressively and perhaps cooperatively among nodes. Solutions to
these problems will have both similarities to and differences from
purely classical networks.

Architectures for large-scale quantum
networking and internetworking are in development, paralleling
theoretical and experimental work on physical layers and low-level
error management and connection technologies. With unentangled
quantum networks already deployed, entangled networks may appear
within the next few years and will form a key research topic in the
coming decade.


http://web.sfc.keio.ac.jp/~rdv/private/van-meter-networking-review-for-IP-110923.pdf


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 03:08 PM

Did you know that humans share enough genes with chimps that there could be successful cross-breeding?

Why humans would want to lower their standards to that extent is unfathomable and, fortunately, not done. Chongo's simply angry because I denigrated his pet Tommy gun, which he strokes and whispers sweet phrases to every night before he goes to bed. (And I was in error when I said the Reising gun fires from an open bolt. It doesn't, but it still sucks as a weapon.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 02:40 PM

I'd say that is fairly accurate. But I am a mere beginner compared to Amos and Rap, hardly worthy of wiping the dust off their boots when it comes to composing veritable torrents of high quality BS.

Rap? Chongo would be quite annoyed by what you said about him being an altered Rhesus Monkey, if he took it personally. But he doesn't. He figures that you are basically mentally FUBAR and not responsible for what you say, and that it would therefore be foolish for him to take any of it seriously. Rather, he feels deep compassion for you and hopes that someday a cure will be found which will restore your sanity to the level of, say, a 3-year-old Weimaraner, after which you may be able to fulfill some useful role in society...like shining shoes or selling newspapers on the corner. In the meantime, what you need is compassion, understanding, and an occasional boot to the backside to get you moving in the right direction.

That's what he told me to tell you.

"What about Amos?" I asked him. "Fuck Amos," he said offhandedly. I'm not sure if he meant it in a literal or a figurative sense, but my guess would be...the latter.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 02:28 PM

Soooo.. essentially... what you are saying is... you and Rap and LH are full a shit? High quality shit, but, nonetheless...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 01:59 PM

Use some gun scrubber or lighter fluid and it'll be clean as a whistle in no time...I suggest the gun scrubber, it's less flammable and you know how Mom likes to smoke cigars while she cleans her weapons. Wipe it dry, put on a light coat of light oil (WD-40 is fine) and away ya go. Mom can be shooting out streetlights again in 30 minutes or so.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 10:49 AM

Bad influence? Bad INFLUENCE? Let me refresh our memories as to the nature, character, inner beingness, goals, purposes and raisons d'etre of Our Mommme.   I begin by remembering what it is she is indeed the mother of: "All BS".

Now if you care to peruse the last, say, five or ten thousand posts in this GLorious THreade and sort them by author and by BS quality --say 5 being "Inspired creative BS of the first order" and 1 being lackwit mercantilism or quotidien recitation or some such---you will find that Rapparree and I, joined I am sure by Little Hawk, are the undisputed record holders for the generation of high-quality BS.

We loft our Mother on high over and over with our fancies and our untrammeled irresponsibility, our semantic explosives and our idyllic indifference to mere order and rotund routine.

If this is being a Bad Influence, let us make the most of it!!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 09:03 AM

See, Chongo is a rhesus monkey who took HGH in his youth thinking that it would make him into Homo Sapiens Sapiens. It didn't, but while it helped his growth it stunted his mind. One day, he cut off his own tail to pretend he was a human. Then he settled for second-or-worse best and claimed to the a chimpanzee rather than shave what passes for his body.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Sep 11 - 08:59 AM

You guys are such a bad influence! Look at MOM, she has a banana AND a gun in her pockets and her pants are sagging all over the place. I found her sagged down here near the bottom.

I turned the banana into breakfast and put the gun back in the hardware drawer. She uses the butt to pound on nuts to crack the shells. Sheesh. That old pistol would never fire anyway, it's all gummed up from sitting on top of the fridge for so long and collecting cooking grease.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 09:46 PM

Nah, that's a pistol. I'm not at all happy ta see ya.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 06:55 PM

In yer pocket?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 04:58 PM

YEah, that's what Chinga says, too--"Licit, illicit, schmissit!! As long as there's a banana in it somewhere!!"



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 03:10 PM

If you know who to pay off, you can get anything in Chicago. Even a monkey can whatever it is monkeys want -- a poo-flinging license, probably. So Congo having a driver's license as well as a poo-flinging license doesn't surprise me. Besides, he's probably Rahm Emanuel's "significant other." I have heard from my friends who are organ grinders that some people sometimes use monkeys like Chongo for, ah, illicit purposes. The monkey doesn't care.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 02:39 PM

How did Chongo get a driver's license? Pretending to be Mayor Daley?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:52 PM

That clip with Nana Mouskouri and Julio Iglesias is really sweet, Amos. They do the song beautifully together.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:38 PM

I don't have a mean streak either, and that is why I called for an ambulance after beatin' senseless this idiot that was tryin' to break into my car. A mean person would just have left him layin' there or thrown him into the river.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 01:31 PM

Funny about ceratin memories that spring to your mind right away. Bro had a mean streak in him... long story but I understand why. We were having some ales after he took a large buck and he ws sitting in a lawn chair. Had his 308 semi beside him with the butt on the ground. I was about ten feet away having a piss and he let four go fast. Good thing the little fellah was doing what he does second best at that moment. I was severely pissed off.

That's not the momory... Bro fell asleep in the lawn chair after several ales with a lit smoke between his fingers. I do not have a mean streak. Far from it, but I was severely pissed off.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 10:27 AM

The whole song by TWO stars.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Sep 11 - 09:23 AM

I had a brother, also now gone, who did not hunt. But he played the SPanish guitar and his Cucucuru, Paloma would leave you in tears. He was a worldly man, serving in embassies in Caracas, Thessalonika, and other places, and a great peacemaker.

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, cantaba,

ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, gemía,

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, cantaba,

de pasión mortal moría.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 11:36 PM

Little Hawk, Did you check your mail?..and were you able to open them??
let me know, OK?

GfS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 10:47 PM

Hahaha! "Tumadre" - reminds me of a funny essay about childhood a friend wrote. He grew up in Southern California and any insult began with "tu madre" and from there you knew it was bad. So if they so much as uttered "tu madre" they'd get clobbered before they uttered the rest. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 09:32 PM

Oh Rap... thanks for sharing that. You... know. I lost my bro a while back too and I am taken back to stories of he and I telling lies. Sniff.

gnightgnu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 07:04 PM

You can have both, gnu. Somewhere there is a picture of my brother and a whitetail doe he'd shot. We found some shed antlers and he held them to the deer's head with the "bend" pointing outwards. He must have shown that picture to fifty people at the Illinois State Police headquarters where he worked before someone said, "Hey! Those antlers are on backwards!"

Had a good deer hunt last year, too. Three of us old guys sat by the stove, drinkin' coffee and swappin' lies. We let the young 'uns go off to shoot deer...gets right chilly them Fall mornings and the farmers have fertilized them hills so they're a lot higher than they once were. But we have the memories we created, and no camera could have caught those. That was, for example, the last time my youngest brother would ever hunt....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 06:54 PM

I used to watch them for hours, Rap. Sit on a log and watch them at my feet. When I was a lad, before the coyotes (Eastern Brush Wolves) came back I could watch flocks, sometimes two hens with broods of 12 to 16 each together. That was early fall. Come late fall... lunch time. If only I had carried a camera... partridge... deer... bear... moose... I watched a cow moose do a piss dance 20feet from me. That's a Kodak moment.

I saw SO many things I wish I could share today with pics but I carried a gun... idiot! Saddens me. Especially Ralph eating carrots and sugar from my hand. He was about 1200 pounds and as gentle as a lamb. Then again, we were buddies. I suppose someone else, in the rut, might have run afoul if they didn't know what they were doing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 05:27 PM

Yeah, I know. I remember back when we'd go bird hunting. Find their perches and blast away! Gee, I wonder why you hardly ever see a passenger pigeon anymore....

Seriously, even if you never shoot anything (or even see anything) being out in the chilly air and watching the sun come up or walking through a field when a partridge explodes out of the weeds and scares the crap outa is and always has been wonderful.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 04:55 PM

Oh... yeah... I know SSG can (could come 11 to the ounce depending on the manufacturer but the CIL I used (sniff... they made the best shotgun ammo in the world before they got taken over by those nasty big Yank corporations) to get was 9. And that was in a high brass with a whack a powder. The Special Long Range Dynawad was cream man... No 6 could take budders 60 feet up at 60 feet out and not spoil the breast... with my Russian. I have a couple of CILs with more brass than plastic. Dunno what shot they are as the marks are long gone.

Gee, I almost miss hunting... naaaaahhhh.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:56 PM

I bought a Win 1300 Defender with an 18" open cyliner on it on accounta the clerk said I could buy a 28" vent rib full for it. I tried. Nope. I spoke to the VP of shotguns at Win and he asked me what I wanted to use it for... birch partridge. He said (NO SHIT) that an 18" open cylinder was the best for upland. I said, "Buddy, I got an over and under 28" vent rib full over modified made in Russia that could out perform that piece a shit any day of the week in the one by ones. He asked what one by ones were and I told him one inch thick pine trees one inch apart. Silence. I told him I was takin it back to the store and I did.

Now, if they gave you a trained bird dog free with every one a them pieces a shit... MAYbe.

Sorry for the thread drift... I am back to it... a 1300 defender loads nine 2 3/4". And, I prefer SSG load at 9 to the ounce. A course, I can (could) aim. >;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 02:10 PM

Mike Tyson? Mycroft "Mike" Holmes? Mike the Computer? Mike Patterson? Mike Frericks? Mike Jones? Mike Smith? Mike Vandergriff? Mike Angelo?

Please to be more specific, Chinga. Please don't be like your drunken, monkey-loving, flea-carrying brother.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Sep 11 - 01:17 PM

Say Paco, you no-good cheapskate. You can bitch and moan all ya want, but bidness is bidness, and you slipped out the kitchen door with a $400 tab still outstanding. Not to mention that like my flea-bitten brother, you kinda walked out on the Missus when you were running up the tab at my renowned institute of carefree indulgence. So don't put on airs.

Chinga

P.S. Try one of the tetracyclines for your little peepee, but don't expect it to get any bigger. We both know that dog won't hunt.


C.


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