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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

GUEST,G-Spot 19 Jun 05 - 10:27 AM
Rapparee 19 Jun 05 - 09:45 AM
Rapparee 19 Jun 05 - 09:23 AM
GUEST,G-Spot 19 Jun 05 - 01:38 AM
Acme 19 Jun 05 - 01:02 AM
Rapparee 18 Jun 05 - 11:06 PM
Rapparee 18 Jun 05 - 07:26 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 Jun 05 - 06:58 PM
Acme 18 Jun 05 - 12:37 PM
Amos 18 Jun 05 - 12:25 PM
Amos 18 Jun 05 - 12:17 AM
Acme 17 Jun 05 - 08:43 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 05 - 08:34 PM
Amos 17 Jun 05 - 08:01 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 05 - 04:30 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 05 - 04:05 PM
Acme 17 Jun 05 - 03:51 PM
Acme 17 Jun 05 - 03:44 PM
Amos 17 Jun 05 - 03:11 PM
Rapparee 17 Jun 05 - 02:59 PM
GUEST,MMario 17 Jun 05 - 02:08 PM
GUEST,freds 17 Jun 05 - 11:11 AM
GUEST,Gluon 17 Jun 05 - 11:07 AM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 17 Jun 05 - 10:27 AM
GUEST,MMario 17 Jun 05 - 09:28 AM
Rapparee 17 Jun 05 - 09:18 AM
Acme 17 Jun 05 - 12:05 AM
Rapparee 16 Jun 05 - 11:20 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 16 Jun 05 - 11:10 PM
GUEST,Stilly River Sage 16 Jun 05 - 11:08 PM
Rapparee 16 Jun 05 - 10:43 PM
Bunnahabhain 16 Jun 05 - 07:57 PM
Rapparee 16 Jun 05 - 07:07 PM
Acme 16 Jun 05 - 02:59 PM
Rustic Rebel 16 Jun 05 - 12:51 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 09:40 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 09:09 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 08:45 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jun 05 - 06:59 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 Jun 05 - 06:06 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 05:34 PM
rumanci 15 Jun 05 - 02:58 PM
GUEST,MMario 15 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM
GUEST,Gluon 15 Jun 05 - 12:17 PM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 11:53 AM
Acme 15 Jun 05 - 09:11 AM
Rapparee 15 Jun 05 - 08:54 AM
GUEST,MMario 15 Jun 05 - 08:28 AM
Acme 15 Jun 05 - 08:06 AM
Acme 06 Jun 05 - 03:46 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,G-Spot
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 10:27 AM

There is a flaw in your disclaimer and in your first response to me.
There is no "I" in "meat"!!

GS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:45 AM

Disclaimer: Nothing in my last post should be construed that guests are unwelcome visitors to MOAB or that MOABites consider guests to be an unwarranted and unnecessary intrusion by those whose mind cannot comprehend the total magificence of what has and is being built. Such construction may only be put upon my last post by those who cannot comprehend what they read, are terminally ignorant of the nuances of language, or both. Or neither, for matter. And nothing therein should be taken in any manner than confuses, in Pope's words, "The puppet with the puppeteer" (or something to that effect). Remember, objects in the mirror are much, much closer than they appear, to always wear clean underwear so that you won't be embarassed when it is cut off of you in the Emergency Room after the accident, that a penny saved is a penny earned, to floss regularily, and to never mix alcohol and gunpowder even if it seems like it would make a drink with one hellacious kick, because it doesn't. Take it from me, it doesn't, but it CAN ruin good whisky.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 09:23 AM

A brave sort, that GUEST G-spot. But by skipping around no one can understand MOAB. It must be read from the beginning, savored like fine wine and food, and digested and made part of the person reading it. No where else is Francis Bacon's statement that "some books are made to be digested" more true than in the MOAB.

And to truly understand the MOAB, the reader should completely understand each reference, each link. But above all, indeed far outreaching any thing else about the MOAB, the reader should realize from the outset that MOABites care deeply about Mother and don't really give a rat's ass what the casual reader thinks. And therein, dear reader, lies what is arguably the greatest strength of not only MOAB, but of all great literature.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,G-Spot
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 01:38 AM

Is this thread the codsack of Mudcat, where all the nuts hang out?
I started reading from the front and after several pages I began to skip a few, read, skip, read, skip until I finally got to this page. It looks like the last few thousand post have been made by a select few who are merely trying to impress one another with their wit, their wisdom and their smarts. So what have you accomplished if you are all so impressed with one another? This thread is like a club of teenagers that exists for no other purpose than to attempt to outdo each other. Hey, fellows, which of you can fart the loudest? Who has the biggest whangie? I know...let's all play "Can You Top This?"

I see some of you in other threads and often you say something worth reading, but here, you revert to your pimply faced, infantile, sophomoric pretensions. This thread is not even good bullshit.

GS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 Jun 05 - 01:02 AM

I prefer a different mathematician's approach to gravity this evening:


You Are Old, Father William
(a parody, by Lewis Carroll, of course!)

"You are old, father William," the young man said,
   "And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head--
   Do you think, at your age, it is right?"

"In my youth," father William replied to his son,
   "I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,
   Why, I do it again and again."

"You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned before,
   And you have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--
   Pray what is the reason for that?"

"In my youth," said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
   "I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointment - one shilling a box--
   Allow me to sell you a couple?"

"You are old," said the youth, "and your jaws are too weak
   For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--
   Pray, how did you manage to do it?"

"In my youth," said his father, "I took to the law,
   And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
   Has lasted the rest of my life."

"You are old," said the youth, "one would hardly suppose
   That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--
   What made you so awfully clever?"

"I have answered three questions, and that is enough,"
   Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
   Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 11:06 PM

There was a young lady named Bright
Who could travel much faster than light.
She left here one day
In an Einsteinian way
And returned on the previous night.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 07:26 PM

If there are little relativity violations, why not BIG relativity violations? FTL? -- why not?

There was a young fellow named Fisk
Whose fencing was exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action
The Fitzgerald Contraction
Turned his epee to a disk.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 06:58 PM

No, just the 'act going down every time I tried MOAB. All that Gravity sucked it down the list....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:37 PM

Amos, it was a Friday night. What did you expect? I did skim it, right before I turned off the computer to head to bed. And realized I should have signed off and come back in disguise to offer an html rendition of Gluon's voice cracking.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:25 PM

Oh dear, I have induced narcolepsis in the MOAB Continua!! How drastic, evil, degenerate, inconsiderate and bad of me.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jun 05 - 12:17 AM

LIGHT MAY ARISE FROM TINY RELATIVITY VIOLATIONS, according to a new
theory. Speaking most recently at last month's American Physical
Society meeting of the Division of Atomic, Molecular, and Optical
Physics in Nebraska, Alan Kostelecky of Indiana University (812
855-1485, KOSTELEC@INDIANA.EDU) described how light might exist as a
result of breaking an assumption of relativity theory known as
Lorentz symmetry. In Lorentz symmetry, the laws of physics stay the
same even when you change the orientation of a physical system (such
as a barbell-shaped molecule) or alter its velocity. According to
special relativity, the speed of light is the same in every
direction, a notion that current experiments verify to a few parts
in 10^16. However, if physicists find variations in the speed of
light with direction, this would provide evidence for broken Lorentz
symmetry, which would radically revise notions of the universe.
Broken Lorentz symmetry would give spacetime a preferred direction.
In its simplest form, broken Lorentz symmetry could be visualized as
a field of vectors (arrows) existing everywhere in the universe. In
such a picture, objects might behave slightly differently depending
upon their orientation with respect to the vectors.

In a recent
paper, published in Physical Review D (Bluhm and Kostelecky,
Physical Review D, 71, 065008, published 22 March 2005), the authors
propose that the veryexistence of light is made possible through a
vector field arising
from broken Lorentz symmetry. In this picture, light is a
shimmering of the vector field analogous to a wave blowing through a
field of grain (see animation at
http://www.physics.indiana.edu/~kostelec/faq.html).

The researchers
have shown that this picture would hold in empty space as well as in
the presence of gravity (curved spacetime) which is often ignored in
conventional theories of light. This theory is in contrast to the
conventional view of light, which arises in a space without a
preferred direction and as a result of underlying symmetries in
particles and force fields. Kostelecky says that the new theory can
be tested by looking for minute changes in the way light interacts
with matter as the earth rotates (and changes its orientation with
respect to the putative vector field).

In addition, Kostelecky says
that neutrino oscillations might arise from interactions between
neutrinos and the background vector field, as opposed to the
conventional explanation, which invokes neutrino mass as the
explanation for the oscillations.



There ya go, then. Space is certainly not something to be made light of.



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:43 PM

QUarkkk. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:34 PM

Gravity! What about gravity? And does this mean that Gluon's voice will change?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 08:01 PM

In other strange-quark news-quark....


An international team of nuclear physicists has determined that particles called strange quarks do, indeed, contribute to the ordinary properties of the proton.
Quarks are subatomic particles that form the building blocks of atoms. How quarks assemble into protons and neutrons, and what holds them together, is not clearly understood. New experimental results are providing part of the answer.

The experiment, called G-Zero, was performed at Thomas Jefferson National Accelerator Facility in Newport News, Va. Designed to probe proton structure, specifically the contribution of strange quarks, the experiment has involved an international group of 108 scientists from 19 institutions. Steve Williamson, a physicist at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, is the experiment coordinator.

"The G-Zero experiment provided a much broader view of the small-scale structure of the proton," said Doug Beck, a physicist at Illinois and spokesman for the experiment. "While our results agree with hints from previous experiments, the new findings are significantly more extensive and provide a much clearer picture."

Beck will present the experimental results at a seminar at the Jefferson facility Friday morning. Also on Friday, the researchers will submit a paper describing the results to the journal Physical Review Letters. The paper will be posted on the physics archive (under "nuclear experiment") at http://www.arxiv.org.

The centerpiece of the G-Zero experiment is a doughnut-shaped superconducting magnet 14 feet in diameter that was designed and tested by physicists at Illinois including Ron Laszewski, now retired. The 100,000-pound magnet took three years to build.

In the experiment, an intense beam of polarized electrons was scattered off liquid hydrogen targets located in the magnet's core. Detectors, mounted around the perimeter of the magnet, recorded the number and position of the scattered particles. The researchers then used mathematical models to retrace the particles' paths to determine their momenta.

"There is a lot of energy inside a proton," Beck said. "Some of that energy can change back and forth into particles called strange quarks." Unlike the three quarks (two "up" and one "down") that are always present in a proton, strange quarks can pop in and out of existence.

"Because of the equivalence of mass and energy, the energy fields in the proton can sometimes manifest themselves as these 'part-time' quarks," Beck said. "This is the first time we observed strange quarks in this context, and it is the first time we measured how often this energy manifested itself as particles under normal circumstances."

The results are helping scientists better understand how one of the pieces of the Standard Model is put together. The Standard Model unifies three forces: electromagnetism, the weak nuclear interaction and the strong nuclear interaction.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 04:30 PM

Congratulations, Stilly, on achieving
8100. May your children grow up to
be a credit to you and vice-versa.



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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 04:05 PM

YOU tell 'em.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:51 PM

Question mark was because the 'Cat was loading so slow I thought someone else (whose initials are Flamenco Ted) might get in ahead of me.

The recent meltdown seems to have had an effect on the MOAB. Just now it was showing the earliest date as April 5, 2005. All of the pages of messages appear, but the first page doesn't show the Khandu starter post.

We need to immediately ask Max and Joe to read through the thread and rearrange the posts in the correct order! Absolute priority!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:44 PM

8100! (?)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 03:11 PM

CP/M??? Yahoo!! PIP a* b*!! My old Osborne 1 ran it like a champ...well, maybe more like a lawnmower or a steam-powered automobile, a little chuffy and huffy and grindy, but it ran it. WordStar, VisiCalc and BASIC and I was in pig heaven. 64K of RAM, too!! LOL!!!

BS, as any good practitioner knows, is quark-like in its multidimensionality, violating the known dimesnions of the continuum of Ordinary Significance at every opportunity. This is why good BSers are so blithe as they leap from string to string completely ignoring the ordinary protocols of Proper Spacetime Meaning. This is also why these jolly scarpers upset ordinary folks so much -- they tremble in their boots at the notion that not only their territory but also every map they own can be rendered useless by a single twist of the subjunctive Mighta-Muumuu or the Terrible Willbe-Was oscillator. Gives' em the Pandimensional Relativistic Heebie Jeebies of the lower thesaurus and wrecks their complacent epistimologies in a heartbeat, it do. Brainwaves scattering like stardust. Turrible.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 02:59 PM

That's why I knew it wasn't you. Gluon too.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 02:08 PM

hey GUEST! If you'se gonna pretend to be me - spell my name right!

MMario


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,freds
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 11:11 AM

Hi again! Others have visited you, and now it's us, Gloria Jean and Me. We're looking for people who might want to assist us in our reproduction cycle! Do you know of anyone? I really should tell you that because of the peculiar genetics makeup of you creatures (I mean, a HELICAL DNA molecule? Really!) we won't be able to return them unharmed or even in one piece.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 11:07 AM

I agree, you are a bunch of turd brains


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 10:27 AM

10 meg servers?

Boggles the mind, doesn't it? How we could make do with so little. And how we could end up with programs that gobble up so much space now.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:28 AM

when I started in the computer biz we were selling *network servers* with 10 meg drives that supported several dozens of workstations and stored years and years worth of data.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 09:18 AM

Nah, I used MS-DOS, except at work, where I first used Pick and then Unix ("The World's Least Intuitive Operating System"). As a result of the Unix experience I can do some Linux, too. And I keep ma ol' DOS book handy too, pardner. Ya cain't never tell when ya might haveta drop to a C prompt....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 Jun 05 - 12:05 AM

Can't say they're my first choice. So does this mean that back in the early years were you a CP/M kind of guy?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:20 PM

I dunno -- lemon meringue pie doesn't go so well with ice cream.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:10 PM

8088 and DOS go together like pie and ice cream, don't they?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 11:08 PM

Hmmm. My cookie seems to be somewhere else. Anyway.

I had a DOS command and a couple of batch files to run that would let me format my 5 1/4" floppy disks so that they would boot and run the basics of the program from that disk, and still have room to store stuff. I was using Wordstar 5 when I finally stopped using Wordstar (probably 5 was on the old Packard Bell we bought from the old DAK catalog) but I think I was using Wordstar 3 on the Eagle.

Whoa. . . time warp. . .GLUON--I feel a little ripple in the time/space continuum--are you hiding under my computer chair again?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 10:43 PM

MOAB comes to you pre-mangled, -sprayed, -chewed, -clawed, -subjected, -folked, -trodden, -kicked, -crumpled, -folded, -spindled, and -mutilated, thereby saving everyone a lot of work.

My last fencing session was this evening; takes up again in early to mid-September. I brought my own saber, but couldn't get a match for some reason. Well, I shall hang up my mask, epee, gauntlets, chest protector, and jacket until the Fall. Hmmm...ah, I think I'll wash some of it first....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 07:57 PM

Can't remember where I saw this, but you reminded me...

"640 KB of RAM is more than anyone will ever need."

Bill Gates

Anyway, I'm not sure MOAB might not make more sense backwards, sideways, looped in on itself, chewed by Gluon, subjected to the folk process and generally mangled.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 07:07 PM

I used to have a Leading Edge. 20 MB hard drive! 64 Kb of RAM! And you didn't have to boot from a floppy, either!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 02:59 PM

It's too hot to go racing around to do my ode to the 8088 again. But you're correct, we're coming back in our feedback loop to that number. Eagle PC 8088 information.

This was posted in the time that got away. Let's see if it sticks around this time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 16 Jun 05 - 12:51 AM

An antiquated fellow with an articulated plan, discovered life was in-between his secretory hand.
He gazed for moments and then for seconds without an articulated plan,
discovered that jacking off held life inside his hand.


that was my ode to masturbation.


I had a facinating dream last night I want to share.
A friend of a friend showed me an opal stone he had and he put it on the ground and the stone turned into many opals and they swirled in a massive hurricane like effect (hard to really discribe)around me. Turning and glimmering and very intense feeling it left with me. I am sitting here trying to describe the feeling without really being able, but shit... I just wanted to tell someone..And then the dream went off into a sea adventure that I won't get into.
I love my dreams. they are such a trip.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 09:40 PM

Ya know, seems like I've done 8080 once before again.

Ohmygod! We're caught in a time loop!

Gluon! Gluon! Help us outa here!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 09:09 PM

Thank you, Bunnahabhain. One does what one can with what one has.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 08:45 PM

All Gluon has to do in the event of temporary temporal loss is to relocate ninety degrees to this space-time locus. Thus when "this" space-time locus (which is actually the point where a sheaf of space-time parabolas overlap) is offset, oh, say, six months, Gluon isn't affected because Gluon isn't in the offset "here-now." Another analogy (the math is far, far clearer!) is that the sheaf of parabolas defining the "here-now" space-time locus actually bend back on themselves because of gravitons, resulting in a toroidal definition. Gluon's relocation might then be compared to a doughnut which has neither hole nor doughnut.

Boy, I sure do wish I could post the math for this! It's just plain elegant Oh well.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 06:59 PM

Thank you for recovering that epic of Gluons, Rapaire. I do hope I'm not on the run as a newlywed, mainly as there's another 'catter about who would be rather interested if I got married to someone else. She'd probably be interested if I got married to her as well....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 06:06 PM

But surely if Gluon wiped out the last six months, even only on a temporay basis, then he wipes out the six months which contain the point at which his probability waveform collapsed to one particular improbability, then he no longer exists in a form capabale of eating the Mudcat, or any other cat for that matter.

In short, losing bits of Mudcat causes Gluon to stop existing, so he can't lose bits of Mudcat.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 05:34 PM

It ALWAYS makes sense, in a quantum way.

Hey, that's a great name for a street: Quantum Way.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 02:58 PM

Hoorah for Gluon
It finally begins to make sense
wahey !


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 02:56 PM

Hey! Look what I found gluon chewin' on over at the Tavern:

Look!




Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 03:31 PM

Hell, why not?

It's me or Flaming Ted.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 03:30 PM

Shall I?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: rumanci
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 03:24 PM

nah ! Rap
It's just those lazy hazy crazy days of summer


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 03:18 PM

I dunno about Bigfoot, but I know I am.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 01:40 PM

To paraphrase the late Mitch Hedberg, maybe the reason photographs of Bigfoot are blurry is because Bigfoot is blurry!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 12:49 PM

I solved the problem of coming out grainy in photos by sending photos of someone else. Easy!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 12:48 PM

I thought photos were always grainy, but then I discovered that it was my subject.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 12:45 PM

What? Banjos, Kipling or life in general? Probably all of them some days...

Nice photo SRS. Reminds me of the most unkind thing any photographer ever said.

"I thought models had to be perfect, then I discovered lighting."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapaire
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 11:05 AM

I'm kinda partial to the phrase I'm the Prophet of the Utterly Absurd,
Of the Patently Impossible and Vain.

That kinda sums it up, doesn't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 10:42 AM

Kipling was comprehensive, to say the least!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 10:38 AM

What? No "plinka, plinka, plinka"? My banjo goes "plinka, plinka, plinka"! In fact, there's a little guy that lives inside my head, and after I've been playing the banjo for about an hour he opens a little door, comes out and says, "Beezer! Whutchyu goin' 'plinka, plinka, plinka' fo'? Dontchyu got nothin' bettah t' do?" Then another little door opens and this much bigger little guy steps out and says, "'Cause I CAN, fuckface! Now hit the road!" And the little guy goes, "PFFFFFTTTTTTH!!!" and slams the door shut.


Happens every time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 10:11 AM

Must have got the wrong address. There were flapadoodles, and flapedoodles, and flipdoodles and all sorts on the one I meant.

I'm and idjit, or maybe a flapdoodle....

To make amends

"The Song of the Banjo"
Kipling 1894

You couldn't pack a Broadwood half a mile--
You musn't leave a fiddle in the damp--
You couldn't raft an organ up the Nile,
And play it in an Equatorial swamp.
I travel with the cooking-pots and pails--
I'm sandwiched 'tween the coffee and the pork--
And when the dusty column checks and tails,
You should hear me spur the rearguard to a walk!

With my "Pilly-willy-winky-winky-popp!"
[Oh, it's any tune that comes into my head!]
So I keep 'em moving forward till they drop;
So I play 'em up to water and to bed.

In the silence of the camp before the fight,
When it's good to make your will and say your prayer,
You can hear my strumpty-tumpty overnight,
Explaining ten to one was always fair.
I'm the Prophet of the Utterly Absurd,
Of the Patently Impossible and Vain--
And when the Thing that Couldn't has occurred,
Give me time to change my leg and go again.

With my "Tumpa-tumpa-tumpa-tumpa-tump!"
In the desert where the dung-fed camp-smoke curled.
There was never voice before us till I led our lonely chorus,
I--the war-drum of the White Man round the world!

By the bitter road the Younger Son must tread,
Ere he win to hearth and saddle of his own,--
'Mid the riot of the shearers at the shed,
In the silence of the herder's hut alone--
In the twilight, on a bucket upside down,
Hear me babble what the weakest won't confess--
I am Memory and Torment--I am Town!
I am all that ever went with evening dress!

With my "Tunka-tunka-tunka-tunka-tunk!"
[So the lights--the London Lights--grown near and plain!]
So I rowel 'em afresh towards the Devil and the Flesh,
Till I bring my broken rankers home again.

In desire of many marvels over sea,
Where the new-raised tropic city sweats and roars,
I have sailed with Young Ulysses from the quay
Till the anchor rumbled down on stranger shores.
He is blooded to the open and the sky,
He is taken in a snare that shall not fail,
He shall hear me singing strongly, till he die,
Like the shouting of a backstay in a gale.

With my "Hya! Heeya! Heeya! Hullah! Haul!"
[Oh, the green that thunders aft along the deck!]
Are you sick o' towns and men? You must sign and sail again,
For it's "Johnny Bowlegs, pack your kit and trek!"

Through the gorge that gives the stars at noon-day-clear--
Up the pass that packs the scud beneath our wheel--
Round the bluff that sinks her thousand fathom sheer--
Down the valley with our guttering brakes asqueal:
Where the trestle groans and quivers in the snow,
Where the many-shedded levels loop and twine,
Hear me lead my reckless children from below
Till we sing the Song of Roland to the pine!

With my "Tinka-tinka-tinka-tinka-tink!"
[Oh, the axe has cleared the mountain, croup and crest!]
And we ride the iron stallions down to drink,
Through the canyons to the waters of the West!

And the tunes that mean so much to you alone--
Common tunes that make you choke and blow your nose--
Vulgar tunes that bring the laugh that brings the groan--
I can rip your very heartstrings out with those;
With the feasting, and the folly, and the fun--
And the lying, and the lusting, and the drink,
And the merry play that drops you, when you're done,
To the thoughts that burn like irons if you think.

With my "Plunka-lunka-lunka-lunka-lunk!"
Here's a trifle on account of pleasure past,
Ere the wit that made you win gives you eyes to see your sin
And--the heavier repentance at the last!

Let the organ moan her sorrow to the roof--
I have told the naked stars the Grief of Man!
Let the trumpet snare the foeman to the proof--
I have known Defeat, and mocked it as we ran!
My bray ye may not alter nor mistake
When I stand to jeer the fatted Soul of Things,
But the Song of Lost Endeavour that I make,
Is it hidden in the twanging of the strings?

With my "Ta-ra-rara-rara-ra-ra-rrrp!"
[Is it naught to you that hear and pass me by?]
But the word--the word is mine, when the order moves the line
And the lean, locked ranks go roaring down to die!

The grandam of my grandam was the Lyre--
[Oh, the blue below the little fisher-huts!]
That the Stealer stooping beachward filled with fire,
Till she bore my iron head and ringing guts!
By the wisdom of the centuries I speak--
To the tune of yestermorn I set the truth--
I, the joy of life unquestioned--I, the Greek--
I, the everlasting Wonder-song of Youth!

With my "Tinka-tinka-tinka-tinka-tink!"
[What d'ye lack, my noble masters! What d'ye lack?]
So I draw the world together link by link;
Yea, from Delos up to Limerick and back!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 13 Jun 05 - 09:19 AM

Give the man 10 points! (It was still funny in junior high school when signing yearbooks)

Amos, having never met you I won't challenge any of your assertions. BTW, have I sent y'all my latest casual, at home on the weekend shot?

;-D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Gluon
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 12:17 PM

QUARK!!! QUARK!!!


(Translation: There's a lot you don't know about me. Like my short-lived career as a belly dancer. My very brief stint as Martin Gibson's conscience. The time I got dumped for a good-looking Neutrino. I'll tell ya, it ain't been easy bein' me.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 11:53 AM

I didn't know Gluon sang songs from musicals!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 09:11 AM

I didn't know Gluon could type keyboard.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 08:54 AM

I found this on a floppy on my keyboard. It was chewed and covered with slobber, but I managed to recover the data:

Gluon's Song
by Gluon

Folks are dumb where I come from,
They ain't had any learning.
Still they're happy as can be
Doin' what comes MOABlly (doin' what comes MOABlly).

Folks like us could never fuss
With schools and books and learning.
Still we've gone from Ack to Zed,
And never fillin' up our head! (Never fillin' up our head).

You don't have to know how to read or write
When you're out with a freds in the pale moonlight.
You don't have to look in a book to find
What itshehe would like for an orgy time.
That comes MOABlly (that comes MOABlly).

Stilly out in Texas can't even write her name.
She signs her checks with "x's"
But they cash them just the same.

If you saw my pa and ma,
You'd know they had no learning,
Still they've raised a puck like me
Doin' what comes MOABlly (doin' what comes MOABlly).

Cousin Rap has never read an almanac on drinking
Still he's always on the spree
Drinkin' stuff quite MOABlly (drinkin' stuff quite MOABlly).

Amos out in San Dieg' has never had a lesson,
Still he's learned to sing off-key
Doin' what comes MOABlly (doin' what comes MOABlly).

You don't have be a learned duck
Not to pick up a paper near a scoured puck.
You don't have to have the capitol's dome
To break down the trees when Bee-Dub's not home.
That comes MOABlly (that comes MOABlly.

Poor old Bunn is on the run
With someone he just married.
There he is at ninety-three,
Doin' what comes MOABlly (doin' what comes MOABlly.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 08:28 AM

good to see MOAB's all right. Scary thought that so much quality BS could have been down the toilet!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 Jun 05 - 08:06 AM

"Last thing I remember, doctor, I was getting ready to post this really sexy picture of some babe and claim it was me. . .then, doctor, it all went blank. . ."

"Was it a dream?"

"Must have been. There was Gluon, running around with some pages in her mouth, and when I called her and she sat quietly I could see it was calendar pages of all of 2005 up through June. How odd is that?"

"And you say that last night you experienced a fugue, in which you were suddenly back on December 20, 2004?"

"Sure felt like it. As soon as that calendar went down the ol' duck/dog hatch. Anyway, more to the point, doc, you're the vet, you need to see what's wrong with this duck/dog. Gluon seems to have eaten the time/space continuum with those pages, and . . . wait. . .something's happening. . .
eeew, Gluon, that stinks! . . . "

A pile appears on the ground, and embedded are the six pages of calendar, intact but for a few bite marks in one corner. The animal rights herself, scratches the ground, then runs in a mad circle.

"Hmmmmm. I wonder? . . . Amos! Rapaire! Come get this animal of yours!"


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 05 - 03:46 PM

Sounds like there is a steep attrition rate in library use in Idaho. But maybe you do your keelhauling in that pretty lake over by McCall? Under water might be the preferable condition there--unless mosquitoes can swim and bite underwater.


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