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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 10:58 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 08:52 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 08:26 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 10 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 27 Dec 10 - 06:36 PM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 06:26 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 06:18 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 05:23 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 27 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 05:01 PM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 04:22 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 11:59 AM
Acme 27 Dec 10 - 11:56 AM
Amos 27 Dec 10 - 11:26 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 AM
Rapparee 27 Dec 10 - 10:38 AM
Ebbie 27 Dec 10 - 12:45 AM
Amos 26 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 26 Dec 10 - 09:11 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 10 - 09:04 PM
Amos 26 Dec 10 - 03:34 PM
Rapparee 26 Dec 10 - 02:07 PM
gnu 26 Dec 10 - 01:24 PM
Little Hawk 26 Dec 10 - 01:19 PM
Amos 26 Dec 10 - 01:01 PM
Little Hawk 26 Dec 10 - 12:50 PM
Acme 26 Dec 10 - 11:01 AM
Little Hawk 26 Dec 10 - 10:55 AM
Rapparee 26 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM
Amos 25 Dec 10 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 10 - 10:09 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 10 - 10:08 PM
Acme 25 Dec 10 - 09:50 PM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 06:29 PM
Amos 25 Dec 10 - 05:44 PM
Amos 25 Dec 10 - 03:40 PM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 10 - 01:35 PM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 01:31 PM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 10 - 01:24 PM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 12:47 PM
Rapparee 25 Dec 10 - 12:44 PM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 10 - 12:16 PM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 11:38 AM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 11:22 AM
Little Hawk 25 Dec 10 - 10:58 AM
Rapparee 25 Dec 10 - 10:55 AM
Amos 25 Dec 10 - 10:35 AM
Ed T 25 Dec 10 - 09:57 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 PM

They'll probably smell you about the same time, Chongo, old bean. Unless you ...hmmmmfffhahaha.... bathe first.A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 10:58 PM

You send Kenny and Bubba right on up here, Bee-dub. I look forward to meetin' 'em, greetin' 'em (in my own way), and plantin' 'em.   In that order. Things have been kinda dull around here lately, and I am itchin' for some action.

I am sure I will smell them two comin', so formal introductions will not be necessary.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM

Has anybody here seen Eiseley?
E-I-S-E-L-E-Y
The offspring of bibliotecal stock
Uses Cutter tables for a door stop
Has anybody here seen Eiseley?
We really gotta find ol' Eiseley
Cuz it's Christmas time and she's plumb disappeared and I greatly fear she's gone up to the Legion Hovel and fallen in with the company there, which would not work to her moral and philosophical betterment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:52 PM

BWL, have you met Eiseley?

She crept up on us silently, keeping her sights on MOM without revealing her existence until she read the WHOLE DAMN THING FRONT TO BACK before she introduced herself. And you're complaining about a few measly months worth of posts?

Geez.

Don't piss her off. Rapaire (who is now Raparreeeee) taught her how to shoot around corners in the library in Pocatello. It's Dead-eye Kate during the day, Eiseley here in the evening.

Just a heads' up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 08:26 PM

Now that's the best plan I have heard all month!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 07:15 PM

Has Chongo been giving you guys a hard time? (Sorry, but I'm not going to bother reading any previous posts to see for myself. This is, after all, The Mother of All BS Threads. Last time I checked, "context" and "staying on topic" were strictly optional.) If he's been acting up I can send Kenny and Bubba to talk with him. They both got new semi-autos for Christmas and are already tired of blasting hell out of tree stumps and old Jim Beam bottles. They'd probably appreciate a moving target, especially one who's almost as hairy and ugly as Kenny's mother-in-law.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:36 PM

Amos, when you have Achieved you will Know. In the meantime, duck whenever Chongo throws something at you because it will stain.

I found out through my Chi sources that Melvin the Ripper is almighty annoyed with Chongo because of Chongo's treatment of his poor mother and sister. My sources say something about "cement overshoes" being too good for him and mention a wood chipper instead.

Welcome back, what's-your-name, the Florida guy, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:26 PM

I figured BWL was cornering the market on pottery in the Floribama region. Sorry to hear about the 'puter troubles, but it is nice sometimes not to be tied to the things, isn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 06:18 PM

Ya know, Chongo, you are scarcely in a position to complain about TMI syndrome. Your very existence is TMI!!!


Bruce, welcome back; we really missed your sparkling repartee in these parts.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:23 PM

Yeah, right.

Be sure and keep us well informed about ALL yer activities, Bee-dub.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:13 PM

Hi Mom!

Sorry I haven't been around lately. That refurbished Mac G3 I got back in August didn't stay refurbished very long. The hard drive keeled over and died a few weeks ago. So I got a new laptop and one of them mobile wireless hotspot thingies from Verizon. Now I can post BS while sitting on the shitter. I'm not doing it right now, mind you, I'm sitting in a chair. But if the mood should ever strike, it's good to know it's an option


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 05:01 PM

So here is post nine and sixty-nine
To calm your minor fears
For think how much worse 'twould be
If you had old Rapp's ears!
The chimps by now have bit them of
ANd made a bloody mess!
And sent them off to Washington
By the grace of UPS.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 04:22 PM

If he lets them out, they might box his ears and send THEM off to the Smithsonian...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:59 AM

Rap needs a chimp or two around to teach him a few simple things like...

- cleanliness
- good manners
- posture
- common decency
- how to use a toilet
- how to tie his own shoes
- how to clean up after himself

The basics, in other words.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:56 AM

Do you suppose we'll manage 39K before the new year? What an occasion to celebrate! Maybe you'd better hold off shipping those chimps, they can add some drama, if not gravitas, to the occasion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:26 AM

YEs, please, you condescending patrician patronizing poltroon...explain it to me.

It makes no sense as written.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 11:14 AM

That last sentence sounds like a perfect description of you t' me, Rap. I hear that even yer wife and yer dog have given up tryin' to train you.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 10:38 AM

I like that, Ebbie, but Amos will need it explained to him...as usual.

I spent Boxing Day boxing up chimps to send them back to where they belong -- to the circus and the zoo. They're too ugly, rude, untrainable and dangerous to have around people.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 27 Dec 10 - 12:45 AM

Like the guy answered when he was asked what 983fr5 meant after he said he chose special letters and numbers for his 'vanity' license plate, 'Nothin' in particular, I just wanted to say '38592'.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 09:19 PM

And here I thought you were one of those Barbarians who only celebrated Fencing Day. My apologies...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 09:11 PM

It was great! I bought my favorite gal a big buncha roses and we had ice wine. Good stuff, though not my usual libation.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 09:04 PM

I hope that all of you had a pleasant and delightful Boxing Day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 03:34 PM

My middle finger stands corrected, Little Hawk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 02:07 PM

I think Amos meant to say "Y su tia".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 01:24 PM

LH! NEVER stand up in a canoe!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 01:19 PM

Debes decir tu madre, idiota. "Ti" is incorrect.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 01:01 PM

Y ti madre, pendejo....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 12:50 PM

One thing I can't stand is the chingaing winter weather. All that chingaing snow! It just makes me want to say "Chinga OFF!" The driving conditions around here are chingaed, and people are drivin' around like chingaing idiots because they are stressed out about Christmas. I'm going to chingaing stay home where it's safe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 11:01 AM

OOooohh but it got cold last night! Down to 23o
Any of you in a local polar bear club? Are you going to go run into the water? You could use this dog dish for a practice run.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 10:55 AM

Chinga off!

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Dec 10 - 10:34 AM

Well, I give Jack-In-The-Box ones to my family (who all live in Illinois where Jack ain't).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:51 PM

McDonald's Gift Certificates???? Wait--you're regifting the stuff you got from Chinga, aren't you????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:09 PM

38938.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:08 PM

What's wrong with McDonald's gift certificates? I give them out every Christmas to everyone. Always appreciated and always in good taste!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 09:50 PM

The cable folks got the Internet and everything else up and running finally, but I haven't had much time to sit down at the 'puter till now. As the "Mom" in this household, I was busy cooking and doing other Mom things. MOM understands all of that.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 06:29 PM

He noted, speciously outranking LHs retorts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 05:44 PM

Actually, it's not rank specism, it's specious rankism...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 03:40 PM

Why, it looks just like Hawkster! How on earth....????? A real miracle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 01:35 PM

That sort of thing causes Chongo to get positively apoplectic, you know. He regards it as gross stereotyping and rank specism.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 01:31 PM

I feel that is a fake smile, and he really does not enjoy being exploited in such a way....I'd bet someone already called PITA!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 01:24 PM

Hey, this one is even better...


Eeeeek!!!! Eeeeeek!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 12:47 PM

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway." Mother Teresa


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 12:44 PM

Unreasonable, huh?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 12:16 PM

WOW!!! Incredible!!! Awesome!!! Ineffable!!! Inexpressible!!! Beyond REASON!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 11:38 AM

Merry Christmas LH
Merry Christmas


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 11:22 AM

Seen any good Monkey movies lately?
Monkey movies


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:58 AM

Excellently put, Amos, and very much in spirit with the season!

You should perhaps have included a brief mention of Chongo, though. Not that he's losing any sleep over your scurillous attacks upon him...still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:55 AM

Bah! Humbug! he said
As he rose from his bed
And while this motel's not the best
There's no bedbug or pest
So I guess it's a win
At least this time there
Was room at the Inn!

Amos, I forgive you all of your transgressions. For you penance, say three "Our Fathers" and crawl naked up the slopes of Croagh Patrick in January.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 10:35 AM

An act of forgiveness, at goode Christ's mass tyme
To every BSer in scansion and rhyme
I offer whole-hearted this Christamass day
To hasten Mom onward toward thirty-nine Kay.

To Stilly and Eisely, to Hawkster and Rapp
I pray send me pardon for my scurrilous Crappe
To Ed and to Mario, master of Emms,
ANd Gnu from the land of the hard-frozen phlegm.

And all their offenses, wherever they live,
As fine Christmas bounty I freely forgive,
And offer this wish as the New Year moves in,
To hold all offense harmless and wash away sin!

Because it is Christmas, the day of the lout
Who started the racket of washing sin Out
And mandating Love (tricky even when free)
And giving forgiveness to cretins like me.

And so in his spirit, I hew to this line:
I relinquish all rancour, in body and mind,
And let us all freely share good Christmas wine,
And move our Mom onward toward Seventy Nine!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 25 Dec 10 - 09:57 AM

"Your just indignation might prompt reproaches too severe for Rapparee, words which might break his heart. Would you not consider an act of forgiveness at Christmas tyme?"



"Quae medicamenta non sanant, ferrum sanat; quae ferrum non
sanat, ignis sanat."?HIPPOCRATES.


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