BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 06:36 PM

But then again, as Donne wrote,

"There's nothing like a damn'd fine book
To get an erring lover off the hook."

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 07:30 PM

I've always said, "A man's mind should exceed his grasp -- or what's a Meta for?"

But no-one thinks it funny.

Dullards.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:23 PM

Dang, I thought it was hilarious.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:45 PM

Brother!!!!!



A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:57 PM

Uuuupseeedaisy

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 10:58 PM

Mom was just hanging on that edge there; had to boost her over.

I got it also. :)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:09 AM

We need a word to describe the grade of illness that is not severe enough to actually stop you doing most things, but means you really don't feel like doing anything, even though you know you should.

Word of the day, courtesy of Douglas Adams

Ely (n.) The first, tiniest inkling you get that something, somewhere, has gone terribly wrong.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:53 AM

I thought Ely was a cathedral town near Cambridge. Shows what I know.

Actually, I know a lot. If asked I would be happy to share everything I know with y'all. Sure, it would take up a lot of Mother's space, but wouldn't it be worth it to have a compendium of everything I know? I could start with the automatic nervous system -- the so-called "reptilian brain" stuff and go on from there. I could tell you about my very first memory (that it was suddenly bright and cold and someone spanked me) and the first word I spoke and why ("deciduous") and even share with you why I don't like fried eggs. And oh! the things you'd learn! Like the best place to stick a blasting cap in a stick of dynamite or why not to to use live ammo when demonstrating how to load a semi-automatic shotgun and you're in your bedroom or what to do when a the guy next to you slices your leg open with a corn knife or why you should never throw batteries in a fire.

I'd be happy to share everything I know. All you have to do is ask.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:57 AM

the grade of illness that is not severe enough to actually stop you doing most things, but means you really don't feel like doing anything, even though you know you should

a)galloping lethargy

b) functionitis

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:02 AM

I'm still waiting to be asked....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:15 AM

Douglas Adams wrote a little book around the fact there are many, many wonderful words langushing as simple place names, when the could be given new and intersting definitions.

Ockle( n.) An electrical switch that appears to be off in either position.

Idaho(n.) The place you've ended up at for the forth time, having carefully followed helpful directions around an unfamilair town, whilst looking for a place you can't possibly miss...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:18 AM

I'm still waiting....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:24 AM

that's what my niece used to say when she had need for a bidet (something she didn't even see, let alone use until she was a teenager)

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:40 AM

Rapaire:

Please provide a compendium of everything you know for me. I would like it on DVD in ASCII, please, not on MOAB because we have to let others talk once in a while. Make sure it is spell-checked.

Amos

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM

I think an "automatic nervous system" is what one finds in elderly drivers of cars without standard transmissions. Reptiles have an autonomic nervous system.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:16 AM

Is THAT why the girls I dated in college used to say, "You snake!"?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:32 AM

To which the answer surely would be...."I'm not a snake -- I have lips! Besides, it's not my fault--I'm running on autonomic....".


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 02:53 PM

When I was in the Army I fired autonomic weapons....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 03:09 PM

They have a medicine for that.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 03:58 PM

Yeah. I get spam about it all the time, but I can buy Vigaro down at the garden store.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 04:14 PM

Ya don't need no Vigoro -- good ole BS will do the necessary evvy time.


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 05:13 PM

I think it's about that opera, "The Marriage of Vigoro." The one Joe Green wrote, ya know? Where the cat sings, "Vigoro, Vigoro, Viiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggoooooooooooorrrrrrrroooooooooo"? I think it's also called "La Nozze di Vigoro" by the Eyeties.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 05:14 PM

I think that the famous song "Way Down by Mobile Bay" is in it too.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 06:00 PM

That's the wrong name. It was written for Joe by a geo-confused Sicilian cousin who called it "LA Down at Mobile Bay"

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 06:09 PM

Oh. Well, I do know that Wolfy Mooseheart wrote "Cozy Fan, Tooty" about his girlfriend Tooty Jenkins' electric fan.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 07:19 PM

And another one about his arguments in high school with a gang who always brough the same interesting lunch with them: Die, Sour Beef Lot!

Abbaddo's directing a production of that on saturday, and there are some tickets available on the day, at sensible prices. I think I may just have to go....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 07:48 PM

And how about that rip-roaring rebuttal of the competition when he slammed the work of Steiny Klein with his evergreen work, "Steinie Klein? Not Music!". I find myself humming it from time to time.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:22 PM

Dear Mom,

Whilst Bunny and Amos and all make puns about great opera and greater music, I just remembered that I really should let you know that I'll be gone starting Friday afternoon for a whole week.

That's right, Mom! We're heading off to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, Northern Arizona, Navajo country, and guess what, Mom!

We're gonna spend a couple of nights in the town named for you: MOAB, Utah! That'll be our last nights out, 'cause we'll be heading back right after that so I can go to work (yuck!) a week from next Monday.

You know, Mom, I betcha they have MOAB tee shirts and things in MOAB, Utah. And I'll betcha that I could pick some up if a) people would send me their sizes and some color preferences and, b) their addresses and, c) reimburse me in some way for the tee shirts. Think of the impression that could be made at Getaway (sigh!) if MOABites wore the appropriate tee shirt.

But I'll be around until about noon on Friday, Mom. Try to bear up under the burden of my absence, okay?

Your favorite and the apotheosis of the gene pool,
Rapaire

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:43 PM

Mom:

Tell Rapaire I usually wear a large tee.

But I want him to surprise me, and make it a gift, after all he's put me through. It's the least he can do. If he does I will wear it to the Getaway.

I am leaving for Santa Monica in the morning, Mom. My adopted son is having a baby, so I shall be a Grandfather, un grand-pére, an OoomPapa. I never htought I would live to see the day. I thought I would have been eaten by giant squid, or diced up in a motorcycle gang battle, or drowned in a gale off the Tierra del Fuego, or stubbed my toe to death, by now. But no, I am ALIVE! Unto the second generation...as of tomorrow morning, as best we can tell. The kids are at the maternity ward now, preparing for inducement. Induction? Anyway, I am going there in the morning.

I am glad you're here and will see you Monday or maybe before.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:50 PM

Hmmm...Mom, I understand that Amos has discovered Emo. I think I'll get him a pink tank top with sequins.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 11:07 PM

ooooh, the prospect of a new t-shirt! Size medium, maybe with a v-neck if you see something tasteful (no chartreuse, no red), in a darker color, perhaps? I kind of like aubergine, I've discovered that one lately. Green, black, blue, they're all good. Up to about $15, in addition to postage? Do you do PayPal? Otherwise, a check.

And Amos a grandpa! He kept this big news mighty close to the vest for months and months, didn't he? Maybe so his friends here wouldn't do what my Dad's friends did when I had my daughter (today--Aug.30--she's 18!), and his first grandchild--they threw him a grandpa shower. I ended up getting a big box of stuff in the mail from him, and he kept the t-shirt with a limerick friends composed on the occasion:

There once was a man named John D.
Who claimed that all children should be
Confinded to a zoo
Till age forty-two
'Except for my grandchild,' said he.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 05:52 AM

A medium, or the closest they have... Anything other than red or neon works.

High Ongar: The feeling that something has gone terribly, terribly right.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 08:48 AM

Yeah, old Grampy Amos. Jist pitcher him, sittin' on the back stoop with his li'l grandkids gatherer 'round, and him a pickin' on a mandolin (and slicing the tips of his fingers off in the process) and sayin' things like, "Hee hee, I 'member back in the Spring o' '47, er mebbe it was the Winter of '48, no, now thet I think about it it musta been the Winter o' '89 er mebbe the Summer of '87, anyways, either Reagan er the first Bush was president, only mebbe it were Carter...anyways, yer granny an' me was at Woodstock, the first 'un, the big 'un, you know, and ol' Joe Cocker, you 'member him doncha?, okay, ol' Joe comes up to me an' says...now what was it? Oh, yeah, Jerry Garcia says to me, "Got a light?" an' I says, "Sorry, don't smoke" an' he says, "Damn!" and that was the high point o' my life, meetin' Jimi Hendrix like that, or mebbe it was Bill Monroe...."

And the little grandchildren sneak quietly off and tell Grandma that Grampy is reminiscing again, and she comes and quietly takes him off to bed for his nap.....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 11:23 AM

Now why would that charming reminiscence of Rapaire's bring about a Google ad at the bottom for colored toilet paper? Did the automaton searchers determine that before she puts grampa Amos to bed she has to grab a couple of squares to wipe the drool from his chin?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 12:00 PM

It's back to the default of car insurance and dredging equipment, which is odd, as normally wondering about an ad means repeating the subject several times, and so causing it to stay around. Curious...

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 12:07 PM

What could be more appropriate, at a least somewhat appropriate, to MAOB than dredging?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 12:09 PM

dredgeing as in coating with seasoned flour? Or seasonal flowers? or coloured toilet tissues?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 01:27 PM

Boy, MMario, you do get fast and loose with those images, don't you?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 01:30 PM

dis-engage brain; engage conversation.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 09:08 PM

It was just two steps from chicken to shit. That's one evocative sentence, you have to admit!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 07:04 AM

Time to rescue Mom from the Bottom again, and the things that lurk there, which make Bordhran players look humane....

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 08:47 AM

you mean...


no, it couldn't be....






lurking at the bottom of the list, just off the edge....










there's a....
















a.....an........





Accordian player?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 09:16 AM

So long, Mom. I'll be back a week from Monday. Don't let your other kids lead you astray.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 10:12 AM

And don't lead her ashtray, either!

You'd better send her some nice postcards while you're away, Rap!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 10:34 AM

Ya want nice postcards? I gotcher postcards rightchere, Bunky....

Long wait rewarded.

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 12:52 PM

Amos, do you know those people? Or are you simply associating with Certain Types again?

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 01:10 PM

I thought I did, Rapaire. I thought I knew them well. I thought I was one of them!! But...somehow, talking to you, I have begun to do all my previous assumptions. Somehow, thanks to your penetrating intellect, I am unsure of everything and am beginning to wonder whether I really was even IN Santa Monica that day. I know that all freedom begins with doubt, but why does it have to hurt so much?


A

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 01:22 PM

You must take that hurt out and examine it. Look at it, make it yours for it is part of you. OWN it. Know that after you truly KNOW the hurt it's not going to hurt any less, but that you sure looked damned silly sitting there examining it and that although you might be mocked and derided forever you did bring me a moment of laughter as you sat there making a fool of yourself -- sucker!

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 02:52 PM

See ya, Mom. Bye. I'm off to (eventually) MOAB.

Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 05:16 PM

You all look quite pleased with yourselves, Amos! A job well done by mom and her rooting section!

Rapaire, haven't you left yet? You think we can't look after MOM on our own?