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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Acme 15 Feb 09 - 12:30 AM
Little Hawk 15 Feb 09 - 12:00 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 14 Feb 09 - 11:36 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 09 - 11:13 PM
Amos 14 Feb 09 - 10:40 PM
Amos 14 Feb 09 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM
Acme 14 Feb 09 - 05:33 PM
Little Hawk 14 Feb 09 - 12:52 PM
Acme 14 Feb 09 - 01:14 AM
Amos 14 Feb 09 - 12:39 AM
Janie 13 Feb 09 - 11:49 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 09 - 10:48 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM
Little Hawk 13 Feb 09 - 07:11 PM
Amos 13 Feb 09 - 07:02 PM
Acme 13 Feb 09 - 06:32 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 03:43 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 11:08 AM
MMario 13 Feb 09 - 09:09 AM
Rapparee 13 Feb 09 - 08:38 AM
Amos 12 Feb 09 - 11:21 PM
Amos 12 Feb 09 - 10:54 PM
Acme 12 Feb 09 - 10:28 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 10:03 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 09:15 PM
Acme 12 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 12 Feb 09 - 05:57 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 05:32 PM
Rapparee 12 Feb 09 - 08:45 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 11:09 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM
Acme 11 Feb 09 - 09:42 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 08:00 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 07:55 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 05:59 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 04:36 PM
MMario 11 Feb 09 - 03:39 PM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 03:30 PM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 09:03 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 08:40 AM
MMario 11 Feb 09 - 08:27 AM
Little Hawk 11 Feb 09 - 04:00 AM
Rapparee 11 Feb 09 - 03:32 AM
Amos 11 Feb 09 - 03:11 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Feb 09 - 12:30 AM

Sweet, LH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Feb 09 - 12:00 AM

Try this one on for size.

Will you be my valentine?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 11:36 PM

Hi, Mom! Here's aValentine's Day rose for you.

I would give Little Hawk a Valentine's Day turd, but it would probably crash his browser again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 11:13 PM

Why do you go to Tijuana for dental treatment? I'm sure you have a good reason, I'm just wondering, that's all. Does DougR know that you are going outside the Homeland to get medical treatment???? (gasp!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 10:40 PM

Mom:

We made it back despite several attempted kidnappings -- by the time the surgeon had finished tying up his little stitches, the buzz on the street was we ate bullets and killed with a single glance. So they left us alone heading back to el autro lado.

It is always interesting to visit Tijuana. This trip was early in the morning, and the thoroughfares were blank and the doorways shut, and the mobs still in hiding.

One little blue pill and ten shots of Novocaine and blood coagulant, and I was off in dream land, The hike back across town was fuzzy and dream like. It is a good thing, too, that my BBW and First Valentine was willing to take the trip home. I passed out for four hours.

So now I have slept off the sedative and the side of my world-renowned jawline is beginning to tell me what I have put it through, and it is not a pretty story. Hopefully things will be better in the morning...


Your favorite rambling boy,


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 08:53 PM

Obsessive adherence to some idea that seems right to you is not mental competency, LH. AU contraire!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM

Am I the only one left here who is mentally competent???

(that was a rhetorical question) ;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 05:33 PM

This Thread is not a Person???

Hush your mouth, LH, or it'll be Lifebouy for the rest of the afternoon!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:52 PM

Will you people stop all this "Mom" stuff!? It's making me feel ill. This thread is not a person, it's a forum for self-expression, so express, dang it!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 01:14 AM

MOM, the kitchen is spotless. Don't let the boys mess it up tomorrow while I'm out barbecuing burgers in the driveway for the kids. We're doing a smallish wake for the kitty we lost a couple of weeks ago. I know, it seems silly, but this is the first pet the kids lost.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Feb 09 - 12:39 AM

I will spend the day fighting off drug-crazed drug smuggling mafiosi SOuth of the Border, making my way through lead and fire to the safe haven of a dental clinic where I will have the pleasure of going under while they stick bone implant material into the roof of my mouth.

Another 13-hour day at work Mom;. THis economy really sucks.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 11:49 PM

Seems a bit harsh on yer Old Man's Birthday, Leo, to get kicks from all over the world.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 10:48 PM

Do you intend to go in the nude?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 08:44 PM

Mom, this may be my last post.

I'm going to Jackson Hole, Wyoming this weekend, we're leaving tomorrow and I won't be back until Monday.

We'll ride on a sleigh through the elk herd at the National Elk Refuge, we'll stay right in downtown JH. I'm not sure that I'll have computer access this weekend, so this might be my last post, at least until Monday. Most likely I will, but who knows?

I know I'll be home Monday, because, Mom, I can't afford to stay in JH. The billionaires are driving out the millionaires there, or were last year. Who knows what is in store this year?

We'll eat at Bubba's, never fear. And we have reservations at the Gun Barrel tomorrow night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 07:11 PM

I'll see your swan and raise you an albatros.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 07:02 PM

At least we now know who to blame for this chaos. I swan, it is beginning to look like the End Time of the Czars. SHeesh.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 06:32 PM

Ouch!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 06:20 PM

Okay, I lied. It wasn't an large iguana. It was a small pterodactyl.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 03:43 PM

Bold devil, aren't you?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 03:24 PM

Hi Mom, sorry I haven't dropped in today until now. I had a large iquana stuck in my pants.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 11:08 AM

Mom, I'm sorry I didn't drop by yesterday but I was busy plotting the overthrow of the established social order.

Oh, wait, I see that I did.

Never mind, okay?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 09:09 AM

Hey MOM!

Sorry I didn't drop by yesterday - but I was making arrangements for my Dad's b'day surprise. He and his wife will be at my brother's in Atlanta over his b'day; and I've asked my knitting group to send him b'day cards.

If every one does it who says they are going to he is going to get cards from all over the world. Paris, Vienna, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Londen, Glasgow, several places in Canada and south america;many of the US states; and I think Japen and China. Several from Australia.

I think he's going to get a kick out of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Feb 09 - 08:38 AM

ONLY a 14 hour day?

Wimp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 11:21 PM

Well, that's better, anyway. I got to the orifice at 6AM and worked until 8 tonight. I am less gruntled than usual as a result.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:54 PM

I have now lost two separate posts to this thread and I am annoyed about that. Fortunately the good spirits of those of you who dance at Mom's place while I am away make up for it and heal my ill humor.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:28 PM

Clever characters, you two are.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 10:03 PM

You're saying that Mom cleverly and cleanly cleaves clams with a classy claymore? She cleaves kale at the same time, you know. Yes, she's a clever classy claymore cleaver cleanly cleaving clams and kale.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 09:56 PM

Have you ever seen Mom make clam chowder?

She cleaves the clams cleanly with a claymore.

Clever, isn't she?

And classy, too.

Clearly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 09:15 PM

Mom is an expert -- a Maestro, a Master At Arms (Maestra, Mistress At Arms??) -- in every one of the Western Martial Arts, from grappling to the use of the halberd. I've seen her use her great Landsknecht sword to cleave three feet into an oak stump four feet tall, use backsword and targe like a Highlander, and fight with a case of rapiers like she was Romeo himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 07:07 PM

Is she still carrying one of the broadswords we cleaned and polished? No one is likely to bother her when she hikes around with one of those.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 05:57 PM

I saw Mom walking down the road earlier. I almost stopped and gave her a lift, but she looked like she could probably use the exercise to help her sober up. Next time Rapaire has a birthday party... no tequila.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 05:32 PM

Poor Mom. Poor old Mom. Drifting closer and closer to The Bottom because no one except me cares.

Poor, poor old Mom.

Here's some refreshment.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Feb 09 - 08:45 AM

Yep. But you really shouldn't shoot one off in the middle of town, especially after the barrel is plugged.

Fortunately there was no explosion last night, so I assume that they didn't find the shell. It used to be kept down in the Gun Room, where they keep the rifles used for salutes at military function. Well, not rifle exactly -- they're really Brown Bess muskets seized from the British at Yorktown. The US Army supplied them to the Legion after WW1, but welded the touch holes closed so they couldn't be used to actually shoot anything. All you can do is load the pan with a bit of priming powder and watch it go FOMF! when you shoot it off.

The most exciting thing they've ever done with the muskets was in 1972, when they were "firing" a salute and the powder ignited Hairless Harry's beard. Took a bucket of beer before they could put him out, mostly because the bucket had to be refilled three times before it was dumped on him. Never made it completely along the bucket brigade the first two times.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 11:09 PM

Those French 75's were damn fine artillery in their day.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 10:36 PM

Well, I'm back from the Legion. And cold sober. Not like those other guys. When I left Dirtbike Billy had saddled the old French 75 and was wondering why it didn't giddy-up while three other guys were looking for the shell they've had since WW1. Since the danged thing was charged with picric acid (which has almost certainly crystallized by now) it will be more dangerous than the skunk who swallowed the nitroglycerin.

You know, messing with overage high explosives will sober you up pretty quick, especially if you're not the one doing the messing around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 09:42 PM

Sorry I wasn't here all day, Mom. We were down at the legion hall cleaning up Rapaire's favorite booth as a birthday present.

You don't want to hear about all of the crap that was piled under the upholstered seats and jammed on the floor next to the wall. We polished some of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:00 PM

Oh, PLEASE, Amos! Spank me!

Amos.....?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 07:55 PM

Okay, I'm off to the Legion meeting.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:59 PM

Alright, but don't do it again. If you do, Amos will spank.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:12 PM

Well, excuuuuuuuuse me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:06 PM

Took an hour. That's not "jumping right on it."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 04:36 PM

Heh! (I knew someone would jump right on that...)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:39 PM

Didn't he get arrested for that?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:30 PM

Whoa! I get breathless just reading it. It reminds me of the first time Chongo Chimp walked across the threshold of the North Side Gorillas' clubhouse in Chicago...

Or the first time William Shatner mounted the stage...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 09:03 AM

After all, Alexander Pope foresaw my coming in 1728:

In vain, in vain, ? the all-composing Hour
Resistless falls: The Muse obeys the Pow'r.
She comes! she comes! the sable Throne behold
Of Night Primæval, and of Chaos old!
Before her, Fancy's gilded clouds decay,
And all its varying Rain-bows die away.
Wit shoots in vain its momentary fires,
The meteor drops, and in a flash expires.
As one by one, at dread Medea's strain,
The sick'ning stars fade off th'ethereal plain;
As Argus' eyes by Hermes' wand opprest,
Clos'd one by one to everlasting rest;
Thus at her felt approach, and secret might,
Art after Art goes out, and all is Night.
See skulking Truth to her old Cavern fled,
Mountains of Casuistry heap'd o'er her head!
Philosophy, that lean'd on Heav'n before,
Shrinks to her second cause, and is no more.
Physic of Metaphysic begs defence,
And Metaphysic calls for aid on Sense!
See Mystery to Mathematics fly!
In vain! they gaze, turn giddy, rave, and die.
Religion blushing veils her sacred fires,
And unawares Morality expires.
Nor public Flame, nor private, dares to shine;
Nor human Spark is left, nor Glimpse divine!
Lo! thy dread Empire, Chaos! is restor'd;
Light dies before thy uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch! lets the curtain fall;
And Universal Darkness buries All.


He got the sex wrong, but otherwise was right on target.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:40 AM

No, I was the Primodial Chaos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 08:27 AM

Rapaire has a birthday? I could have sworn he told us that he sprang fully grown out of the primodrdial chaos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 04:00 AM

Hell, the likelihood of that had already gone down to virtually nil regardless, so you don't scare me a bit. ;-)

I have glorious things planned for my next incarnation, though. Just wait and see...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:32 AM

He does now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 03:11 AM

YA know, Little Hawk, Mom says if you keep fronning about like that there, your face is going to freeze in that position and you will never get laid any more.

A


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