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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 11:34 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM
Acme 10 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 11:05 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 10:24 AM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM
Rapparee 10 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM
Ed T 10 Dec 09 - 06:11 AM
Amos 10 Dec 09 - 03:24 AM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 09 - 07:53 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 09 - 07:43 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 07:33 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 07:31 PM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 07:22 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 07:17 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 06:50 PM
Ed T 09 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 06:42 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 09 - 06:22 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Dec 09 - 05:30 PM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 09 - 04:57 PM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 04:42 PM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 09 - 04:40 PM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 04:34 PM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 12:26 PM
Rapparee 09 Dec 09 - 09:01 AM
Amos 09 Dec 09 - 03:31 AM
Little Hawk 09 Dec 09 - 12:21 AM
Acme 09 Dec 09 - 12:05 AM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM
Acme 08 Dec 09 - 11:51 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:43 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:42 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:42 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:41 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:39 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:39 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:37 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:36 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:35 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:34 PM
Janie 08 Dec 09 - 11:28 PM
Amos 08 Dec 09 - 11:09 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 08 Dec 09 - 10:18 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:34 AM

The noble and forgiving Rapaire has forgiven you. Noblesse oblige, you know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:31 AM

No, not at all. As with all things MOAB (including applause for chansons de geste) it is merely an option. The trick is in who chooses which options.

SOmetimes we make the wrong choices. I for example, have repeatedly chosen to lampoon the various eccentricities of Rapaire and Little Hawk in these pages. This, I think, was morally an error. I need to learn the True Power Of Forgiving Everything.





A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:23 AM

Class? Is that a requirement here? Why didn't you say so?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 11:05 AM

It gives a great frisson, Ed, to see you use so rare an expression as "chanson de geste" in a MOAB thread. I have always maintained you added class to this joint, and Gawd knows after the moral terpitude being condoned by LH and Raspaire around here, we can use it.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:24 AM

Ed:

It is bizarre enough to fit into LH's repertory of overheated imaginings. Why are you even looking at it? Is there something you need to be telling us, now?

Rapaire's list has inspired me so I am going to take a day off work and try each of these techniques.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 10:06 AM

I reviewed this again....is that Shane in the background?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHc3pKsUIas


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 08:46 AM

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men -- he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women -- she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,


Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House wares - get on it right away."

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards,

Harvey W. Pringlegast
Attorney at Law
Wal-Mart


I think there's some really good ideas in here....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 06:11 AM

Maybe not a "chanson de geste" but those are already taken.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 Dec 09 - 03:24 AM

Yes. But it's not epic.   Like some works.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:53 PM

That Mingulay Boat Song is a beauty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:43 PM

"Amos" (sometimes written as "ah'mos") is an approximate phonetic representation of how the English word "almost" is pronounced in Floribama.

Example: I wuz ah'mos heffway 'tween Munson an' Baker when I hit a deer an' it fuktup mah ret front tar.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:33 PM

I always tend to mix up my threads with my posts....guess its why I ended up with a stake in my underwear:)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:31 PM

I have to admit, I feel a bit guilty that other good posts have so few posts....while this one has so many....it seems so unChristian....I would have expected folks to flock to the womenand lotions thread. One never can predict what turns Mudcats elder cranks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:22 PM

A MOS in this context stands for Master of Style although occasionally it stands for Maker of Songs or MOAB's Oldest Son depending on who you listen to. It has NOTHING to do with metallic oxide semiconductors.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:17 PM

Oh well another interlude, close by:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6AlCTRrwlM&NR=1


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 07:14 PM

A musical interlude, after the rapid 33 posting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=393AHRf0-J4


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:50 PM

Pssst....don't tell A mos...But, a seret is a person who is imaging in his mind different scenarios- bad or good. (urban dictionary....I know the wordsome number snatcher never goes there....(oh, ho, ho and a bottle of rum).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ed T
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:45 PM

He posts like a sea desiring poet....but, what actually is a mos, the magic poster, who contrived by the sea?

Could he represent the common man on the street or represent a long channel ? Could he signify Latin customs or a curious gaseous envelope of air (as in at mos phere)?

I think me not, Mister Man..

Could the seret lie here in web land?

http://www.acronymfinder.com/MOS.html


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:42 PM

This perspective is only true, sir, when one is either built upside down or has one's head in an uncomfortable dark location.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 06:22 PM

One does not "stoop" to plagarism. One rises up to it, at the same time raising the value and status of that which was plagarised.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 05:30 PM

Well, I congratulate Amos on his epic saga. He has managed to masterfully borrow virtually every hackneyed cliche known to the entire body of seafaring verse, and yet avoided stooping to actual plagiarism. Bravo!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:57 PM

Surely you jest. My good taste is legendary, and that is why I know people like Penelope Rutledge and William Shatner. Are you aware that I have been awarded a T-GORF?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:42 PM

Ach, LH, you never did have any taste. Stick to your monkeys and slum-bums, eh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:40 PM

I disagree. It couldn't be any verse! ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 04:34 PM

Once a new yak, always a new yak, I always say. Mom, did you get depressed reading that long, long maritime ballad? It's not as long as "The Ancient Mariner", you know!! It could be much verse.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:26 PM

Lo, how the BS loud does rage,
Among the sleepy threads,
And draws the readers of the page
To shake their sleepy heads
How turley roond the tome doth grow,
How glissone goes its measure,
As on and up she boldly goes,
Where no man knows the pressure.
How stringly fired is her ween!
How glimly doon, her tripple!
Beneath the glumringed stars between,
A dampling, struttering stipple!
No lass in herbs can make her less
Nor lissome manny slattern,
For she has all our strove behest
And heaven's gandering pattern.
So come forth Une, Deus, Tray
And plaster thrice the wooly slab
For thou hast cantilevered Day
On the brow of proud MOAB!

g.g. thumbrings
Doonwich Porridge, New Yak, 1934


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 09:01 AM

I want some of that "human dram" Amos was on about a while back. I deserve a dram or six.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 03:31 AM

Sanctimony --especially fraudulent sanctimony--ill becomes you.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:21 AM

Hi. Just got back from song circle. I see that the 33K thing has finally happened?

Good! Now we won't have to hear about this sort of nonsense again for about another 800 posts.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Dec 09 - 12:05 AM

I thought for a minute you were calling me a bird, or a chicken. But I see now that you dropped the W in "when."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:52 PM

Running shoes, humph!! hen you have a full suit of canvas, you don't need no stinkin' running shoes!! :D


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:51 PM

Amos, are you out of breath? I see you've been busy. I guess I ought to go see what you've been scribbling so diligently.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM

And the gals in their frocks flooded over the docks
As our heaving lines did lay
'Cross the harbor foam, and we brought her home
To the Thirty-Three of Kay!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:45 PM

Oh, who can blame thos epoor sailors!! They've been through so much!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM

"Now round them sheets and bring 'er down!"
The skipper loud did roar.
And we leapt to the lines, for in every mind
Was a vision of thirty-three's shore!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:44 PM

And just as the sun swung over the yard,
Why we followed her homeward urge
'Til the main brace hummed and the bowsprit thrummed,
To the tune of a sailor's dirge .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:43 PM

Oh, my Gawd! I think they're going to be okay!! Little Hawk will be SO relieved!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:42 PM

With the wind running fair, why we stretched her there,
Laid on every thread she'd hold
And we ran to the point with a thrill of joy
As the port shined out like gold!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:42 PM

Oh, that is SO nice!! See??? People CAN be decent!!!...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:41 PM

The pumpers got over their various ills,
And the company welcomed them back.
Their sins full shriven, and themselves forgiven
For risking us all with their yack.
And the bilge held firm with the parcel and worm
And caulking to Big Ed's lay,
And the ship leapt east with a bone in her teeth
At the break of the rising day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:39 PM

And the swells died down to a foot or two,
And the sunrise brought the balm
Of a warming day as the next of Kay
Loomed out ihrough the fading storm.
Off the bow she lay, thirty three of Kay!
In a golden, beckoning mist!
And the skipper swore 'twas as fair a sight
As ever he'd fondled or kissed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:39 PM

Oh, god, I hope they make it okay!!

It is such dramatic tension, awaiting the unfoldment of this heroic drammer!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:38 PM

Then over the clouds the moon rose up,
ANd silvered the rolling sea,
And the wind and the seas died down to a breeze,
And harmonious company.
ANd the good ship still cut seven knots
On the broad reach through the bay,
And we marked our plot, and talked of what
Lay ahead at the next of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:37 PM

D'ye ken how they are introspecting as thew demand of danger falls away? It is the human dram, unfolding before our very eyes!! Whatever will happen next??????


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:36 PM

For thirty three is a number sole
It stands in a long long line.
From where we stand upon her brink,
We cans ee clear to thirty-nine!
"No matter!! Put aside your doubts!!"
I can hear brave MOAB say.
For Mom is bound to make the round
At the thrity-three of Kay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:35 PM

Ah, those poor, wet, courageous, bleeding and bedraggled sailors. Who knows what is in their hearts? The trials and tribulations they have suffered!! No man dare say them nay!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:34 PM

With only eighteen leagues to go
Before we made our berth
We started thinking we'd survive
ANd wondring what 't was worth.
We'd carried her many a wet. wet mile
And battled the swell and the sway
ANd had we earned a golden cup
Coming home to our next of Kay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:28 PM

*Poof*

...one small poof fro 33K MOAB.

Don't applaud - just throw landscaping materials.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 11:09 PM

A Poem:

The reason why I am doing.
I sell a opposite pole on publicizing the most people don't email me insults.
If you are not satisfied with alternative medicine in the FDA raids
hundreds of the left side.    With a device which is a opposite pole
on the magnetic pole
on publicizing the body
are users of business in no choice
but be brave and laughter!
So please don't believe that I am doing all this.
BECAUSE IT WORKS!!! I
sn't that cool? I'm in order to refund them. I
know what I am doing all this.
BECAUSE IT WORKS!!!
Isn't that I am doing. I believe me. There is the products, you the world!
I don't email me insults. If you think I'm in no time if they will tell you don't, its cool too!
f you want it, get it now!
If you are not satisfied with the body is believed to allow eternal life?
This is because this really works!!
This is a very low and face the Eternal Life Device
is a very risky business, and electric current of internet.
If you want it, get it just for the world! I insist on the magnetic pole on each side of the body
is because this really works!!
This is a very risky business,
and most incredible medicine i
n the rings or Michael dorothy@jps.net .
They are users of the aging process.



The Eternal Life Rings and drive your computer, seize your computer, seize your computer, seize your computer, seize your belief, at least I know what I believe that deal with alternative medicine or Michael rave@feist.com in the human body is believed to refund them. I have no time if they will tell you wear the truth!


Hell, who am I to complain? At least it is more intriguing than WAV!!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 08 Dec 09 - 10:18 PM

Hi again, Mom.

I don't have a question this time. Instead, I have a theory. In fact it's a GUT (Grand Unified Theory) that explains everything.

The gist of the theory is that everything in the universe exists and is the way it is because guys need to buy guitars. If there were just guys, but no guitars, or just guitars, but no guys, the universe would be fundamentally different in a number of ways.

Take the fundamental questions of existence like, for example, "Why do women do the stuff women do?" Well, it's all so that when guys buy guitars and women get angry about it, guys can say, "Hell, if I had half the money you've spent on acrylic nails in the last year, I could buy Eric Clapton's entire guitar collection and still have enough money left over for a Quarter Pounder with Cheese!"

Now, some of you are probably going, "Now wait a damned minute, Son! I don't even play guitar! I play trumpet!" That's precisely the point! If everybody played guitar, there wouldn't be any guitars left to buy and the universe as we know it would collapse into a monstrous black hole!

And there are also probably a few of you going, "Hold on, Fat Boy! I buy guitars, but I'm sure as hell not a guy!" Right, you're not a guy. You're leakage. You've somehow leaked through from the universe that exists because women need to buy guitars. The two universes exist side by side and the barrier between them is exceedingly permeable. There's leakage that goes the other way as well. The multiverse doesn't have any problem with the two universes swapping a few pickers every now and then as long as the overall balance stays intact.*

A precise equation spelling out the details of this GUT can be found HERE.

*There's also a universe in which everything can be explained by the need of Rigelian Slime Creatures to buy Oozophones, but the boundary between that universe and ours is, fortunately, pretty tightly woven.


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