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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 19 May 06 - 11:21 AM
Acme 19 May 06 - 11:14 AM
MMario 19 May 06 - 09:42 AM
Rapparee 19 May 06 - 09:20 AM
MMario 19 May 06 - 09:17 AM
Rapparee 19 May 06 - 09:14 AM
MMario 19 May 06 - 09:07 AM
Rapparee 19 May 06 - 09:03 AM
MMario 19 May 06 - 08:23 AM
Amos 18 May 06 - 11:34 PM
Amos 18 May 06 - 11:33 PM
Amos 18 May 06 - 11:05 PM
GUEST,Reverend Jimmy Ray Humbrew 18 May 06 - 10:46 PM
Little Hawk 18 May 06 - 10:40 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 18 May 06 - 09:28 PM
Rapparee 18 May 06 - 06:05 PM
Amos 18 May 06 - 05:56 PM
Bunnahabhain 18 May 06 - 05:27 PM
Rapparee 18 May 06 - 10:58 AM
MMario 18 May 06 - 09:45 AM
Acme 18 May 06 - 09:44 AM
Amos 18 May 06 - 09:42 AM
MMario 18 May 06 - 09:18 AM
Rapparee 18 May 06 - 09:15 AM
Amos 17 May 06 - 08:20 PM
Rapparee 17 May 06 - 06:52 PM
Bunnahabhain 17 May 06 - 06:21 PM
Acme 17 May 06 - 04:34 PM
MMario 17 May 06 - 01:38 PM
Amos 17 May 06 - 01:35 PM
Acme 17 May 06 - 11:37 AM
Amos 17 May 06 - 10:29 AM
MMario 17 May 06 - 09:33 AM
Amos 16 May 06 - 06:29 PM
Acme 16 May 06 - 05:56 PM
Bunnahabhain 16 May 06 - 05:54 PM
Amos 16 May 06 - 12:45 PM
Acme 16 May 06 - 12:42 PM
Amos 16 May 06 - 12:44 AM
Acme 16 May 06 - 12:30 AM
GUEST,Rustically Rebellious 16 May 06 - 12:29 AM
Amos 15 May 06 - 08:24 PM
GUEST,Reverend Jimmy Ray Humbrew 15 May 06 - 07:41 PM
Acme 15 May 06 - 05:48 PM
Bunnahabhain 15 May 06 - 04:27 PM
Amos 15 May 06 - 04:18 PM
Rapparee 15 May 06 - 02:00 PM
Amos 15 May 06 - 01:42 PM
Amos 15 May 06 - 10:47 AM
Little Hawk 15 May 06 - 10:44 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 06 - 11:21 AM

I tell naught but the Truth. Sometimes I tell a Truth And A Half, or even Two or Three Truths all at once. But I communicate ONLY the Truth.

Truth is the silliest thing under the sun. Try to get a living by the Truth, and go to the Soup Societies. Heavens! Let any clergyman try to preach the Truth from its very stronghold, the pulpit, and they would ride him out of his church on his own pulpit bannister.
                               --Hermann Melville

...all through my life my facts have had a substratum of truth, and therefore they were not without value. Any person who is familiar with me knows how to strike my average, and therfore knows how to get at the jewel of any fact of mine and dig it out of its blue-clay matrix. My mother knew that art. When I was seven or eight ...a neighbor said to her, "Do you ever believe anything that that boy says?" My mother said, "He is a well spring of truth, but you can't bring up the whole well with one bucket. I know his average, therefore he never deceives me. I discount him thirty per cent for embroidery, and what is left is perfect and priceless truth, without a flaw in it anywhere."
                                  - Mark Twain's Autobiography

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
                            - Mark Twain: Following the Equator


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 19 May 06 - 11:14 AM

Hey, Mom! I found two more big boxes of my Dad's old murder mysteries out in the garage yesterday. I thought I'd brought them all in. I organized them so I could sell them in lots by author on eBay and now I found more that should have gone in those first sets. Oh, well, the folks who won the first auctions may discover I have more and come back. Wish I'd gotten that last Simenon in with the rest, though, there's only one of his in this new batch.

I'm going to go dig in my garden today, I took the day off. Whee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:42 AM

spoken like a true sibling, Rapaire.

Question - does a true likeness REALLY scare Cthulu or was that just hyperbole?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:20 AM

If you're interested, here's a picture of my brother. It's been extensively retouched, because the original scares children and dogs, causes strong men to swoon in horror, and has been used to chase Chthulu out of town.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:17 AM

gosh golly, rapaire, Charlten Heston among others did it. Not sure where any of the tablets ended up.

some of the old guys cheated, though, I've heard and just pressed the words into wet clay and then let them dry. the 'Hamurabbi Hoax' I think it was referred to. The guy didn't even do a good job - he put "an eye for an ear" instead of "an eye for an eye" which was the original.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:14 AM

It has??? By whom? When? Why? What kind of stone? Chiseled, sandblasted, or laser? Was there shape carving or was it left plain? Where are these stones? Can I go see them and criticize the carving?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:07 AM

I hear Max was planning to chisel things into a couple of tablets of stone - but someone told him it had "been done".


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 19 May 06 - 09:03 AM

Geez, Rev, I thought that I left all that sh*t behind me when, at the age of two weeks, my mom took me to the Church and had me baptized. At least, that's what the Church said. Of course, I could have sinned after that, but being the sort of guy I am I didn't.

Actually, if going to Illinois to visit with my friends and family, see my brother in a VERY GOOD role (Willy Lohman, "Death") he did very well indeed, help my niece celebrate her graduation from college (BFA, Art) and in general catch up with family is repenting, shucks, I'll take it.

And I return to find that Max has laid down the law.

Hi, Mom! I'm back.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 19 May 06 - 08:23 AM

so Pat Robinson was warned of typhoons and tsunamis in January and waits until MAY to tell anyone? right on the ball, that lad!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 06 - 11:34 PM

And dropped our hook on 12400!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 06 - 11:33 PM

Oh it was a fair, and a pleasant day,
And the BS in the sunlight loudly thundered
As we rounded up passed 12399...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 06 - 11:05 PM

Little Hawk:

What are the benefits of taking a goat ice-fishing? Discuss.

Reverend: Would disavowing Satan include rejecting all meretricious hypocrisy, control-freak manipulations, and shallow unethical moralizing?

Just wondering whether those things are part of Satan's armory or not. One would think so. Please advise.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Reverend Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 18 May 06 - 10:46 PM

So, your friend Rapaire has returned and he has not changed. I have been following his posts and I find him to be the same unsaved, unshriven sinner he was before.

Well as they say, Hope springs eternally in the human breast, and I had hoped that he would See The Light and Be Saved. Perhaps, I thought, he will bring the others to the Light of Christ. But no, you all still wallow in sin and rottenness that not only puts a stink in the notrils of the Lord, but shines out with false light, like schools of rotting mackerel along a blasted shore.

Once more I call upon all of you to reject Satan and all his works and pomps! I call upon all of you, in the name of Jesus, to give over all of your evil sinful tricks and repent! Let your true light shine among men, so that when you are swallowed by the Leviathan, by the Beast of the Waters that swallowed Jonah and brought him to obey the Will of the Lord, you too will be among the saved when the coastlines of this Blessed Land are ravaged by volcanoes, destroyed by hurricanes, eaten away by tornados! Oh, come to the Bower that the Lord had prepared for you! Surrender your materialistic ways! Give what you have to the Lord to further his works! You will be rewarded Hereafter a thousand-, nay, a million- fold!

And I, the Reverend Jimmy Ray Humbrew, will pray for all of you, that you will find solace in the Bosom of Righteousness.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 May 06 - 10:40 PM

I predict that Pat Robertson will make further predictions.

I'm aware of the William Shatner show. It has aired before, but people keep requesting reruns, I suppose because it's so great. Yeah, that must be it...

Well, goats. Goats, number one, are horny. Incredibly so. Billy goats, that is. They also are psychotically aggressive, they make awful noises, and they stink to high heaven. They're dreadful creatures. I spent quite a bit of time out west taking care of goats at one point in the late 70's, early 80's, and I know, believe me. Nanny goats are much nicer, and they only think about sex for maybe 2 or 3 days out of each month. If you are planning to go ice fishing with a goat, DON'T take a billy with you, take a nanny.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:28 PM

Pat Robertson warns that Bad Weather is coming to the USA
May 18th, 2006


Televangelist, Pat Robertson, predicts that tsunami and terrible storms are coming to the United States this year. He has mentioned these on multiple occasions over the past two weeks on "The 700 Club" television show. He said the warnings came to him from God in a revelation in January while on his personal prayer retreat.

On one show Robertson said, "If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms."

Yesterday Robertson said more about the storms, "There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest."


I am thrilled by this news! Why? Because no televangelist since the dawn of recorded history has successfully predicted anything! Pat Robertson predicting dire weather virtually guarantees a hurricane-free year! Yippee!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 06 - 06:05 PM

Which subject? The goats, William Shatner, or me? I personally find the goats and me of the greatest interest, possibly in that order, but my intestes are actually more eclectic that that. Perhaps we might discuss The Missing Quarks?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 06 - 05:56 PM

I am moved to wonder, then, why the subject keeps coming up. It is not, itself ,inherently as interesting as all that.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 18 May 06 - 05:27 PM

A programme entitled 'How William Shatner changed the world' is being trailed on UK TV at the moment... Litlle Hawk is unlikley to get round to goats for some time.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 06 - 10:58 AM

I wanna hear about the goats. I already know everything there is to know about me.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:45 AM

I just want to interject and change the topic slightly - Little Hawk promised to talk on goats, and he made what, one goat post? I am so disappointed.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:44 AM

She certainly would never wound a heel.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:42 AM

You misunderstood my question, sir.

Why would Mom feel a need to tell you such a thing?

Any mother knows you don't over-praise, because it causes delusions of adequacy.

So she must have been responding to some need to heal a wound or fill a very strong need, eh?

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:18 AM

all that *AND* he's humble and modest.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 May 06 - 09:15 AM

ANd the reason she felt she had to gratify your wheezy ego by telling you that must have been....

I am her favorite or favourite because I can write comprehensible and grammatically correct sentences. Because I can spell words correctly most of the time. Because I am the complete and ultimate apotheosis of the genetic perfection. Because I am so damned good looking. Because I can out-drink, out-lie, out-fight, out-sing, out-talk and out-BS any one woman or three men. Because I can play any musical instrument set before me. Because I am witty and pretty and just the all-around best that has ever existed or will ever exist (except for Mom, of course).

So in answer to your somewhat quaint question, Amos, is that I am her favorite (or favourite) because I am just the best that was, is, or ever will be, forever and ever, Amen.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 06 - 08:20 PM

Sure she did, Rapaire! Right.

ANd the reason she felt she had to gratify your wheezy ego by telling you that must have been....


Hmmmmm?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 May 06 - 06:52 PM

They gave me a bunch of that low-calorie Budweiser so I could phyllite.

Guess what!? I have returned! I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death and I didn't fear nobody. I flew many, many miles; I motored many, many miles; and I walked and I crawled on six crooked highways. I was out in front of seven sad oceans. And now I have returned.

I was in Utah, Missouri, Illinois, Missouri, Illinois, Missouri, and Utah before I got back. I saw people I haven't seen for some time. I helped my niece gradiate from college. I saw my nephew's new house. I saw the new Lincoln Museum and Presidential Library (do go if you get the change -- see "The Ghost in the library" for a WONDERFUL example of what holography can do).

Ain'cha glad to have me back? Mom is. She told me so, and she also said that I was her favorite ("favourite", in non-English-speaking countries).


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 17 May 06 - 06:21 PM

Well, if he's the silt of the earth, then be very careful not to put him under too much pressure, or we'll just have to write him off the slate altogether.

If you can work Granulite, serpentinite, phyllite or Gabbo into a bad pun then I'll be impressed. The rest of the Geology textbook in front of me would be too much like hard work to type out...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 06 - 04:34 PM

You two must have been over in the recovery ward recently. There's a lot of that going around.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 06 - 01:38 PM

Shale we do so? Schist, no!
Rapaire's the silt of the earth!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 06 - 01:35 PM

They want to make sure we don't take our friend Rapaire for granite.

It wouldn't be gneiss.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 17 May 06 - 11:37 AM

Do like my daughter's friends did to her at the dude ranch they visited during a senior class field trip yesterday: push him into a swimming pool after the mud. Takes care of the mud.

Why is google offering "discount ceramic tile" and "granite and marble auction" right now? I guess it's because MMario said "floor."


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 17 May 06 - 10:29 AM

OK. I'll hang him out to dry on the hay-hook in the barn, ok?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 06 - 09:33 AM

just don't track any mud back onto the floor.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 06 - 06:29 PM

When Rapaire DOES return, all cleansed and white like unto the light of the world, shining clean and one with the Lord, can I throw him into a mudpuddle? Puhleeeeeeze?????


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 06 - 05:56 PM

Of course! Just tell the fellow to sod off!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 16 May 06 - 05:54 PM

I don't mind the 20 minute walk to the bus staion for the 6.50 bus. I don't mind the 100 minute bus ride to go 50 miles. I don't mind the 20 minute walk at the other end either, and doing it all again on the way back. I just wish it wasn't raining all day long!

The undirected rant back up a bit is good fun. Just one question though. What if we're enjoying our sins, and don't want to give them up? Do we have a choice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 06 - 12:45 PM

Mom! Mom! We finished the new roof AND the new windows. I will have the trim painted this afternoon!! And Edain showed up, too! And the bathroom is done.

Now we're on an austerity regimen, Mom, to save up some money because we spent it all.

This doesn't seem fair.

Can you send me some?


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 06 - 12:42 PM

Mom, just a quick look-in to see how you're doing. I'm driving over to the middle school to deliver 2 dozen homemade blueberry muffins for their history field day today. They seem to require food to reenact life on the prarie. (They're all 13 and 14, of course they require food!)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 16 May 06 - 12:44 AM

Yeah, Rev...go git 'im. A paradigm case of unreconstructed sin made manifest, a demon's minion, a vehicle of temptation incarnate. Sic 'im, Rev!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 16 May 06 - 12:30 AM

I believe that was a collective "you," as in "you all" or "y'all," and anyone could be his focus in that rant. Proximity in the thread doesn't make me the automatic target. Perhaps he's headed after bigger fish--like Shatner!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Rustically Rebellious
Date: 16 May 06 - 12:29 AM

Hello Mudder
Hello fadder's Mudder
I am not here to be preachin' the word of mudder=Unless I really mudder.
If my mudder sounds like words,
I will mudder like pretty, little, feathered, colorful, tweety birds
If I make even a slightly different tweet,
Then you'll know my mudder is sweet.....
as Mudder....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 06 - 08:24 PM

Reverend,

I have it on good authority that Stilly is NOT a womanizer; since your research is clearly shoddy and badly done, I find it quite impossible to grant any credence or merit to the rest of your sorry-ass cosmology.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Reverend Jimmy Ray Humbrew
Date: 15 May 06 - 07:41 PM

The Rapaire has gone into the hills like Jesus did, to purge himself of sin and damnation. Yea, he will return cleansed and white like unto the light of the world, shining clean. He will be one with the Lord, unlike you other sinners, you fornicators, you drunkards, you sinful host of Satan! Repent, like your colleague Rapaire has done, and you will yet be saved! I know that he has seen the light and is seeking forgiveness, for he was once, like you, a womanizer and a drinker! He will be redeemed, but you will all be damned into the everlasting darkness and the flames that water cannot quench! Like Rapaire, come to the water of forgiveness! Place your mite, as the widow did, in trust with the Lord! I am certain that Rapaire will give what he can, and more, and so must you! And I will pray for all of you, that you will follow your Leader into repentance.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 15 May 06 - 05:48 PM

That's a lot of work, lugging all of those banjos for just a weekend. I bet he could get by burning just a few accordians.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 15 May 06 - 04:27 PM

Anybody know where he was looking? Pehaps we can go find him and take all those necessary supplies for a weekend away:

One case malt whiskey ( per person )

600 banjos ( firewood )

300 lbs meat to barbecue

3 hours worth of new songs/tunes

sattelite phone etc to allow him to dial in to MOAB


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 06 - 04:18 PM

Last I heard he was trying to find himself.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 15 May 06 - 02:00 PM

Refresh.

Where is Rapaire? Has anyone heard from him lately?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 06 - 01:42 PM

This raises important questions in my mind. Was Eve, the Mother of All Mankind, a rib-dibber? With whom did she place her dib for a rib?

"Rib-a-dib-dibs
Gyamme one of dem ribs!"

Perhaps this was one of the very first prayers sent upstairs by confused humanity. That it depends on badly contorted sequences of events is no matter. The mind is flexible about logic.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 15 May 06 - 10:47 AM

Dibbing ribs is double trouble
Adam's dam will triple rubble,
Addled dabblers daubed with paint,
Divil's dry debate with saint,
Fulsome prose, and rich ad libs,
Never born of dibbing ribs.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 May 06 - 10:44 AM

Well, Mario, that is not a bad point, I have to admit... ;-)


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