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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Paxton Ochs, Itinerant Folksinger 17 Aug 06 - 12:00 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 08:52 AM
MMario 17 Aug 06 - 09:00 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 09:05 AM
MMario 17 Aug 06 - 09:09 AM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 10:02 AM
Acme 17 Aug 06 - 10:28 AM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 10:32 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 11:18 AM
Acme 17 Aug 06 - 11:48 AM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 12:09 PM
MMario 17 Aug 06 - 12:14 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 02:06 PM
MMario 17 Aug 06 - 02:10 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 02:13 PM
MMario 17 Aug 06 - 02:17 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 02:55 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 02:58 PM
Acme 17 Aug 06 - 03:59 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 04:18 PM
Acme 17 Aug 06 - 04:32 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 04:54 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 05:00 PM
Rapparee 17 Aug 06 - 06:13 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 07:18 PM
Acme 17 Aug 06 - 08:23 PM
GUEST,Rapaire 17 Aug 06 - 09:38 PM
Amos 17 Aug 06 - 10:50 PM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 08:22 AM
Amos 18 Aug 06 - 09:50 AM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM
Acme 18 Aug 06 - 10:57 AM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 11:06 AM
Rapparee 18 Aug 06 - 12:34 PM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 12:38 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 06 - 12:49 PM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 01:02 PM
Amos 18 Aug 06 - 01:21 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 06 - 01:34 PM
Amos 18 Aug 06 - 02:19 PM
MMario 18 Aug 06 - 02:29 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 06 - 04:39 PM
Amos 18 Aug 06 - 06:31 PM
Rapparee 18 Aug 06 - 06:52 PM
Amos 19 Aug 06 - 10:12 AM
Acme 19 Aug 06 - 03:37 PM
Acme 19 Aug 06 - 04:11 PM
Bunnahabhain 19 Aug 06 - 06:44 PM
Rapparee 19 Aug 06 - 10:07 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Paxton Ochs, Itinerant Folksinger
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 12:00 AM

Greetings, my friends! I'm Paxton Ochs, Itinerant Folksinger. I sing itinerant folksongs to all who will a) listen and b) put something in the hat. Born in East Wessex, I migrated to North America at the age of four years. Accompanied by my parents, I crossed the Alleghany Mountains and we finally settled on the Banks of the Wabash in Crow's Nest, Indiana Territory (after a few stops along the way). I was raised in a little log cabin I built myself, and spent my early years planting apple trees throughout the Middle West. By the age of sixteen I had learned to play a Martin "Dreadnought" without dread and, being orphaned, I took to the road to seek my fortune. I learned all of the old songs from Childe Harold himself, had some good times drinking with Woody and Huddy and Alan and Pete and the gang, and I still keep keepin' on.

You will be grateful if you put something in the hat if you see me, because if you don't I'll sing "Little White Duck" until your eyes bleed.

Thank you, and I remain,

Paxton Ochs, Itinerant Folksinger


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 08:52 AM

Mom attracts all sorts to her maternal lap....

I'm BACK!! Be afraid. Be very afraid. Be very, very afraid. In fact, be very, very, very afraid. You might even want to be very, very, very, very afraid if, of course, you aren't already very, very, very, very, very afraid. In that case you might want to consider being very, very, very, very, very, very afraid. Or you can forget the whole thing and simply bask in the glory of my return from Darkest DC. It's okay with me if you want to do that, for my glory is glorious enough to share.

A note on military animal husbandry: after following a caisson pulled by four horses and a riderless horse led by a dismounted NCO I can only say that the military feeds the horses very well, which causes the following pedestrians to engage in fancy footwork.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 09:00 AM

WHy is there a Basque in Rapaire's Glory? and whatever is he doing in there? Not that I really want to know.

What's the UV content of "Glory" shining forth? Should we go get some sunscreen?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 09:05 AM

MMario, the "gift" you got from the Queen can be cured with antibiotics. I suggest that you hasten to your physician and confess your peccadilloes before the "gift" gets worse.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 09:09 AM

How did you know I have peccadillos? I tell you, the first couple of generations were hell, trying to get the pecceries and the armadillos to interbreed, but now the offspring are breeding true.

but whyh would I go to a physician to confess them, wouldn't it be better to bring them to a priest? If they were even Catholic - which they are not, I believe most of them are practicing Lutherans, though one or two profess to be buddhist.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 10:02 AM

Besides, why would you confess to soap? Soap is good.

See what it is, is, Rapaire done got hisself infected with that HRIDC disease - Human Reduced Immunity to DC - which is self explanatory. It allows you to be infected by systemic corruption, overblown rhetoric, self-delusions of greatness attributable solely to location, and other bizarre symptoms.

He'll cure up all right after a few weeks back in Idaho.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 10:28 AM

There was a dead peccadillo on the road this morning, a big sucker. The school bus in front of us had to go around it, and I could see the driver gesturing to the children to "cover your eyes" as they drove past it. (They didn't all do as he asked and I'm sure those young sprouts are going to have some interesting questions for their parents and teachers today. I, of course, explained in clearly and succinctly to my 14-year-old son who was with me and already had a good working knowledge of what he was viewing.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 10:32 AM

Moral of THAT is to stay away from the middle of the road. Ain't nothin' in the middle but yeller stripes and dead peccadilloes.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 11:18 AM

I'm tellin' ya, if you don't get medical treatment yer...yer...well, it will fall off. Turns all blue-green first, sorta turquoise, and then all of a sudden it turns black and WHOOMP! off it falls! That's what happened to Peeleg Peter, who got a "gift" from Merry Boom-Boom up behind the Legion Hovel the other night. Peter usta be a fine, upstanding man, a credit to his community and his upbringin', and now he's nought but a broken half-a-man, wandering around in the gutters and stealing cigar butts outa cuspidors and drinkin' Budweiser. Horrible, I tell ya! Get medical help right away!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 11:48 AM

It's okay, Rapaire, we were both wearing sunglasses with polarizing lenses. The flash when we drove past wasn't a problem.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 12:09 PM

My glory is not a "flash" as I am not now and never was a flasher. My glory is constant, like the radiance of the sun or the Milky Way, illuminating the True Path for others so that they don't fall amidst the brambles and briars and thieves and evil companions who would lead them into sin and corruption.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 12:14 PM

If that be true, goodsir, then howfor doth thou explain the "gentlemen" of the Idaho Legion?

For by thine own evidence and recounting they are for the most part so deep in briers and brambles that Brer Rabbit could not find them.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:06 PM

A Janus, by the lord Harry!   A Janus!!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:10 PM

yup. let's see him shamblize his way out of this one.

whoops! Was that my out-loud voice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:13 PM

The gentleFOLK of the Idaho Legion are blind to my glory and choose to follow the paths they tread. Like a lighthouse, I can but illuminate the way -- if you choose to ignore it and you end up on the rocks...well...

There was a man who sowed his good seed amongst evil weeds. Taking his son by his hand, he took him up to the top of a high mountain and said, "Someday, all of this will be your sister's, because you're a smartassed little shit." And the young lad tripped his father on the way down from the mountain and the old man fell many cubits and smashed upon the rocks below, and his son inherited the good wheat which the man had sown among the evil weeds as well as the evil weeds themselves.

Take head from this story!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:17 PM

Exellent parable! That is from the MOAB Book of Aesop, isn't it?

But is it okay if we just "take heed" ?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:55 PM

Wait, wait! Do we get a choice????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 02:58 PM

As people who use cubits anymore know, forewarned is forearmed.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 03:59 PM

So is foreward-thinking forehead?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 04:10 PM

Why would I want to be four-armed? I can get in enough trouble with just two arms.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 04:18 PM

and I am reminded of the tale of the woman who owned a camel, one of the snazzy two-humped models. She would take good care of her camel, washing it every weekend and waxing it at least once a month. One day the Prince came by and saw her waxing her camel. "Woo woo!" cried he, "Watta chassis!" and the woman blushed. You could see the blush everywhere, for as everyone knows, camel waxing is done in the nude. The Prince leapt from his steed and ran toward the woman. Preparing herself for A Fate Worse Than Death and cursing her penchant for camel waxing, she closed her eyes and steeled herself. When nothing happened for several minutes she opened her eyes again to find herself looking into the soulful brown eyes of the Prince's Prime Eunuch. "Sorry," said the Prime Eunuch, "but the Prince is into double humps. You know, some guys like 'vettes and some guys are leg men, well, he's a two-hump man." And the woman gave the Prince her two humped camel and the Prince and camel lived more-or-less happily. As for the woman, she found that the Prime Eunuch was indeed prime, and wasn't much of a eunuch, either.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 04:32 PM

I think you made that up.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 04:54 PM

Is there a specific part, or are you taking a holistic view? The holistic view is better, since it will allow you to grasp the entirety rather than the parts -- to see the entire elephant, so to speak, instead of being one of the blind men.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 05:00 PM

Some guys -- I know a few -- are always looking forehead. Others feel their cubits are better served by taking the measure of their forearms.

As for the tale of the Eunuch and the Two-Humped Beast, I am sure Rapaire would never tell anything but the truth.

At least, as he understood it.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 06:13 PM

Do we not all only see the truth through our eyes? Does that not make the truth subjective? Indeed, it can be asked if we poor mortals could accept naked, unadorned, truth. Pulsating, hot, sweaty, naked, wet, glistening, truth....pant, pant, pant....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 07:18 PM

Dear Gawd, he's got the darned bit in his teeth...somebody call the hurry-up wagon.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 08:23 PM

He'll wear himself out and sleep it off. It's too hot to do any hurrying up down here. GD 106 again today.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapaire
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 09:38 PM

Got all the way up to 85 here today. Pretty blue skies, too, and a nice breeze. Dang, but it's tough here in Idaho. Ah well, I'll just have to bear down and bear it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Aug 06 - 10:50 PM

BTW, MM, "doth" is third person singular, and "thou" is of course second person singular; so when next you travel back to the sixteenth century do thou pay mind to say "How doest though", not "how doth though". It's like saying "How am you?".

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 08:22 AM

And how am you this day? hey - I'm an illiterate peasant, indentured to the spanish to boot. What do I know from grammer?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 09:50 AM

Well, if Rapaire rides into town on his giant peccadillo and discombobulates your rubric, don't say I didn't warn you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM

BTW- according to dialect coach - there is strong evidence to show that "thee" and "thou" were during the Elizabethean period used as both plural and singular; along with you and ye. VERY confusing time period for language, and especially for English grammer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 10:57 AM

Yet, but that "ye" is a typo more than a word that was acutally used. It's the modern typesetters version of the old written symbol Thorn and was simply a shortcut for saying (ready for this?) The. Yup. The.

Times, they are a changing. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 11:06 AM

ayuh. and "you" is suppossedly the newly literate's corruption of "thou" spelt with a thorn.   or so some theorize. So "(th)ee" and "(th)ou" became 'ye' and 'you'


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 12:34 PM

Ahem. I just happen to have a certified rubbing of the epitath of the English poet William Shakespeare (or Shaxper, or Shakspair, or...well, if you don't know who I mean you're culturally illiterate and probably watch "American Idol") right here on the very wall of my very own office. It uses "THE" (with the top bar of the T being over the first downstroke of the letter H), E over Y for "YE", and T over Y for "THAT".

Other interesting points are the following words: FREND, IESUS, FORBEARE, DIGG, DVST, ENCLOASED, HEARE, BLESE, THES, and CVRST. Of course, I was used for J and V for U during this period and others.

And if you can't trust Billy Bob, who can you trust? I ask ya!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 12:38 PM

now if he could only decide how to spell his own name.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 12:49 PM

I understand that making reservations was a real problem for him.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 01:02 PM

I dunno - he seemed quite talented giving people reservationsregarding himself and his work.

But Bobba DeVinci - now there was a genius - even if his brother stole most of it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 01:21 PM

An essay from a crypto-cryptographer:

..."The exact form of the inscription on Shakespeare's gravestone, which lies flat on the floor in Holy Trinity Church in Stratford, has been the subject of some controversy.

    In 1656 Sir William Dugdale published The Antiquities of Warwickshire ; included was an engraving showing the lettering on the stone as he, or someone in his employ, had recorded it:

Good freind for Iesus sake forbeare
To digg the dust inclosed here
Blest be the man that spares these stones
And curst be he that moues my bones


    The poem itself is a source of embarrassment to most conventional scholars because, according to an ancient rumor often granted credence by literary historians, it was authored by the Bard himself. This verse can only be characterized as four lines of doggerel ostensibly composed to cast a mighty curse on sextons tempted to disturb his sacred remains. The poet has been excused for this vulgarity in the footnotes of knowing writers; they advise us that within this church, behind a door just to the left of his monument , was a vast charnel-house to which the bones of slumbering forgettables were often hastily removed.

    The verse on Shakespeare's grave marker has been curiously provocative. M. H. Spielmann, writing in the Studies ( supra ), tells us that there was agitation in the 1880's to exhume the poet's body. By then much doubt had been cast upon the image depicted by Droeshout in the First Folio engraving and the art critics wanted to find out what the poet really looked like. "And yet," wrote Spielmann sympathetically, "the proposal was not by any means a novel one." King Edward I, Schiller, Charles I and others had all been disinterred and found to be in a fine state of preservation, especially when the soil was damp as it is around Stratford. But because of the curse on "He that moves my bones," willing sextons were impossible to find. Then someone suggested, ingeniously, that women should undertake the task, but still no volunteers came forward. In this Stratford church wives were often buried with their husbands but Shakespeare's daughters feared the imprecation and buried their mother a respectful distance away."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 01:34 PM

Dugdale got it wrong. I give to you the exact wording and spelling and punctuation, as the certified rubbing (taken M. H. Verney, clerk of Holy Trinity Church, Stratford-Upon-Avon, in 1936). Keep in mind the typographic oddities I mentioned earlier.

GOOD FREND FOR IESUS SAKE FORBEARE,
TO DIGG THE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE
BLESE BE YE MAN YT SPARES THES STONES,
AND CVRST BE HE YT MOVES MY BONES.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:19 PM

The certified stone-rubbing is certainly a proud possession, Good Rapaire. :D

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 02:29 PM

people can have it certified they rub their stones? wierd. Kinky even.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 04:39 PM

The rubbing was given to me by someone who didn't want it anymore. Matted, framed under non-glare glass...shucks, I said to myself, why not? After all, they don't make them anymore (literally).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 06:31 PM

The Irish have started the revolution of our century:


"An Irish company threw down the gauntlet on Friday to the worldwide scientific community to test a technology it has developed that it claims produces free energy.

The company, Steorn (http://www.steorn.net), says its discovery is based on the interaction of magnetic fields and allows the production of clean, free and constant energy -- a concept that challenges one of the basic rules of physics.

It claims the technology can be used to supply energy for virtually all devices, from mobile phones to cars.

Steorn issued its challenge through an advertisement in the Economist magazine this week quoting Ireland's Nobel prize-winning author George Bernard Shaw who said that "all great truths begin as blasphemies".

Sean McCarthy, Steorn's chief executive officer, said they had issued the challenge for 12 physicists to rigorously test the technology so it can be developed.

"What we have developed is a way to construct magnetic fields so that when you travel round the magnetic fields, starting and stopping at the same position, you have gained energy," McCarthy said.

"The energy isn't being converted from any other source such as the energy within the magnet. It's literally created. Once the technology operates it provides a constant stream of clean energy," he told Ireland's RTE radio.


McCarthy said Steorn had not set out to develop the technology, but "it actually fell out of another project we were working on". "


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Aug 06 - 06:52 PM

Hey there, buckaroos and buckarettes! Did I mention that our library here in the Wild West had applied for its own genuine brand???

Yessir, pardner, we sure 'nuff have. We asked for an MPL connected with a rocker. Gonna put it on the left hip and right shoulder of horses, cattle, and sheep (the ID brand commission "don't do hogs," 'cause I asked). As fer as I know, we'll be the only library in Idaho and mebbe in the whole US of A with its own genuine brand.













Gotta keep track of the staff somehow....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 10:12 AM

Why yes, you did but it bears repeating.

Now--if you decide to Leave the Library Stafff -- will the Library pay to have your brand taken offa yer bewtucks surgically?

Cuz other wise yer gonna gradually accumulate people in the region wearing your brand but not by rights b'longing to ye any more, see?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 03:37 PM

Been a kind of down day, Mom. Pour me a glass of iced tea, please, and I'll just go sit out on the glider on the porch. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 04:11 PM

Link


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 06:44 PM

There's no leaving the Liberay. Once you're in, that's it, for life. You don't want to know what they do to people who return books late....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Aug 06 - 10:07 PM

Nah, we jist cancel the brand by branding a line or an X through it.

But that's not what I wanted to write about. It's a sobering thought how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us. This is a picture of a recent accident in Germany. A friend of mine was there and snapped the picture after performing mouth-to-mouth resusciation on several of the victims. Please, DON'T open this link if you're the least bit squeamish -- believe me, it's not pretty but it is sobering.


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