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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Tweed 11 May 04 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 11 May 04 - 03:35 PM
Amos 11 May 04 - 01:36 PM
Rapparee 11 May 04 - 12:29 PM
Rapparee 11 May 04 - 12:15 PM
JennyO 11 May 04 - 11:50 AM
CarolC 11 May 04 - 11:04 AM
freda underhill 11 May 04 - 10:10 AM
Rustic Rebel 11 May 04 - 01:09 AM
CarolC 11 May 04 - 12:34 AM
Amos 10 May 04 - 11:39 PM
Acme 10 May 04 - 11:01 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 10:50 PM
freda underhill 10 May 04 - 07:52 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 07:50 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 07:15 PM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 07:07 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 12:41 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 10 May 04 - 12:36 PM
GUEST,h 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM
GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM
GUEST,Noddy 10 May 04 - 12:34 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:33 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM
GUEST,MMario 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:18 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM
Amos 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 12:13 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:10 PM
JennyO 10 May 04 - 12:01 PM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 12:00 PM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM
Amos 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 11:51 AM
Little Hawk 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM
Rapparee 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM
CarolC 10 May 04 - 11:27 AM
freda underhill 10 May 04 - 10:59 AM
42 10 May 04 - 07:04 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 10 May 04 - 12:18 AM
Rapparee 09 May 04 - 11:33 PM
Amos 09 May 04 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 09 May 04 - 11:19 PM
GUEST,William Shatner 09 May 04 - 09:47 PM
khandu 09 May 04 - 09:29 PM
Tweed 09 May 04 - 09:15 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:05 PM

Glory glory glory....the Holy Ghost habv come unto the Mother obv All Babble and they waz caused to speak in tongues and pick up Yog-Sothoth wiff no fear and no harm done unto them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 04 - 03:35 PM

...amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin, monotonous whine of accursed flutes; to which detestable pounding and piping...

I've been to sessions just like that! Some even had accursed accordions and bedamned bodhrans!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 May 04 - 01:36 PM

"...that last amorphous blight of nethermost confusion which blasphemes and bubbles at the centre of all infinity?the boundless daemon-sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin, monotonous whine of accursed flutes; to which detestable pounding and piping dance slowly, awkwardly, and absurdly the gigantic ultimate gods, the blind, voiceless, tenebrous, mindless Other Gods whose soul and messenger is the crawling chaos Nyarlathotep."

Rapaire is circling the innermost depth of Lovecraftian horrors, tempting fate to draw him into the endless, terrifying vortex of drainwater...

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:29 PM

The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, They walk serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They have trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread. By Their smell can men somtimes know them near, but of Their semblance can no man know, saving only in the features of those They have begotten on mankind; and of those are there many sorts, differing in likeness from man's truest eidolon to that shape without sight or substance which is Them. They walk unseen and foul in lonely places where the Words have been spoken and the Rites howled through at their Seasons. The wind gibbers with Their voices, and the earth mutters with Their consciousness. They bend the forest and crush the city, yet may not forest or city behold the hand that smites. Kadath in the cold waste hath known Them, and what man knows Kadath? The ice desert of the South and the sunken isles of Ocean hold stones where Their seal is engraven, but who hath seen the deep frozen city or the sealed tower long garlanded with seaweed and barnacles? Great Cthulhu is Their cousin, yet can he spy Them only dimly. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! As a foulness shall ye know Them. Their hand is at your throats, yet ye see Them not; and Their habitation is even one with your guarded threshold. Yog-Sothoth is the key to the gate, whereby the spheres meet. Man rules now where They ruled once; They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter, and after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here shall They reign again.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:15 PM

Flo was fond of Ebenezer,
"Eb" for short she called her beau --
Talk of the tides of love, Great Caesar!
You should have seen them, Eb and Flo.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:50 AM

Guess what freda - according to this language guesser your brother's made up language is Swahili!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 11 May 04 - 11:04 AM

Aaakkkkk!!!!

Freda's brother is a Klingon!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 May 04 - 10:10 AM

my brother used to sometimes speak in his own made up language when he was a kid - and those words I posted were his! (he's lecturing in linguistics now!)

freda


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 11 May 04 - 01:09 AM

i love
though, if my brother amos would not have left a space for me
i fear
i would have evaporated into the fog.
i love
you, my brother amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 11 May 04 - 12:34 AM

I think it's Klingon. Those Klingons have spread from Atlanta all the way to Texas and Idaho, and they're putting implants in people's brains!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:39 PM

Lo, Stilly River, Rustic Rebel, Wiizy Wigg and Ebb and Elle
Rasters blazing, carving cyber-egos from the flames of hell
Snatters fratting, maters frazzing, cringing in the purling dawn
Lasers carving brilliant answers
'Til the questioning is gone.

Hawk, Rapaire and Tweed and Gollum
Gargoyle, Leej, ole Bill and Spaw
Khandu calling, mandate falling,
Crumbling the word of law
In the time when none's the answer,
Bambi's mother tells the fawn
In the ancient, changeless song,
And the thread goes on forever,
'Til the questioning is gone!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:01 PM

Usually if you stick a word or two from another language into Google it will come up with pages in that language with that word. Nada with this stuff.

I like this kind of jabberwock better:

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
--Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
--And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
--The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
--The frumious Bandersnatch!"

He took his vorpal sword in hand:
--Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
--And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,
--The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
--And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through
--The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
--He went galumphing back.

"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
--Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
--He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
--Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
--And the mome raths outgrabe.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 10:51 PM

No, neither Portuguese nor Esperantop, but some other constructed synthetic.

You gonna come clean? Or do I have to get Freda to have all your posts translated into Maori and sent to you?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 10:50 PM

Gamimos, amecii! Voldaro dentiti nulino. Upsis nuno Little Hawk, aquico Amos, aquico Khandu -- vulturos Rostinto, shashiwata nulino. Tak, taki, nonqua pudens. Aquico Tweed, Carol C., SRS, yet aliosi. "Accordion" nuno musicacal, med sosistris. Rapaire hunc dijit!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:52 PM

twaut a mati kuta si - kombali bali?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:50 PM

Portuguese, I think....


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:15 PM

Is that Esperanto?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:07 PM

Wiashta! Nyong flant MOAB shishatsa wen. Pornique de las teatnas patporbus Amos ent Little Hawk? Prevacsi, mys amisi! duit pacen faceita, non?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:41 PM

I love the Babelfish translator. It's one of my favorite toys.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:36 PM

3100 Big Ones! Beam me up, Scotty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,h
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM

Time for...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Blind DRunk in Blind River
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:35 PM

Time for a beer!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Noddy
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:34 PM

What time is it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:33 PM

Yes, it's odd. I think you need a name change.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM

You will notice, Young Hawk, that every time you put insults about me into the translator, for reasons I cannot fathom it instructs you to think of me as "Masters".

Take a hint, there, why doncha???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:26 PM

My spider thinks, therefore I am. How very Zen!

But if a tree falls in the forest and kills my spider, do I cease to exist?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM

I am not possible without my spider thinking

I have always suspected that something of this sort underlies LH's basic philosophy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:22 PM

Masters are cavron deceived. He imagines that he is very wise, but in truth he has the mentality of a hysterical duck. I ask myself when it comes to his senses? When it will make that Mr. Shatner is the only adjustment of the man to lead our glorious civilization ahead? When it will stop being against of the inevitable one? Who can say? God, I LOVE the sound of that! Joust like General Santana!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:18 PM

Amos es un cavron engañada. Él se imagina que él es muy sabio, pero en verdad él tiene la mentalidad de un pato hysterical. ¿Me pregunto cuando él vendrá a sus sentidos? ¿Cuándo él realizará que Sr. Shatner es el único ajuste del hombre para conducir nuestra civilización gloriosa adelante? ¿Cuándo él parará el oponerse del inevitable? ¿Quién puede decir?

God, I LOVE the sound of that! Just-a like el General Santana!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM

I thought I might put it through the translator a few more times - French, German, Dutch etc, and finished up with this:

Where c'est mine spider? I am not possible without my spider thinking! The masters are that, of esta' ; Person in a responsible manner of it. He must pay!

Maybe that's what he meant?????????????

Jenny, with way too much time on her hands.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:14 PM

I submit for reflection that a man who must needs have a spider to think, is not a thinking man. LH, your spider was called away on an important business trip, and will be returned to you aso soon as it is finished. Do not worry, young Hawk, your spider has not forgotten you.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:13 PM

Signet's Spanish-English (and vice versa) Dictionary says it also means "chandelier." I think it makes more sense that way. Unless he meant the skillet-like cooking utensil. But then he might have used "sarten" (with the accent agut over the 'e').


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:10 PM

Very close! You should work for Babelfish. Here is what I said:

"Where is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Amos is the one responsible for this. He must pay!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:01 PM

I got that translation too, Carol.

I think it is more likely to be "Where it is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Amos is the one responsible for this. He must pay!"

Ah, but what does it MEAN?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:00 PM

It's astounding just how badly that translator works.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM

"Where it is my spider? I cannot think without my spider! Masters are the one that esta' person in charge of this. He must pay!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:52 AM

two momey rathes, one male and one female (both have been neutered and are inoculated against ringworm, rabies, scabies, blackfoot, heartworm, botfly, mange, distemper, parrot fever, dengue fever, footrot, glanders, and the other common diseases of this species).

I am sorry to report that Rapaire has been left out of the loop again. Both of the mome raths in question were only turned in because they were acting excessively mimsey, making it impossible to keep them. Specialists examined them and declared that, in addition, they were completely and irreversibly outgrabe. Under the circumstances the authorities required that they be put to sleep so we sent them back through the Looking Glass, so to speak. They are better off. Do not worry. There was nothing else we could do.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:51 AM

From what I can tell, LH has lost his chandelier (which helps him think) and is infatuated with Amos. The image of LH, holding his chandelier aloft while searching for Amos, is indeed a striking one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM

¿Dónde está mi araña? ¡No puedo pensar sin mi araña! Amos es el que esta' responsable de esto. ¡Él debe pagar!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:31 AM

Free to a good home. . .

Maybe you heard them while camping in the Kluane Wilderness . . . or perhaps they serenaded you as you hairboated the
Whataroa River . . . or heard them sing, welcoming the dawn over their rookeries in Iceland or heard them in chorus with the penguins at McMurdo Sound, under Mt. Erebus' visage that year you "wintered over."

Now, free to a good home -- two momey rathes, one male and one female (both have been neutered and are inoculated against ringworm, rabies, scabies, blackfoot, heartworm, botfly, mange, distemper, parrot fever, dengue fever, footrot, glanders, and the other common diseases of this species). These little critters are loving, have the soft silver and black fur of their species, and are completely at home around children. Their sole drawback is that momey rathes can't be housebroken, but since their excreta glows in the dark you'll never tread in it some dark night. Their scent glands cannot be removed, either, but is not an insurmountable drawback, especially if you enjoy (as many do) the combined odors of butyl mercaptan and butyric acid.

If interested, contact Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: CarolC
Date: 10 May 04 - 11:27 AM

Awwww....

He hasn't even read the thread. He's just blustering to make us think he read it so he won't have to.

Can't say I blame you, Khandu. After I was away for a few months, it was daunting to say the least, to even think about trying to read everything I missed in the MOAB while I was away. In fact, I never did. There's a big chunk in the middle of the MOAB that I've never seen. I think I'll save that part for when I'm very old and feeble and have nothing else to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 10 May 04 - 10:59 AM

toads.
interlocutory circumvention in extracolonnic expurgation of unlimited irrelevant surfacing nodules of excremelocution in infractuous unmitigated tarean excrement.

thus spake Hiroshima.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: 42
Date: 10 May 04 - 07:04 AM

From toad venom to toadies...ah the progress of Man.

ps. LH - when my infinite probability drive kicks in I'll let you know


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 10 May 04 - 12:18 AM

Happy Mother's Day, MOAB!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:33 PM

His resonanting rhetoric wrecked?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:22 PM

Alas -- all is delusion. Shatner has taken on the mental acuity of a wiener dog. His robot-automaton,. servo-mechanism and homosexual love-slave, Little Hawk, has allowed himself to be degraded to the status of puerile amanuensis. Callow histrionics is all that is left in the place of once-great, resonating rhetoric!! Alas!!

And a sexist he, too!!

Forget it you jealous, hot-handed Canuck celibate..you're not fooling anyone!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 May 04 - 11:19 PM

I tried that with my subordinates. After the laughter and giggles died down they were wroth. Right wroth, yup. And there was Ruth, wretched ruin, ranting, ruefully really regularily righteously wroth.

So, let me get this straight in my mind.

Ol' Khandu decides to prop up a lamp post until some woman comes by. He props up this here light pole, whistling at women and probably saying things like, "Shake it, don't break it!" and "Hey, hot mama!" and "Wanna cut a little rug, beautiful?" whilst the rest of us are busy fighting off a Martian invasion, dealing freds and Ralphs, organizing rescue parties (for Khandu his own self, fer chrissakes!), and doing our utmost to prevent MOAB from slipping off the bottom of the page into the uttermost depths of lost threads and the thanks we get for keyboarding our fingers down into nothingness (I'm typing this letter by letter, using a pencil held in my teeth and banging my head against the monitor screen with each letter)is that Khandu is wroth with us. And then he dangs us all to heck!

Well, out here in the West, when men are men and women are women except that some of the men are women and...where was I? Oh, yeah. Out here in the Wild West, the land of Manyfeast Destiny, out here, I say, where the Shining Mountains brush their broad shoulders against the clear azure sky, well, we don't take kindly to ingrates. Nope. In fact, we gits us a 3/8 inch manila silk rope or maybe a good latigo one or even horsehair and we strings 'em up. I don't know why we need the rope, really, 'cause the strings are just some old fishin' string, usually, but it's traditional.

So, as they say in California, I guess it's time for a Recall Election! Or is it Initiative? Or maybe Referendum. It's one of them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,William Shatner
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:47 PM

Do what I do when there's been a shoddy performance or a breach of security by your subordinates, Khandu...

Order them all to assemble in the Captain's briefing room.

Fix them with a steely eye for a minute or two, pace around, and watch them sweat. Tap your fingers thoughtfully on the table as you sit down.

Then casually say, "Well...gentlemen...and ladies as well...I'd like an explanation for this sorry state of affairs."

They'll all look glum.

Say, "Don't all talk at once..."

At this point two or three of them will start stammering excuses and interrupting each other. Listen with a look of almost infinite patience that is slowly being stretched to the final limit. Then calmly lift a hand for silence...

"That's enough. I...think I get the picture. Rapaire...go and clean out all the latrines on C Deck...with a toothbrush. Spawk...you're demoted to garbage detail. You...haven't posted here in the last 2,500 posts. Tweed...I want you to go outside and start counting stars. When you reach 3,555,444,555 and 2 stars...and DON'T count any star more than once...report back with your conclusions. CarolC...I'm...going to need you in my cabin in...15 minutes from now. Change into a gown and bring some Romulan Ale...well chilled. You too, Ms Penelope Rutledge...they say two heads are better than one. Bee-Dubya...bend over and assume the position. I'll be with you momentarily, after I adjust my boot. Amos...I...need you to thoroughly analyze and critique the entire collected poetry of an obscure Scottish poet of the Terran 19th century named William MacGonagall. The fate of the Galaxy depends upon it. Get on it right away, and give me your full report at...0900 tomorrow. 42...you're on the wrong ship. Beam out of here immediately or get a proper uniform and enlist. We have an opening in the scullery. MOAB...you are a figment of your own imagination. You don't really exist. Go away. Stilly River Sage...report to Doctor McCoy and get a neural implant to correct that...annoying habit. Little Hawk...you, my fine sir, are the one officer on this starship that understands the chain of command and is willing to follow orders without question. You are promoted to First Officer, replacing Spawk as of this moment."

Then stand up smartly. Say, "That will do." and stride out of the room in a charismatic manner.

They'll be awestruck.

- William Shatner


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:29 PM

I been leaning on the lamp post at the corner of the street
In case a certain little lady comes by
Oh me, oh my
In case a certain little lady comes by

Oh, she`s wonderful, she`s marvelous
She`s fabulous, she`s beautiful
And anyone can understand why
I been leaning on the lamp post at the corner of the street
In case a certain little lady comes by

AND SHE NEVER CAME BY!! THEN I COME BACK HERE & FIND THIS FIASCO!!! I AM WROTH!! WROTH, I SAY!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 May 04 - 09:15 PM

O hellfire goddammit, I tried to mislead them but they ar too many these days yore Lhordship....I must say thet Rustic iz still plugging the inflatable PaulPenis dolls. BeeDub iz ....well...he's been to Atlanta and now I don't know if he kin still perform hiz duties as poteLariot or not az he has been off wif space aliens and worse obv late.
But tell us, yore Magogisty, whar habv you been hiding? Whut vizions habv you beheld and whut voices sing to you these days?

Yer faithful lackey,
Tweed
K.O.T.R.O.T.


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