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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM
Amos 04 Aug 10 - 12:00 PM
Rapparee 04 Aug 10 - 11:06 AM
Acme 04 Aug 10 - 12:37 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 11:15 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 07:50 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 07:42 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 02:24 PM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 12:37 PM
Amos 03 Aug 10 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 03 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM
Acme 03 Aug 10 - 02:28 AM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 06:32 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 05:20 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 04:16 PM
Eiseley 02 Aug 10 - 03:14 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 02:30 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 02:25 PM
gnu 02 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM
Acme 02 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM
Amos 02 Aug 10 - 12:30 PM
Rapparee 02 Aug 10 - 11:01 AM
Acme 02 Aug 10 - 12:21 AM
Amos 01 Aug 10 - 11:16 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 09:53 PM
Amos 01 Aug 10 - 09:05 PM
Eiseley 01 Aug 10 - 08:54 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 07:21 PM
Amos 01 Aug 10 - 01:38 PM
Acme 01 Aug 10 - 01:09 PM
Amos 01 Aug 10 - 12:23 PM
gnu 01 Aug 10 - 11:40 AM
Acme 01 Aug 10 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 01 Aug 10 - 10:46 AM
Rapparee 31 Jul 10 - 11:27 PM
Eiseley 31 Jul 10 - 10:40 PM
Acme 31 Jul 10 - 10:28 PM
Amos 31 Jul 10 - 10:25 PM
Rapparee 31 Jul 10 - 07:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:37 PM

[G]When I get older, losing my hair, many years from [D7]now,
will you still be senting me a Valentine, birthday greetings, [G]bottle of wine?
If I'd been out 'till quarter to three, [G7]would you lock the [C]door?
Will you still [Eb7]need me, [G]will you still [E7]feed me, [A7]when
I'm [D7]sixty-[G]four?


[Em]Hmm------[D]mmm------[Em]mmmh.
[Em]You'll be older, [B7]too.
[Em]Aaah, and if you [Am]say the word, [C]I could [D7]stay with [G]you.


I could be handy, mending a fuse, when your lights have gone.
You can knit a sweater by the fireside, sunday mornings, go for a ride.
Doing the garden, digging the weeds, who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight if it's not to dear.
We shall scrimp and save.
Ah, grandchildren on your knee, Vera, Chuck, and Dave.


Send me a postcard, drop me a line stating point of view.
Indicate precisely what you mean to say, yours sincerely wasting away.
Give me your answer, fill in a form, mine forever more.
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:13 PM

Okay, Amos. Here's that quote from Alexander Pope you asked me to find:

NOTHING so true as what you once let fall,
"Most Women have no Characters at all."
Matter too soft a lasting mark to bear,
And best distinguish'd by black, brown, or fair.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 08:21 PM

"The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that this occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon any occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?" (J. Donne)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 04:10 PM

Too late! Too soon! The bell doth toll
And with its tolling bellows
That all flesh is grass and grass is flesh
When we go to join our fellows.

It matters not how much we wrote
Or what trouble we gave others;
What matters then is only that
What we did when we had our druthers.

How much did we support dear Mom?
Did we act as brothers and sisters?
Or did we sit upon our rears
Until our cheeks had blisters?

For far beyond that Forty Kay
Gleams the City on the Hill
Of Fifty Kay, or Sixty Kay!
If we're willing to foot the bill.

So teach your sons and daughters well
About our sweet old Mom
For it's better that they do post here
Than go out and drop some bomb.

          --L. Annie Orfant, Songs of Peace and Innocence
            (Watson-Upon-Holmes: Beastly, Whorly, and Snotgross, 1837)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 02:33 PM

We are well away toward the next of Kay
At thirty-six eight and thirty
And the best of us ain't broke a sweat,
Our hands aren't even dirty.
We could write this stuff in our Sunday best
Or any other day!
So I'm inclined to rest my mind,
About that next of Kay.

But not to rest upon our laurels
Complacent grow, or fat,
I have to ask 'bout thirty nine!
Or the next K. after that!
'Cuz even the best of Moms grow wan
And the fairest are called by Death,
And will this thread go forever on,
While any of us has breath?

Supose we get to Forty Kay?
Where will we go from there?
Will we be posting from our beds,
Weak, and bereft of hair?
Will our walkers take us to the screen
The day before our deaths?
Or Dragon Dictate post our words
In ragged, fading breaths?

Oh, Mom, oh, Mom!
The years march on
The sentence never waived!
In space and time we post our minds,
In lines so well-behaved!
But when our forms return to dust,
There will be a great commotion
As one by one our souls explode
In the boundless BS ocean!

Then will we see the endless depth
And joy beyond confessing
And unify in brightest light
Our rivers of BSing!
Then will we each step from the cage
Of mass and time diurnal,
And joined again, we'll walk the March
of Pure BS Eternal!

Agatha Featherstone Ringblossom III
Hope from the Mother
Barley, Wheate, and Snodgrass
Grosse Pointe, 1932


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:24 PM

Quelle tristesse les vicissitudes de l'intérieur de la bulle dur glaciale de la mortalité!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:00 PM

Is that a photo of Rapaire?

Anyway, I am, delighted to discover, Sir Booke, that your impression of my life is so rich, so filled with adventure, and so woefully mistaken; but I prefer to come to the realizationthat, all these many years, we have been each battling a false representation of the other, and that all your derogation has been aimed at some other Amos!! This brings me great relief, as I no longer have to worry about your various defamations; it is now clear they were all aimed at someone else, with a similar name. This also enables me to rescind all my vcarious insults, as they were clearly prompted by a serious misunderstanding and a bad case of identia malprendida, which I understand is reaching near-epidemic proportions in Idaho.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 11:06 AM

My, how your children have grown, Stilly!

I should point out that I know all about Amos and plan to publish a book by that title, "All About Amos." Few know, for example, about his life as the skipper of MV Croesus, a catamaran as large as a skyscraper (on its side). Of how he sailed her to Les Isles Noires and there rescued a very wealthy heiress from A Fate Worse Than Death, or how he defeated the villainous Wilberforce Glovedfinger in s shouting match in a seedy bar on the Ouagadougou waterfront. And who can forget his famous self-introduction to Miss Pennypenny, "Amos. Call me Amos. I forgot my last name. Shaken, not pureed."? I know how he drove Croesus onto a reef in the Barents Sea, greatly annoying the sailors working the sails in Erbus, and was trapped in the ice with Shackleford near Atafu -- Irma Shackleford, known throughout the maritime world as "Cap'n Cruella." Oh, I know all about Amos. My book will be out soon; watch for it on the NYT Best Sellers List.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Aug 10 - 12:37 AM

Something new for my Twitter account.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:32 PM

Wail, a feller sure hates ta brag on hisself, but ah rekkin ah does know a bit. Like that feller told the mohel, "Just a bit, now, golldang ya!" Cuz ya see, Amos, I larnt a long time back not ta let on everthing ya knows. Kinda let folks figger it out fer themselfs an be surpized by it. Fer instance, I'll sure bet you was surprised to learn that I taught Doc Watson how ta play the gittar. 'Course, that wuz afore'n I took sick with brain fever and plumb forgot how to my own self. An me an Bill Monroe useta pal around, only I ain't seen him in a possum's age. An Chet Atkins, too. An ol' Roy...Roy...that dag-slabbed brain fever! Anyways, I'm always plumb dee-lighted ta surprise ya with mah knowledge.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:15 PM

Wow, Mister Rapaire, you know SO much!! I reckon you surely must be the knowingest man around, yes sir.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 09:55 PM

Oh, that's played up at the Legion Hovel all the time. All you have to do is find somebody dealing off the bottom, or seconds, or using a shiner, or hand mucking, or...well, Amos, you would know far better than me. Anyway, the Legion decided that this was better than the old Shoot-Em-In-The-Gut-And-Hold-Em Canasta that they played up until a couple weeks ago. The hospital complained and the coroner (whose name is Kim Quick and no, I'm making that up -- "The Quick and the Dead" as we say) said there was way, way too little card play and way, way too much gun play. Now the urologists and chancre mechanics are complaining about too much business. Just goes to show that you can't please everybody.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 07:50 PM

Well, the brand I learned is called Kick-in-the-balls Hold'em Canasta. I'll be happy to larn ya how it goes...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 07:42 PM

Then again, I haven't played Canasta for a coon's age. You play draw or stud Canasta?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:24 PM

Aw, gee, Rapaire, here I was rejoicing in my innocence at learning a new game, never suspecting I was about to be threated by some furrow-browed mole-whacking curmudgeon with a penchant for sounding intimidating when it is least effective...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:04 PM

Bring the decks to Getaway, Amos. I'll whomp you so bad you won't feel good agin fer a year.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 12:37 PM

This weekend, Mom, I dreamed on the Booke, and also went to a charming musical play, a well-done adaptation of "Hairspray". Moving. Not only that, but I learned to play Canasta, and even won three out of five hands.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 11:31 AM

Sometimes Mom wishes she had chosen a more evidentiary career path...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 10:55 AM

Pfa! Here, Mom. Have some home-made Southwest corn bread! I evolved the corn just for you to that it would be as sweet as you are; I created the baking soda in the lab so it's as pure as your thoughts; the buttermilk is from the butter I churned just for the cornbread and is taken from the milk of a strain of cows I made and raised just for this moment and they were fed upon the finest and sweetest grasses I could collect from the entire West, and I mined and smelted to ore to hand-forge the cast-iron skillet in which it was made. The wooden trencher it's served upon is from an American Chestnut I grew and tended from a seedling and it happily gave its life when it found out what I needed the wood for: a dish for your special corn bread. And have a nice cup of tea; I developed this strain in the mountains of Sri Lanka just for you. Of course the honey was made only from the finest orange blossoms (I picked the unacceptable ones off) by bees who did their work with a smile because it was for you, Mom.

I hope you like it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Aug 10 - 02:28 AM

MOM, have some of my homemade baba ganoush and pita bread. I grew the eggplants and the garlic and parsley that went into the dip. I made the bread just for this dip.

Next year I'll grow the wheat, the lemon trees, and the sesame seeds so I can do the entire dish, both parts, here in my kitchen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 06:32 PM

If she would only come to the GEtaway we could subject your hypothesis to a more rigorous and higher proof, Rapaire...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 05:20 PM

She's really a fairly nice person, except when she's had too much to drink.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 04:16 PM

Well, just to repair my broken spirit, I did add up all those primes which you SO kindly supplied, Ms Eiseley, and found them to come to a sum of 294,892, of which the square root is a nice square decimal of 543.0396.

Encouraged I multiplied them all together finding they produced a product of 3.40866 x1036, of which the square root is an estimable 1.85 x 1018.

These are such stellar results that my morale is quite restored. Thank you so much!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 03:14 PM

Just for you, Amos, because you're Prime yourself, here is a list of the 368?? unfactorable numbers: 36821 36833 36847 36857 36871 36877 36887 36899. Have at 'em.

Cheers, Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 02:30 PM

Maybe we should keep you down in the dudgeon for a while. Teach ya ta count better.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 02:25 PM

I don't much mind being wrong, of course, as I have been larned to know I mostly am. But I hate wasting all thet cree-aytive effort to chastise Rapaire unjustly., What I waste of good dudgeon!! I swan.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 01:12 PM

She musta been in a skunk funk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 12:53 PM

It's only fair. She had a rough week.

Poppy smells much better today, so MOM has let her back in the sun porch. And she's glad to be there because it's supposed to hit 106 today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 12:30 PM

Oh, my Gawd!! I am WRONG!!! Gaahhhhh!! Whatever shall I do!!! My perspicacity is betrayerd!! Glaucoma!! Alzheimer's!! Attention Deficit DIsorder!! Ajjhhhhh!!! I yam undone!!! Oh, woe. Oh, woest woe!! Alas! Alack!! Oh, grimly grumble of egregious groggy disgruntlement!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 11:01 AM

Mr. Amos, this is, according to the Official Counter, post ...05. SRS posted 04, you posted 03, I posted 02, you posted 01, and

EISELEY

copped the big 000. I stopped at ...99.

So there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 02 Aug 10 - 12:21 AM

Eiseley,

I've used that formula before. IF you use it, you need to smear it on and rub it into the end of the dog (front, typically) that got hit before you get any water on, so the soap can really cut the smell. I've been using Nature's Miracle and it's doing a pretty good job. Poppy got hit hard this time, and she still smells, but not nearly so bad. I haven't done a bath yet, the idea is to let the enzyme completely clobber the smell first. I've spritzed her quite a few times today, and will give her another shot before bed. I put the stuff in my squirt bottle I usually use on my plants. ;)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 11:16 PM

Please forgive the typos in ly last bit of poesy, and I'll forgive your obstreperous and intentional alteration.

Deal?

The opening lines were:

A man so bold, so brave so bright
You seldom ever see;
A man who always knows he's right
A better one nor me.
A man who'd pull most any stunt
And out-glare any ghost
If he could only be the one
To grab the hundredth post.


Now Rapaire, given that it was your OWN self whut went to extra efforts to grab the last hundred (36800, with YOUR name on it) why would you go and tangle it all up with mixing in the repute of a fair and innocent lady like Ms Eiseley?? Huh??? Fer shame!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 09:53 PM

Ah, in case you didn't know it, Eiseley ain't a "he", Amos. She's got three sons to prove it, too. Their names are Dead-Eye, Fish-Eye, and Walleye. They are named after (in reverse order) her favorite fish, her favorite camera lens, and the fact that DE can shoot a BB through the eye of a needle if the eye of the needle is big enough.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 09:05 PM

I amn so bold, so brave so bright
You seldom ever see;
I man who always knows he's right
A better one nor me.
A man who'd pull most any stunt
And out-glare any ghost
If he could only be the one
To grab the hundredth post.
I sigh for him the long night through,
And he worries me by day,
Because I know the important thing
Is to reach the ext of Kay!
The Thirty-Seventh stands ahead,
I can hear its whispers golden,
Upon the wind like a siren song
That lured the sailors olden.
I will slog on, I will not flinch
Nor rest nor night nor day
Until I plant Mom's hallowed sign
On the Thirty Seven Kay.
Let he whose heart is bad deformed
Let he whose souls is bent
Call out his pride at the hundred marks,
Then let him brag, and vent.
Let him pound his chest and shout his pride,
And say his vainglorious say.
While in the silent night we ride
To the Thirty Seven Kay.

Trueblood Goodheart III,
Immortal Scion of Virtue
Morality Skits for Everyman's Kids
Chastity and Charity Publications,
Basting-on-Brest, 1893


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 08:54 PM

Aw, thanks. This is FUN!!!! 368, 368, 368.

The other morning I was out walking in the hills with a friend and her dog when another lady came up and kindly told us the recipe for getting skunk scent off of a dog: 1 part Dawn dishwashing liquid, 1 part baking soda, and 1 part hydrogen peroxide. Then she left. Not two days later, that recipe came in very handy and it worked very well except that it's important to make sure not to get the mixture on the dog's face. Gracie was a bit pungent, but not so's you'd notice much. It was just reminiscent of a pile of very old sweaty socks---nothing like the full strength skunk scent.

Good luck with the critters, Stilly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM

...but I won't.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM

I could do it, I could....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 07:26 PM

Amos, just for you, Daisy makes these.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 07:21 PM

Me! Me! I'll do it! I'm trained to do things like that! And it would only be a venal sin!

In fact, I've already proven he's related to Red Skelton, Red Buttons, Turkey Red, Rosie Cloney, Pinky Lee, and The Magenta Maggot!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 01:38 PM

Who can forget the halcyon days of childhood, when life's cares were so few, and a long afternoon calling "Red Rover, Red Rover, let Bessie come over!" was the epitome of time well spent, and the world was full of adults who took care of everything else.

At the same time, what boy dd not yearn for the Red Ryder model Daisy BB gun?

The collision of these iconic --or at least, idiomatic--trends at their crests never occurred, and this absence of intersection, as I said before, is almost unbelievable absent some sort of artifice or manipulation. We must get to the bottom of this mystery, if we are to preserve the integrity of our legends; else we must dash them on the cruel stones of jaded cynicism and venality as the sole explanation. And who would want to do that?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 01:09 PM

No, I'm sure he didn't. This is simply an idiomatic mystery you've uncovered, Gnu. But good work!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 12:23 PM

A valid question, semantically interesting, and culturally compelling, Gnu. Preliminary research indicates this interesting option never did occur in the legendary Ryder's various fictional constructions, but there is a mystery left untouched herein, because the connection is so obvious, and so timely. The cultural expression of Red Rover was at its peak of popular usage at exactly the same period that the iconic Ryder reached his, and it is hard to accept the explanation that his writers ignored the opportunity for such a deep-seated cultural linkage merely out of tin-ear dull-wittedness. Another explanation should be sought, and if possible, found. I am preparing a draft seeking funding to support the necessary research to identify this mechanism, to bravely uncover this secret from our cultural past, and expose it to the world. I am not afraid of conspiracies, fiscal manipulations, or suppression of the truth; I will find the answers, or die rich from not trying.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 11:40 AM

Did Red Ryder had a dog named Red Rover?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 11:28 AM

Rap, when you get back home I need you to do something for me.

Mix up one of your concoctions and we need to blow up a skunk den. I'm sure there must be one behind my back fence, and unfortunately, my dogs are knocking off the inhabitants at the rate of one a week. One dog missed getting sprayed (the smarter pit bull, who got a glancing blow last week and that was enough for her). The catahoula got a full strength shot before she killed it. I'd just as soon have the rest of the family move along without coming for a visit.

MOM thought it was pretty funny, but this is a waste of a perfectly good Saturday night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Aug 10 - 10:46 AM

I think LH is in the hospital, recovering from wounds received when Red Ryder found out about him and Winona.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 11:27 PM

He's only a dead- eye because I taught him. I'm still up in vigilante country, tying nooses so The Committee won't have to for a while. Sort of like a clip-on tie, only more final.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 10:40 PM

Thank you for the diverting library video link, Amos.

Home again! I took two lovely morning hikes at the Lodge, sent my brother out to glean stinging nettle for the quesadillas, held crying nieces and nephews until they settled, and generally had a relaxing time. My boys brought their air guns and had a great time shootin' with the uncles. Deadeye Will at 9 years old was the best shot.

But it's good to be home.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 10:28 PM

Moonglow will take care of the costumes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 10:25 PM

Such an attribution I have so rarely seen,
As to make me swear the moon has risen at the dawn
And driven off the sun! What day, what hour,
Can it be that such a hapening is writ
Upon the very face of backwards Time!
My beating heart be still, and let me breathe
The faire odor of a miracle upon the lande
That Rapaire has named his work another's hand!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Jul 10 - 07:46 PM

No, my fair cousin Amos;
    If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
    To do our country loss; and if to live,
    The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
    God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
    By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
    Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
    It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
    Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
    But if it be a sin to covet BS honour,
    I am the most offending soul alive.
    No, faith, my coz, wish not a soul from anywhere.
    God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
    As one man more methinks would share from me
    For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
    Rather proclaim it, Amos, through my host,
    That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
    Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
    And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
    We would not post in that one's company
    That fears his fellowship to die with us.
    This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
    He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
    Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
    And rouse him- or her- self at the name of Crispian.
    He that shall live this day, and see old age,
    Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
    And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
    Then will he strip his/her sleeve and show his/her scars,
    And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
    Old (wo)men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
    But s/he'll remember, with advantages,
    What feats s/he did that day. Then shall our names,
    Familiar in his/her mouth as household words-
    Rapaire the King, Stilly River Sage and Eiseley,
    Amos and Khandu, Bee-Dubya-Ell and all-
    Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
    This story shall the good (wo)man teach her/his son;
    And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
    From this day to the ending of the world,
    But we in it shall be remembered-
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers and sisters;
    For s/he to-day that sheds her/his posts with me
    Shall be my sibling; be s/he ne'er so vile,
    This day shall gentle his or her condition;
    And those everywhere now-a-bed
    Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
    And hold their (wo)manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That wrote with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
                      --Adapted from Wm. Shakespeare


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