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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,Albert Einstein 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM
GUEST,Albert Schweitzer 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM
Acme 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM
Amos 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM
Little Hawk 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM
Acme 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM
Donuel 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM
gnu 20 Nov 10 - 03:27 PM
Amos 20 Nov 10 - 02:56 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 10 - 01:50 PM
Little Hawk 20 Nov 10 - 01:04 PM
Acme 20 Nov 10 - 12:14 PM
Eiseley 20 Nov 10 - 10:30 AM
gnu 19 Nov 10 - 04:14 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 03:41 PM
Amos 19 Nov 10 - 02:22 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 12:12 PM
Acme 19 Nov 10 - 12:09 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 19 Nov 10 - 12:03 PM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 11:57 AM
Acme 19 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM
Amos 19 Nov 10 - 10:09 AM
Little Hawk 19 Nov 10 - 01:00 AM
GUEST,Rapparee 18 Nov 10 - 11:01 PM
Eiseley 18 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 10:08 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 09:04 PM
GUEST,Rapparee 18 Nov 10 - 08:32 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 06:38 PM
Eiseley 18 Nov 10 - 06:31 PM
Acme 18 Nov 10 - 06:04 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 05:56 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 05:42 PM
Acme 18 Nov 10 - 05:27 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 05:26 PM
Eiseley 18 Nov 10 - 04:38 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 03:56 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 03:53 PM
Little Hawk 18 Nov 10 - 03:45 PM
Amos 18 Nov 10 - 03:35 PM
gnu 18 Nov 10 - 03:02 PM
GUEST,Albert Einstein 18 Nov 10 - 02:58 PM
gnu 18 Nov 10 - 01:55 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:12 PM

I don't really care for organ music. I prefer the music of the spheres.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Schweitzer
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 03:11 PM

I thought you might like to read the review of today's inaugural concert. I just streamed this in from the author's telethink site. I wish I could attach the file, but you don't have the technology to access it yet.---Al Schweitzer

Despite the surprisingly clear influences of both Igor Stravinsky and George Crumb on the theme of this morning's celebratory cantata, the piece was quintessentially Bach. His delicate and hauntingly beautiful melody, introduced by the elfin C-G-A-B in the upper rank, was tossed to the lower woodwind stops, braided into a glorious fugue by the strings, and delivered into the reverential tones of the deepest pipes as a fitting offering for God's magnificent new Schweitzer organ.

Solo soprano Jenny Lind was joined by the Etruscan prodigy, Valo, for an exultant exaltation of voice and ten-stringed lyre. Simply glorious, as we have come to expect from the Angel Choir, the chorus was neither too pious nor too full of vibrato. Instead there was a precision of pronunciation, a clarity of tone, and a blending of harmony reminiscent both of early Tibetan chant and of a Polynesian rowers' chorus. The level of performance was exceptionally high, especially in the case of the surprise appearance of the Imps' Glee after the third recitative. Accompanied by the highest and smallest pipes, these imps joined with the celestial choir in a planned discord juxtaposing the melodic Procession in the lower registers with the cacophonous keening and ululations of the exquisitely rehearsed imps. Truly it was a marriage of heaven and hell.

For his text, Bach used both William Butler Yeats' famous posthumous poem "Elegy for the Mortal World" and the Phoenician poet Oephra's epic 'ħ [Eternity]. Truly the performance was beyond magnificent. It was sanctifying, inspiring, diabolically pleasurable, and rapturously transporting. An instantaneous re-experience of the concert is now available by telethinking the universal access number TX^/4462.

Dietrich Buxtahude


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:30 AM

Have any of you been to the Shakespeare museum in an obscure neighborhood in London? They insist that the original line in Richard III was "my kingdom for a spatula!" and have several period pieces to bolster the claim.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:09 AM

I myself have, documented, the original spatula used by Dorothy Lamour as an antenna for the first band-skipping radio transceiver.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 11:01 AM

What??? You are claiming to have the actual, original Bankhead Spank Spatula? Are you sure? Does it have a certificate of provenance? It was lost at the end of the Second World War, as I recall, and there were rumours it had been smuggled to Berchtesgaden to satisfy the intense interests of a certain Schicklgruber there...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 21 Nov 10 - 01:24 AM

I have an antique left-handed spatula here, a rare item, but better than that, it's the one that Errol Flynn used to spank Tallulah Bankhead with...at her request, I understand. It seems to have held up quite well, and works fine for omelets.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 11:18 PM

Hi Mom! I'm back! They shot 3 deer and we caught no fish. I just thought you'd like to know. We also didn't get any grapefruit, but the spatulas were spectacular.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 07:01 PM

Personally, I think I'd feel a little bilious if I spent much time imagining being inside Chongo, let alone with an accompanying grapefruit.

I ate a beautiful shiny mandarin orange a few minutes ago and it reminded me of Chongo. It was quite seedy.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 06:21 PM

Ha! You think I can't do it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:45 PM

Well, no problem then. You can just imagine being inside of a grapefruit inside of a chimpanzee; you should feel right at home.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:23 PM

LOL!!! I think we've lost him, folks...

Well, I can eat all the grapefruits I want, because I don't take any pharmaceuticals, aside from the occasional aspirin.

Amos, I cannot take you up on your generous offer, because I very much doubt that I have in fact won a yacht. I think they were scamming me and the "yacht" was the bait. They only needed me to pay a $1500 tax and delivery charge before shipping it here. Such nice people! I put them off, saying I just don't have room for another yacht at the moment. I did, however, take the liberty of calling them back and I advised them to get in touch with you instead and gave them your number. You will probably be hearing from them shortly, and will be very excited when they tell you that YOU have won the yacht! Good luck with that, eh? They usually call about 3 times a day, and always at suppertime.

The mystery of the missing grapefruit has been solved, by the way. Chongo ate it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Donuel
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 05:03 PM

I have always heard that one should not eat or drink grapefruit in asociation with pharmaceuticles. It has somthing to do with removeing a protective layer in the intestine or it has an enzyme that multiplies the effect of the drugs, possibly making you overdose.

Although it wasn't my intention, allt his talk about grapefruit reminded me we have some so I figuring it would only help with the meditation contest to win a yacht...anyway I had several grapefruits.

Regarding the rumors of intensifying the effects of medication I would have to give it a terrifying yes.
The pharmatesticles I took were libitor and Sanscreet and am holding on for dear life as


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 04:44 PM

Or a bowl of fruit and nuts...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 03:27 PM

Take the phone off the hook and imagine YOU are the grapefruit. Or the yacht. Or a grapefruit on a yacht.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 02:56 PM

Only Mom knows for sure, but I will be more than happy to exchange your yacht for a new, beautiful grapefruit, white or pink as you prefer, and will hand deliver it to you anywhere you care to take delivery.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 01:50 PM

BS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 01:04 PM

I have just spent 3 hours attempting to observe a grapefruit from the inside out! It's not easy. You have to enter a deep meditative state where you become "one with the grapefruit". I thought I was almost there, but then the phone rang and it broke my concentration. How annoying! After I had answered the phone and been informed that I have won a 300 foot yacht from some company I never heard of before, I came back to discover that the grapefruit had vanished!

What is the explanation for this strange event?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 12:14 PM

I brought in a fruit and yogurt smoothie, and she seems to have enjoyed that. Sweetened with local honey. Maybe she has allergies instead of a cold? I see a lot of people suffering the last gasp of the ragweed season down here in Tejas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 20 Nov 10 - 10:30 AM

Good morning, Mom, I'm sorry you have such a dreadful cold. Here, have some hot tea with honey and lemon and climb back into bed. No need for you to stir today. I'll put on some music and bring you a pile of books, just don't tear the pages out to use as tissues. You'll feel better soon.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 04:14 PM

Fly fishing for deer? Sounds odd to me. Down/Up here we fish for fish.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 03:41 PM

Me too. They will probably teach him how to go about buck naked with no embarrassment whatsoever, and how to head butt most effectively at rutting time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 02:22 PM

Deer Rapparee:

At Deer Camp, do you learn to be a Better Deer? Do you do workshops in graceful shedding, how to wear velvet, and self-esteem for low-point bucks? Do you learn woodcraft? Avoiding tree stands, how to look like a bush, recognizing the difference between biped birdwatchers and hunters? Do you watch Bambi re-runs? Do you have athletic contests in sapling-dodging, trunk-leaping, and broken-field running? Do you dream of being faster than a speeding bullet?

Anyway, I am sorry your parents couldn't keep you home where you can use all your video toys. But I hope you make many new friends among the deer you will meet there and come back a wiser, better deer.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:12 PM

I fear that the deer will realize Rapparree isn't one of them and subject him to hazing or kick him out of camp entirely.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:09 PM

Send us some venison sausage! I love to use it in my bean recipes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 12:03 PM

I'm off for a night at deer camp. Pray for me!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 11:57 AM

Grecian Bend is on the lower Mississippi, isn't it? I heard they have a great restaurant there that serves frog legs and liver paste pie. You haven't lived till you've chowed down on frog legs and liver paste pie. That reminds me, it's time to wind the windowblind. Excuse me for a minute. Albert! Hold the olives!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 10:28 AM

Forget the French Elbow, where is the Grecian Bend?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 10:09 AM

The lid comes off the anchovies as soon as we find out what George is smoking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Nov 10 - 01:00 AM

When does the lid come off the anchovies? Has anyone seen the French Elbow? I thought he had signed up with the Boston Celtics, but I may have him confused with Len Doyle.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 11:01 PM

Amos says it's because I'm full of pp.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:30 PM

I'm still a bit disturbed by the double p in Rap's new name. Phonetics are all well and good, but it does take the elegance out of the presentation. Of course, as Abraham Lincoln said about his wife's family, "One d was enough for God's name, but not for the Todds."

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:15 PM

You were expecting it to make some wry remark or other, I guess. Try slipping it some dough first.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 10:08 PM

Have you ever noticed how rye bread doesn't talk, but just sits there?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 09:04 PM

Ah--denial by misdirection!! Good move!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rapparee
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 08:32 PM

I am in Illinois, preparing to go to a night at deer camp tomorrow, where I'll do some flyfishing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:38 PM

It's not a very big problem, Amos. People just have to ask me if I posted it, that's all. I did not post the stuff purportedly from Einstein, Einstein's wife or Albert Schweitzer. Not being a Mudcat moderator, I have no idea who did, but can only hazard a guess that it may have been Rapparee.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:31 PM

Just download the whole thread to that text sender. That should tie up their system for a very long time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 06:04 PM

Just blocked a sender of text messages to my phone. They offer to tell me more about a secret crush (if I pay $10 for the information). Give me a break. I'll just let MOM talk to them if anyone else sends the message.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:56 PM

See how you attract suspicion, Little Hawk? Why IS that???? First thing everyone says when something loopy or of-the-wall comes up is, "Oh, that must be Little Hawk!". What have you ever done to create the strange predisposition on the part of others to judge you so???


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:42 PM

It wasn't me, Stilly. I think it was probably Rapparree, but I don't know, so how can I say for sure?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:27 PM

Finally fought my way back to the thread. Sorry, Amos, to not give proper credit on that link, the one before Albert and Albert popped up. LH must be having a quiet time at work these days. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 05:26 PM

It could be a lot worse than that. In Blind River, people have nothing to do except sit around and drink, steal snowmobiles, and commit random acts of lust...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 04:38 PM

What a busy couple of days! Last night Curious George came to the library and distributed about 110 bananas to the populace. After shooing him out, I took the bananas that were left and made them into a banana cream pie early this morning that I just served (but not in the face) to Rapaire's right-hand gal who retired today. Now I'm off to the TV program to talk about books. Amazingly enough, there are people in Pocatello who have absolutely nothing better to do than watch a show where librarians sit around and chat.

Eiseley


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 03:56 PM

Chongo is ready and eager to face that sort of risk, providing he is paid accordingly. ;-)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 03:53 PM

Ya, budt dot Raparee he hasch eine foam-bladed schword vit vich he vill lopp offf dot chimp's head. Are you prepared to dischpoze auf ein decapitated chimpanschee?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 03:45 PM

As usual, Herr Liebenscheiss, your incisive grasp of the situation says all that really needs to be said. Yes, Herr Raparee is clearly in need of expert counseling and assistance to free him from these delusions of multiplicity. Perhaps we should go for shock treatment? I could send Chongo around to work him over with a baseball bat...an approach that works magnificently for concentrating the mind of the client and giving him a much clearer view of the essential realities.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 03:35 PM

Ach, HErr Hack ein tousandt aplogeese!! It isch clear der pwoblem heah isch der goot Rapparee, now havink loscht his handle to der ineluctable forsches uff typographical correctitude, he isch now becomink a massively parallel chanellink agent amongscht a hoscht of departed identitiesch! Das ist vewwy woorischum, vouldn't you agree? Ash a veteran off many hours auf counselink undt psychiatric guidanschI am schure you can appresciate how much he schtandz in needt of goodt help!

Liebenscheiss


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 03:02 PM

Yo Al... good one!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Albert Einstein
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 02:58 PM

There was a young woman from Wight
Who could travel much faster than light.
She walked out one day
In the relative way
And returned on the previous night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 18 Nov 10 - 01:55 PM

Someone with a multiplex personality.


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