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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 11 May 08 - 11:33 AM
Amos 11 May 08 - 11:24 AM
Rapparee 11 May 08 - 09:00 AM
Amos 11 May 08 - 01:38 AM
Acme 11 May 08 - 12:31 AM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 11:14 PM
Acme 10 May 08 - 08:41 PM
Amos 10 May 08 - 07:05 PM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 03:27 PM
Amos 10 May 08 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 11:28 AM
Rapparee 10 May 08 - 11:14 AM
Amos 10 May 08 - 11:07 AM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 08:20 PM
Acme 09 May 08 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 06:53 PM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 05:38 PM
Amos 09 May 08 - 01:46 PM
MMario 09 May 08 - 01:06 PM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 12:55 PM
MMario 09 May 08 - 12:45 PM
Acme 09 May 08 - 12:37 PM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 12:36 PM
Amos 09 May 08 - 12:03 PM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 11:53 AM
Amos 09 May 08 - 11:43 AM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 11:40 AM
MMario 09 May 08 - 10:24 AM
Amos 09 May 08 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 09 May 08 - 08:32 AM
Amos 09 May 08 - 08:31 AM
Acme 08 May 08 - 11:27 PM
Amos 08 May 08 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 09:21 PM
Acme 08 May 08 - 06:44 PM
MMario 08 May 08 - 04:09 PM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 04:04 PM
Amos 08 May 08 - 03:51 PM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 02:58 PM
MMario 08 May 08 - 02:41 PM
Amos 08 May 08 - 02:39 PM
Amos 08 May 08 - 10:07 AM
Acme 08 May 08 - 09:47 AM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 09:26 AM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 09:18 AM
MMario 08 May 08 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 08 May 08 - 09:09 AM
Amos 08 May 08 - 03:04 AM
Acme 07 May 08 - 10:52 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:33 AM

Yeah, but the next time I ate them (inadvertently) I was on a hunting trip. Nailed four pa'tridge, five deer, two ducks, and sixteen good-sized trout. I don't want to talk about the trout.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 11:24 AM

Tsk. Lose more damn britches that way.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 08 - 09:00 AM

Been there, tried that. They gave me wind upon the stomach, and when I bent over to pick up a fork I'd dropped I shot out two windows and killed the canary.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 08 - 01:38 AM

Rapaore:

Just to be bold, try inedible peas next time. Dibs watching...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 May 08 - 12:31 AM

The tooth is good to go! I can chew on that side and the molar doesn't ache. Yes!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 11:14 PM

I cooked dinner for one: coconut and lemongrass chicken over red quinona pilaf, with edible peas and other veggies. Quite tasty, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 08 - 08:41 PM

I get to cook dinner for one. Not bad, either. No one to say they don't want whatever it was I fixed!

I'm thinking about fixing some flautas this evening and giving the new crown a test. That tooth always used to hurt when I bit down on firm crunchy stuff like tortillas. Scoop up some of my homemade guacamole with them--mmmmmm! Salad on the side, nice glass of red wine. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 08 - 07:05 PM

Oh, I knew that.

Anny Hoo (you ever meet Miss Hoo?) I must go begin to start preparations for intitiating the first steps f cooking dinner for six.

It will be fun.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 06:44 PM

I gotta admit that it was sent to me, that I didn't write it (although I wish I had). But I thought it was too good not to share with Mom.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 03:27 PM

Thanky kindly, Mr. A. Thanky kindly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 08 - 01:04 PM

Oh, that is a fine story, Mister R. Fine. Has all the makin's of a world class tale. I can hear my old Kaintuck uncle intoning it with the loooong drawl in all the right places.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 11:28 AM

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. A bible.

2. A silver dollar.

3. A bottle of whisky.

4. And a Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself."When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be
a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

"Lord have mercy," the old preacher disgustedly whispered. "He's gonna run for Congress."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 08 - 11:14 AM

I believe I'll go out, get the mail, and go back to bed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 08 - 11:07 AM

Welll, we all have to start somewhere. We all have to believe in something. I believe I will have another cup of coffee and relish the dawning of the weekend.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:20 PM

Come to think of it, if you don't have a brain you can't have a brain stem....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 08 - 06:59 PM

That gives reptiles a bad rap, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 06:53 PM

By the way, Bush HAS no grip on reality. The only reason he keeps breathing is because of his "reptilian brain stem."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 05:38 PM

Fifteen to one he IS Voldemort.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 01:46 PM

Ya know, the brazen efferontery of Book Man really astonishes me; this is why I suspect he is a closet Republican. Observe the sequence, here. I offered a funny line about Baathists and bathrooms, asking him if it reflected his philosophy. TO which all he had to say was, "No."

So I pointed out that such a pedestrian, unimiaginative, uncreative, uncolorful, plain-jane-vanilla Lutheran sort of answer was really not up to our quality standards for MOAB-class BS.

Which is perfectly true, I am sure you will agree.

To which his reponse was that my grip on reality was slipping.

Now, hopw brazen can a man get -- how insensitively ideological -- to come into the last Great Hallowed Haven of Pure BS and make remarks about people's grip on reality? This is something Bush would do!!!

Has he no sense of context, no sensitivity to our Mission, the strain and burden it places on our tired souls? Has her no respect for our brilliant imaginations, our soaring creative fires, our keen turn of wit? What sort of a drudge, I must ask you, IS such a man?

And he dares...he DARES...to imply that I am a bean counter!!!

Ten to one he votes for Voldemort.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 May 08 - 01:06 PM

Amos, a bean-counter? Does he have the requisite checkered bow tie?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:55 PM

I'm concerned that Amos's grasp of it is growing less and less. I would weep, WEEP I tell you!, to find him someday sitting on the floor counting beans.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:45 PM

One should always be careful when grasping reality; reality often has razor sharp edges. Many people find reality easier to handle when the edges have been softened, dulled, or blurred a bit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:37 PM

I'm back in the present, MOM. I didn't go as far back as MMario does when he departs 2008, but I've been wallowing around the late 1990s and early 2000s as I sort and shred old bills and receipts and papers. I wish I could have filled up the truck gas tank in 2002 before heading home.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:36 PM

Ah, Amos, Amos. Your grasp of reality seems to be slipping day by day, if not hour by hour. If this keeps up you will find yourself an accountant or worse, a disappoint to your designers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 12:03 PM

That's a side-splitting rejoinder, Ra[paire, worthy of the best BS yet seen in these hallowed halls....






















N O T.




A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:53 AM

No, it's not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:43 AM

So your philosophy, sir, is, "When in the bathroom, do as the Baathists do!"??


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 11:40 AM

When in Rome, etc.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 09 May 08 - 10:24 AM

GOOD GOD NO! We do *NOT* need to know.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 09:42 AM

Why woud you dedicate a bathroom to that?


Enquiring minds etc.....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:32 AM

I misspelled it. It should be "youNEEDsex".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 08 - 08:31 AM

I think it has a certain charm.

Even tough it sounds bent.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 08 - 11:27 PM

If you don't talk about it any more I think this idea will blow over.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 08 - 11:05 PM

Is kneesex some sort of new birth control mechanism? One the Republicans could finally get down with, so to speak?



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:21 PM

Gonna have us youkneesex bathrooms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 08 - 06:44 PM

23456


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 08 - 04:09 PM

true Amos, and also true that according to gramattical rules in English the masculine term is inclusive of both genders unless specified to be male only (which is not true of female terms)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 04:04 PM

"homo spaiens of male gender" is a spayed or neutered male of genus "homo"?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 08 - 03:51 PM

You gentlemen need to learn the very basic concept that one word can have more than one concept mapped to it.

For example, the word "man" has several:

1. A member of species homo sapiens
2. A member of species homo spaiens of male gender.
3. A piece used in a game.
4. (V) To equip (as, an operation, a team, a military unit) with people.
5. An individual representative of a set of individuals. ("The once-surly crew pitched in to a man...")
6. An expletive used to emphasize or modulate a communication addressed to an individual. *("Get a grip on yourself, man!" he said to the fat lady who was too scared to sing.)

Yo will find my chosen and intended meaning somewhere in the list above, but if you guess wrong, it will cost you your larynx.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 02:58 PM

Amos rarely mentions it, but he has a hard time telling the difference between boys and girls.

Never send him to the bathroom alone when he's out in public.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 08 - 02:41 PM

Amos, did you just call our MOther, MOAB herself, a man?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 08 - 02:39 PM

Mom,

Stand up, man!!! No drifting down....



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 08 - 10:07 AM

If I were a shake shingle
And you were a clementine
And a southerly wind came up
Would you blame me for flyin'?

Ya know, that's just a sign of the shakes coming of age. They have a long adolescence, and then, one spring usually, they will lift their upwind edges just a mite to the face of the freshening breeze, and fly away. Resistance is futile, as many a homeowner has learned. It is part of life that shakes, sooner or later, will flee on the wind. This is embedded in the ancient scriptures, advising all mortals who can read that Shakes Rattle and Roll.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:47 AM

Rap, I priced my roof with three different folks--the same sort of 50 year (hail resistant) roof. First guy, big commercial roofer, wanted $10,000. Second guy, mid-sized local company, wanted $8,000. My contractor put me in touch with the guy who put the roof on my garage when he built it, he's the guy who actually DOES the work (the other two would have hired someone like him). He asked a hair under $6,000. Great job.

Have something handy to offer as a treat at lunchtime--they work really hard at this job, and for these crews, lunch is almost a ceremony. When I checked to see how they were doing, they offered some of their Mexican dishes, and I accepted a plate, but I brought out a bag of clementines to contribute my share. A pleasant rapport with the folks who are working on something so critical to your house as your roof is, like Martha says, 'A Good Thing.'

My reduced insurance bill dropped my monthly mortgage payment more than $50 a month with the new roof. Be sure to tell your agent about this.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:26 AM

How do you get up there to put up the Christmas lights?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:18 AM

Oh yeah, I forgot. I'll send you the Christmas lights that are still up there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:17 AM

you've got doors on your roof?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 May 08 - 09:09 AM

Sheeeeeeee-it, Amos, them shakes been blowin' off the house ever since I moved in here. Roof leaked (on my wife's side of the bed, but not on the bed) back in December. Iffen the roof ain't gonna do any better'n that I'm replacin' it!

And yes, there will be someone here. In fact, I'll be in the basement giving a retreat to most of the supervisors this afternoon. The guns and all are all laid out and 'most everything is ready. I just need to remember to bring the laser from work.

The new roof will have a 50 year guarantee, 110 mph wind resistance, a ridge vent, and Class A fire resistance. It will also cost a bunch of money. We'll get the two doors replaced right smartly, too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 May 08 - 03:04 AM

A roof without Rapaire below it
Shambled shingles, nesting in ruins
Shingles shattered, sadly reciting
Stories of all they had seen
Singing songs   heard in winter,
Sighing
Saving some pride with
Remembered shingled shenanigans,
Back when they lived over Rapaire,
Proud to roof him for
Their life's service
Before
The
Ugly truck came.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 May 08 - 10:52 PM

Will anyone be in the house while the new one is going on? It's like living inside a drum, and seems, from comparing notes with others familiar with the experience, to pretty uniformly generate a really substantial headache by the end of the day.


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