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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Amos 03 Sep 04 - 09:42 AM
Paco Rabanne 03 Sep 04 - 09:42 AM
Amos 03 Sep 04 - 09:47 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 04 - 10:02 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 04 - 10:23 AM
Amos 03 Sep 04 - 10:30 AM
Rapparee 03 Sep 04 - 04:31 PM
GUEST,nikkih 03 Sep 04 - 05:43 PM
khandu 03 Sep 04 - 06:45 PM
Acme 03 Sep 04 - 06:55 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 03 Sep 04 - 06:58 PM
Rapparee 03 Sep 04 - 08:23 PM
Acme 03 Sep 04 - 09:15 PM
Rustic Rebel 04 Sep 04 - 12:21 AM
Amos 04 Sep 04 - 01:57 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 04 Sep 04 - 10:00 AM
Amos 04 Sep 04 - 10:18 AM
Acme 04 Sep 04 - 11:06 AM
Amos 04 Sep 04 - 11:57 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 05 Sep 04 - 12:23 PM
Acme 05 Sep 04 - 12:37 PM
Amos 05 Sep 04 - 12:43 PM
Little Hawk 05 Sep 04 - 09:42 PM
Acme 06 Sep 04 - 12:31 AM
Acme 06 Sep 04 - 02:12 AM
Acme 06 Sep 04 - 03:22 PM
Gray D 06 Sep 04 - 03:59 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 06 Sep 04 - 09:51 PM
Acme 07 Sep 04 - 11:05 AM
Amos 07 Sep 04 - 11:33 AM
Acme 07 Sep 04 - 04:45 PM
khandu 07 Sep 04 - 08:28 PM
Bee-dubya-ell 07 Sep 04 - 10:50 PM
Amos 07 Sep 04 - 11:00 PM
Acme 08 Sep 04 - 03:55 PM
Amos 09 Sep 04 - 12:07 AM
Rustic Rebel 09 Sep 04 - 12:12 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 09 Sep 04 - 12:54 AM
Acme 09 Sep 04 - 12:24 PM
Amos 09 Sep 04 - 01:01 PM
GUEST,MMario 09 Sep 04 - 01:19 PM
Tweed 09 Sep 04 - 04:59 PM
khandu 09 Sep 04 - 08:02 PM
JennyO 11 Sep 04 - 04:07 AM
GUEST,Bee-etc. 11 Sep 04 - 07:52 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:24 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:26 AM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM
Acme 11 Sep 04 - 07:02 PM
freda underhill 11 Sep 04 - 07:41 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:42 AM

That little definition of terms, by the way, was:

MOAB POST 4500

!!!!



Neener neener!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Paco Rabanne
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:42 AM

4500. I thank you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:47 AM

Super Ted is a misguided, misbegotten, supercilious, meretricious, callow, jejeune, immature and inaccurate, disingenuous sod.

I thank you!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 10:02 AM

Ah do thank thet ol' Amos haz done gone an' insulted ol' Super Ted. Suchs, I had ta go an' look up some of them words he used. Like Ah always thought "jejeune" was a month, an' here I find out that it's really part of yer stomach.

Imagine thet.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 10:23 AM

And I always thought "jejeune" was the vegetable group that includes beans and peas.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 10:30 AM

No, dicky-birds, it is from the French for youth, and means excessively childish.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 04:31 PM

Ya mean it ain't a kind of bug??


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,nikkih
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 05:43 PM

who are all these people who write this tosh?


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Subject: Hedgehoppers Anonymous
From: khandu
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 06:45 PM

It's good news week
Someone's dropped a bomb somewhere
Contaminating atmosphere
And blackening the sky

It's good news week
Someone's found a way to give
The rotting dead a will to live
Go on and never die

Have you heard the news
What did it say?
Who's won that race?
What's the weather like today?

It's good news week
Lots of blood in Asia now
They've butchered up the sacred cow
They've got a lot to eat

It's good news week
Doctors finding many ways
Of wrapping brains on metal trays
To keep us from the heat


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 06:55 PM

EWww---kind of takes the starch out of my "jejeune" remark to follow that little dirge, khandu. Jejeune is a cognate of the word used in the description of a young girl--jeune fille--though in this day and age there are jeune filles and there are jeune filles. That page is pretty funny when translated into English by Google. It probably has popups, but I am behind a firewall so didn't see any.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 06:58 PM

who are all these people who write this tosh?


Tosh Writers in the Sky!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 08:23 PM

Dear Sirs and/or Madams and/or Madamoiselles and/or those as yet undecided:

I shall be away beginning Saturday, September 4, 2004; my return will be on September 22, 2004. I shall first fly unto Chicago, and from thence (another name for Navy Pier) set sail for Warren, Rhode Island via the Great Lakes and the Erie Canal. I will be on the good ship Grande Marnier, in cabin 40B. My passage has been upgraded so that I no longer will have to crouch sullenly in steerage, pulling on an oar to the tune of the drum and lash. I shall, rather, be lounging with the toffs and lollygagging with those who feel that they are my betters.

I realize that all of you bid me Godspeed, Bon Voyage, a Broken Leg, and all of that. I realize that all of you are insanely jealous. Please don't be. I shall be thinking of you all as I endure the warm rays of the sun and the gentle kiss of a late-Summer breeze as the ship knifes through the blue waters of Lake Michigan. As I call for the deck steward to refill my flagon of rum I shall think of you all.

Yes, I will endure the excellent cuisine so that you won't have to. I am always willing to suffer things like cruises or five star hotels so that the MOABites won't have to. And I do this willingly.

And as the song says, "Please don't burn our shithouse down." So, until September 22nd, I remain,

Sincerely yours,

Rapaire

(Actually, I'll remain the same person after September 22nd too.)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 03 Sep 04 - 09:15 PM

Don't spit into the wind when you're at the rail. Have fun!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 12:21 AM

Yes do have fun and don't shit over the rail, but what I really want to know is.... What the hell is a Dicky-Bird anyway?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 01:57 AM

Definition:small bird; adults talking to children sometimes call small birds dickeybirds


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 10:00 AM

I do believe that's the first time I've ever been called a dicky-bird. Been called a yard-bird, a shit-bird and a turd-bird before. I've also been called a dipstick, a shit-stick and a fuck-stick. If you have an interesting "stick" insult in your vast vocabulary, Amos, I'm in a receptive mood.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 10:18 AM

I will ponder it, BWL; meanwhile, I am honored at having achieved the High Accomplishment of having Put BWL into a Receptive Mood. A rare trophy indeed.

Pity I yam not that kind o'guy!



A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 11:06 AM

Tit Willow,
Tit Willow,
Tit Willow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Sep 04 - 11:57 AM

Dang, Maggie's talkin' durty agin!


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 12:23 PM

Don't worry, Mom. I know CPR. You've only been dead a few minutes. I can save you!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 12:37 PM

I can't think of anyone better equipped to do the sound track for the MOAB than Gilbert and Sullivan, Amos! They were masters of the craft.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 12:43 PM

When I was a boy, I got ahead
By posting to a silly Mudcat Thread
I studied all the posts down below the line
And I practiced in a purely BS frame of mind!
I practiced writing BS so assiduously
That now I am a Member of the M-O-A-B!
(He practiced writing BS so assiduously
That now he is a Member of the M-O-A-B!!)



I leave the continued development of this interesting sub-theme to others of greater merit than I!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Little Hawk
Date: 05 Sep 04 - 09:42 PM

You should take up Shatner worship instead, Amos. It's less time-consuming and more relevant in a cultural sense.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 04 - 12:31 AM

Amos, is that sung to "The Beverly Hillbillies" or "When I Was a Bachelor" (The swapping song)? I can't find it in the digitrad.

When I was a bachelor I lived by myself
And all the bread and cheese I had I kept upon the shelf,
With a wing wong wadle. . .

does this ring a bell? I hate to type out the phoentic words for the nonsense part--I may have heard them wrong and don't want to make a complete fool of myself!

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 04 - 02:12 AM

4525


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Sep 04 - 03:22 PM

Since Rapaire is off cruising on lakes and rivers for a couple of weeks, we're going to have to pitch in and take care of his share of the postings here at MOAB. I did a search for images to see where he's travelling and found an interesting site posted by an individual. I didn't read it, I just skimmed through to see that there are lots of pictures around the area. And here's an interesing place that may or may not be near his route but it has some nice photos (look for the thumbnails at the bottom of the page).

We can be armchair travelers as Mike and his wife make their nautical trek to the east.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Gray D
Date: 06 Sep 04 - 03:59 PM

I was going to say that!

Gray D


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 06 Sep 04 - 09:51 PM

I once tried that armchair travelin' thing but I couldn't find where to put the key.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 11:05 AM

Here's a map so you can imagine their progress eastward.

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 11:33 AM

It was meant tothe tune of "Ruler of the Queen's Nayvee"...but the scansion may be a bit off...
A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 04:45 PM

That does make more sense, given the earlier reference, but once the wrong tune got in my head I couldn't shake it loose. :)


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Subject: Arthur Brown is Crazy
From: khandu
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 08:28 PM

I am the God of hellfire and I'll bring you

Fire, I'll take you to burn
Fire, I'll take you to learn
I'll see you burn!

You fought hard and you saved and earned
But all of it's going to burn
And your mind, your tiny mind
You know you've really been so blind
Now's your time, burn your mind
You're falling far too far behind
Oh no, oh no, oh no, you're gonna burn!

Fire, to destroy all you've done
Fire, to end all you've become
I'll feel you burn!

You've been living like a little girl
In the middle of your little world
And your mind, your tiny mind
You know you've really been so blind
Now's your time, burn your mind
You're falling far too far behind
Oooh!

Fire, I'll take you to burn
Fire, I'll take you to learn
You're gonna burn, you're gonna burn
You're gonna burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn!
Aaaaaaaaaah! - Ahahahahaha! - Aaahaha! - Aaahahaha!

Fire, I'll take you to burn
Fire, I'll take you to learn
Fire, I'll take you to burn
Fire - fire - fire ....


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 10:50 PM

ARRRR!!! Rapaire will not be returning from his cruise until September, 22nd! That means he won't be here for National Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 19th! He'll probably be somewhere in the Erie Canal. Will he be able to talk like a pirate if he's actually on a ship? Or will the captain and crew of the ship think he's really a pirate if he starts talking like one and make him walk the plank?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Sep 04 - 11:00 PM

Rapaire will be welcome if he talks like a Pirate during National Talk Like a Pirate Day on the Erie Canal, which is U.S. territory. If he does so in Canadian waters they may well export him to Syria for special treatment.

Unless he promises to vote for John Kerry.


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Sep 04 - 03:55 PM

Yo! Marchent la planche!

In Quebec, of course. :)


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:07 AM

De Saint-Malo j'avons parti
Sur une frégate bien jolie
Pour s'en aller dedan La Manche
Dedam la Manche vers Bristol
Pour aller attaquer Les Anglais.

On loffe, on loffe au même instant
On jette Les grappins dedan
C'est à grands coups de hashes et d 'armes
Et c'est à grands coups de canon
L'Anglais amène son pavillon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rustic Rebel
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:12 AM

There you go talkin' in that damn strange language again.
Tu la fere' coo la-de-da-da. jou pale' a shee. Jus a bulla slaw.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:54 AM

Definitive proof that Babelfish may be okay for ordering escargot, but it sucks for translating poetry:

From Saint-Malo let us j'avons party On a quite pretty frigate For s'en to go dedan the Dedam English Channel the English Channel towards Bristol-board to go to attack the English. One loffe, one loffe at the same moment One throws the hooks dedan C'est with great blows of hashes and D 'armes And c'est with great blows of L'Anglais gun bring its house.

Now I have even less of an idea what it means than when it was still in French.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 12:24 PM

B-W-L thanks for posting that--it saved me running the same program. Reading bad translations can be pretty amusing. My daughter regularly reads and posts these at a site called "Engrish."

SRS


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 01:01 PM

De Saint-Malo j'avons parti
Sur une frégate bien jolie
Pour s'en aller dedan La Manche
Dedam la Manche vers Bristol
Pour aller attaquer Les Anglais.

On loffe, on loffe au même instant
On jette Les grappins dedan
C'est à grands coups de hashes et d 'armes
Et c'est à grands coups de canon
L'Anglais amène son pavillon.

I left from Saint Malo
To sail up the Manche on a fine frigate
Within the Manche toward Bristol, to go attack the English.

(WE both fired) at the same moment
We threw grappling irons over
It was great clashings of blades and arms
And mighty blasts of the cannon
The English dropped their pennant.

(That's my best guess, anyway).


A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,MMario
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 01:19 PM

From Saint-Malo let us have a party
On a quite pretty frigate
For then to go down the goddam English Channel
the English Channel towards Bristol
to go to attack the English.

Everyone left at the same moment
One throws the hooks down
It's with great blows
of bashing with arms
with great blows of the English Gun
We bring its house.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Tweed
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 04:59 PM

AHHHHH.....BULLSHIT!!
I habv returned to the Great Sandbar and found madness and gnashing obv teeth. I wab in the Kingdom obv Mizzippi for a few days and az backwared is thar reparation, at least they habv electrical running everywhar. Khandu is trully a finer Khing than any obv us know.
Unfortunaetly thar iz no Nextel service available in any of the khingdom for whatever reason, and I culd not gain contact wif my leigeLhord during my expedition. I am making plans forsooth to repatriot myself and will no doubt not see him agin at thet time as well, az this iz ar habit.

Meanwhile, Florida founders and quakes in the aftermaph obv terrible signs an' portants. I will try to keep a breast obv all that iz newsworvvy for you and mek brevius reportings thereobv.
Yores,
Tweed who is really Khnandyu


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: khandu
Date: 09 Sep 04 - 08:02 PM

The King paced the floor all night Friday Sept 3,2004 in expectation of a call from Sir Tweed, KOTROT & First Duck of Mississippi! Alas, no call came!

   I feared the worst...that Sir Tweed had runnoft with Francis, the wench we have been hearing so much about. However, Hortense C Durp, the head of the Royal Dancing Tarts told me that the KOTROT would never forsake his King for a slattern who blows in for a few days & then blow out. I was compelled to ask Sister Durp exactly what she means by "blows".

Nonetheless, I am pleased to hear from & saddened to have once again missed my esteemed KOTROT Tweed!

Khnandyu who is really Tweed


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: JennyO
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 04:07 AM

There was poor mother, lying nearly dead at the bottom, unloved and almost forgotten. So I picked her up and put her at the top of this huge pile of BS again. There you are mother. Feel better now?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST,Bee-etc.
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:52 AM

It appears that, once again, our beloved khing and his beloved lackey, Sir Tweed, Knight of the Realm of Tupelo, First Coot of Mississippi, Purchaser of Beat-to-Hell-Old-Piece-of-Shit-Accordions, and Provider of Fountains of Purfect Bliss and Trankwility have passed each other like two turds in a dark sewer. Such is Fate.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:24 AM

DICKY BIRD

Ah woke up one morning early,
to a whistling dicky twit.
That hadn't stopped chirrupin'
since the sun was first lit.

Ah got me bow an' arra'
an' aimed it through paled fence.
But missus from next door stood theer,
an't stand off were reet tense.

She had pinned her washing out,
whootlin', "The Thin Red Line"
I bet they could hear her in Auld Reeky,
well? app'n tuther side o' Tyne?"

"Wot's thee off ti do wi' that"
she turned like an angry cat.
Ah sed, "Just turn reet a'roon'"
"an ah'll get a bulls eye reet pat"

Ah suddenly got a knuckle butty,
complete wi' brass weddin' ring.
An' as ah sank down upon the grass
an 'eerd more birdies sweetly sing.

As I lay a dreaming,
sudden cowd watter cascaded down.
Then a high pitched voice a'screaming
"be wakken, thi' chuffin' clown.

The moral to this story is,
"When the Whistler is as mad as a Hatter,
Just pretend it's not thee noddin' off
when she up skittles that ice cowd watter.

© Tom Barker
Joondalup, Australia


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:26 AM

..and...

SIMPLE SIMON

Simple Simon met a pieman,
Going to the fair;
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Let me taste your ware."
Says the pieman to Simple Simon,
"Show me first your penny,"
Says Simple Simon to the pieman,
"Indeed, I have not any."
Simple Simon went a-fishing
For to catch a whale;
All the water he could find
Was in his mother's pail!
Simple Simon went to look
If plums grew on a thistle;
He pricked his fingers very much,
Which made poor Simon whistle.
He went to catch a dicky bird,
And thought he could not fail,
Because he had a little salt,
To put upon its tail.
He went for water with a sieve,
But soon it ran all through;
And now poor Simple Simon
Bids you all adieu.

....!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 10:31 AM

When I was a Mother, I went and bred
a never ending undulating Mudcat Thread
I spawned all the posts like rivers of wine
as they bubbled on out of my Maternal mind!
I produced BS so mysteriously
That now I am the Mother of the M-O-A-B!
(She produced BS so mysteriously
That now she is the Mother of the M-O-A-B!!)...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:02 PM

Freda, did I see somewhere else that you're a bit under the weather? It's a good thing you have some extra time on your hands, what with Rapaire being out of the loop.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: freda underhill
Date: 11 Sep 04 - 07:41 PM

hmmm..glad to do my duty to MOAB, SRS!


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