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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 14 Jun 10 - 11:55 PM
Janie 14 Jun 10 - 11:53 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 10 - 11:10 PM
Amos 14 Jun 10 - 10:36 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 10 - 10:04 PM
Eiseley 14 Jun 10 - 09:45 PM
Janie 14 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 10 - 07:30 PM
Acme 14 Jun 10 - 06:04 PM
Rapparee 14 Jun 10 - 03:20 PM
Little Hawk 14 Jun 10 - 01:48 PM
Amos 14 Jun 10 - 11:23 AM
Acme 14 Jun 10 - 10:57 AM
Acme 14 Jun 10 - 10:55 AM
MMario 14 Jun 10 - 10:41 AM
Rapparee 14 Jun 10 - 09:46 AM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 10:51 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 06:16 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 10 - 06:16 PM
GUEST,Eiseley 13 Jun 10 - 05:30 PM
Janie 13 Jun 10 - 02:54 PM
Janie 13 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM
Janie 13 Jun 10 - 02:46 PM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 02:44 PM
Janie 13 Jun 10 - 02:33 PM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 02:23 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 02:18 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 10 - 02:16 PM
Janie 13 Jun 10 - 02:05 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 10 - 01:56 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 01:44 PM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 01:40 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 01:37 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 10 - 01:31 PM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 01:21 PM
Little Hawk 13 Jun 10 - 01:14 PM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 11:46 AM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 09:22 AM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 01:17 AM
Rapparee 13 Jun 10 - 12:45 AM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 12:31 AM
Amos 13 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM
Janie 12 Jun 10 - 11:22 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 10 - 11:04 PM
Janie 12 Jun 10 - 10:04 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 10 - 08:25 PM
Janie 12 Jun 10 - 08:17 PM
Rapparee 12 Jun 10 - 07:57 PM
Amos 12 Jun 10 - 07:28 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 11:55 PM

While mine went off to Idaho
In a violent paroxysm
And gave himself to blunderbusses,
Old tomes, and plagiarism.
He started claiming that he'd made
A religious innovation,
And everyone should honor him
As the Source of All Creation.
He yelled at all he met to bow
And yield unto his thunder.
And when these tales reached us, back home,
It made us all to wonder!
Dad was aghast! "No son of mine
Could stir up such a plight!"
And Mom just smiled, and said, "Well, Frank,
"At least you've got that right!"
ANd when they climbed by candle light
To bed, while we kids listened,
They were talking loud 'most all the night
And it warn't with rhymes, or kissin'.
And when I came back down the stairs
For eggs and bacon, then
I found my Dad had up and left,
And was never seen again.
But I don't blame my Dad, or Mom.
He was a good old fellow.
The one I blame's that dirty rat
Who moved to Pocatello.

Blackus Bartus, the Poe-8
Simco, Nevada
1913


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 11:53 PM

Well met, to all of you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 11:10 PM

My brother was a stupid fool
A bounder and a cad
A poltroon, a newt, a crap-for-brains
A twit and really bad.
There was nothing good to say of him
The cowardly, whining, prat
He would snatch a wig from cancer kid
And trade it for a gat.
He cheated at cards, he loaded dice
He would backstab a poor old nun
There was nothing too low for him to try
Nothing under the sun.
We prayed for him both day and night
That he'd reform his ways
But we tracked him by his trail of slime
From Machiasport to Fort Hayes.
But he was lost to us we knew
Tho' we prayed for him, row on row,
When we learned he'd moved to Southern Cal
And the town called San Diego.

          --Ebeneezer Abner Postpartum
            Of Me and Mine: Poems of Family
            London-Unter-Thames, 1902


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:36 PM

I quarreled with my brother, too!
But not from animosity.
I'd irked him by accusing him
Of blatant gross pomposity!
I'd called him every sort of name
A braggart and a bounder.
And said our Mom should not endure
To have his kind around her!
And he in turn, most deeply irked
Dug out his old Thesaurus
And called me sixteen kinds of oaf
And a brainless brontosaurus.
And so we while away the night
And on into the dawning
With verbal sallies, leaps and takes,
With Queens and Castles pawning.
But come the dawn we were too dazed
And exhausted to remember
Just what it was that began it all
Which flames grew from what embers!
And so we went up to our room,
And fluffed our little pillows,
And sank to sleep, while the morning lark
Sang sweetly from the willow.

Aberdeen Penbroke Featherstone III
Pennywhistle Tales of My Youth
Whittle-on-Pyne, 1911


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:04 PM

I was angry with my brother
So he hit me in the head.
It wasn't that it hurt too much,
But Lordy! how it bled!
So I kicked him in the stomach
And he punched me in the mouth
His dinner came back up again
And my molars all "went south."
I gave him such a bloody nose
He gave the blackest eye
That ever was seen anywhere
He is that kind of guy.
I picked up a butcher knife
To poke him full of holes
And he grabbed a sawed-off shotgun
To make me food for moles.
But as I raised my knife to stab
The blade broke from the tang
And fell to the floor just at my feet
With a terrible awful clang.
He laughed at me! and raised his gun
And blew me all to hell
And that is why I'm still around
To tell this awful tale.

          --Prudence Charlotte Honeycomb
             Poems of Home and Hearth, 1883


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Eiseley
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 09:45 PM

Thank you for your kind words.

As tempting a target as Rapaire has proved at times, I prefer verbal clarity and written repartee to any recourse to physical violence, real or imagined. My boys agree that a fate worse than any duel is to have to sit and listen with strict attention to an indignant lecture on the evils of fighting and NOT GETTING ALONG WITH THE BROTHERS!!!! I think an apt punishment for the next would-be duelers would be to have to memorize the following poem by Eleanor Farjeon.

The Quarrel

I quarreled with my brother,
I don't know what about,
One thing led to another
And somehow we fell out.
The start of it was slight,
The end of it was strong,
He said he was right,
I knew he was wrong!
We hated one another.
The afternoon turned black.
Then suddenly my brother
Thumped me on the back,
And said, "Oh, come along!
We can't go on all night-
I was in the wrong." (15)
So he was in the right.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 09:15 PM

But, being the independent and erudite woman she is, she is well capable of formulating her own intent, and has displayed a wisdom beyond her tender years. MOM, Stilly and I all have confidence she is fully capable choosing a course of action appropriate to any occasion that may arise, even - dare I say....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 07:30 PM

I taught her to shoot. I taught her to shoot every target except me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 06:04 PM

You can't either of you use Eiseley as a second. And if you tried, the rest of us would give her permission to shoot the both of you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 03:20 PM

Mr. Amos and I are dignified gentlemen. Have a care, sir, or you might also be challenged.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 01:48 PM

LOLOL!!!!!!

Those scripted insults going back and forth between Rapaire and Amos are about the funniest thing I've seen yet around here. They're quite challenging to read, but it's definitely worth it to persist, because the exquisitely crafted language in them is so utterly appropriate to the fancy script they are rendered in. Marvelous! Now just think how very odd it would be to see some of Shane's witless and crude comments put in such a dignified font.

It would boggle the mind.

Let's hope it never happens.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 11:23 AM

I wish I knew how to exercise such a nuclear option. But that's why I am still waiting for Joe's invitation to the Clone Hall Recruitment Party.

I have never even gotten close enough to a Chihuahua to abuse one, and I think Little Hawk's displacement from the coordinates generally referred to as "reality" is already legendary. Further, deponent need say not.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:57 AM

I'm so sorry I missed your mess goof with the HTML, Janie. I've done that a few times myself - when you click "preview" and the entire screen wipes it self in a rainstorm of text sliding down the screen - that's pretty impressive. But when I do that I resist hitting "send." I know Joe's gonna say something about it otherwise.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:55 AM

Hey, MOM!

I'm BACK! ( Does Amos really abuse chihuahuas?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 10:41 AM

I cannot believe that Amos and Rapaire are scripting at each other...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 14 Jun 10 - 09:46 AM

Tsk, tsk, Mom, you're down here near the bottom again. Now put down that bottle of Four Roses and have some of this Booker's. It's better for you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 10:51 PM

My dear Mr. Rapaire,


My putative insolence and knavery is not in any wise the cause of your disgruntlement and bad temper, a condition you have exhibited since your youth without cess.

As for your difficulties in sitting correctly in the saddle, you must know well that the causes of that difficulty lie likewise distant in the past, and are traceable to your unfortunate genes, the accident of your birth, or your regrettable upbringing.

As to which us is truly a churl, a fluffbrain, a prate, a poltroon, a poseur, and no gentleman, let us consider which among the two of us resorts most often to brutality as a means of persuasion, to contests of bloodletting and physical harm in order to resolve what are purely cognitive difficulties, and which of us uses blunt instruments as representative substitutes for personal prowess. In consideration of which variables, I am sure I can expect with all confidence your early return to your alleged senses in this matter.




I remain, Sir, your Obedn't servant,


Mr. Amos



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 10:00 PM

Upsy-dupsy, Mom. No point in wishing for another beer, I've brought you a cold one.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 06:16 PM

My dear Mr. Amos,


I figuratively take pen in hand to inform you that your insolence and
knavery is not only unbecoming to you, but is beginning to annoy me.
When I become annoyed I deem it needful to remove the cause of the
irritation, much as one would squeeze a pimple or lance a boil that was
preventing one from sitting correctly in the saddle. Please be assured that at
“Getaway” I shall indeed have swords with me and, if you are a
gentleman, you will give me satisfaction to the Third Blood. Should you
not do so I shall be forced to post you as a churl, a fluffbrain, a prate, a
poltroon, a poseur, and no gentleman.




I remain, Sir, your servant,


Mr. Rapaire



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 06:16 PM

I LOVE that fast scrolling script, Janie!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Eiseley
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 05:30 PM

Oh! I've missed so much!

Well, at least I made a delicious Sunday tea to share with everyone. Here is the full spread: Tasty green salad, a raspberry tart, sweet buns, crispy French bread, and blueberry cinnamon rolls. Enjoy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:54 PM

At last, Rapaire, Muffinhead, Ambassador of Beauty, has been revealed.

Thanks Amos!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:47 PM

Why is MOM sitting on the front porch, giggling?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:46 PM

Wait. Not cheating. Making wise use of tools. Unlike SOME people, I am a busy person. That is why it is scrolling so rapidly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:44 PM

Oh, Mom, Mom...I know how hard this is for you. That the House of BS should have fallen so low. It is an awful pass, indeed, and it is the wickedest of your offspring who has brought your House so low, and on Rapaire's shoulders the blame must lie. Let the rest be forgiven for being led into error by his manipulative ways. Oh, woe for the House of Mom. When shall the clear sound of True BS be heard again in this land?

Oh, woe. And fie upon the son of Mom who has laid her so low!! You muffin-head.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:33 PM

♥ ♠ ♣ ♦ I cheated and used a code generator ♥ ♠ ♣ ♦

but I think it is simply behavior="alternate"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:23 PM

Yes, Rapaire, you must own the sin, and the abuse you have spawned, and suffer the tortures of Prometheus, tasked forever with the terrible sin of unleashing the horrors of Ugly Code upon the house of our Mother. May the vultures eat your liver by day, and may it re-grow by night, through all your immortal days for this hubris.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:18 PM

No more shall I share The Great HTML Secrets for fear of abuse. Of course, it's too late already....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:16 PM

Oh, that is so cool. ;-) What's the command?

My "blink" command is not working for some reason.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 02:05 PM

Sigh.....Sigh.....Sigh.....Sigh


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:56 PM

I can't believe I mispelled a simple Spanish word like "chihuahuas". Crap. I must have been hurrying too much. Let me be ruthlessly clear, Amos, when I say...


AMOS ABUSES CHIHUAHUAS!!!

AMOS ABUSES CHIHUAHUAS!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:44 PM

Grasshopper, I must go out for some hours. Try not to screw this place up too badly. If you do, notify the Guru of Gurus, Master Joe Offer.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:40 PM

Ya know, Little Hawk, this is not the first time your literary shortcomings have protected you. If you had spelled Chihuahuas correctly I would have sued you for defamation.

But well done on mastering the Marquee stage of your HTML Maturation Curve. We must get you through the Straits of Blink and the Chaos of Garish Colours next,.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:37 PM

Very good, grasshopper! Now try <=alternate>.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:31 PM

The letters i' the other posts? Whit other posts? Whit d' ye mean?

Try this:

AMOS ABUSES CHIHAUHAUS!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:21 PM

Why do all the letters i the other posts kind of drip off the page?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:14 PM

This is a test. Stand by.

EEEEE-YAHHHHH!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 11:46 AM

Janie, Rap can't be a red Herod. He has never admitted to being red, for one thing. It is amusing to me that there was a time when the very people who make states turn red on the political maps these days once went around muttering "Better dead than..." in respect to that much maligned martian hue.

Herod, of course, is way beyond Rap in terms of pure evil-doing. He had an army, where Rapaire has a gun collection. He decimated a whole generation in order to prevent the arrival of the New Truth, whereas Rapaire just kills paper targets and baby squirrels. There are many other differences, also, I am sure, which I will remark on when they come to mind...


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 09:22 AM

rm -r -d /braggadocio, too!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 01:17 AM

Well and good, dear sir, but you know, we are all very fond of you just as you are; there's no need to go bragging around about stuff from your past. I took have shelves of old UNIX stuff. No SATAN programs, but I was just a lowly USER, not an exalted SYSADMIN!! My god!! My compliments and fulsome praise go to /dev null.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 12:45 AM

No, I've know for years how to do some of this stuff. ASCII hasn't been a foreign soil to me for, oh, 15 years or so. HTML isn't all THAT hard, and XML is no stranger. Twelve years as an official Sysad and four more as an unofficial one can provide one with a LOT of arcane knowledge, Amos. I have, for instance, a 4 inch thick looseleaf binder contains password cracker programs, SATAN, and quite a few things I'd prefer not to discuss too openly -- they were useful to me and may be again someday. chmod 700*, baby!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 12:31 AM

Rapaire:

Better stick to Lox on bagels. You try eating the doors, they'll just put you in a straitjacket...


As for your terribly impressive knowledge of the barbarian lands in the area of Upper ASCII, I have not a whit of jealousy in me on that score. You are retired and can afford to spend your time driveling over inverse character codes and writing backwards just because you find it amusing.

I am still in harness, and my letters are written for commerce, exchange, and the preservation of intellectual property. Or intellectual propriety. Or something. But whatever it is it sure doesn't leave room to lollygag around with binary barbarisms of this ilk.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 13 Jun 10 - 12:27 AM



˙ǝƃpǝןʍouʞ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝsuǝɯɯı ʎɯ ɟo snoןɐǝɾ ʇsnɾ ǝɹ,noʎ ˙soɯɐ 'ǝɯ ǝʇıq 'ɥo



noʎ ˙soɯɐ 'ǝɯ ǝʇıq 'ɥo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 11:22 PM

C'mon, Rap. I know a Red Herod when I see one. Be honest. What you really want is Lox on the doors.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 11:04 PM

Iffen I can't be Herod so I can scream and shout stuff I ain't a-gonna do it. I want to out-Herod Herod, as my good friend Frank Hamlet said.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 10:04 PM

Ladies don't duel. However, I will let Jacqui know that you are an early volunteer for the Mummer's play, and prefer to be either St. George or the Turk. (as best I recall, those are the 2 characters that rattle swords.) Maybe you can also be the Herald and toot your trumpet at the head of the procession. She will be thrilled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 08:25 PM

AmoS, I ChalLenGe You (anD posSIBlY Janie) to A DUEl at geTaWAY. AS voUS ParLEz FrANCaIsE, uNder tHe fREnCh RuLes i get tO choSe and Supply THe WEapONs: sWoRDS.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Janie
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 08:17 PM

*sniff*...Amos, what you say is so....tragic....and *sniff*.....so true.






I dunno. The Getaway is only 5 months away. There may still be some hope for him. I guess we will just have to wait and see.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 07:57 PM

˙ǝƃpǝןʍouʞ ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ǝsuǝɯɯı ʎɯ ɟo snoןɐǝɾ ʇsnɾ ǝɹ,noʎ ˙soɯɐ 'ǝɯ ǝʇıq 'ɥo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Jun 10 - 07:28 PM

ANd ever since he has been convinced that 4 + 7 equals three. Sad, but true.

Binary does that to a man. It makes him forget his manners, insult his mother, and lose touch with basic human affections, and abandon altogether his connection with the beauties of breathing and living in an infinity-valued analog universe. Teach a man binary, and he becomes something less than human, a calculating machine who does not remember the soaring magic of learning arithmetic in a real world, a lunatic fringe-living creature who can no longer stand in sunlight or kiss in moonlight, a dry and withered half-soul given over to the endless curses of Boolean expressions and the iron-hard fruits of the logick tree. Thus, Rapaire, once a proud Keeper of Human Wisdome, now lured and betrayed by the rusty, ratcheting siren song of binary, frozen in time between the crushing deadly pillars of Either and Or, ground between the stony wheels of IF and ENDIF.

We mourn the loss of our friend, and his of us, once his stout companions and loyal supporters.


A


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