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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 19 Aug 12 - 10:22 AM
Acme 19 Aug 12 - 10:41 AM
gnu 19 Aug 12 - 03:07 PM
Amos 19 Aug 12 - 04:03 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 12 - 04:06 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM
gnu 19 Aug 12 - 06:59 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 12 - 08:53 PM
Little Hawk 19 Aug 12 - 09:06 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 12 - 10:45 PM
Rapparee 20 Aug 12 - 11:15 AM
Amos 20 Aug 12 - 11:15 AM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 12 - 12:27 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 12 - 12:48 PM
Amos 20 Aug 12 - 01:22 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 12 - 02:50 PM
Acme 20 Aug 12 - 03:27 PM
Little Hawk 20 Aug 12 - 04:07 PM
gnu 20 Aug 12 - 06:26 PM
Acme 20 Aug 12 - 07:16 PM
Acme 20 Aug 12 - 11:23 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 12 - 09:51 AM
Amos 21 Aug 12 - 12:35 PM
Amos 21 Aug 12 - 05:06 PM
Little Hawk 21 Aug 12 - 05:55 PM
Rapparee 21 Aug 12 - 09:48 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 22 Aug 12 - 12:21 AM
Amos 22 Aug 12 - 10:08 AM
Rapparee 22 Aug 12 - 11:14 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:25 AM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 12 - 01:53 PM
Acme 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM
Little Hawk 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM
gnu 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM
Amos 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM
Rapparee 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM
Little Hawk 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM
Acme 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM
Amos 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM
Rapparee 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Amos 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM
Rapparee 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM
Acme 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM
Rapparee 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 10:22 AM

Tomorrow, then, the Bold Booqueman of Pocatello is heading out, bound east to penetrate the empty rolling hills that cuddle up to the grand Tetons and surround places like Laramie and Caspar, CHeyenne and Sheridan, where the ten-gallon hats go all the way to eleven.

Let us hope he may return unscathed by the noble savages, the wild scalpers, frontmen, hucksters, sharps and cutthroats of the irremediably vicious and violent indigenous Homo Blanco population.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 10:41 AM

Safe travels, all! And some day, make it all of the way to Texas. The Brooks clan was here this week.

Wonderful heavy rain yesterday - so today I must find and drain all standing water. You may have heard that we have West Nile in the area. Not around here so much, but it can move, I imagine. I'll make the area inhospitable with dry planters and mosquito dunks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 03:07 PM

"Might even see Sorcha." If that's the Sorcha who makes the best Elderberry Jam in the world and you get a clean shot, take it.

Of course I don't mean that literally. If you get even a reasonable view, empty the clip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 04:03 PM

Just don't hit the violin....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 04:06 PM

Yep. Same one. Part of this Quilt Shop Hop thing is in Torrington, home to The One And Only Sorcha.

Rain? Pray tell, dear Stilly, what this "rain" is for it has been foreign to us.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 06:45 PM

I'm not suicidal. I understand that she's a pretty fair shot AND her husband's a cop. Besides, I prefer a revolver, and I'm not taking anything like that with me. Perhaps to Getaway, but not on this trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 06:59 PM

A... no, of course not the violin! I am not daft.

Cop? Chief. But, apparently, he's no marksman. Jeeps are bigger than the targets I am used to. Not really fair game IMO. Then again, shootin yer gun from inside a closed gun case isn't sumpin I know a lot about.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 08:53 PM

I don't know nothing about that stuff either. I usually don't shoot anything bigger than, say, a Honda Fit. Gotta keep the ol' shootin' eye sharp!

Speaking of which, there was a shooting at the Legion Hovel last night. Seems like True Blue Red White got into it with Blacky Kohl. Blacky shot his mouth off, and so did TBR. Bartender finally used a bung starter to quiet both of 'em down and they went to sleep in each others arms like a pair of unwashed, unchanged babes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 09:06 PM

You know, man, it makes me feel sick hearing about the Legion Hovel. It's awful. You gotta stop posting about it or I will start writing posts here about Shane's socks and underwear.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 12 - 10:45 PM

Feel free. At the Legion Hovel it would be like a breath of fresh air.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 11:15 AM

Well, shortly I'll be off. Ta until this evening, unless I do something sooner. You can never tell.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 11:15 AM

Don't be fooled by his threats; he's just jealous that Chongo doesn't get into anything as vivid.

a


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 12:27 PM

Ha! Chongo's life is far more vivid than the life at that silly legion.

Listen, I know. I've seen the Legion in my own town and other towns around here. Just a bunch of crabby old men sitting around gossiping about the past and glumly working on their mug of beer while they watch the world change inexorably outside the walls of their mouldering little fortress of memories. Ugly furniture, poorly maintained display cases with military memorabilia, poorly built models of World War II airplanes and ships by local amateur modelers, tarnished old medals once given for deeds long forgotten, old ladies with purple-tinted hair and those hideous glasses that come to points at the sides, the smell of stale beer and ancient tobacco patina all over everything...

Yuck.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 12:48 PM

And it could happen to US! Yes, indeedy. It's not easy to grow old gracefully. I have nothing but admiration for those who do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 01:22 PM

I know I have been harsh on Chongo and called him a worthless son of a bitch, and I was wrong. I have now learned he was only adopted, and not the natural offspring I had taken him for. Beart in mind these photos were from before he turned out bad, but still...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 02:50 PM

That is soooo cute! What a lovely story.

Meanwhile... Help! My house has been surrounded by a geriatric mob of enraged Orillia Legionaires. I have barricaded the doors and windows here. The Dachshund is in a barking frenzy. We are preparing to repel boarders!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 03:27 PM

The dachshund bark should alert any invaders that their case is hopeless. My friend Susie (injured in January, almost back to herself now, but weak on the left side, kind of like a stroke) has a min pin at her house now. It is a step down from the 75-lb Labrador retriever (who now lives at my house), but this 13-lb dynamo has a piercing little bark that echoes at the door - alerting all to his size, but that doesn't work against him because it also conveys his passion for defending his house. I'm sure it is similar with your pooch.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 04:07 PM

True. There are few creatures more intense and determined than a dog protecting its home.

The Legionaires have gone. I bribed them by signing over this lovely offer I had from some kindly person in Nigeria (a Prince, no less!) to pay me 10% of their 185 million dollars if I just help them transfer the funds to my Canadian bank for some minimal transfer charges...a mere few thousand dollars. ;-)

They all went off, happy as can be! They're going to divide it up equally and refurbish the Legion Hall.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 06:26 PM

"Just a bunch of crabby old men sitting around gossiping about the past and glumly working on their mug of beer while they watch the world change inexorably outside the walls of their mouldering little fortress of memories."

See you in a bit.

You and I ain't gonna be as lucky as the chimp... Health Canada don't cover that shit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 07:16 PM

How clever, LH! They'll be miles away before they get drunker and forget the whole thing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Aug 12 - 11:23 PM

Wow! Someone snapped a photo of Amos after one of his kayak trips. Look at those arms! (From here).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 09:51 AM

Scary!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 12:35 PM

YEah...don't show it to Rapparee--I wouldn't want to discourage him!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 05:06 PM

There is a man you hear about
Where folks are making free,
He comes from Pocateloo,
An' his name is Rapparee
And he hasn't got much money
But he doesn't just much care,
'Cuz the thing he likes to do the best
Is put out that hot air.

I made friends with Rapparee
And I took him on for fair
And we'd spar and banter loudly
'Til the quiet folks would stare
He would put out lists of sources
Of repute, renown and fame,
ANd was often known to post them up
Signed by someone   with his name.

He would generate translations
From the Aramaic tribe
Or the Mandarins of China
FUll of hexadecimal jibe
And he'd fill you with quotations,
Boys it's wholly plain to me
That there never was a scholar born
Could BS like Rapparee.

Well we tried to make him quiet, boys
But he argued in a way
That drove the MOAB upward
To the realms of Fifty Kay
And if BS overwhelms me,
And I'm ever forced to flee,
Lock the leather mask upon his face,
But give Stilly Sage the key.


Arduino Mayquer
Novo Ballads of the Novo Oueste
Braken, Wynde, and Denayenit, Chicago, 1976


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 05:55 PM

Ah...brilliant and heroic verse! Truly, the art of the Bard is not yet dead, but lives on in San Diego.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Aug 12 - 09:48 PM

I'm in Laramie and I have to go to prison tomorrow for violations of the Man Act, specifically, acting like a man. Wyoming isn't known at "The Equality State" for nothing...and all I did was say something about women not being able to hold their liquor like a man can. I never got the chance to finish and say, "...no, they hold it better." WHAM! 271 days in solitary on stale bread and moldy water.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 12:21 AM

You'll never catch me makin' insensitive statements like that! ;-D Ook! Ook! So...are they gonna put you in solitary, Rap, or chuck you in a cell with a buncha father rapers?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 10:08 AM

Oh, man, Rapp is being sent down for unnatural acts??? Holy Moly!! That's hard time, especially in a crossbreed town like Laramie!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 22 Aug 12 - 11:14 PM

I'm free! Released with a full pardon! Free! All I had to do was spill my guts about Chonga Chimp! And Amos! And for some reason they also want gnu and LH, so I sold y'all down the river! Hahahahaha!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:25 AM

Now I'm off to Ft. Laramie. I decided to re-enlist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 11:51 AM

Hell, the jail hasn't been buit would hold Rapparree for long. For one thing,k he hasm't even GOT long.

Besides, he'd have to invent a jail to hold himself, and as the solipsist king of All Universes, he would obviously never be so cruel on himself.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 01:53 PM

Unless he became stricken with an overwhelming sense of guilt!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:16 PM

He has a sense of guilt like my chocolate lab has a sense of guilt - caught in the act and if I use "that" tone of voice (the one that turns my pit bull into a quivering groveling puddle of pup) he gives a MICRO expression that says "well, yeah, maybe" and then he's back to his old open gregarious "what, who me?" expression.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:22 PM

More I think on it, the more the similarities become apparent between Rapp and a chocolate lab. For example, you give a chocolate lab to a six year old, first thing he's gonna do is eat off the ears on it. Same with Rapp.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 04:35 PM

I didn't think they needed a lab to make chocolate! I was under the impression it was a relatively simple process. It's a wonder the stuff doesn't cost an arm and a leg.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 06:29 PM

Cost an arm and a leg? It can.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 09:34 PM

A chocolate arm, and a chocolate leg
Are sure to build up flab
And costly both they're sure to be
In Stilly's chocolate lab!

Where chocolate dreams, they all come true,
And no-one ever fears,
And bunnies from the chocolate lab
Keep both their chocolate ears.

For just one time, before you pass,
ANd they lay you on the slab,
You really must pursue your dreams
At Stilly's chocolate lab!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:32 PM

Hi, Mom! The Army said I was too old to re-up, so I stampeded their horses, spiked their guns and went AWOL. I'm now in Lust, WY, just up the road from Lingle. Casper tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:34 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 23 Aug 12 - 10:35 PM

Oopsy. I meant LUSK, Wyoming. There is no Lust in Wyoming. I mean, there is no town Lust. Er...you know what I mean.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:38 AM

Seems our Rapp has been looking for Lust in all the wrong places.

There's plenty of town lust in Wyoming, but they don't organize it.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 11:21 AM

And it's a damn good thing they don't...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:25 PM

He was so embarrassed he repeated himself!

Alas, a chocolate lab would go to waste here, I'm allergic. Good thing I am not allergic to dogs!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 09:27 PM

The clock is ticking down; in two weeks from today they will pull the plug on me, and I on them. This breaking of connection will resonate through all the rest of my years as a turning point, although I cannot say into what it is turning! It is understandable, then, that I am just a wee bit stirred up about it.

Across the wide, rich, redolent rolling hills of Wyoming, Rapparee's train is cantering steel on steel through the midnight blue evening. He knows, as he looks out the window, that he is being sent to prison. He knows it is no more than he deserves. But in his heart the thin, twee voice of hope and an appetite for unbounded liberty continue to ring, defying all the sobersided efforts of the Establishment to make this proud man humble by punishment.

He knows, deep down, that he will never be punished where it counts, will never bow, will never yield.

He is, and always has been, Rapparree.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Aug 12 - 10:07 PM

And I'm singing my song:

"My rifle's rusty, my sword is bent
My boots are wet with rain
And my moldy socks and my stinky drawers
Have driven folks from the plain.
But my spurs are as crossed as my horse's eyes
My whiskey's cheap or free
What care have I for your rules or laws
I'm an in-law, Rapparee
I'm an out-law, Rapparee!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

Amos, don't worry none about retirement. You'll get old, sick, flabby and irrelevant real quick, just like the rest of us. You too can go sit on a bench in the park and say to the old fart next to you, "Now look at that 'un! Whoo-ee! she can park at my place anytime?" and you'll be talking about a pick up truck.

Don't worry about holding your liquor -- just grab the glass of metamucil with both hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:02 PM

His eyes are crossed, my ole swayback
He limps and snoozes like a hack
His eyes are dim and lined with crud
There ain't much iron in his blood,
But for him I will stay the course,
My friend, companion, buddy, HORSE!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 09:11 PM

I ride a new Subaru, I've done left Cheyenne
I'm goin' back to Idaho, I've thrown in my hand
I've crossed all the coulees, no water in the draw
My clothes are all dirty, my feet are walked raw.

Ride down the little highways, ride down them slow,
For they're two-lane and snuffy and rarin' to go.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 11:46 PM

Hey, MOM! Today I talked with old friends who I lost track of years ago. Turns out they're back in the town where they moved from last time I knew where they were.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 26 Aug 12 - 11:14 AM

Today we head for home. It's a long draw, over the mountains and plains, through South Pass. Haveta make sure the horses are fed and we-uns got food and water fer the trip. Fortunately the Indians ain't hostile -- anything but! because there are casinos all along the way. We don't visit 'em, but I'm glad to see 'em skinnin' the white man instead of 'tother way 'round fer a change.

Ain't got no more clean clothes no how anyway.


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