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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

gnu 09 Jun 13 - 06:58 PM
GUEST,Chonga Chimp 09 Jun 13 - 06:35 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 13 - 04:44 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 Jun 13 - 04:18 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 09 Jun 13 - 01:58 PM
Rapparee 09 Jun 13 - 08:48 AM
Acme 09 Jun 13 - 02:25 AM
gnu 08 Jun 13 - 11:10 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 13 - 10:45 PM
gnu 08 Jun 13 - 12:50 PM
Rapparee 08 Jun 13 - 11:17 AM
Acme 07 Jun 13 - 11:44 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 13 - 10:31 PM
Acme 07 Jun 13 - 07:54 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 13 - 06:33 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 13 - 06:21 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 13 - 04:20 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 13 - 03:30 PM
Little Hawk 07 Jun 13 - 01:04 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 13 - 12:58 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Jun 13 - 12:31 PM
Rapparee 07 Jun 13 - 08:45 AM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 07 Jun 13 - 12:59 AM
Acme 07 Jun 13 - 12:52 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 13 - 07:22 PM
gnu 06 Jun 13 - 04:01 PM
Acme 06 Jun 13 - 03:02 PM
Rapparee 06 Jun 13 - 11:50 AM
GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge 06 Jun 13 - 09:07 AM
Rapparee 06 Jun 13 - 08:42 AM
gnu 06 Jun 13 - 08:13 AM
Acme 05 Jun 13 - 11:57 PM
GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones 05 Jun 13 - 11:49 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 11:03 PM
GUEST,Ms. Penelope Rutledge 05 Jun 13 - 09:51 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 06:14 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,Chongo Chimp 05 Jun 13 - 04:10 PM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 01:51 PM
gnu 05 Jun 13 - 11:42 AM
Rapparee 05 Jun 13 - 11:23 AM
gnu 04 Jun 13 - 11:40 PM
Rapparee 04 Jun 13 - 08:28 PM
Acme 04 Jun 13 - 02:09 PM
gnu 04 Jun 13 - 10:23 AM
Rapparee 04 Jun 13 - 09:29 AM
Rapparee 03 Jun 13 - 08:53 PM
gnu 03 Jun 13 - 07:06 PM
Acme 03 Jun 13 - 05:22 PM
gnu 03 Jun 13 - 09:28 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 06:58 PM

Well, I just don't know what to say. I am all for saving the forests for the chimps, so...

https://soundcloud.com/#ernie1949/is-our-forest-really-ours-3


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chonga Chimp
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 06:35 PM

That's what I meant. Anyways, I was the lucky one, see? After my dear Ma got tragically ate by a damned Leopard, the good folks at the US Trade Mission took me under their wing(s) and raised me to be a loyal American subject. I useta salute the flag raisin' of the Stars and Stripes every mornin' at our little compound on the West African coast. Then I took a banana boat to New York, and the rest is history.

Amos dares to refer to me as an "ideational monstrosity". Easy for him to say! He likes them fifty dollar words. But he is just evadin' the sad truth which is starin' him in the face, coz I am red, white, and blue to the very core, whereas he is only that way when he wears his striped pajamas! Ook! Ook!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 04:44 PM

Dear Chonga,

Get stuffed.
I went to Catholic schools.

Sincerely yours,
/s/Rapparee


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 04:18 PM

Hmm. Or was it PTSS? Now get down on yer knees and say 150 Hail Marys!

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 01:58 PM

You was brought up by nuns, Rap!?? Geez. Now I get what yer problem is. Yer sufferin' PTSD, ain'tcha? Just don't make me get...the ruler! Ook! Ook! ;-D

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 08:48 AM

Oh, my. My childhood is flashing before my eyes. Remembering singing the "Vatican Rag" in church and what the nuns did to us later...singing "The Elements" in chemistry class...the nights at the beach along the Mighty Mississippi drinking and singing "The B*****d King of England" with the girls joining in on the last line as they removed their...hats....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Jun 13 - 02:25 AM

Seems a good time for a Tom Lehrer song. Take your pick.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 13 - 11:10 PM

Yeah, ahm a chokin.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 13 - 10:45 PM

That...that reminds me of my favorite song from my childhood.

I want a beer
Just like the beer
That pickled dear old Dad.
It was a beer
And the only beer
That Daddy ever had.
A good old-fashioned beer with lots of foam
Took twenty men to carry Daddy home,
Oh, I want a beer
Just like the beer
That pickled dear of Dad.


Kinda brings a tear to your eye and chokes you up a bit, don't it?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Jun 13 - 12:50 PM

Mom does that kinda stuff?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Jun 13 - 11:17 AM

Heavens, no! You'd only sink into a slough of dissipation and sloth, reading trashy novels and eating candy and drinking mai-tais or worse all day! You could end up just like Mom!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 11:44 PM

Oh, yes, please let's set it up that way! I'll find other things to occupy my time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 10:31 PM

Gluon could do that and more: arrange for all future dust and dirt to be sent to some other space/time so you wouldn't be bothered in the future. But then you'd have nothing to do.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 07:54 PM

So much to do! So little time to do it! Someone round up Gluon and send her over, maybe she can flash around the house and collect all of the dust electrons in one swoop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 06:33 PM

And 1...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 06:21 PM

48100.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 04:20 PM

I think you need to recalibrate your Universal Reality coordinates, Rap. You've somehow gotten yourself into a parallel dimension that's a few parsecs over on the scale. The Chonga you speak of may exist there, but doesn't here. You should decide whether you want to be here...or there...and stop conflating the two.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 03:30 PM

Chinga's twin sister, who had a sex-change operation and paid for it by selling his/her mother and sister into a life a sin and degradation.

I've explained all of this before and included the citations proving it. Go look it up; I retired.

If Chonga wants to continue in denial, well, it's not my life...or mind.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 01:04 PM

Who is this "Chonga" you keep talking to?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 12:58 PM

Ya know, Chonga, that those who deny their history have no future? You're in denial about yourself. Nurse Ratchett could help you, as could electroconvulsive therapy, insulin therapy, or several other treatments. Since you've apparently already had one you can forget about a lobotomty.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 12:31 PM

Who are you talkin' to, Rap? The name don't sound familiar.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 08:45 AM

A premonition of your ugliness, Chonga.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 12:59 AM

The real question is, what was that dinosaur runnin' from?

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Jun 13 - 12:52 AM

They were fertilizing for future organic gardeners.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 07:22 PM

The dinosaurs were running to get out of Texas because being there scared the shit out of them?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 04:01 PM

That there is one cool looking snake, SRS. Does it bite?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 03:02 PM

"We have some standards" Oh, please...standards indeed. In Texas, the land of chiggers, Lone Star Beer, and sagebrush? What a laughable notion!

You've been watching too much television, Ms Rutledge. Texas is the land of Barbecue, Shiner Bock and large running dinosaurs. For comparison purposes. A coprolite for your thoughts. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 11:50 AM

You can still do it, BP. Tell the Court you insist upon your right to Trial by Combat, and Let God Uphold The Right!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms Penelope Rutledge
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 09:07 AM

"We have some standards" Oh, please...standards indeed. In Texas, the land of chiggers, Lone Star Beer, and sagebrush? What a laughable notion! Act in the spirit of your name, Madam, and be still.

Winston's self-serving arrogance and megalomania know no bounds. His preening behaviour would make Mussolini blush in shame! If he thinks he can intimidate ME, he has another think coming! I really should have run him through with the saber that time in the drawing room. I can't think why I didn't, other than the possibility of tiresome legal repercussions.

*PR


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 08:42 AM

It seems to me that there might be some slight dissension amidst the upper classes.

Poor Penny. Whatever will happen to Randy 'Ronnie and her? Is W-J actually a lizard person? Might Penny be about to lay an egg? What delicious secrets will be coming out from the cupboards?

And didn't that soldier fella tell W-J that he'd beat the excrement out of him if he ever harmed Bad Penny?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Jun 13 - 08:13 AM

Judgey, Judgey, Judgey...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:57 PM

Geez.

Next it'll be Judge Judy prancing through here.

We have some standards, you know!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Winston Wellington-Jones
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:49 PM

"took him in and tried to make something of him"

What utter twaddle. No one can make anything of me! I am a self-made man, totally the master of all that I am and all that I do, and any fool who thinks otherwise is treading on very thin ice. After having endured over a decade of intolerable nonsense and pompous do-gooder posturing, not to mention turgid moral lectures that would stun an ox from my utter shrew of a wife, I intend to secure a settlement of absolutely gargantuan proportions from her, just to teach her a lesson she will not forget! Ha! I will reduce her to such an impecunious state that she will be forced to sack the chauffer, sell the Rolls, pawn the diamond tiara, buy a used Volkswagen Beetle, and rent the coach house out to bloody Gypsies!!!

Her "good name" is at stake! Oh, the satire! The unconscious ironical wit of the wretched harridan! God give me strength.

WW-J


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:03 PM

Gettin' some of yer own back, Penny-Poo?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Ms. Penelope Rutledge
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 09:51 PM

Oh, that ex-husband of mine! He has filed suit against me -- ME! -- for breach of promise! He claims, falsely, that I promised to settle upon him a rather large amount of money. His solicitor has had a Summons delivered. I, of all people! I, who took him in and tried to make something of him!

I would ignore this entire matter save that my good name is at stake (along with a rather large amount of money).

Perhaps that illiterati Hector Ballsworthy is correct and he IS one of the lizard people!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 06:14 PM

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...fried chimpanzee brains. But not from Chonga because there isn't any there.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 05:13 PM

Bush meat -- YUMMY!!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 04:10 PM

Sounds like a perfect establishment for you ta run, Rap. The way I see it, yer payin' for yer many sins, not least of which has been the slanderin' of respectable apes such as myself.

- Chongo


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 01:51 PM

I'm going to open a pub/tavern that only sells Budweiser products. I'll call it "The Horse Urinal".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:42 AM

Well... I don't abuse Bud... I slug er down.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Jun 13 - 11:23 AM

It's the result of an accumulation of dental problems.

1959: I'm riding a bicycle down the newly blacktopped street two blocks from home. In a characteristic moment of jealousy of my good looks, my youngest brother grabs the handlebars and sends me as a faceplant into the asphalt. My two front teeth hit first, breaking my fall and saving my face from disfigurement, but one breaks off at the gum line and the other has half of it cracked off. I pick them up and take them to my mother, who isn't pleased because a) company is visiting and she didn't care to have a tooth and a half-tooth given to her and, b) I was to start High School the next Tuesday (it was the Saturday before Labor Day).

1959-1968: Any number of visits to the dentist for that and other things.

1968: Army dentist pulls wrong tooth.

1969: Out of Army, VA comes through to provide partial plate and do some other things that needed doing.

and so on.

So, I'm getting all of that fixed. I'll be able to play the trumpet at least as good as Doc Watson ever did.

But lemme tell ya, the hydrocodone, like, man, it's you know, like wow...and kills the pain. You let me find you abusing it and I'll plant my size 11.5s so far up your butt you'll be able to bite my toenails. Abusing medications greatly annoys me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 11:40 PM

Be da Lard Dyin Sufferin Jaysus what ere yees eatin what yees gotta have all yer teefs hammered upon? I maintain a daily regimin of saturation of the entire alimentary canal with a soulution which contans an aunteesepetic. This must be why me teefs are so admired.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 08:28 PM

The surgeon stuck a needle in the back of my right hand -- did a good job too, no hematoma at all! -- and that's the last I remember until they pulled me off the chair and onto the floor saying, "Get outa there! We need it for the next suck...patient."

Now I'm at home with lots of suture ends for my tongue to play with. 've got hydrocodone and T-4 to use as the anesthesia is wearing away. Three places of bone grafting (two minor, one very), one large and one small sinus lift, and six implants. Back next week for stitch removal and then four or so months until the next phase, where they send in the crowns. Then, doctor willingly, I'll fly to Abelq..Albeker...New Mexico on the 20th To fool around by myself (Pat leaves for France on the the 12th).

This sort of thing couldn't be done on Shame due to irreversible dental lues. or to Chonga because nothing can be done to cure something uglier than a home-made shit fence.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 02:09 PM

I was at the regular dentist yesterday. He made a point of not doing the local anesthesia injections so that a pool of liquid would form under the tissue and make me feel like I'd been socked in the jaw. I was awake, and though there seemed to be an awful lot of stuff in my mouth at some times, I survived. Are they going to knock you out? Have them do it with something other than a sock to the jaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 10:23 AM

No worries... it'll be a gas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Jun 13 - 09:29 AM

GET UP!!!

If I gotta go to the oral surgeon, EVERYBODY gotta be up and awake to offer me sympathy and soothe my fevered brow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 08:53 PM

Lazarus Long and Prospero? One might be a bit too fey for the other.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 07:06 PM

Thanks but "Live long and prosper!"? Don't jump to conclusions or lack thereof.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 05:22 PM

Now when you find all sorts of crap out in the yard you can turn the cleanup into a game, or make funny piles of stuff and jump from one to the next.

You're welcome. Live long and prosper!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 03 Jun 13 - 09:28 AM

SRS... the link. Thank you!


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