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BS: The Mother of all BS threads

Rapparee 04 Mar 14 - 08:54 AM
Amos 04 Mar 14 - 02:26 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 14 - 03:31 PM
Rapparee 04 Mar 14 - 08:10 PM
Amos 04 Mar 14 - 11:05 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 14 - 09:24 AM
gnu 05 Mar 14 - 03:25 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 14 - 06:56 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 14 - 06:56 PM
gnu 05 Mar 14 - 07:30 PM
Rapparee 05 Mar 14 - 11:06 PM
Amos 06 Mar 14 - 03:15 AM
Rapparee 06 Mar 14 - 01:43 PM
Acme 06 Mar 14 - 02:00 PM
gnu 06 Mar 14 - 02:11 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 14 - 06:10 PM
gnu 06 Mar 14 - 10:05 PM
Rapparee 06 Mar 14 - 11:09 PM
Amos 06 Mar 14 - 11:30 PM
gnu 07 Mar 14 - 06:39 AM
Rapparee 07 Mar 14 - 09:10 AM
Amos 07 Mar 14 - 10:41 AM
Rapparee 07 Mar 14 - 01:33 PM
gnu 07 Mar 14 - 02:03 PM
gnu 07 Mar 14 - 03:48 PM
Rapparee 07 Mar 14 - 09:39 PM
Amos 08 Mar 14 - 10:41 AM
Rapparee 08 Mar 14 - 04:42 PM
gnu 08 Mar 14 - 08:47 PM
Rapparee 08 Mar 14 - 10:18 PM
Acme 08 Mar 14 - 10:49 PM
gnu 09 Mar 14 - 06:29 AM
Rapparee 09 Mar 14 - 11:07 AM
Acme 09 Mar 14 - 11:22 AM
Rapparee 09 Mar 14 - 05:06 PM
Amos 09 Mar 14 - 08:11 PM
Rapparee 09 Mar 14 - 09:04 PM
Acme 10 Mar 14 - 03:43 PM
gnu 10 Mar 14 - 04:53 PM
GUEST 10 Mar 14 - 07:13 PM
Rapparee 10 Mar 14 - 11:04 PM
Amos 11 Mar 14 - 12:37 AM
Rapparee 11 Mar 14 - 11:09 AM
Acme 11 Mar 14 - 03:20 PM
Acme 11 Mar 14 - 11:36 PM
Amos 12 Mar 14 - 01:05 AM
Rapparee 12 Mar 14 - 09:05 AM
gnu 12 Mar 14 - 01:27 PM
Ebbie 12 Mar 14 - 01:37 PM
Amos 12 Mar 14 - 02:11 PM
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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 14 - 08:54 AM

So? It's so cold out here right now that we're drinking liquid helium as a warming drink. It's -47K.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 14 - 02:26 PM

You wouldn't think he'd be able to type at those temps. Hmmmm.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 14 - 03:31 PM

Liquid helium is very warming. You can also serve it over ice for a cooling drink in the summer -- perhaps with a wedge of lemon or lime. You should try it, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 04 Mar 14 - 08:10 PM

Another warming drink is to combine kerosene and liquid oxygen in a cocktail shaker, give it a few shakes, and serve in a tall glass with a stick of cinnamon.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 04 Mar 14 - 11:05 PM

At last, his obsession with explosions is paying off!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 09:24 AM

Obsession? No, just a habit I picked up in my youth. How well I remember swimming underwater to the beach, planting the charges on the landing obstacles, and swimming away before being caught. Knowing that the resulting explosions would clear the beach for the invasion. Watching the fragments of boats, souvenir stands, hog dog kiosks and other obstacles ascend and then fall....

We were nearly caught or shot a dozen times, but we always managed to complete the mission and eventually get back to our pick-up craft. I remember after one mission swimming 180 miles to St. Louis, through the gates of what seems an infinite number of dams, past patrol boats and floating logs, to reach our pick-up boats (of which the crews had forgotten we were out there).

Ah, youth! How fleeting it is, especially if you do these things just for the helluvit.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 03:25 PM

I salute you, sir. I knew a lad who was dropped 3 times in France in WWII. The last one was just before D-Day. He was with 3 Sappers and he carried two 45s, lots of ammo, explosives and maps/such. His job was to get the Sappers to 3 radio stations and take them out. The Sappers had no weapons. Just explosives... Rap understands. He volunteered. He asked because he lost his wife while training troops in England. She died from food poisoning the day before the due date of twins. The twins died as well. He had nothing to lose. He got the jobs done.

He told me all three stories one night while drinking Bright's 74, heavily. I drank none... just pretended to do so. He swore me to agree I would never repeat these stories until, well, fuck that. He told me the stories in October and died 1983.12.30 at shortly after 6PM. RIP and thanks.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 06:56 PM

The last jump I made I was carrying so much explosive that when I landed I blew myself to bits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 06:56 PM

The last jump I made I was carrying so much explosive that when I landed I blew myself to bits.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 07:30 PM

Twice?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 Mar 14 - 11:06 PM

Yes, twice. At least twice. Perhaps an infinite number of times, since a Blue Event Horizon changes everything. It was a BIG explosion.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 03:15 AM

Ever since he has been doomed to travel the Internet, the only place where his bits can communicate...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 01:43 PM

MOM! You stop hanging out with decluttering and such-like down at the bottom! You sit right here in the rocker on Stilly's back porch, scratch the dogs' ears, and drink the bottle of gin -- and you'd better drink it ALL, young lady!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 02:00 PM

In most threads dup posts are deleted, but they just add to the charm of MOAB. Plus, they're a real pain in the ass to remove in such a very long thread. . .


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 02:11 PM

I normally would prop her up early on in the AM but I had a busy morn dumping AVG after Malwarebytes found and destroyed 13 threats. I then installed a full blown 30 day Kaspersky (#1 in PC consumer mags and it's a company from Canuckistan). I then did my 2013 taxes using Future Tax. Then, I went shopping for birthday presents for Mum. I got 2 pairs of PJ pants, 6 pairs of HD socks and Kaspersky 2014 Pure 3.0. I put the items in one a them there gift bags what I got at the Dollar Store and covered it with the fancy white paper. I will take the bag to Mum's tomorrow AM and act real surprised like when I open up the bag and say things like "OMG! JUST WHAT I WANTED! HOW DID YOU KNOW?! AND SOCKS! AND KASPERSKY!!! I love you, Mum. Thanks." I hope she gets a laugh out of it.

Yesterday, as I usually do on her and my Bday and at Kissmeass, I gave her two dozen roses, white and red, a big hug and a 'thanks for looking after me' for, well, this year it will be 57 years and nine months. Hmmm... part of that should be 'putting up with me' I suppose.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 06:10 PM

Don't Don't delete delete any any duplicate duplicate posts posts I I may may post post as as every every word word I I post post is treasure treasure beyond beyond price price.

Or Or to to put put it it another another way way,

.ecirp ecirp dnoyeb dnoyeb erusaert erusaert si tsop tsop I I drow drow yreve yreve sa sa tsop tsop yam yam I I stsop stsop etacilpud etacilpud yna yna eteled eteled t'noD t'noD


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 10:05 PM

Okay.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 11:09 PM

I am glad that you recognize the immense wisdom and truth of my words. Many do not.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 06 Mar 14 - 11:30 PM

It is much easier not to, Rapp. You really do hide your merit under a bushel--actually more like a terabushel.

Named after Terabushel Yoctogram, the renowned Professor of Quantities at MIT, who first espoused the award-winning theory, "Count it all before it gets away!!" Despite the scandals surrounding his arrest for improper numeracy of a minor, he was allowed to retire from MIT with a full pensionin exchange for assigning to the Institute all his copyrights for "numbering things one after an other" including those won as a result of his decades-long lawsuit against Sesame Street.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 06:39 AM

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 09:10 AM

Yes, I can. You go down First Avenue and turn left. Go six or seven blocks and turn right. There's an alley on your left just past Smitty's Tavern, the one that burned down in '47 ya know, so just turn left and when you get to the next block. It looks like a dead end street but it isn't, just turn right onto Marzie Boulevard and go about a mile and half to where you'll see a Friendly's ice cream shop sort of kitty-corner from you. Go straight ahead for a few more blocks and turn right and then right again. No, you'll have to do a U-turn because you should have turned left. Sorry. Anyway, continue straight until you get to the Esso station, turn left, and it'll be on your right. Try not to run over Oscar's garbage can or he'll eat your bicycle or car or whatever you're in including your shoes.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 10:41 AM

It's not as far asa you think it is--the last turn on the right is just after you think you might have gone too far, and there it'll be.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 01:33 PM

And straight on 'til morning.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 02:03 PM

+a few degrees, sunny and breezy! You can see the snow receding. DIE WINTER DIE!*

*Not available in all jurisdictions. Check your local weather station for specific details.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 03:48 PM

Just delivered a big roasted boneless blade beef roast supper with spuds, turnip and carrots boiled with a pinch of summer savoury, a dash of salt and of pepper to Mum. She declared the jus I delivered as soon as I took the roast from the oven delightful. The roast melts in the mouth. My house smells equally delightful from the oven emanations. I am sufficiently well oiled. I did 7 good deeds today. All in all, a good 57th. And, I shall be partaking of much music and some phone calls from old buddies ce soir. The emails and Facebook posts/PMs have been rolling in all day. The first was from Freda Underhill...

G stands for Gnu, whose weapons of attack
Are long, sharp, curling jokes, and a very strange quack.
To these he adds a name so short and strong,
That even wordy mudcatters pronounce it wrong.
How often on a dim and soggy eve
The song soaked mudcatters ardently believe,
'Come, let us sing with ______' Then no more is heard
but sounds of strong men struggling with a word;
Meanwhile the distant Gnu with patient eyes
Oberserves his music stand and sighs...
Happy Birthday Gnu
from way Down under
don't drink too much
or you may chunder

with sincere apologies to Hilaire Belloc

Thanks, Freda!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 07 Mar 14 - 09:39 PM

I ought not to go tomorrow, but should I not all will come to naught so I shall be naughty and go whether or not I should..


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 08 Mar 14 - 10:41 AM

Oh, GNu you must be positively oxenoid in strength, considering the many many things that did not kill you this year! Well done, me son!

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 14 - 04:42 PM

I went. I did mediocre at best. But it was enjoyable.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 08 Mar 14 - 08:47 PM

oxenoid


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 08 Mar 14 - 10:18 PM

Obsequious.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 08 Mar 14 - 10:49 PM

Obovid. The only unusual O word that occurs to me at the moment. I think I told you happy birthday on facebook, gnu, you young whippersnapper, but I'll say it here also.

Happy Happy Birthday, gnu!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 06:29 AM

My name in lights! Thank you.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 11:07 AM

Ovine.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 11:22 AM

Orange


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 05:06 PM

Onomatopoeic


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 08:11 PM

Oxenoid is my own neologism, a marriage of "oxen" and the suffix -oid, meaning "similar to or approximating the form of...".

Thus strong-like-ox Gnu because all the things that didn't kill him have made him stronger.

A


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 09 Mar 14 - 09:04 PM

So you're saying that he's a domesticated, castrated adult male?

It would also mean that he's slow and not very smart.

Don't open any packages from NB, Amos.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 10 Mar 14 - 03:43 PM

Oxen are also strong, durable, even tempered, and smarter than you might think. They also usually come in pairs. Ever met any up close? They are pretty amazing.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 10 Mar 14 - 04:53 PM

Neither Chrome nor IE11 will alow me to see the box with which I can post to threads. I am using IE9 on my old desktop. I am stressed.

Mudcat was running fast on IE and superfast on CHROME AND MAX TOOK THE SITE DOWN. When it came back up, I could load the main forum page after about three tries and then a thread after over 5 tries but could not post. Oh crap this keyboard sucks.... sorry abut the caps. I had to reintall it. Gotta buy a new one tomorrow.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: GUEST
Date: 10 Mar 14 - 07:13 PM

Use Firefox, my man. With Adblocker Plus on it.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 10 Mar 14 - 11:04 PM

Why did my last post post as GUEST? It was me! Really! I've checked my ID and everything!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 11 Mar 14 - 12:37 AM

YEh, right. As if we could even count on you being you, let alone someone else! Come to think of it, I don't think we can trust anyone to do it right. Nothing personal, you understand. Nature of the task description...


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 11 Mar 14 - 11:09 AM

I have verification of myself from sources ranging from the Veterans Administration to my wife to my mother and my grandmothers and my great-grandmothers and my great-great Aunt Tilly. Sure, a DNA check against my siblings might be challenging but that's only because as the first-born I got the cream of the genes and they got the leftovers.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Mar 14 - 03:20 PM

gnu, go to the tools/preferences/settings section of your browsers and select "compatibility mode." That should fix it. And damn 503 page, don't eat any more of my messages!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Acme
Date: 11 Mar 14 - 11:36 PM

I'm gonna give MOM a boost just in case everyone has gone to bed early tonight. I don't want to find her in the gutter in the morning.

You're welcome.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 14 - 01:05 AM

Oh, THANK YOU, Stilly River Sage! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Rapparee
Date: 12 Mar 14 - 09:05 AM

Well, there's this:

Chicago, March 12. In an accident the police called "bizarre" a local private investigator undid a sex-change operation with a tommy gun early this morning.

Chongo Chimp, a long-time resident of the South Side, apparently dropped a Thompson submachine gun in his apartment above the Four Deuces at 2222 S. Wabash. The gun fired and "emptied an entire fifty round magazine" in to Chimp's groin area according to police.

Chimp was taken to Cook County General where it was found that because the bullets had struck certain areas an old transgender operation had been reversed and he was changed back into a female.

According to a source who asked not to be identified because he was not authorized to talk about the case, Chimp came out of the anesthesia murmuring, "I'm Chonga again."

Chimp remains in critical condition at the hospital and the police are continuing their investigation.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: gnu
Date: 12 Mar 14 - 01:27 PM

164/95 @ 82 bpm

Alas and alack
Must take up the slack
For I feel the stress
And I must confess
If I don't redress
I'm fucked

cw 2014.03.10
Gary John Owens
Spiral of WTF Did I Do To Deserve All This Shit Press
Deep Dark Hole, NB, Canada

Mum has calmed down since the weather terrorists began cranking her up at about 6AM Monday. The SNOWSTORM OF DESTRUCTION AND DOOM has been downgraded to HUH? IT'S MARCH FFS! So, I wrote a new poem...

122/79 @ 73 bpm

122 oer 79 23
Fuck the weather terrorists at CBC

See above.

Aunt Rose's passing kinda put Mum in a mood first... http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/thestar/obituary.aspx?pid=170127847

Then there was the fuckup with her income taxes that I tried to explain but that's when it went ballistic for no reason. The accountant fucked up on some info and, well, I shut up until it was resolved. That caused Mum more stress and, well, youse know what it's like to see a loved one in distress. It's stressful. HEY! WTF is stressful spelt with only ONE 'l'??? Jaysus H that PsMO!!!! Ohmmmmmm

Contentious, nasty threads at Mudcat. I went bad on an old friend and felt badly before, during and after doing it but I had to do it. PMO ta NO end! Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Kaspersky... M$ Office... so I put it all outta me mind b'y. And I changed from my Bday induced carefree splurge on decadent spicey and chemical laced foods to a diet of fruit, veggies, cereal and Bud. I got Mum calmed down. Hmmm... I got me calmed down. Thank DOG Mom didn't end up in the gutter while I was astray from the MOAB. Woulda give me a heart attack.

I will survive. I am a survivor. I ain't gonna give up... Amanda Marshall. Man O Man she's good.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Ebbie
Date: 12 Mar 14 - 01:37 PM

gnu, sounds like you are coping. :)

Oh, and 50200.


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Subject: RE: BS: The Mother of all BS threads
From: Amos
Date: 12 Mar 14 - 02:11 PM

What grace with which young Eb does lightly
Enter to the fray
ANd lift the MOAB one fifth on
To the heights of another Kay!

How bright the tone, how light the touch
As sweet as morning sun!
Knowing we march, as march we must
Towards Kilo Fiftyone!

Good Gnus are often hard to find
In a wintry world gone cold
And when by chance we hap to find
A Gnu both fine and bold,

Why 'tis our duty plain and clear
To share that Gnu-born fun
As all the Gnus that are fir to print
March on toward Fifty-one!


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